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no trolls allowed open thread

Open Thread for Personal Stuff: January 2016 Prairie Dog Hug Edition

I love you, dog!
I got you, dawg!

An open thread for personal stuff. As usual, this thread is a NO TROLLS/NO MRAS zone.

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kupo
kupo
6 years ago

How come no one agrees with me when I know for a f#cking fact I am right?

Sorry to say it, but it sounds like you might not be right.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

@ThatHobbitGuy, I really don’t think that there’s evidence enough to believe that you will never experience romantic and sexual love again in your life. You’ve already had a marriage. Doesn’t that show that romantic love can happen for you? I’m not trying to belittle your feelings and I’m sorry if that’s what I’ve succeeded in doing.

This bit:

If EVERYONE misunderstands everything I post than how the f#ck are they going to understand my fiction.

I’m not a writer myself, but my understanding is that there are always 2 people involved in creating art: artist, and audience. People have been interpreting and re-interpreting Charles Dickens for generations. You can take entire classes in analysing his work. I don’t think anyone is likely to say that makes him a poor writer of fiction, and it’s impossible to say that he wasn’t a successful one.

WeirwoodTreeHugger
WeirwoodTreeHugger
6 years ago

Hobbitguy,
Echoing Dhag. When you’ve already tried simple solutions or various simple solutions aren’t viable, it can be frustrating and feel insulting to have people tell you over what you already know. For example, I’ve been dealing with insomnia lately and a lot of advice is useless. Going to bed at the same time every night is ridiculously unrealistic. Turning out the lights and lying down early just makes me more awake. Avoiding caffeine has been tried many times, it doesn’t work. I’ve had issues sleeping my whole life, I’ve thought of these things. If an easy solution worked, I would have used it.

It’s a similar issue if you’re coming from a place of privilege and instructing someone on how to deal with the problems associated with being in a marginalized group. Like telling poor people to just eat lentils instead of fast food and then they’ll be thin and healthy. Telling women to be as assertive as men in the workplace and it’ll fix the wage gap. Telling a black person who is afraid an interaction with police will turn fatal that they should just be polite and compliant and they’ll be fine.

There’s also the inconvenient fact that emotional support is a part of both romantic relationships and friendships. Sometimes people talk about their problems to vent or seek support and don’t want advice. If you really want a partner, this is something you’re going to have to be able to provide. Unless you can find a woman with your same mindset. You seem to be a wee bit entitled here. You’re wondering why people aren’t meeting your needs. You’re not understanding that people have needs too.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

I’d just like to take the opportunity in this thread to say a big thank you to all Mammotheers.

I’ve been tied up on a work thing for the last few months that’s meant no sleep, working over weekends and holidays and generally not having any real free time whatsoever.

Dipping into Mammoth and enjoying our discussions has been the perfect diversionary behaviour when I needed to take a short break. You’re all such wonderful people.

But finally the tricky stage is completed . There’s more to come of of course but today I was able to leave the alarm off and didn’t wake up til 3pm. My sleep deficit is fully repaid and I feel great. I can also spend the weekend engaging in some actual human contact with real world friends (they’re almost as nice as the people here 🙂 )

Even my poorly back is getting better (I “lift Bro” but apparently not very well 🙂 )

mildlymagnificent
mildlymagnificent
6 years ago

More good news.

Daughter number two is getting married in April. Now I have an excuse for going online to look for stuff to buy. Come to think of it, I’ve already been doing a fair bit of that for the new granddaughter – other daughter’s daughter.

This time it’s for me, I , myself.

Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
6 years ago

I have that procrastination thing, too! Right now, it’s standing in the way of my contacting my dad’s insurance company. I had the same thing with contacting his pension plan. I also had to ask husbeast to help me get the ball rolling (as in he had to call the lawyer) to start the probate process. Ack!

I know part of it is that I’m averse to hearing people say “sorry for your loss” and I DO appreciate the sentiment but right now, it’s just a reminder that my dad is gone. That only lasts for a little while and really isn’t that big a deal.

The other part is that whatever I decide to do, it seems wrong. For instance, whether to contact the home office of the insurance company, or to contact the insurance agent instead. Every time I decide to do one, I second-guess myself that the other thing is the better choice (maybe) and then end up doing nothing. This sort of thing is a pattern with me.

Believe me, it’s NOT that I don’t know that the simple solution is just to knuckle down and do one or the other (hobbitguy, I’m lookin’ at you here), it’s just hard to overcome the self-doubt and ensuing emotional turmoil that this simple, stupid little thing causes.

On another note, I really feel for everyone with problems. Especially those with difficult fathers. I have been so fortunate to have had my dad through thick and thin. He was wonderful. I wish everyone could have that in their lives. Maybe if we can eliminate patriarchy, more people will.

Virtual hugs to all that want/need ’em.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

I also understand the difficulty handling a supposedly “minor” task that turns into A Whole Thing after a while. I have to go to H&R Block to handle the taxes that I haven’t filed in a couple of years (for no good reason – it would have taken like half an hour to do it with free tax software). I planned to do it on Sunday, but the whole thing was so shameful and overwhelming that instead I broke down and sobbed in bed all day. Low point: went down to get the pasta that my boyfriend made us for dinner, realized that I would need to get a fork AND a bowl AND dish food into that bowl, panicked at the sheer number of tasks and instead cried on the floor.

(Boyfriend helped me to get food)

authorialAlchemy
authorialAlchemy
6 years ago

I just started my Junior classes at art school and I’m making a comic for Junior Studio. I designed a female knight protagonist and she has proper armor that is historically accurate. I went to the art museum, sat in front of the display case, and drew my favorite suit of armor. Who wants to see it?

I don’t know how to put images into my posts here yet. :U

Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
6 years ago

authorialAlchemy:

Me! I wanna see! My only wish is that it’s not linked to photobucket; I can’t seem to open anything there. 🙁

authorialAlchemy
authorialAlchemy
6 years ago

[img]http://i.imgur.com/ur8f4aZ.jpg[/img]

Fuck boobplate armor. If I had more time, I would’ve done a whole turn sheet and everything else, but we’re being thrown into doing our semester-long projects RIGHT NOW. I have to finish a whole page by Wednesday. @_@ I never really drew a comic on a professional level before, but my teacher liked my thumbnail.

Paradoxical Intention
6 years ago

dhag85 | January 22, 2016 at 4:05 am
@Paradoxical Intention

I recognize your situation, sort of. I’m also one of those people whose job applications are apparently invisible. I’ve applied for hundreds and hundreds of jobs in my life, only ever got called to interview once, and then I never heard from them again. The only way I ever found work is by applying to places who weren’t actually hiring.

I really hope this move works out for you, and I’d also like to say there’s no reason to feel bad about setting up a gofundme page or whatever. If you need help, you need help. Even if there are others who have it worse.

Yeah, but it’ll still eat at me because I’ll feel like I’m asking for something for nothing. I at least want to offer people SOMETHING for helping me out.

But, yeah, I’m hoping to get the word out sometime this weekend, after I fix up my commissions stuff to better suit what I want to show off, and after I get the etsy store set up, and then I’m going to spam that shit everywhere, and encourage others to do the same. :U

If this thread is still up, I’ll be sure to spam it here too in case anyone wants to offer their assistance in exchange for stuff.

Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie
6 years ago

authorialAlchemy:

Love the armor sketch. Boobplate is so silly; didn’t women who (very very seldom) wore armor just bind up the boobage to minimize bounce? I can’t see how having armor that “matches” boob contours would be at all comfortable or supportive unless the fit was painstakingly superb. How awkward would that scenario between woman and armorer be?

Paradoxy:

I’ll be watching out for the stores. I’m also toying with the idea of having you do an avatar for me. I love the stuff you do for your youtube channel.

I can design stuff (knit/crochet patterns and jewelry) but can’t draw to save my life. I’d love a hambeast mascot someday!

kupo
kupo
6 years ago

@Viscaria
Been there. Floor crying is typically when I hit the low point, then it starts to go up from there. Maybe you can have someone you trust go with you? I know that’s not easy, either, but sometimes it can make it better if it’s the right person.

dhag85
6 years ago

@Paradoxical Intention

Helping others kinda feels good though. 🙂

Paradoxical Intention
6 years ago

Hambeast, Social Justice Beastie | January 22, 2016 at 5:10 pm
Paradoxy:

I’ll be watching out for the stores. I’m also toying with the idea of having you do an avatar for me. I love the stuff you do for your youtube channel.

I can design stuff (knit/crochet patterns and jewelry) but can’t draw to save my life. I’d love a hambeast mascot someday!

I’d love to! I’ll be sure to let you know when the post goes up so you can see my rates and the like for yourself. :3

And you could totes do good on etsy with digital downloads for crochet patterns. I see so many of those on there, and they’re usually pretty cheap (like two bucks a pop).

dhag85 | January 22, 2016 at 5:57 pm
@Paradoxical Intention

Helping others kinda feels good though. 🙂

Oh no, I agree, it’s just a bit of my pride getting in the way, I suppose. : P

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

Anon and RJMacReady,

I don’t have anything particularly insightful and useful to add. I just wanted to say welcome. It took awhile for your posts to come out of moderation so I don’t think people have seen them and I just didn’t want you to go unacknowledged.

I wish you both the best and we’re here if you need to vent. Anon, I wish your brother the best well. That’s a hell of a thing to go through and I can’t believe that anyone in this day and age thought a little talk therapy is sufficient for hallucinations and sleep deprivation. I’m glad things are going better now.

Kat
Kat
6 years ago

More hugs to everyone who wants one. Everyone’s comments touch my heart.

@anon
You’ve been through a lot! I’m glad you’ve been able to be there for your brother. Best wishes.

@Kootiepatra
Yeah, not dying is pretty terrific. I’m glad you’re on the mend!

@kylagb
You’ve got a really good attitude about the challenges you’ve faced.

@sunnysombrera
That’s great about your finances and your vacation!
I’m sorry to hear about your cold and your work issues. I hope they’re both of brief duration.

@RJMacReady
Welcome! Good luck with the new medication.

dhag85
6 years ago

Since we’ve had some stories about shitty dads, can I maybe add some stuff about great dads? Just to prove this blog isn’t misandry all the way down. 😉

My dad worked all his life with the same company. He started in manufacturing, and then learned how to do IT support in the late 80s and got an office job at the same location. He was a folk musician in the 1960s and a blues musician from the 70s until this day. He loves whisky but never gets drunk. He’s never not been supportive. He always came up with new dinner ideas and inspired me to learn how to cook, even though he never directly taught me anything. He retired in his mid 60s and got his first cat the same year. Now he talks about cats every time I call.

My dad’s dad was a construction worker, one of those jobs MRAs fantasize about. He retired when his body was worn out, just in time to take care of my older brother when my parents were both busy with work. He led by example and taught me to always look out for other people, never be mean, and always work to make things easier for those around you. He said the worst moment of his life was when he feared he would be forced to shoot at people in WW2. He never lost his patience taking care of my grandmother after her stroke, when she had a difficult time communicating for over a decade. At her funeral, he put a rose on her coffin and said “thank you for all those beautiful years”. He’s the reason why I always put my middle initial when given the option. And if I ever become a parent, I’m passing that initial on. He died at age 89, with my dad by his side.

Ellesar
Ellesar
6 years ago

Hey peeps! I think I must have failed as a feminist mother! My son has just received a conditional offer for a Civil Engineering degree from a good university. Somehow I have been unable to sufficiently dominate him and crush his spirit so that he can only go for a career suitable for a mangina.

Still winning with younger son though – Performing Arts (and one of the best in his class despite being the youngest by up to 20 years), suitably feminised and beta-ish!

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
6 years ago

Welcome to all the new posters!

In other news, it’s my 31st birthday (here in the future). I’m off to get stoned off my gourd and watch Mad fucking Max flaunt my misandristically post-wall age celebrate in a completely respectable adult way. ^_^

dhag85
6 years ago

@SFHC

Congrats! I had my 31st two weeks ago. 🙂 Those secret birthday plans sound great.

authorialAlchemy
authorialAlchemy
6 years ago

Love the armor sketch. Boobplate is so silly; didn’t women who (very very seldom) wore armor just bind up the boobage to minimize bounce? I can’t see how having armor that “matches” boob contours would be at all comfortable or supportive unless the fit was painstakingly superb. How awkward would that scenario between woman and armorer be?

I never really thought of how uncomfortable boob plate would be. And it’s even stupider because you have to wear padding under armor, which would hide any boobs even if they weren’t bound. All boobplate would do is direct blows to your heart. :/

I understand that some character designers created boobplate because it’s hard to tell what gender your character is while wearing armor, especially with a helmet, but there are other ways of feminising an outfit. Hell, the armor I based this design on looked feminine, and that’s why I picked it. I’m not the only person who thinks so, because as I was drawing, someone walked by and remarked “That armor looks like it was made for a woman.” It was this exact piece:

http://images.metmuseum.org/CRDImages/aa/web-large/sfma29.154.1_156870.jpg

There’s something about the hips and legs. It even has little heart shapes on the little peephole area a knight would see through. If my knight was jousting, I would’ve kept the helmet and swoopy part.

It’s awful how some artists prioritize sexyness over practicality. It can interfere with storytelling. Like, if I put my knight in sexy armor, she wouldn’t read as a knight immediately and it would make my story kind of confusing. The fact that she is a knight would be more like an informed attribute rather than an implied/shown one.

Oh, also, should any future art posts in the future go in the non-personal threads? I wasn’t sure which thread to put this in.

Nequam
Nequam
6 years ago

I hadn’t realized there was a second open thread or I’d’ve posted my vacation comment there instead of in the MLK one.

I consider myself very lucky when it comes to my parents– they are kind and funny people, so the visit was a good one. I also enjoyed seeing my in-laws, though sadly it is harder for them to travel (my husband and I are old enough that our parents are well into senior citizenhood, but my husband’s parents are the older pair and in particular my father-in-law got whacked with childhood polio, and his already limited mobility– he can walk with crutches– is getting more so as his rotator cuffs just plain wear out from decades of use).

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

@ThatHobbitGuy

Sorry, it’s just people reply to what I post & say and it leads my to deduce they have completely misunderstood me because their reply was wrong. There can only be one correct reply if they understand me

Well, this might be presumptuous of me, but I think I understand what you’re getting at here. I had a roommate who once told me he felt incredibly depressed and lonely, because he had come to the conclusion that no one was ever going to love him the way he wanted to be loved. He was super attractive and went out with different people every week, but he felt empty and unable to really connect with anybody. Everything they said felt off somehow, even when they meant well. No one seemed able to find the key to unlock him.

We all yearn for someone who “gets” us. It’s terrifying to realize that other people might, at best, only partially ever get you, that the best you can ever hope for might be 45% of a soul mate.

The thing about love, though, is that it’s not a math problem with just one right answer. It’s an essay question. Everyone has their own way of showing love to others, all equally valid. For some people it’s kisses and hugs and compliments, for others it’s sitting and listening, for others it’s keeping the lawn mowed and the furnace going. Accepting love in whatever form it takes, learning to appreciate a person for who they truly are, is hard. It sounds easy, but it’s not.

In your case, you’re a fixer and problem-solver, and you’ve likely found yourself with women who just want you to sit and listen. Neither style is wrong, it’s just hard to mesh them together. Your friend may think your quick solutions dismiss her feelings and short-circuit her need to process events on their own timetable. It could be that emotional tension makes you uncomfortable. For your part, you probably get impatient with women who dismiss your perfectly rational advice, and can’t understand why they won’t admit you’re right.

Both approaches are equally valid. If you’re feeling misunderstood and like you’re making all the effort, would it help to open up about that? You said you have a lot of private thoughts that you don’t usually share with others.

Maybe also rethink whether a rigid “right and wrong” framing of interactions might be contributing to your feeling lonely and unfulfilled. After all, how fun can it be if someone is always losing? Disagreement isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If it helps you grow, then that’s a form of love, too. Ask yourself whether you’ve got unwritten rules/needs for relationships that either aren’t very realistic, or aren’t being articulated effectively.

I sympathize with you – it sucks being misunderstood, and it takes work not to be misunderstood. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and don’t blow someone off if you don’t feel an instant connection to them. Soulmates aren’t born. They’re made.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
6 years ago

Congrats! I had my 31st two weeks ago.

Oh shit, I must’ve missed that thread. Belated happy birthday! =P

(Is it just me, or were a full half of us born in January?)

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