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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: Very Belated May 2014 Edition

Le chien, so chic
Le chien, so chic

An open thread for personal stuff, continuing from here.

As usual for these threads: no trolls, no arguments.

681 replies on “Open Thread for Personal Stuff: Very Belated May 2014 Edition”

@contapangloss

The thing is, I *didn’t* think it was a problem, until I started reading about it. Then, I began worrying that I had some sort of problem I didn’t know about. It’s strange- I’m about the furthest you can get from a hypochondriac, unless it’s psychological.

@kittehserf

It can take up hours of time, if I have nothing else to do. But if there’s something I need to do, or that’s more enjoyable, then I don’t do it very much at all. I just didn’t know if it was normal or not, since I don’t have much of a frame of reference. The only other people I’ve really seen talk about daydreaming like mine were people trying to make it stop. Hence, the worry.

And no, I never officially got my own welcome package, but I’ve hijacked quite a few other people’s. I’d like to join in the community here more, but I’m not up to your caliber of mockery yet 🙂

@everyone

Thanks for letting me vent like that, and offering advice. It did help, I think- at least for now. I think my plan for now is just to try and be more social (even if it’s hard), and to focus on some of my other interests more. And I’ll try to limit it to set times, rather than just letting my mind wander all over the place as it tends to do. So, just focus on the parts that annoy me, and accept that the other parts are strange but probably harmless. Hopefully it’ll work. Either way, you guys were really nice. Here’s another cat, for your patience with my wordiness

http://i457.photobucket.com/albums/qq295/Proudgeek8/Bunny.jpg

Ack, ninja’d by katz!

I make up all sorts of things. Sometimes I’ll create my own characters and make stories for them, sometimes I’ll make up stories about already-existing characters (mental fanfiction, basically). Sometimes I’ll make up what-if scenarios where I’m famous and giving interviews or doing nice stuff for fans. Basically, whatever pops up.

Mostly just while going on walks, trying to fall asleep, or just when I’m bored.

It can take up hours of time, if I have nothing else to do.

The times that you daydream are the times I read or watch tv or play video games. If I had to rely on making up my own stories I’d stay bored. So I think you’re very lucky to have such a talent for entertaining yourself. 🙂 You might find you don’t spend anymore time daydreaming than other people do consuming media.

Sometimes I’ll make up what-if scenarios where I’m famous and giving interviews or doing nice stuff for fans

I used to do that – think of answers to interview questions. It’s a good way to explore your own personality I think. Nowadays I imagine what it would be like to go back in time, and how cool I’d be with all my modern knowledge. Have you noticed that in most time travel stories the travellers never seem to know anything useful?

Well, I guess I have a tire to fix in the a.m.

Ran over a nail, two miles from home. The wheel was barely flat, so I drove all the way in, borrowed cribbing from the engine, and swapped it out for the spare.

Crossing my fingers and hoping only the one tire was hit. On the bright side, at least my station home has tons of cribbing! That car wasn’t going nowhere, while it was jacked up. Bwahahaha!

On that note, I should think about going to bed… Lots to do!

Nowadays I imagine what it would be like to go back in time, and how cool I’d be with all my modern knowledge

This is one of my favorites! I like to practice explaining everyday things like germ theory or the solar system to people in the past. It’s diverting, yes, and it also helps me organize what I know and identify gaps in my knowledge. Might even be useful as a study aid when I go back to school…

I always think going back in time and talking about modern knowledge would get you in trouble – like, locked up at best, at least in Europe. Burn the witch, etc. (She turned me into a newt!)

@anonamouslazycat

Mostly just while going on walks, trying to fall asleep, or just when I’m bored. Sometimes my mind will start to wander when I’m doing regular household tasks, or doing something I find uninteresting or unengaging. I just worry that I do it too often, I guess? Or that I do it in a way that’s abnormal? Or that it might, in some non-obvious way be screwing up my mental health?

That happens to me all the time, especially while falling asleep or walking. But I don’t see the problem with it.

Sometimes I’ll create my own characters and make stories for them, sometimes I’ll make up stories about already-existing characters (mental fanfiction, basically)

Me too 😀 I tend to write down my own shit, and leave mental fanfiction in my head, cuz for some reason I’m really embarrassed by my own fanfic ideas, even though I enjoy reading other peoples.

oh, @anonamouslazycat

Idk if hanging out on the internet is any better a social situation than you? but I like talking on whtm cuz I can socialize with other people without having to go out and meet them, which I think is great if you have depression, like me. (though idk if you do). But it gets in my desire to socialize.

Also, OT, but relevant to open thread (what isn’t XD) but recently I’ve been having trust issues with new people 🙁 idk what to do about it though.

@auggz

Maybe. It didn’t used to be. I mean, I used to be better with it. But the past year + I’ve just had a harder time.

I think I kind of know why, if you think an explanation would help, but I just don’t know what to do about it. Meat space is just different from here in some ways, where here usually it seems like a safer space to say if they make you uncomftorable.

Also, I do feel like I”ve been a little more wary of new posters, which is probably a bad thing. I’ve just got trust issues atm, and don’t know what to do.

/vent.

Retail workers stand. Behind the cash register, stocking shelves, advising customers about the relative merits of brands, mopping the floors. The only chair was in the manager’s office. If you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean. If you’ve got time to sit, you’re fired.

Working retail was where I found out I needed orthotics, just when I could least afford them.

But that’s terrible. That’s just.. that’s… eight to fourteen hours a day? Five or more days a week? I.. I can’t. I can’t.

Wow.

I don’t want to make it sound like a big deal, and when I worked retail (for six months, granted, not that long) it was a hard job and all, and I did a lot of work, but at least we had chairs. And lots of classes on how to lift things properly. And oversight, at some points.

I might be making a big deal out of nothing, but I really kind of feel like I was just told that in your American super markets, you sell cheese, pasta, tomato juice and the pulped hearts of mewling beastman harvested fresh from the lands of the Ever Young through a portal rigged up by Management in the basement. It’s a little jarring.

… brb writing a new short story.

——

Fibi? Did I miss something? What did you get yourself into?

It probably helps if I give you a picture of myself, and just sort of say: “This is what I got myself into”.

Here’s one that was taken recently.

I went with red, on the account of it matching my eyes better. I still think the rock has a good thing going with the fur. But then again, it’s so difficult to find proper pelt care products.

Then people fight me. With swords.
There is occassionally those who are good or fast or lucky, and truth be told, it’s not really because I can see or hear or smell all that much so I take more hits than I can easily absorb. And really, I was never much with a sword anyway. I prefer combat by iambic pentameter. I’ve been doing it for two or three years now, but you still always get surprised by just how visciously good at stabbing you with a sharp stick some people can be.

Also this is the first picture of my face that’s available on We Hunted The Mammoth.

Am I pretty? q: I know I’m no cat, but who can compete with felines?

———–

@Anonymouslazycat:

I second what’s been said so far. Stake my horns on it.

I hope you think of grand, good things in those moments to yourself, because it sounds like you have all you need to do well in hand and do not suffer. An active imagination is no bad thing at all!

I might be making a big deal out of nothing, but I really kind of feel like I was just told that in your American super markets, you sell cheese, pasta, tomato juice and the pulped hearts of mewling beastman harvested fresh from the lands of the Ever Young through a portal rigged up by Management in the basement. It’s a little jarring.

Only in Nightvale.

@Fibinachi

I don’t want to make it sound like a big deal, and when I worked retail (for six months, granted, not that long) it was a hard job and all, and I did a lot of work, but at least we had chairs. And lots of classes on how to lift things properly. And oversight, at some points.

I think chairs actually would make it a lot better, and that you aren’t making a big deal out of nothing, but I didn’t even know they gave cashiers chairs in other places, so even though it sucks, it just seems normal here.

Only in Nightvale.

Well, I have been hearing good things about their mountains. They’re apparently really worth not looking at, thinking about, listening to, or noticing when they creep up on you.

Oh my god, if that was included in my work’s dress code, I would never complain about the dress code again. ALL THE ENVY! And you look lovely 🙂

@Marie, I’m sorry you’re having trust issues at the moment.

I am probably an extrovert, but with social anxiety and massive trust issues. Recently it seems like all of the people I hang out with at school want to air their bigotry and it’s making me feel like I don’t want to get to know anyone off the internet because they’re all just waiting to drop awfulness on me. 🙁

Re: retail, I’m from NZ and I’ve worked various retail, and mostly you’re not allowed to sit. Because it makes you look less interested or some shit. Most supermarkets have little padded rails you can sit on now, but I’ve worked at a big Walmart-like store, the post office and our vet clinic and there is no sitting at any of them.

I actually worked a warehouse job for a year (I got to make dildos, guys. 😀 I also discovered I really enjoy inventory and distribution? Yeah, I dunno) and when I went back to nursing/vet retail OMG my feet hurt, just from standing and walking all day.

OK, I have found a way to complain about people without writing a novel. Out of 9 people I spend time with on the regular, 2 of them have displayed various amounts of racism about our Chinese lecturer, 2 of them were talking about how it’s not fair there are less scholarships for white men (these are white women FYI), 1 of them used the word “rape” as a metaphor and 1 of them today was talking about sterilising unemployed people.

Does everyone in the world suck? I tend to be pretty outspoken and will argue with people but shrink in the face of “I have to tell them they suck” so basically I’ve just started getting quieter and avoiding people. Do not like.

Kim:

I prefer to hypothetical that part away 🙂

LOL!

Fibi:

Two things.

Being a cashier involves standing?

What?

Is that an American thing, like the job is to help you sort and pack or do they move around? When I did it ( and when my sis does ) there was-is chairs. Been the case in every supermarket I’ve seen. I do dimly remember you lovely USians standing a lot when I toured the northern 11 states, but…. Yeah? Cashiers stand? I hope that doesn’t sound like a stupid, sarcastic question. But cashiers stand?

Nope. It’s Australian as well. Never seen anyone at a supermarket check-out sitting down, and only rarely at any other shops. When I worked at the Museum of Victoria, my team leader told me about how the security staff used to be assigned to one gallery for three months at a time (think about how goddamned boring that is – all day in the one room, nothing to do, nobody in there mostly) and were not allowed to sit down at all.

hrovitnir:

Does everyone in the world suck?

Mammotheers don’t! 🙂

@hrovitnir
It sucks that you are surrounded by people like that 🙁

I have a similar problem with a woman I work with. She is a walking MRA stereotype saying all the things MRAs say women say and generalising them to all women. And she has absolutely no awareness of there being anything wrong with her attitude. It’s very frustrating to listen to.

Kim – gah, my sister and BiL are like that with racism. Only good thing I can say is that they will generally avoid the topic when I’m there, ‘cos they know our politics and views on these things are poles apart.

sorry Kitteh, I don’t understand – I can’t picture what the equivalent for racism would look like…

to clarify, today she was saying how a guy should pay for dinner always, and how she’s ok with not being respected to get a free dinner, and how he might get some ‘dessert’ in return. And has made comments before about why would women be with a guy like that – oh, he might be rich etc.

gah, the words – they taunt me. “women be with a guy like that” was separate to my first sentence. Basically saying that she’d be with a guy she didn’t like if he were rich, and implying all women are the same way.

It wasn’t so much a direct comparison, Kim (that would mean internalised racism on sister and BiL’s part), just the “I am so sick of listening to this shit” part of it. Sorry, didn’t make that clear at all!

Fair enough kitteh. Glad you’ve got them to be quiet around you at least. I tried the “just don’t say it where I can hear” and “it’s not appropriate for the workplace” but the kind of sexism/gender policing they do is so commonplace it’s me who looks like the rude one for mentioning it, you know what I mean?

Oh yeah, she’s really young (she still counts by MRA standards) but my older co-worker chipped in with she expects men to pay too “maybe she’s just old-fashioned”. Not that there is anything wrong with expecting men to pay if that’s the kind of relationship dynamic you want – it’s just frustrating how it’s just one more little thing perpetuating negative attitudes in society.

NB: after the stress of today I bought some strawberries and lime and made myself that infusion drink I mentioned in the dive bar thread. It was really good, but I am now somewhat under the influence.

Does anyone else ever call anyone out for being this kind of stereotype? Or should everyone be allowed to be a stereotype if they want, without criticism, even if it does reinforce negative opinions by outsiders?

I don’t know any women who fit the sexist stereotypes, let alone defend them. I did call out my former boss when he’d call someone obnoxious a b*tch or cow or whatever. Dunno if it sank in – probably not – but he didn’t get defensive about it, at any rate.

I do say something to Mum if she lets something sexist or homophobic slip. It’ll be low-level stuff and doesn’t happen often.

That could be partly because we’re more likely to be talking about the kitties than anything else, of course. 😛

@Unimaginative

Oh my god, if that was included in my work’s dress code, I would never complain about the dress code again. ALL THE ENVY! And you look lovely

Thank you! It takes a lot of horn polish to get the horns to shine that much.

@hrotvinir:

Does everyone in the world suck?

I’m not sure that’s the case, even if it seems like it. I think sometimes lots of folks are pretty cool.

Does everyone in the world suck?

I’m not sure that’s the case, even if it seems like it. I think sometimes lots of folks are pretty cool.

I used to be a very cynical person who believed that people sucked a lot, not just a little.

For the last decade I’ve been part of a volunteer fire department.

About 87% of all firefighters in the United States are volunteer. They do that thing, where they run into burning buildings to save people? For no money. For no reward. Because people need saving.

And sometimes, when everybody in the world seems to suck, that’s an important reminder to me that lots of people, even people who maybe aren’t 100% nice or believe things that are awful are still selfless enough to run into a burning building to save somebody’s life.

I have an opinion and I want to know if it’s unreasonable or oversensitive. I’m not sure how aware people are of entertainment news, but Jonah Hill is currently in a bit of hot water for calling a paparazzi who was stalking him a f – (anti-gay slur.) He apologized profusely and it sounds sincere, but I’m a little annoyed that people are readily giving him a free pass because he was just angry and frustrated at being harassed.

The whole Elliot Rodger thing and the negative reaction to #YesAllWomen and the other conversations women had about misogyny have a lot to do with it.

I’ll just copy paste my comment on Jezebel because I’m lazy.

I think because of the Elliot Rodgers thing I’m feeling inclined to side eye a lot of the people giving Jonah Hill a pass because he was just mad and frustrated. How many whiny dudes came into spaces like to complain we were so mean and man hating for being upset at all the misogyny in our culture and using or discussing the #YesAllWomen thing?

I know the two incidents seem entirely unrelated, but after a week and a half of being told we weren’t allowed to be angry and being falsely accused of hating men, it feels so off to me that everyone is so eager to give a man a pass for a) being angry and b) actually saying something hateful.

Is it just me? Am I being unreasonable to connect these things?

It seems like such a double standard that Jonah Hill is allowed to react with anger at something pretty minor and we’re not allowed to be angry at something major.

@WWTH, I think you are being totally reasonable.THere is a clear double standard between the oppressed and oppressor. The oppressed much always appear happy and positive, must never get angry or emotional or frustrated, or those will be taken as signs of weakness or emotional or mental instability. Whereas the oppressing class can shrug off hateful speech as “I was angry” or “I was tired” (don’t ask how many UKIP policiticians used that one in the UK over the past month) and know both that it will be accepted as an excuse and they will not be judged for it.

Thanks,

This whole thing has just gotten to me so much. Not even the shooting itself, although that was upsetting enough. The reaction to it. The threat so many so called male allies made that our anger and out impatience at not all men arguments would cost us their support.

I’m just not having it right now.

@weirwoodtreehugger: What titianblue said. One way in which privilege makes itself apparent is in the way it makes the privileged seem more sympathetic and human when losing their temper, while a person without said privilege “is perpetuating the image of angry man-hating feminist woman/reverse-racist black person/hetero-hating gay person/cisphobic trans person/whatever” and is therefore just as bad as (if not worse than!) the people they’re criticising. Another way of saying: “Why are you so meeeeaaaan?”

In my experience, there seems to be an “angry and hateful” stereotype for almost every group imaginable, except straight white cis men, who are, naturally, “only human” when getting angry. Apparently nobody else is human.

The whole “he was mentally ill!” crap with ER was just that, I think – when a hateful, privileged person goes too far with his entitlement-born anger, when no apology in the world would cut it even if it was offered, we can just cut said person off and say he never was one of us, he was always part of this other group. Us, we are so plucky and sympathetic and adorably human.

Fuck that noise.

Hope that didn’t come off as mansplainy. Sort of a teal deer way of saying no, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.

@hrovitnir

I am probably an extrovert, but with social anxiety and massive trust issues. Recently it seems like all of the people I hang out with at school want to air their bigotry and it’s making me feel like I don’t want to get to know anyone off the internet because they’re all just waiting to drop awfulness on me. 🙁

yeah, I’ve been having that problem too in meatspace 🙁

@kim

Does anyone else ever call anyone out for being this kind of stereotype? Or should everyone be allowed to be a stereotype if they want, without criticism, even if it does reinforce negative opinions by outsiders?

Idk. I haven’t had a job in a while. But I know my stepmom had lots of ‘well I’m just oldfashioned’ sayings before she revealed herself to be all around terrible, so the ‘just old fashioned’ thing makes me suspicious.’

I would go with ‘so long as you realize not everyone wants that’ or ‘so long as you don’t excpet everyone else to want what you want’ if that makes sense?

@weirdwoodtreehugger

It seems like such a double standard that Jonah Hill is allowed to react with anger at something pretty minor and we’re not allowed to be angry at something major.

you’re right, it is a double standard. :/ And I don’t think you’re being oversensitive.

The whole “he was mentally ill!” crap with ER was just that, I think – when a hateful, privileged person goes too far with his entitlement-born anger, when no apology in the world would cut it even if it was offered, we can just cut said person off and say he never was one of us, he was always part of this other group. Us, we are so plucky and sympathetic and adorably human.

Yep. I’m encountering this again and again with a friend who keeps saying Rodger was “just a monster.” And I agree that he was monstrous, but it bothers me that people keep treating him like some anomaly instead of a product of a really messed up culture.

Wow, this place has been busy while I was in the middle of the woods without internet for five blissful days.

I’m officially engaged ya’ll! Slipped the question into a ‘big life changes and future’ conversation whilst roasting fresh corn over an open fire. Lol. I was so nervous, but super excited when he said yes!

I have silly pictures from the trip, but first I think I need to go play catch up around here. So many posts, so many trolls, so little time!

The whole “he was mentally ill!” crap with ER was just that, I think – when a hateful, privileged person goes too far with his entitlement-born anger, when no apology in the world would cut it even if it was offered, we can just cut said person off and say he never was one of us, he was always part of this other group. Us, we are so plucky and sympathetic and adorably human.

It was exactly the same thing with Breivik. And if you point out to people going on about how he was “obviously a psycho” that a person can do terrible things without being mentally ill, you always get the response “don’t tell me that you think that’s sane behaviour!” in a tone that indicates that you were defending the behaviour by pointing out that it needn’t be caused by mental illness.

@fromafar

I’m officially engaged ya’ll! Slipped the question into a ‘big life changes and future’ conversation whilst roasting fresh corn over an open fire. Lol. I was so nervous, but super excited when he said yes!

yay! 😀 Congrats

fibinachi

Is that an American thing, like the job is to help you sort and pack or do they move around? When I did it ( and when my sis does ) there was-is chairs. Been the case in every supermarket I’ve seen

It seems to be a thing i’ve noticed wherei go to grocery stores or other places with cashiers. I think there is an option to do it sitting if you are disabled, because they generally have to provide reasonable accommodations for completing work, but i don’t know how you would do it if you have some standing issues but aren’t considered disabled. It would make sense to let people sit down while doing it, rather than being in pain/ exertion.

kittehserf

Also ::fistbumps:: from another person who doesn’t have any away-from-keyboard friends around.

me either. 😛 i used to hate it and think i was weird or a loser, but now I realize, hey that’s the easier way for me to interact and I’m not going to act like my online friends are any less real than meatspace friends just because we can’t talk face to face 🙂

kim

. She is a walking MRA stereotype saying all the things MRAs say women say and generalising them to all women. And she has absolutely no awareness of there being anything wrong with her attitude. It’s very frustrating to listen to.

Now i”m wondering if you’ve ment my stepmom. X| idk if she’d be a walking MRA stereotype, but if you wanted to imagine how she sounds, just imagine the most stereotypical, bigoted republican (USAian) who thinks that they’re somehow not bigoted

to clarify, today she was saying how a guy should pay for dinner always, and how she’s ok with not being respected to get a free dinner, and how he might get some ‘dessert’ in return.

okay, nevermind. stepmom would probably just expect the guy to pay for dinner but do it herself if it comes up, while dissing all of the girls who also expected that while making herself sound like the Ultimate Female Who Is Not Like Those Other Evil Skanks Who Have No Self Respect

WWTH

Is it just me? Am I being unreasonable to connect these things?

it’s not unreasonable. The anger of the privileged is always explained away, but if marginalized people get upset about being second class citizens it’s “hate begets hate” or w/e.

fromafar

I’m officially engaged ya’ll! Slipped the question into a ‘big life changes and future’ conversation whilst roasting fresh corn over an open fire. Lol. I was so nervous, but super excited when he said yes!

Congratulations!!

Updates in my life:

I had a really stressful semester during the spring. I decided to take four classes, because two and a half (one was really small) left me bored. But four classes was waaaaaaay too much and i got stressed out all the time. next semester i have down for only three regular sized, so hopefully that will be relaxing

Yay happy news! Congratulations fromafar. ^_^

@Howard Bannister: heh, that is an excellent example because my first thought is “isn’t it great that you *need* a vast majority of fire fighters to be volunteers? Not cool.”

I do need to find a way to see good things – I know they’re there the same way the bad things are there (in people), but my brain is very focussed on the bad. It’s just exhausting watching pretty kind and open minded people find their niche of hating people/willful ignorance (wrt rape jokes) and wave it about like a flag.

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