dude ranch eww NoFap not a cult reddit

These philosophical musings on the “Cup of Hermes” from the NoFap subreddit will ruin your dinner

Crying over spilt you-know-what

By David Futrelle

So yesterday I learned a phrase I sort of wish I could unlearn. It’s “Cup of Hermes,” a term apparently originating in alchemy that has been taken up by practitioners of Sex Magick and the anti-masturbation NoFap movement. If you think for a moment I suspect you’ll be able to figure out what this particular metaphorical cup is supposed to hold, if you haven’t already.

Apparently it’s important to keep the Cup of Hermes very full and to never (well, hardly ever) spill its contents willy nilly all over the metaphorical ground, because doing so robs Cup-of-Hermes-holders of much of their sexy sex power.

If all this talk of sexy sex liquid hasn’t yet ruined your dinner (or whatever meal you may be eating or thinking of eating right now), maybe these musings on the subject from a random dude in the NoFap subreddit will.  (Click for a lager version of the screenshot.)

Don't spill the cup of hermes (self.NoFap) submitted 9 months ago by Cthulhuman290 Days I don't know how many people here believe in spiritual alchemy but as I look up at the night's sky I am reminded of the cup of Hermes. In the sky tonight hangs the moon with its crescent at the bottom looking like a cup. In Alchemy this is the symbol for the Cup of Hermes. In our body this cup resides in our loins and as we preserve our seed the cup fills. On the new moon 4 nights ago my cup spilled when I had a sexual encounter with my fwb and afterwards I saw this sign in the sky reminding me of my goal. I did not reset my counter because as far as NoFap is concerned I did not set my difficulty to hard mode, so in that sense I did not see it as a failure. However the moon is a reminder of my cup that is being filled, so for all of you use it as a reminder to stay strong and let the cup fill up so that when the moon is full so will you be. Stay strong my fellow Fapstronauts!

Hey, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

But, penis people, seriously, your spooge is not magic, or Magick. Regular masturbation is both entertaining and healthy, and can reduce your risk of prostate cancer. You don’t get magic powers if you hoard your, er, Hermes-goo in your, er, cup.

Also, please stop using the word “cup” in the same sentence as “semen” and its synonyms. Even those who are big fans of semen, sexually speaking (and there’s nothing wrong with that!) don’t want to think about cups of the stuff left around the house like cups of tea you forgot to finish.

Still, the Cup of Hermes isn’t even the worst bit of semen-related nomenclature I’ve ever run across. No, that distinction would have to go to this:

You’re welcome.

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38 replies on “These philosophical musings on the “Cup of Hermes” from the NoFap subreddit will ruin your dinner”

As always, my first thought upon seeing a novel example of manly mania… “THE FUCK???”

The pastor in the fundy church I attended as a child called masturbation “Onanizing oneself”*

only for males… females didn’t exist… and couldn’t wear makeup (if they had existed), and nobody got to dance….

@ weird eddie

Did you go to one of those churches where sex was banned in case it lead to dancing?

Insert (heh) Seinfeld‘s “Master of Your Domain” episode here.

Also, a potent (heh heh) reminder that this is why the peebees punch each other while yelling the names of cereals.

Thing is, of course, if you actually read the bible story, “onanism” is a really dumb euphemism for masturbation because Onan’s sin was not masturbation but coitus interruptus. His brother had died and God was like, “it’s up to you to give him a son so his name will live on, sport” and Onan was quite naturally, “hey, I like my sister-in-law, Lord, just not in that way, OK?”. And he tried but at the critical juncture was like, “aw, this is sick!” and, ahem, pulled out. But God was not having any excuses and there was smiting. ☹️

The bible is not a nice book.

I contrast this with the gleeful discussions I’ve had with female friends about vibrators, and the smut we write for each other, and how we congratulated the woman who finally figured out how to orgasm in her mid-30s, and, yeah, I’m sure our conversations would squick a lot of people out but at least we’re having fun (and alleviating stress and menstrual cramps).

“dude ranch”

I don’t know what I’m going to have to do to suppress that before my 16 yo son sings the praises of ranch dressing- but I’ve got to try something!

Why do I have a feeling that sex education is inadequate in some areas of the English-speaking world….?

It’s not so much that sex education is lacking, but that the national religion is whole idea that by following certain ritual behaviors you can get rich — and rich in more than money. W. Clement Stone doesn’t use “The Cup of Hermes” in “Think and Grow Rich”, but he absolutely says this. And on the other side of the grocery store, Dr. Kellogg did too.

I-I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical act of love…Yes, a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily I-I was able to interpret these feelings correctly. Loss of essence. I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women, er, women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake. But I do deny them my essence.

Did everyone see this?

The MAGAbomber threatened journalist (and WOC) Rochelle Ritchie on Twitter a few weeks ago. I’m sure you’re all shocked to discover that it was ruled not a violation of the rules by Twitter safety. This is quite a PR disaster for them as this Tweet seems to be spreading far and wide. I saw it on The Guardian. Between this and Jack having to be pressured into banning Alex Jones, I hope this will finally be the time they start to take harassment seriously. Not holding my breath though.

Onan was even more of a jerk than that- since his brother died childless, he was his brother’s heir and got all his property. The whole “give your brother a son” thing was partially a sad, patriarchal work-around for preventing destitute widows. But instead, he decided “ I’ma boink this lady, and still keep all my brothers stuff, mwa ha ha ha”
Deserved a good smiting, really.
As to the cup thing…ew.

‘Masturbation bad’ is one of those perennial ideas that linger on long after they should have been discarded. It particularly appeals to those who feel that people need to be controlled, including they themselves.

@ wwth:


“False Flag”

“Everybody KNOWS!!!!!”

… are you listening…?

It’s not that twitter doesn’t care about harassment…. They don’t, of course, but that’s not the issue. The issue is, they’re NOT going to spend the money to hire the people to police their data. If they can’t do it with an algorithm, they’re not going to DO IT!!! Algorithms, unfortunately, are not advanced enough to calculate qualitative data, only quantitative… and the harassers spew mounds of twittery, and the algorithms say “more is better”….

I contrast this with the gleeful discussions I’ve had with female friends about vibrators, and the smut we write for each other, and how we congratulated the woman who finally figured out how to orgasm in her mid-30s, and, yeah, I’m sure our conversations would squick a lot of people out but at least we’re having fun (and alleviating stress and menstrual cramps).

Has anyone else ever noticed that, in popular culture for the past 25 years or so, female masturbation has been depicted as empowering and sexy, while male masturbation is almost always a source of either shame or gross-out humour?


‘Masturbation bad’ is one of those perennial ideas…

‘Masturbation good,’ on the other… hand… is one of those perineal ideas, or at least that idea can make it good, or better.

As for nomenclature, I prefer* the term ‘magical unicorn mayonnaise.’

*Only under very specific circumstances yet to be encountered… or defined.

@ Weirwoodtreehugger,

All the hugs and sympathy on the passing of your gram. I lost my mom around this time last year and it’s been sad and difficult. I do hope you and yours are holding up as best you can.

Trying to move forward here, I got back in to cooking. Today it’s beer 🙂 Taking the day off. Friends arm twisted me, I’ma blame them.

We all have our issues and have been trying to “be healthy” work on (for health) diet and exercise. Might take the mind off of other issues too.

Dude. Ranch salad dressing! 😀

I thought of that and it reminded me of cooking. I do eat a lot of salad also. And not a huge fan of ranch, except for –
“Ken’s Steakhouse” (brand) ranch, and econ brand “Best Choice” Peppercorn ranch. For “cheap” stuff, that’s really good.

Because I do eat a lot of salad, I’m an aficionado of dressings 😀 and have moved into the realm of concocting my own.
I’m practically Martha Stewart!

Ha, no. I do like dill salad dressing and because that’s become obscure now you have to make it yourself. Ranch works for this, a good ranch, take a half to whole cup, put in another container, put one or two teaspoons of dill in it, let chill in fridge for awhile.

I was making my own of this with sour cream and mayo and salt, pepper, dill, etc, I tried half assing it once by just putting the dill into the (Ken’s) ranch dressing and that worked fine if not better and was easier.

I also like blue cheese salad dressing, but for that you have to get the good ones in the fridge case which cost a bit more. $1 more is worth it. Olive Garden salad dressing is now sold in stores (here, anyway), and I like that too. That’d be probably easy enough to DIY also. I also like poppyseed and “sweet and sour” things, these work on veg (such as broccoli) salads.

That broccoli raisin salad at the deli? For like $6 / lb? It’s broccoli and raisins and poppyseed dressing, easily DIY’d.

Dude Ranch got me strolling down salad dressing lane here . . .

@John Lucas

That’s partly explained by the male gaze. Straight dudes find the idea of women masturbating to be sexy.

In the other, uh, hand, the massive video porn industry developed just to accommodate male self-pleasuring and everyone knows it, so the idea of male masturbation being shameful is a bit overblown, I think.

I never interpreted Onan’s story as meaning that masturbation/non-procreative sex acts were bad, but that not doing something God personally commanded you to do was a good way to get smote. There’s kind of a lot of those kind of stories in the old testament.

@Cat Mara et al, re Onan,

It’s difficult if not impossible to separate “what the bible intended the message to be” from “how the church interpreted it later”, of course. Non-procreative sex as a sin was so deeply entrenched – the term “sodomy”, for example, encompassed any sex act that might not result in conception, for several centuries. But yeah, Onan was not a wanker, at least not on that occasion 🙂

Catalpa’s probably right on the original message; the old testament god was an incredibly petty and vindictive character!

I’m trying to avoid thinking too much about the OP because I just had breakfast.

The idea that semen=life force is comnon to a lot of mystical belief systems, which mostly recommend that bepenised people avoid masturbation and/or sexual congress. Taoism takes a more unique tack, inasmuch as sex is just fine, so long as you don’t ejaculate. Taoist mystics have therefore developed a set of pelvic floor exercises which allow the voluntary contraction of a part of the vas deferens at the moment of orgasm (assuming you can keep your head. hehe). This can also prevent the usual refractory period, and allow one to keep going.

The US wit Dorothy Parker said that she named her parrot Onan “because he spills his seed.”

More seriously, who doesn’t love a good discussion about this beloved biblical character!

Just remind a homophobic man that every guy he ever has or will shake hands has masturbated with that hand.

Dude ranch.

Dude ranch!!!!

Sadly this has little cultural relevance where I live now. And no one in my house likes creamy sauce.

…except for the dude ranch, of course.

In the words of a WaPo article from a few years ago: “Ranch Dressing Is What’s Wrong With America.”. People are dunking their pizza in it, FFS.

no offense to those who like it


My 17yo nephew lives for chicken bacon ranch. I don’t find it to be disgusting, exactly, but it isn’t a combination I’d assemble for myself.

I, too, look up at the starry night sky and think of blue balls.

These guys can’t seem to decide whether not getting laid is the worst thing ever or the best thing ever. Or the sourest grape ever.

@Richard Smith

“‘Masturbation good,’ on the other… hand… is one of those perineal ideas, or at least that idea can make it good, or better.”

Perineal masturbation is a whole ‘nother matter than perennial ideas.

Also potentially much hotter, YMMV.

Oh Onan.

As Mish pointed out, it’s pretty difficult to decode exactly what the bible is condemning about Onan’s actions. Is it because he allowed his brother’s genetics to go extinct, therefore extinguishing his brother’s line within the context of a clan based culture? Is it because the reason Onan did this was probably greed, since having a son would lessen the inheritance he received? Is it because Onan went along with the levitate marriage instead of refusing, and happily had sex with (raped) his dead brother’s wife under false pretenses? Is it because having sex with your brother’s wife outside of a levitate marriage is forbidden and incestuous? Hell, could it be because the prevailing medical opinion of the day was that a man’s sperm was made up of tiny complete babies*, and Onan dumping them on the ground would be killing them?

Nah, the point must be that health insurance shouldn’t have to pay for hormonal birth control used to treat ovarian cysts**, no matter that Yaz has fuckall to do with a woman spilling “her seed” on the ground.

Re: the claim that masturbation reduces the chances of prostate cancer, the research measured the frequency of ejaculations, not masturbation. (A quick glance over the studies cited in David’s link proves this). And even then there’s no proof that the amount of ejaculation CAUSED the reduction and wasn’t just CORRELATED with it. There’s no unique*** health benefit from masturbation, but there’s no health reason not to masturbate. It’s really just an individual thing.

*Quite literally seed to be planted in the barren field (women). Which, creepy as it is, helps explain a tiny bit of the psychology under many conservatively religious men’s complete indifference to women’s reproductive healthcare. Well, other than their overwhelming desire to control women’s reproduction no matter the cost to us, that is.

**Ovarian cysts and many, many more conditions.

***Unique in that yes, fun things are great for your health, but not all men enjoy masturbating, and splash damage and all that.

****I hope this post makes sense. It’s 4am and I’m half awake.


Because the world is run by religious fundamentalist scumbags?


Would porn make NoFap justified then, owing to your comment about how heavily male-oriented it is?

@Red R Lion,
I am delighted with the image spillchicken generated out of “levirate marriage”.
A “levitate marriage” ought to be something depicted in a Chagall painting…

It’s interesting that some of these people believe that Hillary (and whomever else is a target at the time) practice(s) a sort of moonlight magic (to cast spells on men to turn them into toads or whatever) and she’s condemned for it while these boys think that this *alchemy* (lol) will somehow help them get laid.

Truth: magic isn’t real- no matter whom is supposedly doing it. A cup of testicle tea by your bedside will actually repel women.


Well, they do say performing levitate marriages is a favorite trick of David Blaine.

Cool name BTW. 😉

research raising the christ within aka the sacred secretion and christ oil/cerebral spinal fluid in all our spines ..

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