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Endless war, blue racism and Hermes scarves: Today in Tweets

Trump’s bold new plan for Afghanistan

By David Futrelle

Last night, boy president Donald Trump announced a bold new plan for Afghanistan that wasn’t bold or new or really much of a plan at all. Meanwhile, the Treasury Secretary’s wife yelled at people for being poor, Big Ben stopped bonging, and the day after the big eclipse people are wondering why their eyes hurt.

https://twitter.com/InternetHippo/status/899808607029559301

In other news, protest works, though not always in expected ways.

Police are a race now?

https://twitter.com/roqchams/status/899429579286134786

Big Ben takes a vacation:

A rich lady mocked people for being poorer than her and her husband, Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin.

Julian Assange is mad at the press.

Apparently Donald Trump wasn’t the only one to stare directly at the eclipse yesterday:

Ok, time for cute animals.

https://twitter.com/CuteEmergency/status/900125380454907904

Goats are basically Spiderman:

https://twitter.com/picturecats/status/899910638826377216

The only weird thing about that last one is that they are eating a human baby.

Some animals aren’t quote so cute, though.

https://twitter.com/asproshere/status/899180288978415616

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PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
4 years ago

I called Trump “President von Clownstick” the other day online and was treated to some very colorful answers.

I lol’d.

But the “ESSJAYDUBYEWS” are the oversensitive ones.

I told them, “Your guy won the election. Get over it, already.
Holy shit, sore winners are the worst!”

Jojo Mojo
Jojo Mojo
4 years ago

For Mitch McConell I would personally would have gone with “Turtle McAsshat”. For Steve Bannon I could suggest “The putrid bloat” and Breitbart if you want to be intelectual you can go for “Der Amerikanish Beobachter” (based on Völkischer Beobachter) or alternative “the Low sodium Prison Planet”.

Amnesia
Amnesia
4 years ago

Hmm… You make a compelling case. I just went with ‘Incel Turtle’ because I can’t help but think of a turtle being obnoxiously ‘Woe Is Me’ over not getting laid when I look at him.

Also, not to worry, I made sure to add an obvious one…

A couple of hours after Fuckface von Clownstick connected Zodiac Killer’s father to John F. Kennedy’s assassin, Killer made an announcement to reporters that made it fairly evident that should von Clownstick become the nominee, he will not have Killer’s support.

PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
4 years ago

Amnesia, that is hilarious!

Jojo Mojo
Jojo Mojo
4 years ago

@amnesia

touche

AngryWarthogBreath
AngryWarthogBreath
4 years ago

Luke and Ellen of Outside Xtra had a bit about Webby when they were playing the Disney Afternoon Collection.

ELLEN: What about Suey, or something? The other three may not be great names, but at least they ARE names!
LUKE: To be fair, we’re probably lucky she isn’t called Girly or something. Or Femaley. Huey, Dewey, Louie, and Girl Duck.

The main reason I put Scrooge in the alignment quadrant of Richasshole Good (where Uncle Pennybags is Richasshole Neutral, Wario is Chaotic Richasshole, and Monty Burns and Trump are Richasshole Evil) is his focus on fairness, something Trump wouldn’t qualify for in a quadrillion years.

Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer

@Robert Walker-Smith

If nobody is dancing attendance on Trump, he’s afraid he’ll stop existing.

And they can appear to themselves every day
On closed circuit T.V.
To make sure they’re still real.
It’s the only connection they feel.

tim gueguen
4 years ago

I hadn’t heard there was a new DuckTales.

In the old one Scrooge had a couple. of female big bads to face. One was Ma Beagle, mother of the Beagle Boys, who led them in various crime schemes. The other was Magica De Spell, a sorceress who wanted Scrooge’s lucky dime for her magic based schemes.

(((Podkayne Lives)))
(((Podkayne Lives)))
4 years ago

I was absolutely floored when I realized Mnuchin had married the girl who wrote the awful memoir about almost getting killed by militants in Zambia.

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