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MGTOWs declare war on the insidious enemy of men known as “yoga pants”

It’s ok if dogs wear them, though.

By David Futrelle

A quarter of a century ago, in his seminal The Myth of Male Power, Men’s Rights Activist Warren Farrell warned hapless, horny males of the danger of “miniskirt power” — that is, the hypnotizing power of shapely female asses, which devious women can apparently use to have their (financial) way with men who ostensibly have more power than them. Damn those conniving harpies and their short, short skirts!

Today, men — well, horny straight men anyway — face what some consider a far more insidious enemy: Yoga pants, the allegedly comfortable lower-half coverups popular with the devious, man-exploiting harpies of the current age.

Well, the brave souls of the Men Going Their Own Way movement are having none of it. Here is the MGTOW case against yoga pants, based on my perusal of several dozen recent postings on the subject in the MGTOW subreddit.

Make sure not to laugh at any of these, as the threat of yoga pants is very, very serious and not just some ridiculous crap these guys have come up with to make themselves feel like they’re being oppressed by women who won’t date them they REFUSE to date.

Yoga pants are so tight it’s like these sluts are walking around naked and basically it’s sexual harassment because biology makes men perpetually horny. 

“Wearing yoga pants to work is sexual harassment,” Baldrbaldr complains.

And the bullshit about “men just needing to control themselves?” Well, it’s bullshit. Men can’t but become seriously distracted when half-naked women prance around them. It’s the way we’re made. It’s biology. So fuck off, you bare assed bitches. We’re working.

“Females are an expensive, unknown distraction,” adds fcb98292, sounding a little bit like Jordan Peterson. “I require segregated offices.”

Actually they make women look better than they look naked, which is somehow worse than looking like they’re naked because it’s a LIE or something. 

“You don’t know what they look like naked,” greenleefs informs his fellow MGTOWs. “Those pants lift and squish together.”

Yoga pants enable women to use their ass power to extract wealth from hardworking betas and sex from Chads. 

As one [deleted] commenter sees it:

The yoga pants is to show off their ass so that Chad and beta bucks (depending on which they are stalking) will drool on himself while he throws sex and cash at her.

Yoga pants are basically HiDef streaming porn videos.

Raisins3142 explains:

I think in part they are trying to compete with high speed internet + free internet porn.

Sometimes fat ladies wear them and, ew, gross. 

As ilikerelish puts it:

There should be limits to where they are worn, and there should be a WEIGHT LIMIT for wearing yoga or legging pants.

Bing_Bang_Bam is similarly outraged that “[e]ven fat cows that have rolls and folds that shouldn’t even be there” wear yoga pants — a true “[c]rime against nature.”

Sometimes skinny old ladies wear them and you’re tricked into thinking that they look hot and this is very confusing 

Hegend1999 laments those times “[w]hen you see a good ass in leggings and she turns around then you see that she’s like 70yo…”

Iqbal40862715 is similarly confused that he finds himself attracted to very much older women.

Yoga pants are a net nagative. They make everyone look good and it’s a total mind fuck.

Saw this 80 year old broad in a bathing suit the other day at a pool. She was probably an Elvis groupie in the 50s/legit perfect 10. Now she is cute and in good shape but wrinkly and old.

Goes into a bathroom to change Puts on yoga pants meets up with the grandkids and sure enough looks awesome.

Apparently women in yoga pants can jump right over that mythical wall they’re all supposed to hit at the age of 30 or so.

They’re not actually comfortable 

“They aren’t comfortable,” asserts LJHova, “that’s just the excuse they use to convince themselves they aren’t whores.”

.They smell like ass (probably). 

“I call them stink butts,” SirLonius explains.

You know women wear them multiple times before washing them and just a thin layer between butthole and the outside world.

They enable women to easily engage in casual workplace frottage with hunky dudes

According to Jcart105,

It’s comfy when Chad grinds his cock separated by the [layer] of his pants and thin layer of her yoga pants in the middle of work.

Er, what?

Seeing women in yoga pants is sort of like seeing attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, or something. 

Global_MGTOW sheds some tears in the rain:

I’ve seen it all already. I’ve seen women wearing a see through shirt in a very public place with thousands of people, including children, showing off her rocket tits implants. I’ve seen girls wearing mini skirts so small that you can constantly see their panties with zero effort. Seen obese landwhales wearing yoga pants with the words “JUICY” written across the back.

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

Ok, I added that bit from Blade Runner at the end. Because, you know, these guys aren’t melodramatic enough already — and trying way too hard to convince themselves and each other of the existential horror of, basically, tight sweatpants.

Seriously, dudes? Seriously?

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Patty Thinkerer
Patty Thinkerer
3 years ago

If I’d known yoga pants were a viable weapon against these losers, I’d have stockpiled two whole dressers full of them by now.

Well, no time like the present, I suppose.

Peck’s Bad Boy
Peck’s Bad Boy
3 years ago

Fellow men,

Please do not complain about women who wear yoga pants.

I really can’t think of a more self-defeating action you could take.

Flora
Flora
3 years ago

Dudes, Juicy Couture was popular like 15 years ago. At least rage against something vaguely relevant.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
3 years ago

Where can I go in my yoga pants to have sex and cash thrown at me? Because I’m either going to the wrong places, or my yoga pants are defective.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
3 years ago

Wow, yoga pants can do all that? I’ve never worn them, and never liked the way they looked on other people, but maybe I’ve been totally wrong about them for a long time.

It’s never too late to start.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
3 years ago

I don’t like yoga pants because no pockets.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
3 years ago

I require segregated offices.

Ha ha, this guy thinks he’s such a valuable employee that he can dictate the office floor plan.

Given a choice between

A) a mature adult who is capable of behaving professionally towards men and women alike

B) a whiny diva-creep who can’t go four seconds without being vocally distracted by his own boner

employers will hire A) every time.

Why would they pick someone who can’t stay focused on work? Who at best would alienate female customers and co-workers, and at worst would trigger multiple lawsuits? JFC. Guys like this aren’t worth the headache.

numerobis
numerobis
3 years ago

Buttercup, let me bring into evidence as exhibit A: Uber.

My own company, yeah, I’m staying away from creeps.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Why do they keep talking about yoga pants at work? There are very few jobs that don’t have some sort of dress code disallowing that. It makes me think these dudes are young and privileged and have never had a job before. Or known anyone who does besides older male relatives.

scribegurl
scribegurl
3 years ago

weirwood – I know. I work in an unusually formal office myself (“casual Fridays” means the men don’t have to wear ties but are still in suits) but I’ve never worked anywhere that yoga pants were appropriate attire. Maybe in a gym or rehab facility setting but nowhere else.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
3 years ago

I bought a pair of yoga pants years ago. They look okay. Not great. The problem is they’re too long and drag the ground. Not wonderful when you’re outside on dirty sidewalks. I keep meaning to get them hemmed, but of course who has that kind of time or money.

But now that I know that yoga pants totally fuck with MGTOWs’ minds, I’ll be sure to put them on my to-do list — damn the time or expense involved!

Oh wait. I’ve already worn them. No one got all hot and bothered and threw money or flowers or diamonds at me. My hypothetical to-do list just got hypothetically shorter.

Jesalin: Clit-o-centric Lesbian Goddess
Jesalin: Clit-o-centric Lesbian Goddess
3 years ago

I love yoga pants, but apparently mine are defective as I’ve yet to have money thrown at me.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
3 years ago

@numerobis – Yeah, I should amend that: “companies who care about public perception and goodwill” will pick Employee A. Or, “companies who care about attracting good people and staying competitive.”

I mean, this kind of baloney, which manages to be both misandric AND misogynistic…

“Men can’t but become seriously distracted when half-naked women prance around them. It’s the way we’re made. It’s biology. So fuck off, you bare assed bitches. We’re working.”

…is an excellent argument for hiring only women. If men are that delicate and easy to sidetrack, then obviously women must be mentally tougher. The simple solution would be to hire people who can function in the vicinity of yoga pants.

Ooglyboggles
3 years ago

@Victorious Parasol
We should patent Yoga Pants with Pockets. Then we’d make all the money.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
3 years ago

I think in part they are trying to compete with high speed internet + free internet porn.

In part? Oh, Raisins3142, you just fell off a turnip truck, didn’t you? All women are trying all the damned time to compete with high-speed Internet. It’s quite a challenge because our brains are NI (natural intelligence) and the brains of the Internet are AI — the kind that will power your soon-oh-so-very-very-soon-to-be-unveiled sex robots, the kind that will put women out of business.

You remember how MGTOWs promised that life under a President Trump would be perfect? And you know how perfect it is now?

It’ll be just like that with a sex robot for a partner. Perfection plus!

A fascist in the White House. A machine in your bed. It does not get any better for a MGTOW.

AuntieMame Redux
AuntieMame Redux
3 years ago

@Fliora

I thought the same thing. Anyone wearing those velour juicy pants would be hopelessly out of date.

I’ve never worked anywhere that yoga pants would have been all right either.

@Katherine the Adequate

I wear leggings pretty much all winter. They’re comfortable and I’m chronically ill and easy and the ones for runners have fleece inside them so I can be warm during Mountain winters.

I’ve yet to have anyone throw money at me with a boner brainwashed look in their eye. Am I like the granny? I’m all right from the back but I turn around and I’m a middle aged lady?

These guys are very odd. Perhaps some hard labor, or any labor for that matter, would put their minds on something else? Clearly they need hobbies.

j
j
3 years ago

@Buttercup

The only reason I’d get salty about yoga pants in the office is that I wouldn’t be allowed to come to work in comfy sweatpants.

Jesalin: Clit-o-centric Lesbian Goddess
Jesalin: Clit-o-centric Lesbian Goddess
3 years ago

It’s quite a challenge because our brains are NI (natural intelligence) and the brains of the Internet are AI

Add to the mix that their brains are C(W)SIE (Combined (Wilful) Stupidity & Ignorance Engines) and the challenge jumps into overdrive.

Bina
3 years ago

biology makes men perpetually horny

Well, at least it does that with SOME men. All the blood that would otherwise feed their brains and help them think, instead ends up diverted to their todgers. Which is why we refer to these guys as dickheads.

“Females are an expensive, unknown distraction,” adds fcb98292, sounding a little bit like Jordan Peterson. “I require segregated offices.”

Who does HE think he’s kidding? At best, he works in a cubicle. More likely, he’s some service-job joe or jobless schoolkid. Nobody looking for office staffers is going to take a demand for “segregated offices” seriously!

I think in part they are trying to compete with high speed internet + free internet porn.

Sadly, NO. We couldn’t care less about your dumb ol’ dong, dude. We’re dressing for comfort so we can run errands without our clothes digging into us or riding up on us or getting all wrinkled. You’d actually be surprised at how little of what we do is directed at men in general, or you insufferably silly men in particular.

There should be limits to where they are worn, and there should be a WEIGHT LIMIT for wearing yoga or legging pants.

In short, BODY FASCISM.

As it is, there are brands that I can’t wear, because they’re all aimed at much thinner-than-average women, and their largest size is a scant US 10-12 (i.e. “extra large”, guffaw). And I’m a very average woman. But hey, if they don’t want more women (in fact, a majority of women worldwide) buying their shit, that’s fine. Let them snub themselves out of the market!

[w]hen you see a good ass in leggings and she turns around then you see that she’s like 70yo…

Dude, have you ever tried just looking at their FACES? Or are you just out for lady-ass everywhere you go? In which case, what the fuck is up with this “going your own way” shit?

It’s comfy when Chad grinds his cock separated by the [layer] of his pants and thin layer of her yoga pants in the middle of work.

Who the hell does this in the workplace? And who wears yoga pants to work, unless they’re a gym instructor?

I’ve seen it all already. I’ve seen women wearing a see through shirt in a very public place with thousands of people, including children, showing off her rocket tits implants. I’ve seen girls wearing mini skirts so small that you can constantly see their panties with zero effort. Seen obese landwhales wearing yoga pants with the words “JUICY” written across the back.

Um, that last was a trend over 10 years ago. And some of us (of whatever weight) weren’t into that trend even at its height. If you’ve seen all that and made note of it (and dwelt on it for over a decade!), YOU WERE LOOKING. What’s this about going your own way, again???

Srsly, these guys are just one step away from being murderous incels. Mad because it’s all around them, mad because they can’t have it, and telling themselves that they’re just being denied by perverse feeeemales who are throwing it around to everyone else (or just one single too-busy-to-be-real Chad). The only difference between these sad boners and their incel brethren is that these guys are still doing the ten-year-old kid’s “ew, cooties” thing, convincing themselves that what they want is actually too gross to merit wanting, while at the same time secretly cry-wanking over it all. The incels, at least, have stopped pretending to be “going their own way”. Though, oddly enough, they also hang out in forums where they increasingly alienate themselves from “femoids”, which ironically makes them more like actual MGTOWs than…well, actual MGTOWs.

Maybe they should all just trade places.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
3 years ago

@j – Heh, I wonder if there’s some jealousy going on with these guys. Though I can’t imagine an office setting that would allow yoga pants on women but then require business attire for men. Where I work, even if the dress code allowed yoga pants I wouldn’t wear them, because the air conditioning is usually turned up to Arctic Freeze. We have to dress in layers in the summer.

I think in part they are trying to compete with high speed internet

Yup, they’re on to us. Our butts have cloud storage and 500 Mbps download speeds, but to no avail. MGTOWs just refuse to notice us. If only we could get their attention somehow.

I’ve seen it all already.
I’ve seen women wearing a see through shirt in a very public place with thousands of people, including children, showing off her rocket tits implants.
I’ve seen girls wearing mini skirts so small that you can constantly see their panties with zero effort.
Seen obese landwhales wearing yoga pants with the words “JUICY” written across the back.

Worst Johnny Cash cover ever.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
3 years ago

Or Allen Ginsberg.

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
3 years ago

Are there other pants that can also replace high speed internet?

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
3 years ago

There’s a woman at my work who wears yoga pants almost every day. Her facebook is also full of pictures of her butt, and tons of appreciative comments from horny men. Mixed signals, dudes!

Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
3 years ago

Oh, for fuck’s sake, boys, just have a wank and get over it.
Masturbation does relieve sexual frustration and hormone overload, you have the equipment to hand (so to speak), you know what you want, and you don’t need a partner for it. Get it out of your system, and quit bitching about how horny you are and how all the evil feeemales are distracting you with their sexy, sexy asses. Nobody but you wants to hear it.

Then again, what they really masturbate to is their own sense of grievance and entitlement. I don’t think they’re happy unless everybody around them is irritated by their whining.

Also, dry humping while wearing yoga pants at work… in what fricking world outside of porn or your fevered imaginations does this actually happen?

Imaginary Petal
Imaginary Petal
3 years ago

@Bananana

There’s a world outside of porn?

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