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alpha males irony alert it's science! masculinity PUA

The Most Alpha Male Book Cover Ever?

Out of my way, puny beta fountain!
Out of my way, puny beta fountain!

This is the actual cover for a little self-published alpha-male how-to book I found on Amazon, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more awesome book cover in my life.

I mean, let’s just start with the fact that becoming an Alpha Male apparently makes you literally a giant, and somehow in the process removes any shadows or reflections that you might have previously cast upon the world. And it makes you irresistible to similarly gigantic women, provided they are standing at an angle that bears no relation to earth gravity and lit by their own light source.

And then there’s the weirdly ambiguous title of the book, which suggests you are becoming an Alpha Male for other men.

The book description is pretty awesome as well.

HOW TO BECOME AN ALPHA MALE FOR TODAY’S MAN. How to become an alpha male is the trending topic among men all across the world today. In this book you will find an easy to follow simplified guide to transforming into the man whom women are diligently seeking after but fail to find.

Why would you want to turn yourself into a man the women can’t find?

This informative book will satisfy your quest for who you are. You are an alpha male who deserves the excitement and pleasure and all the luxuries the life of an alpha male have to offer.

Like the luxury of expanding to THREE TIMES NORMAL HUMAN SIZE!

You will find proven techniques that will save you valuable time and money also sure fire methods that will guarantee promising results. Based on extensive and expensive field research the author T.Mills have scientifically gathered useful data that have been tried and tested with striking results.

Apparently he never tried and tested his promotional copy with a copy editor, though.

After reading this book you will find yourself excited about becoming an alpha male. Imagine being in control of unlimited pleasure. Your desires fulfilled simply by applying these step by step methods. Having your way in every situation without worrying about the threat of opposition. This is the life of an alpha male. How To Become An Alpha Male For Today’s Man contains the necessary tools in an intimate one on one encounter within this book.

Wait, what? Is he suggesting that we … have sex with the book?

Because that works for me. This book cover is just that irresistible.

I might even have to procure this work of literature and read it, or something.

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kittehserf
8 years ago

(It was all the funnier/stranger ‘cos back in the day, he was a gun-collector, the first major one in Europe, at least. He had hundreds, now scattered around the museums of the world. I was thinking “I know he hasn’t got any stashed away in the workshop …”)

katz
8 years ago

Oh haha of course you were confused then.

kittehserf
8 years ago

Slightly more’n usual!

Okay, I better head off to do dinnery things. Been awake since 4am and like a delicate bloom, I iz wilting something chronic.

Later!

hokesone
hokesone
8 years ago

“p.s. kittehs, come play on reddit. Start with againstmensrights. You’ll have fun; they’re really nice. XD”

this! it’s my second home outside of SRS.

also now i’m trying to guess who cloudiah is… if only people could be as irresponsible as me and use the same username basically everywhere!

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
8 years ago

Oh, LBT. As another SSI recipient, I was afraid this would happen to you, just didn’t want to say anything to burst your bubble.

The amount I get is not enough to live on in NY State, either, which is one of the most generous states in the Union to my knowledge. I have really obsessively scrupulous habits and managed to move into a very reasonably-priced room in a friend’s apartment, but am now being forced to move out of it and have no real idea what to do. Other than become a very dignified and classy transient again, hope real hard that my back holds up, and try to make the most of it.

I hope you can find a decent situation too, and I wish the system didn’t suck so bad. If only the Feminist Furrinati would get to work on completely overthrowing it soon, ‘cuz it sure ain’t working out too well — and that’s a feature, not a bug.

leftwingfox
8 years ago

By the way, anyone able to recommend a nice, laid-back GuildWars2 guild?

I rarely play, but it’s looking like I’m going to have to bail out of my existing guild due to another SJ failure/blowup/blowout.

leftwingfox
8 years ago

Wrong thread. Sorry for the derail necro.

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
8 years ago

PS: there is nothing wrong with being an undignified, classless transient either (other than the way other people treat you, which is on them), or with sitting down on the floor and bawling for a while instead of making the most of anything (as I just did).

Having emotions is absolutely okay, even if those emotions are sad or angry or generally unpretty. When those unpretty emotions are in response to injustice and systemic inequality, that’s even more okay: it’s to be expected, it’s normal, it’s *right.* It’s great when it can spur an individual to action, but it’s also totally fine when it drives an individual to lay down and weep. Sometimes it goes back and forth for the same individual, and that’s fine too.

Just everyone’s daily reminder, in case you need it. And also the articulation of another reason I hate “The Secret” — not to mention this rapey hypnotize-your-way-into-her-panties imagine-yourself-an-alpha shit.

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

RE: guffaw-ferrets

Thankfully, I’ve calmed down a bit now. Annoying as this is, it doesn’t impact our immediate plans (which are hitting the road and traveling for a few months), and when we become homeless again, it WILL get racked up to a livable amount. I am only immensely thankful that I am good at living on very little. I don’t know how anyone with higher medical expenses than me makes it happen, though. (It doesn’t help that the Boston area is apparently the most expensive place in the USA, besides San Francisco.)

As it is, we’ll be okay, and I’m immensely relieved to not have to worry quite so much anymore.

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
8 years ago

Sorry to necro the thread, but:

LBT: SSI is increased when you’re indigent? I had no idea, having never had luck with telling them “I’m homeless and traveling from state to state right now.”

Argenti: re, social anxiety — I just get nervous around people because I’m not what anyone expects, they can’t pin me down with labels that are correct and thus often ascribe incorrect thoughts or motives to me, and I feel like I let them down in some way. It’s really, really hard for me to get to know anyone at all. /waah waah angsty PTSD

But I’m really glad you and pecunium have a great friendship and are close, it is awesome to have someone like that in your life!

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

RE: guffaw-ferrets

SSI is increased when you’re indigent? I had no idea, having never had luck with telling them “I’m homeless and traveling from state to state right now.”

Welllllll. SORTA. ~$700 is the max; nothing will make it go higher. However, I’m not getting the max right now; I’m getting ~$500, or will once it comes in. Hopefully, with the help of my lawyer, I can file the correct paperwork when I become homeless again. I don’t plan to mention I’m traveling, because I’ll keep my mailing address here, and I plan to return here. The LAST thing I want is to cause a paperwork clusterfuck due to moving states!

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Guffaw — honestly, I think that’s part of it — between him being the non-judgmental sort (I realize you’d never know it from he way he replies to trolls) and, you know he’s former military right?, I guess that actually doesn’t come up terribly often around here so maybe you didn’t…anyways, I’m not exactly the first traumatized person he’s known (gah, saying PTSD doesn’t bother me, saying traumatized does)

But even then…took awhile for me to trust him, and meeting him in person to decide that that was actually a safe enough idea.

And, really tangentially, I’m all meeeeeh lately and can’t sort out WHY, and that’s just making it bug me more.

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

RE: Argenti

That’s funny. I’m totally fine with saying ‘traumatized’ but ‘PTSD’? NOOOOOOO!

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

$700…?

But…that’s…

The fucking fuck my fucking psych.

That’s their definition of…those fucking fuckers.

Ok, calm.

The most I made at a job that didn’t make me want to kill myself was $600~, and, as a student with loans, I didn’t qualify for food stamps. $550~ rent, $600 income, no food stamps. Potentially more than $600, and qualifying for food stamps, is supposed to be unbearable? Compared to being all suicidal and shit?

LBT — you know your “are you dangerous? Well I am now”? Yeah, I am now.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

LBT — it wasn’t remotely the context in which he said it, but pecunium noted it falls under “things done to me” which is the part I can’t handle. PTSD is a label in a textbook for an exam I aced, it’s all clinical and removed and something I studied in college and not inherently about me. Clearly YMMV.

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
8 years ago

Well … potentially more than $600, plus qualifying for food stamps, IS kind of unbearable. In that even such an amount of money means a lo-ot of worrying and stress and shuffling and self-denial.
BUT, it’s better than less than that, and it’s sooooo much better than nothing. And/or wondering where your next check is coming from or what you’re going to have to do to get it. So yeah, your psych can stuff it and you should apply.

(Generally people who are used to making a LOT more money than that are the ones who are willing to say “wow, that’s unbearable”, of course. My ex does that all the time, then complains about being really poor on *twice* my income. Not impressed with that kind of shit. Like I said: it’s still hard, but it’s so much better than the alternatives.)

I am always very careful about my mailing addresses also. It can be really, REALLY complicated even doing simple things that other people take for granted, like “leaving state to visit my mom temporarily.” But again, just to drive that point home: way better than nothing.

And: in my early days of lurking, I actually thought pecunium might have been one of my (favorite) high school teachers before I saw his photo. My former teacher was ex-military (his service was still classified when he taught us, but we knew it was intelligence-related) and a world traveler. He was a little libertarian-leaning at the time, but one of the most keenly intelligent people I’ve ever known, and who knows what nine years can teach a person.
So yeah, we may have divergent viewpoints and some slightly divergent politics, but I ain’t got an ax to grind with pecunium at all. I’m genuinely glad the two of you have each other, and the point about ex-military understanding trauma makes a lot of sense! I’ve known a lot of ex-military buttholes, but how someone comes out of war is contingent on how they go in, and the bad ones just make the good ones easier to appreciate.

pecunium
8 years ago

re the rain: I expected to get wet. What I didn’t remember to do was plan for a wet shirt. The hat is horsehair felt, it doesn’t care about getting wet. That’s actually something I try to do to it a couple of times a year (helps it recover it’s shape).

If I’m really worried about getting wet, I wear a cloak.

Re SSDI: Can you arrange to have it Direct Deposited to a bank? And how it is it state-related? I thought it was federal, and (in part) based on one’s income status (a friend of mine was on it, and I think his SSDI was about 2,500 a month (before his actual SS kicked in when he hit 65, and it was (IIRC) reduced by the amount his SS was). He had two kids, and a wife though; and I don’t know how that affects the equation.

I know that my Disability Compensation from the VA is sent to my credit union, so when I moved I didn’t have to do anything.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Guffaw — I graduated 2003 — right as we invaded Iraq, I knew plenty of people who talked about signing up for revenge // vendetta // etc. Want to get pecunium talking military ethics, mention them or torture, he has choice words (well, assuming you might actually listen, that Asher was a lost cause was the lack of them yesterday). So yes, indeed, the counter to those assholes is refreshing.

As for SSI, I have applied, the psychs’ are currently refusing to fill out the paperwork for my lawyer. And having made more than that at one job, and said job making me fucking suicidal (I mean, trying to figure out if I could commit myself and if the 72 hour hold would be up in time not to miss work, because that was a less bearable thought than [insert suicide method here])

I want to move back to Pittsburgh, where that’s actually a fairly livable amount of money. So yeah, I could deal. Lack of speading money + not suicidal > spending money + suicidal (fairly obvious, and utterly lost on my psychs)

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

SSDI is depending on how much you paid in, for those of us too young to have paid in much and umployrd long enough for our age not to be a mitigating factor, it’s SSI (note the lack of D) — which has a straight cap on it. And I think they only do direct deposit these days, I know my former roommate got it that way and the lawyer asked for info to so that for mine (and FUCK I still have to deal with that, I think, goddamned motherfucking lack of memory)

It’s sorta state related in terms of cost of living and rent rates, in that having a lower rent means they’ll give you less, iirc.

And I offered you my outer shirt, it’d probably have fit! (I nuked that shirt after I got soaked yesterday, fun day) Also, I must see this cloak.

pecunium
8 years ago

Argenti: s I-beams or girders

Not quite. The question was I-Beams or Structual Steel: both are used a s girders.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

There was sorta a question in there and that was NOT it! Whatever, you running over to get a better look… 🙂

Wonder if anyone here believes me when I say you’re rather the goof, cuz Y SO SRS!?!?

(I’m cracking up, which, if you see your email, you’ll realize I needed, so thanks for that)

pecunium
8 years ago

It was. And I think they were probably I-beams, even though those are less common these days.

🙂

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Lol it was the question THEN! I meant here, you remember the name of it?

And I told you it was I-beams 😛

Nezumi
Nezumi
8 years ago

Sorry to post so late, but this cover and David’s description of it reminds me of one FATE in FFXIV where you have to take down an Alpha Anole, and it’s like ten times the size of a normal one. Boss variants of normal creatures, such as are frequently seen in FATEs, are usually similarly massive, but it’s usually explained as the creature being unusually old or powerful or a unique example of the species. Here, it’s just that being an alpha somehow makes you gigantic.

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