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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: Very Belated May 2014 Edition

Le chien, so chic
Le chien, so chic

An open thread for personal stuff, continuing from here.

As usual for these threads: no trolls, no arguments.

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kittehserf
7 years ago

I’d be interested to hear what people here think of “handicapped” as a term, too.

Ally S
7 years ago

I’m not Marie, but as I understand it, the term “handicapped” is an inappropriate descriptor for disabled people. It tends to exaggerate the extent of people’s disabilities in a way that encourages others to treat people with disabilities as a monolithic group.

Luzbelitx
7 years ago

@kittehserf (and all)

I <3 LOVE <3 seeing Ian and Patrick together. Here's a picture of them at the legendary Stonewall inn

http://uploads.neatorama.com/images/posts/687/70/70687/1396127854-0.jpg

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

I don’t like handicapped but I dislike handicapable and differently abled more. So condescending! In my personal opinion anyway.

pecunium
7 years ago

I’m mixed. I have a disability. It’s a handicap. It makes some things harder. The problem with it (and with so many words) is that it’s used with ill intent. It has acquired negative connotations.

What I don’t like (hate, in fact, with a passion) is the valorisation of disability. The, “noble struggle” against it. Bullshit. It’s not that. I’m living my life. My life is sometimes hard. So, actually, is the life of Kareem Abdul Jabbar. That he doesn’t have an obvious (well, I don’t either, but you know what I mean) disability doesn’t mean his height doesn’t make parts of his life more difficult.

Same for me. Same for anyone with a disability. Same for everyone.

Am I, “just like everyone else”? No. Should society make some accommodations for me? Yeah. Because, unlike Kareem, I have hurdles which impair my ability to perform some everyday functions. And not making those accommodations relegates me to a second class status I don’t deserve. I’m still a human being, and deserving of all the respect any human being should get. Making it harder for me (and impossible for some) to live the life anyone else gets, by default, is a moral wrong, and so should be prevented.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Congrats, Pecunium!

girlscientist
girlscientist
7 years ago

Congratulations, Pecunium!

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
7 years ago

My understanding of “handicapped” is that it’s (1) outdated and (2) one of those words that well-meaning liberals came up with for the group in question rather than the group themselves.

Y’all might like this new web series I found: My Gimpy Life. This one is especially relevant to Pecunium’s comment:

And for everyone else, in case you missed it in the other thread: Sir Ian and Sir Patrick play the Newlywed Game:

Myoo
Myoo
7 years ago

Congratulations on the wedding, Pecunium.

Ally S
7 years ago

I’m so happy for my mom. She just got done reading Redefining Realness by Janet Mock, and it has really changed her perspective on a lot of things. A few days before she finished it, she told me that she now has a better understanding of why so many trans women choose to transition. She even told me “I wish I had the money to pay for all of your hormones.” This, coming from the same person who is normally averse to medication in general for personal reasons and projects her aversion onto a lot of people.

And she also talked about how she doesn’t understand why trans girls aren’t considered girls in the first place. I told her about the plight of trans women who don’t fit within the heteronormative framework, and she understood me. It’s not like I need her to be my ideological twin or anything (and the very thought of me thinking I need her to be that is appalling), but it makes me so happy to see how readily she understands my point of view despite being white and cis. I admit it’s making me cry a bit right now, in a good way. I’m just so glad I have her as my mom.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@hrovitnir

Marie – what’s your opinion on the word “handicapped”? I have a friend who’s a teacher aid for kids with autism, she really loves them, but I got the distinct impression “handicapped” was not a word of preference with most disabled people. She did *not* respond well when I said that (so sad, because I felt like the fact I brought it up showed a lot of trust that she would not be a dick. Wrong. :/ )

hmm I don’t feel like the most qualified person to answer this, since I’m always unsure if I count as disabled. I’ve got lots of mental problems (anxiety, depression and panic attacks) which keep me from work/school atm. And I’ve been diagnosed with some “mild” kind of autism, but haven’t looked into it more.

Personally I don’t like it. I’d just say ‘disabled people’.

I asked Fade*. She says she doesn’t care if other disabled people use it, but it’s weird when abled people use it.

*haha I may have also accidentally led her to this thread but that’s a good thing XD

@weirdwoodtreehugger

I don’t like handicapped but I dislike handicapable and differently abled more. So condescending! In my personal opinion anyway.

Ooooh yes I despise differently abled and handicapable.

To quote my sister “I’m not differently abled. Superman is differently abled. I’m just disabled.”

@Ally

Yay! Glad to hear your mom is getting more understanding! 😀

Fade
Fade
7 years ago

@pecunium

congrats on your wedding!

@kittehserf

I’d be interested to hear what people here think of “handicapped” as a term, too.

if abled people use it it’s a little weird (tho i don’t generally mind if they aren’t being condescending).

Re: not a word of preference with most disabled people

yeah, it is seen as kind of out dated. Lots the disabled people i talk to don’t like it. i just don’t mind it too much… idk why

wwth

I don’t like handicapped but I dislike handicapable and differently abled more.

oh god i haaaaaaaaaaaaaate differently abled and handicapable. handicapable is only acceptable when you’re joking around w/ other disabled people (i can see myself using it in a joking term at least XP)

@ally

im glad to hear your mom is being more understanding

pecunium
7 years ago

Call me “differently abled” and I’ll show you some of those differences.

I guess I don’t call myself handicapped. I say I’m disabled, or have a disability.

That mine is invisible doesn’t help.

I got told to “calm down”, and “watch my language” at the SF Maker Fair when some dude tried to tell me I was a fraud, and was stealing from the gov’t because I get a compensation check from the Army (it’s complicated, the Army gives me a percentage of what my retirement would have been; on the theory that being disabled prevented me from completing 20 years).

He told me I “hadn’t earned” that compensation.

We were in line for a really cool maze (three-dimensional, completely dark), so I was sort of stuck. I lost it. I confess to using “rude” language, and being loud, and emotional. I was livid. On so many levels I was pissed off.

Some other fucker tried to tell me I wasn’t taking proper consideration of the children.

I told them off too, but a bit less forcefully.

The asshole, and his friend (who, did take him away, so some credit there), weren’t called out at all (the friend hadn’t taken him away when the complaint came). Nope, telling someone they are a fraud, and that no one who can answer phones is truly “disabled”, and so we ought to let them starve, that was totes cool.

Telling such a person they are fucking asshole… beyond the pale.

Sorry, didn’t realise I was going to vent. Time to get some coffee.

pecunium
7 years ago

Wait… I just got the handicap able.

No.
Fuck no.
Hell Fucking No.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@pecunium

I got told to “calm down”, and “watch my language” at the SF Maker Fair when some dude tried to tell me I was a fraud, and was stealing from the gov’t because I get a compensation check from the Arm

wow. Christ, what an asshole

The asshole, and his friend (who, did take him away, so some credit there), weren’t called out at all (the friend hadn’t taken him away when the complaint came). Nope, telling someone they are a fraud, and that no one who can answer phones is truly “disabled”, and so we ought to let them starve, that was totes cool.

Telling such a person they are fucking asshole… beyond the pale.

That sucks 🙁 Internet hugs, if you want any.

hrovitnir
hrovitnir
7 years ago

OK, that’s what I thought. Basically she got super insulted when I said that it’s generally fallen out of favour and tried to act like it was because I’m from NZ (er, mostly got this impression from US blogs…) That was years ago.

Yesterday, she was talking about wanting to take her favourite kid to an amusement park because he likes rollercoasters, she said that she’d be able to skip lines with the handicap ticket and “sorry, that’s what we use here ;)”. -_- (a) I don’t actually have a problem with it in that context because that’s what it called. (b) Fuck your patronising shit. I heard people with actual disabilities (as opposed to abled caregivers) say they had a problem with it; sorry you can’t handle that.

It’s not as clear cut as, say, people refusing to believe G**sy is a slur despite all evidence. Obviously not everyone objects. But you should still make an effort to listen. 🙁 (She really loves her job and “her kids” so I can live with it but it makes me sad.)

And yes, handicapable etc, ew. I find it impossible to believe anyone likes that patronising crap. (Don’t see myself as disabled, struggled/ing a lot with mental health, for context.)

hrovitnir
hrovitnir
7 years ago

Holy shit, pecunium, that is next level awful. The children would benefit from seeing you’re allowed to be angry at someone disrespecting you so horribly. EUGH.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

Massive hug pile here! Come and get your hugs! —————-> <3 HUGS! <3

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: pecunium

Just to check in… I am now married.

Mazel tov! *throws confetti*

What I don’t like (hate, in fact, with a passion) is the valorisation of disability.

UGH I HATE THIS. It combines in really gross ways since I’m poor too, it becomes this whiplash of “you’re a leech on society/you’re so inspirational for me!”

RE: Ally

She just got done reading Redefining Realness by Janet Mock

I’ve got that on the sofa and have been reading it! I have to take it slow, but she’s one of the only stupid trans memoirs I can stand to read.

RE: disability euphemisms

I LOATHE “differently abled” and “handicapable,” but I’m a little in a different category, since my disability is mental, not physical, so those terms aren’t pointed at me the same way.

I sometimes get the folks who think I’m some kinda magical unicorn person who was given divine wisdom because of my brain. It tends to really dampen their parade when I pull the, “You wanna know how I got these scars?” act on them.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: My Gimpy Life

I really enjoyed that! And actually really understood that. Being treated as a magical unicorn person SUCKS. (And god, what is it WITH abled people asking us if we can have sex? You aren’t my husband! None of your business!)

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

Sorry for the OT, but I just took my panic pill and am feeling kinda loop.

Is that normal?

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

Okay guys, sorry again for the derail, but how can I tell if I’m high? This is a serious question I feel really weird right now.

cloudiah
7 years ago

Marie, have you taken the pill before and been fine, or is this a new med?

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@cloudiah

I’ve taken the pill, but it’s been a few days since I had it last, and it’s the first time I’ve connected the current loopiness I have sometimes to the pill.

Plus I feel a little weirder than normal. Earlier it was kinda confusing to think some but now it’s that and really relaxed and just a bit slower tbh.

I don’t really know what’s happening. Uh, hence asking on open thread.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

What’s the pill? If it’s ativan or another benzodiazepine, you may feel a little loopy, but calmer.

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