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Open Thread for Personal Stuff: January 2014 Pretty Cats Make Hats Edition

Pretty Cats Make Hats
Pretty Cats Make Hats

As requested, an open thread. I’ll try to get these up more often in the future. This one will be overseen by Morrissey with a cat on his head.

No trolls, no arguments.

562 replies on “Open Thread for Personal Stuff: January 2014 Pretty Cats Make Hats Edition”

Ally, you got out! Hadn’t been following this thread at all, just catching up now. It’s great that your dad’s reaction was less awful than expected, but given his past behavior it still makes sense to be wary and cautious. Just because you have to plan for the worst doesn’t mean you can’t hope for the best, though – maybe realizing that he might lose you will encourage him to stop being such a shithead.

Ally, I hope by the time you read this you have had a good night’s sleep. You’ve been under a lot of stress, which you’ve handled with bravery and grace. I’m so glad that you’re with katz, since that means you’re with someone good and decent, who cares about you. (As we all do — but I’m so glad that katz was in a position to help out very concretely.)

Love and hugs, if they’re wanted.

I can’t go to sleep right now. I’m too anxious. And I feel like such a horrible person for not talking to my dad via phone, even though he’s being invasive.

On a lighter note, last night I had a dream in which I came out to my dad, and in response he told me “I know who made you like this! He is a man who has been refuted many times over. His name is Michel Foucault!” I’m still trying to understand that dream.

Ally, you’re not a horrible person for not wanting to talk to your abuser.

Repeat and rinse.

Even if he wasn’t the shitstain he is, since when is “not wanting to talk to someone” a sign of being a horrible person?

LOL about Foucault, though. I can’t think of him without seeing Dead Philosophers in Heaven cartoons.

Ally S, when you have something important to tell someone who may not take it well, it can really help to communicate by email/text rather than by phone. They don’t get to interrupt or derail you, mid conversation. You don’t have to worry about getting emotional or having to take a break to think about what else you want to say.

But most importantly, you can write down what you want to say, -reread and edit it to make sure it really does convey what you want it to convey. And not have to explain things off-the-cuff which can be difficult at the best of times and even more so when something means a hell of a lot to you. There is no shame in not phoning. And given your father’s subsequent behaviour, it was the right way to go.

Now any further communication can be at your pace, not his. You have let yourself have the control in this discourse – it probably feels strange because usually your father is the one with the power in your relationship and all your life you’ve thought of that as the norm.

But now you are an adult. You’re not being rude, disrespectful or nasty, choosing how and when you do or do not communicate with your father. You’re just exercising your rights as an adult.

Damn, Ally, I’m sorry he’s doing this to you. Hug Katz’s kitties and remember that a bunch of people are rooting for you 🙂

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