Defeat the tyranny of the vagina with some alpha-as-hell DRY HUMPING, innovative MGTOW thinker urges

By David Futrelle

There is a certain tension in the lives of many MGTOWs. More specifically, in their pants. Despite their oft-stated goal of Going Their Own Way in a manly fashion, thus freeing themselves from the tyranny of women, these men would still very much like to be having sex with the women they have Gone Their Own Way from, just without the tyranny bit.

One ingenious fellow on MGTOW.com has come up with a solution to this rather daunting problem that seems to take its inspiration from man’s best friend.

In a post on the forum, mgtowSA acknowledges that the desire of men like him to stick their penises into women is a strong one — and reminds his fellow MGTOWs who feel the same way that

we all know that the current system we operate under has succeeded in exploiting and manipulating our sex drive to turn us into slaves. And women are the main agents of this system. So our dilemma has always been how to cope with this sex drive in a way that does not lead to f~~~ing women and then having to deal with the resultant problems that inevitably arise.

And no he doesn’t mean “the wet spot on the bed.” He means the apparently hypnotic power of the vagina, which gives those possessing one the power to enslave hapless MGTOWs and other sex-hungry men.

But there is a way out!

I’m currently involved in a fwb situation. However I have not had sex with her nor do I intend to.

Wait, you may wonder: how is this a friends-with-benefits situation if there are no benefits?

Well, prepare to have your mind blown.

What we do is something called outercourse. This is in essence doing everything except vaginally or anal penetration. In my case I don’t even allow oral sex for obvious reasons. So what generally happens is that we’ll grind on each other and she will cum but I don’t. After she leaves I proceed to the bathroom and rub one out to get rid of the pent up tension.

That’s right, we’re talking DRY HUMPING.

No risk of pregnancy, std or losing power which is usually how we men end up in the misery that is a relationship.

How can you lose your man powers if you don’t even touch that evil vagina with its secret hypnotizing goo?

You see brothers women need sex more than we do. If not physically then to be able to gain power over us. We have all learnt the hard way that once you give a woman sex you’ve essentially given her the ball and chain to clasp around you. Withholding sex is a weapon that they’ve used to great effect to enslave many men. It’s time we used the same weapon against them.

You want the penis? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE PENIS.

If you don’t have sex with a woman she’ll have no leverage over you.

That’s right; she can only have power over you if she actually lays her hands or mouth on your penis, or if you stick said penis inside of her hypnotizing vagina (or butt). Engaging in a frustrating sexual activity that ends with you jerking off over a toilet is the best and most effective way to keep the upper hand, because clearly there is nothing more alpha than running to the bathroom to jerk it after your dry-humping buddy leaves the apartment wondering how and why she ever got herself involved with a huge weirdo like you.

I admit that this approach does require a certain amount of willpower but the fear of what could potentially happen to you should you do the wild mamba with her should be enough to keep you away from that course of action.

Alas, most of mgtowSA’s brothers in MGTOW were unable to appreciate his bold new vision.

“That’s like saying since I’m trying to avoid eating fruit, I only eats their skins,” wrote someone called Jackinov. “You’re still eating fruit no matter which way you cut it.”

“I think you’re fooling yourself,” a fellow calling himself OldBill agreed.

Outercourse, frottage, dry humping, whatever you want to call it has been around as long as there have been mammals and has been observed in too many species to count. You’re fooling yourself if you think you’re somehow doing it for a new reason.

Ok, but maybe those dumb animals aren’t dry humping in an alpha enough way.

It doesn’t matter that only she orgasms or that you wait to orgasm until after she leaves because you are still performing an act which requires her presence at some point in time.

Well, he’s got a point here. You can’t spell “dry humping a lady” without L-A-D-Y.

You’re running around giving yourself high fives because you never penetrated or came near her while she’s smiling because she’s still an integral part of the sex acts you do perform and thus still has power over you.

Not even several layers of clothing can protect you from the power of the hypnotizing vagina!

You may have convinced yourself that is not the case, but no woman is going to stick around for a bunch of dry hump sessions unless she’s playing the long game.

That, or she’s just really really bored.

Someone called Ranger One, meanwhile, offered a sex alternative involving several pillows and a Fleshlight, which he felt was preferable to both his “Nina Chan 8-lb fake pussy” and actual sex with his actual (alleged) girlfriend.

[B]y making a stack of 3-4 pillows and wedging the Fleshlight inbetween the top pillow and the 2nd pillow I get even better results than the Nina Chan.

So order of preference:
1) Fleshlight wedged between pillows
2) real sex with gf
3) Nina Chan fake pussy
4) fleshlight in hand

Now it was a toss up between 2 & 3, because while real sex is better, I don’t need to worry about the Nina Chan getting off. Its sort of a balance.

Second place! That’s pretty good. This dude’s girlfriend must consider herself the luckiest girl alive.

The other side of the scale (the platonic side) is getting to do stuff with someone else and not having it cost me extra… for example sharing the burden of a long drive for a vacation — for example, the 7 hr drive to Boston. Splitting the cost of a hotel room, etc.

So when this Man Going His Own Way Who Goes Quite A Way to Boston on Holiday (MGHOWWGQAWTBOH) actually drives seven hours to Boston he does so with his girlfriend in the car because she’s willing to spit the cost of gas?

Ranger One might not be much of a MGTOW but he’s definitely in the running for Boyfriend of the Year!

I really don’t have anything more to add, but here’s a scene from Wet Hot American Summer that is strangely relevant to the discussion. (The scene makes a little bit more sense if you’ve seen the rest of the movie.)