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Would you like some wings with that ego stroking? Make big bucks by giving insecure men “the attention they crave”

Twin Peaks, where even the appetizers are shaped like breasts
Twin Peaks, where even the appetizers are shaped like breasts

ThinkProgress has gotten hold of an inadvertently hilarious internal document from the “breastaurant” chain Twin Peaks that provides an interesting glimpse into what those who run the company may actually think of the customers who pay their salaries.

Twin Peaks, as ThinkProgress writer Tara Culp-Ressler notes, is essentially Hooters on steroids, and the chain has been spreading like ebola; in 2013, it was the fastest-growing restaurant chain in the US. It also seems to be quite popular with Biker gangs; the gigantic biker shootout last weekend took place at a Twin Peaks restaurant in Waco, Texas.

The document — which the company insists was never distributed to employees — was leaked to ThinkProgress by an anonymous Twin Peaks employee. And it’s kind of a doozy, describing the company’s “target” demographic essentially as a bunch of insecure narcissistic manchildren desperate for attention from young women with gigantic bazongas who are required to smile and put up with their bullshit.

According to the document, the restaurant wants to target guys “who love to have their ego stroked by beautiful girls,” and promises to provide an environment “that feeds their ego with the attention they crave.” They describe their typical customer as someone who likes “attention from beautiful girls and being recognized in front of the guys,” as well as someone who doesn’t want to be asked what he’s thinking. 

If you leave out the bits about the “beautiful girls,” this strategy sounds an awful lot like the ego-stroking approach of some of the more influential figures in the Men’s Rights and GamerGate movement: pander to insecure men’s fantasies of victimization, tell them that they’re right to hate and fear feminists and women at large, and assure them that the nasty comments they go around leaving on every site that doesn’t ban them are actually a noble form of human rights activism. As GamerGatey YouTubers and Men’s “Human Rights” activists alike have learned, pandering to angry dudes can be a surprisingly lucrative money-raising strategy (at least in the short term).

Like the patrons of Twin Peaks, MRAs seem to especially like getting this kind of validation from women — hence the absurd popularity of Karen “GirlWritesWhat” Straughan’s sophomoric and soporific YouTube videos; hence the enthusiastic embrace of the female-fronted Honey Badgers as free speech martyrs by GamerGaters and others, who have happily sent along $30,000 in donations for a lawsuit against the Calgary Expo that seems highly unlikely to go anywhere, if it even happens at all.

I’ll have more on the Honey Badgers in a bit. In the meantime, I would like to remind you, my readers, my big handsome readers, how totally cool you are and would you like some wings with that?

Er, no, I meant that I would like to remind you that my Spite the Honey Badgers fund raiser is, last I checked, only  $39,529 short of its completely reasonable goal of $40,000, which is what all the economists I consulted* told me would be the amount of money I would need to make the Honey Badgers really annoyed.

Click here to donate. You don’t need a Pay Pal account. All you need to have is a little bit of money and a desire to Spite the Honey Badgers.

Thanks, hon. I’ll be right back with that giant mound of nachos.

NOTE: “All the economists I consulted” add up to zero. I did not actually consult any economists. Also, you’re not getting any nachos.

CORRECTION: I originally wrote that the Tara Culp-Ressler piece was on Talking Points Memo; it was on Think Progress.

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RoscoeTCat
RoscoeTCat
7 years ago

“Someone who doesn’t want to be asked what he’s thinking.” Maybe this is because he’s thinking about NOTHING AT ALL???

tesformes
tesformes
7 years ago

I imagine the reaction to this from the manosphere being something like, “Why would you go to work at a place like that if you didn’t want to be ogled and harassed by men?” There will also be no complaints about the offensively juvenile assumptions this company makes about its male patrons. That would look too much like feminism.

solikat
7 years ago

One of my favorite things about reading your blog is all the idiotic comments from MRAs and the like. *sits back & eats popcorn*

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

No nachos? I thought what we had was real. Real and cheesy with extra jalapenos!
Fine! I didn’t want those nachos anyway. They aren’t the only cheesy snacks. I’ve got some broccoli with cheese right here and it’s…just…as…good.
*sobs*

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

I don’t like being asked what I’m thinking. If I feel like telling someone what I’m thinking I will. If I’m not talking, it’s because I don’t feel like talking.

Am I womaning wrong?

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

So that’s what pretty girl “power” looks like, huh?
Not impressed.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

WWTH,
Aren’t we all?

Lady Mondegreen
7 years ago

Men’s rightsers are a bunch of shallow narcissists angry because women don’t stroke their fragile egos?

THE HELL YOU SAY.

Where are my nachos?

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
7 years ago
LBT
LBT
7 years ago

I’m just sad because I love Twin Peaks. It was a great show. 🙁

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
7 years ago

@fruitloopsie

There is not enough butts. Needs a picture of a guy in tight jeans, looking over his shoulder to the camera with Tallywackers right underneath his pert little ass.

And they can only hire men with the most biggest, squeezable asses.

Only then will we have reached gender equality.

(Seriously, custom made jeans that show off the buttocks.)

idledillettante
7 years ago

What I’m wondering right now is if a gender swapped version of the breastaurant would be profitable. That is, would straight women come to a wine bar with scantily clad servers who stroke their egos and flirt with them? Would they pay a premium for it, as men do? If it was named “top gun” and had a paramilitary theme, would that make it sexier? Or is “beefcake factory” and lavish desserts a better route for attracting women to spend money on sex work lite?

I feel like it could be profitable– after all, don’t women want sexual stimulation and ego strokes as much as anybody else? But I also feel like it might not be. Straight women are so used to getting hit on/catcalled that I suspect the overtures of my scantily clad waiters would fall flat.

If anyone has any opinions to share on why there is no beefcake factory I would love to hear them.

Paradoxical Intention
7 years ago

Can there be a very obvious knock off restaurant based off of Deadly Premonition that serves Sinner’s Sandwiches, delicious biscuits, and prophetic coffee?

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: idledillettante

Honestly, I’ve worked too many shitty customer service jobs to feel comfortable with something like the hypothetical beefcake factory. I’d be that buzzkill worrying about whether the dudes are getting paid enough, what kind of harassment they get, shit like that.

brokensea
7 years ago

@fruitloopsie a great-grandmother (who passed away at 93) of my acquaintance, called her walking stick her “Willy Whacker. “

Nameless Wonder
Nameless Wonder
7 years ago

They describe their typical customer as someone who likes “attention from beautiful girls and being recognized in front of the guys,” as well as someone who doesn’t want to be asked what he’s thinking.

But.. the kind of guy they are describing IS the kind of guy who believes what he thinks is super duper important. How else would the guy even bother going there if he truly didn’t care what women think of him?

Confused commenter is confused!

Moocow
Moocow
7 years ago

@David

Hah, that’s what I thought Twin Peaks restaurant originally was. I was very disappointed to find out what it *actually* is.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
7 years ago

Brokensea
“@fruitloopsie a great-grandmother (who passed away at 93) of my acquaintance, called her walking stick her “Willy Whacker. “

http://www.sharegif.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/tumblr_m7ox7kTk6f1rtcm2b.gif

Bina
7 years ago

I don’t like being asked what I’m thinking. If I feel like telling someone what I’m thinking I will. If I’m not talking, it’s because I don’t feel like talking.

Am I womaning wrong?

Nope. But you’re introverting great!

theladyzombie
7 years ago

Speaking of Twin Peaks – it’s coming back! David Lynch has signed on! Now here’s the real kick in the ass – remember the final episode where Cooper was in the Black Lodge and Laura Palmer told him she would see him again in 25 years? It’s been 25 years since Twin Peaks aired. Hell, that alone is messing with me.

Chaos-Engineer
Chaos-Engineer
7 years ago

Roscoe

“Someone who doesn’t want to be asked what he’s thinking.” Maybe this is because he’s thinking about NOTHING AT ALL???

Speaking as a man, it’s because what I’m thinking is something like, “I really need to pee. Should I wait for the conversation to finish? Or should I excuse myself now and ask her to wait until I get back? Can I ask ‘How much longer are we going to keep talking?,’ or would that be rude?” Or else I’ve got the “Meow Mix” jingle stuck in my head. Either way, I don’t want to have to interrupt my train of thought and frantically try to come up with an acceptable answer to the question.

I suppose if I had advance warning I could come up with a couple of canned answers, like “I was just thinking about how delicious the coffee here is.” Then the waitress would have an opening to come back with, “Aw, that’s so sweet of you! Let me get you a free refill!”

Actually that sounds like a good deal. Now I want go to the sort of restaurant where they just have a notice on the door to warn you that the waitress might ask you what you’re thinking.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 years ago

A few years ago, our state had two topless donut shops. I guess that’s better than a bottomless donut shop, but only slightly.

Generally when I eat at a restaurant, I want at least one layer of clothing between the waitstaff and my food.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
7 years ago

@Chaos-Engineer

I would say, “Nothing much.”

Kreator
Kreator
7 years ago

What I’m wondering right now is if a gender swapped version of the breastaurant would be profitable. That is, would straight women come to a wine bar with scantily clad servers who stroke their egos and flirt with them?

In Japan at least, the answer is YES.

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