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The Most Alpha Male Book Cover Ever?

Out of my way, puny beta fountain!
Out of my way, puny beta fountain!

This is the actual cover for a little self-published alpha-male how-to book I found on Amazon, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more awesome book cover in my life.

I mean, let’s just start with the fact that becoming an Alpha Male apparently makes you literally a giant, and somehow in the process removes any shadows or reflections that you might have previously cast upon the world. And it makes you irresistible to similarly gigantic women, provided they are standing at an angle that bears no relation to earth gravity and lit by their own light source.

And then there’s the weirdly ambiguous title of the book, which suggests you are becoming an Alpha Male for other men.

The book description is pretty awesome as well.

HOW TO BECOME AN ALPHA MALE FOR TODAY’S MAN. How to become an alpha male is the trending topic among men all across the world today. In this book you will find an easy to follow simplified guide to transforming into the man whom women are diligently seeking after but fail to find.

Why would you want to turn yourself into a man the women can’t find?

This informative book will satisfy your quest for who you are. You are an alpha male who deserves the excitement and pleasure and all the luxuries the life of an alpha male have to offer.

Like the luxury of expanding to THREE TIMES NORMAL HUMAN SIZE!

You will find proven techniques that will save you valuable time and money also sure fire methods that will guarantee promising results. Based on extensive and expensive field research the author T.Mills have scientifically gathered useful data that have been tried and tested with striking results.

Apparently he never tried and tested his promotional copy with a copy editor, though.

After reading this book you will find yourself excited about becoming an alpha male. Imagine being in control of unlimited pleasure. Your desires fulfilled simply by applying these step by step methods. Having your way in every situation without worrying about the threat of opposition. This is the life of an alpha male. How To Become An Alpha Male For Today’s Man contains the necessary tools in an intimate one on one encounter within this book.

Wait, what? Is he suggesting that we … have sex with the book?

Because that works for me. This book cover is just that irresistible.

I might even have to procure this work of literature and read it, or something.

299 replies on “The Most Alpha Male Book Cover Ever?”

Argenti — even as a longtime veteran of MTA travel, I’ve been known to get on trains “backwards” and go the opposite way I need to be going. Especially if I have to be somewhere at a particular time and am nervous.

Fortunately I live at the last/first stop of my particular line, so I can never go the wrong way if I’m leaving from there. (I *have* actually missed my home stop by falling asleep so long that my train ended up going a few stops downtown again before I woke up, but that was also the day after I’d undergone a general anesthetic, so it was probably a special case.)

Also, if this was a thing anyone was wondering, I will probably never end up inviting myself to or organizing a meet-up, since social anxiety. But I wish really great times to everyone who does do it!

hrovitnir, sorry I derailed your train! It will be okay … this is morbid, but someday when my old man kicks off, I will be inheriting a fair amount of cash. Because did I mention, my dad is kinda flush? Which makes it extra shitty that he never supported my upbringing (after talking my mom into keeping me in the first place, since he was a cradle Catholic and didn’t want her to “kill his baby”, using some proto-MRA persuasive tactics about her denying him the chance to be a daddy especially in case he never had the chance to make another kid, and blah blah) and sent me a shitty self-help book instead of doing anything within his power to alleviate the resulting, ongoing situational/generational poverty.

I don’t like “The Secret.” I like what Kim said: it offers (usually already-rich) assholes a “cheat code for reality.”

Also, despite my cynicism, I did end up indirectly feeling really bad because of the advice in that book: because the fact that I did not succeed at attracting material wealth just served to further estrange me from my father, who kept patronizingly insisting I just wasn’t doing it right/trying hard enough. That reinforced my subconscious childhood belief that my dad didn’t support me because I was a shitty person who couldn’t do anything right and whp didn’t try hard enough — which in turn hurt my mom, because we never had any money because my dad wouldn’t support me, and so on and so forth. The rabbit hole of child neglect runs deep.

Overall my general policy is “fuck that guy in the ear”, but the shit can still get to you at a subliminal level. I’m over it now and have learned to deal with him when I have to, but the end point is: Magical thinking does no good for anyone. Maybe in some regards on an individual level, but on a social or collective level, hell no.

“Also, if this was a thing anyone was wondering, I will probably never end up inviting myself to or organizing a meet-up, since social anxiety.”

I Do. Not. Do. People. (Oh gods guys, among other stupid from my last psych session, social phobia but idk if you’re actually afraid, I have, quite seriously, had more productive conversations with the programmed “bots” from the days of DOS)

Anyways! I met LBT in Massive Public Place with my mother and totally wouldn’t have done the rest of the people solo, so meeting LBT was like “oh good, we can go find food and I can stop being surrounded by people!” (Not really, but watching ALL THE THINGS is easier when everyone is seated)

Pecunium…knows me in enough detail that if he ever decided to toy with my psyche he could destroy me, meeting him in person finally was…hmm…almost like seeing an old friend you haven’t seen in some time? Of course, my nerves had him spotting me half way down the platform the moment he got down the stairs enough to see the platform.

The point here is that I probably wouldn’t be doing this either if I didn’t already know both of them in person, and would’ve been totally screwed if pecunium hadn’t met me at the station (kitteh, that hat really is quite unique, I couldn’t have spotted him much more than a couple of seconds after he saw me)

LBT re: SSI — 20 months here, partly my own fault for not getting a lawyer sooner (pecunium remind me that this is why I should take your advice, though gods, we must’ve just started talking then, feels much longer go than it is) — but yeah, average is meaningless when it feels like they just want you to go die and stop being something they have to deal with. And if you want to try moving to solve the rent v SSI problem, the cost of living is part of why I loved Pittsburgh — I was comfortable on $7 an hour 20 hours a week (and really, had I not spent most of my time home high, I’d have been more than comfortable, seeing how I had money to nearly literally burn).

Like, you could easily find college students in want of another roommate, and other than frat boys I never had issues, and neither does Lorin, nor, for that matter, have I heard anything worse than non-cis women presenting as women getting harassed as women. I, obviously, can’t guarantee it, but you’d likely be fairly safe. Renting your own place solo…$500~600 studio? But I had everything but the ‘net included (and boy are free water and electricity lovely with the fish!)

Sorry, unsolicited advice is unsolicited, chalk it up to my love of that city and feel free to ignore me!


I’ve never really like the “blueprint” model, for several reasons. First, neither DNA nor development works like that. There’s no “blueprint”, just cells responding to the local environment in ways that eventually lead to a functioning adult organism.

I’ve always been more partial to the “cookbook” metaphor, especially for understanding genetic regulation in individual cells. Basically, the genome is a recipe book, with notes on when to make which recipes (=proteins and functional RNAs like tRNAs, etc.) and the environment “tells” the cell which proteins to make, which are translated via transcription factors (proteins that bind to DNA) or epigeneic mechanisms (which alter how available the DNA is for “reading”, kind of like gluing some pages shut, cracking the spines in several places, and putting in sticky notes would influences which recipes you cooked up.

When you have a bunch of those cells working together, you get a multicellular organism.

Argenti – “(kitteh, that hat really is quite unique, I couldn’t have spotted him much more than a couple of seconds after he saw me)”

Especially after the water reshaping! 😀

Also, I want to know what is it about biology that makes people who don’t know their reverse transcriptase from proto-oncogenes from a phospholipid think that they can use misunderstood physics/information theory to claim that biologists have it all wrong.

It is because biology is girly? It’s because it’s girly, isn’t it?

Wordsp1nner, I think there are some science concepts that people just don’t instinctively get; they automatically strike us as wrong and we go straight into “find problems with this theory” mode. Same reason people so often go off about higher mathematics and quantum physics and why there are at least two diametrically opposed belief sets that think the earth is young.

So anyways, guys. I’ve transferred to a college where I live on campus. I move in on Friday. My mom says she’s going to talk to me tomorrow, giving the typical warnings and advice that a parent would. The problem is, I just know she’s going to say some rape apologia, like she has a couple times in the past. Mainly saying things about false rape accusations and shit like “there is no innocent until proven guilty for rape.” Anyone got advice on what I should say to those?

Cthulhu’s Intern, what you say to your mother should probably depend on how financially or otherwise dependent you are on her goodwill. If you’re pretty secure, I would just give her a “citation needed/statement assumes facts not in evidence” line; if you’re pretty dependent, you could just listen silently.

Funny stuff: Apparently there’s a Wikipedia editor who is a fan of this blog, as Man Boobz is currently used as citations for two facts in the Controversial Reddit communities page:

It wasn’t me; I’m too lazy to edit Wikipedia in my spare time.

recent de-lurker checking in. mostly active on reddit (particularly in /r/againstmensrights)

re: that tumblr oppressed atheist

i’m pretty sure that was cooked up by the fine folks of /r/magicskyfairy, a subreddit devoted to making fun of internet atheists. they have a proud history of trolling atheist youtubers and atheist subreddits. if it had anything related to mountain dew: code red or socrates (their scented candles / female whore penguins) it would be a dead giveaway, but i’m still pretty sure it’s one of their creations.

RE: Ally

I saw your PM and responded! Thanks.

RE: Argenti

Moving is something I’ll do if I really have to, but Boston has been really useful for me in every way BUT financial. I got a good shrink here, good friends here, social events and useful things to do. Plus the health insurance. Gotta love the health insurance.

If I DO have to move though… I might hit Vermont. It’s so beautiful!

re: kitteh

thanks! i’m all up to speed. my dude-butt is aching from all the misandrist hard chairs.

(It was all the funnier/stranger ‘cos back in the day, he was a gun-collector, the first major one in Europe, at least. He had hundreds, now scattered around the museums of the world. I was thinking “I know he hasn’t got any stashed away in the workshop …”)

“p.s. kittehs, come play on reddit. Start with againstmensrights. You’ll have fun; they’re really nice. XD”

this! it’s my second home outside of SRS.

also now i’m trying to guess who cloudiah is… if only people could be as irresponsible as me and use the same username basically everywhere!

Oh, LBT. As another SSI recipient, I was afraid this would happen to you, just didn’t want to say anything to burst your bubble.

The amount I get is not enough to live on in NY State, either, which is one of the most generous states in the Union to my knowledge. I have really obsessively scrupulous habits and managed to move into a very reasonably-priced room in a friend’s apartment, but am now being forced to move out of it and have no real idea what to do. Other than become a very dignified and classy transient again, hope real hard that my back holds up, and try to make the most of it.

I hope you can find a decent situation too, and I wish the system didn’t suck so bad. If only the Feminist Furrinati would get to work on completely overthrowing it soon, ‘cuz it sure ain’t working out too well — and that’s a feature, not a bug.

By the way, anyone able to recommend a nice, laid-back GuildWars2 guild?

I rarely play, but it’s looking like I’m going to have to bail out of my existing guild due to another SJ failure/blowup/blowout.

PS: there is nothing wrong with being an undignified, classless transient either (other than the way other people treat you, which is on them), or with sitting down on the floor and bawling for a while instead of making the most of anything (as I just did).

Having emotions is absolutely okay, even if those emotions are sad or angry or generally unpretty. When those unpretty emotions are in response to injustice and systemic inequality, that’s even more okay: it’s to be expected, it’s normal, it’s *right.* It’s great when it can spur an individual to action, but it’s also totally fine when it drives an individual to lay down and weep. Sometimes it goes back and forth for the same individual, and that’s fine too.

Just everyone’s daily reminder, in case you need it. And also the articulation of another reason I hate “The Secret” — not to mention this rapey hypnotize-your-way-into-her-panties imagine-yourself-an-alpha shit.

RE: guffaw-ferrets

Thankfully, I’ve calmed down a bit now. Annoying as this is, it doesn’t impact our immediate plans (which are hitting the road and traveling for a few months), and when we become homeless again, it WILL get racked up to a livable amount. I am only immensely thankful that I am good at living on very little. I don’t know how anyone with higher medical expenses than me makes it happen, though. (It doesn’t help that the Boston area is apparently the most expensive place in the USA, besides San Francisco.)

As it is, we’ll be okay, and I’m immensely relieved to not have to worry quite so much anymore.

Sorry to necro the thread, but:

LBT: SSI is increased when you’re indigent? I had no idea, having never had luck with telling them “I’m homeless and traveling from state to state right now.”

Argenti: re, social anxiety — I just get nervous around people because I’m not what anyone expects, they can’t pin me down with labels that are correct and thus often ascribe incorrect thoughts or motives to me, and I feel like I let them down in some way. It’s really, really hard for me to get to know anyone at all. /waah waah angsty PTSD

But I’m really glad you and pecunium have a great friendship and are close, it is awesome to have someone like that in your life!

RE: guffaw-ferrets

SSI is increased when you’re indigent? I had no idea, having never had luck with telling them “I’m homeless and traveling from state to state right now.”

Welllllll. SORTA. ~$700 is the max; nothing will make it go higher. However, I’m not getting the max right now; I’m getting ~$500, or will once it comes in. Hopefully, with the help of my lawyer, I can file the correct paperwork when I become homeless again. I don’t plan to mention I’m traveling, because I’ll keep my mailing address here, and I plan to return here. The LAST thing I want is to cause a paperwork clusterfuck due to moving states!

Guffaw — honestly, I think that’s part of it — between him being the non-judgmental sort (I realize you’d never know it from he way he replies to trolls) and, you know he’s former military right?, I guess that actually doesn’t come up terribly often around here so maybe you didn’t…anyways, I’m not exactly the first traumatized person he’s known (gah, saying PTSD doesn’t bother me, saying traumatized does)

But even then…took awhile for me to trust him, and meeting him in person to decide that that was actually a safe enough idea.

And, really tangentially, I’m all meeeeeh lately and can’t sort out WHY, and that’s just making it bug me more.



The fucking fuck my fucking psych.

That’s their definition of…those fucking fuckers.

Ok, calm.

The most I made at a job that didn’t make me want to kill myself was $600~, and, as a student with loans, I didn’t qualify for food stamps. $550~ rent, $600 income, no food stamps. Potentially more than $600, and qualifying for food stamps, is supposed to be unbearable? Compared to being all suicidal and shit?

LBT — you know your “are you dangerous? Well I am now”? Yeah, I am now.

LBT — it wasn’t remotely the context in which he said it, but pecunium noted it falls under “things done to me” which is the part I can’t handle. PTSD is a label in a textbook for an exam I aced, it’s all clinical and removed and something I studied in college and not inherently about me. Clearly YMMV.

Well … potentially more than $600, plus qualifying for food stamps, IS kind of unbearable. In that even such an amount of money means a lo-ot of worrying and stress and shuffling and self-denial.
BUT, it’s better than less than that, and it’s sooooo much better than nothing. And/or wondering where your next check is coming from or what you’re going to have to do to get it. So yeah, your psych can stuff it and you should apply.

(Generally people who are used to making a LOT more money than that are the ones who are willing to say “wow, that’s unbearable”, of course. My ex does that all the time, then complains about being really poor on *twice* my income. Not impressed with that kind of shit. Like I said: it’s still hard, but it’s so much better than the alternatives.)

I am always very careful about my mailing addresses also. It can be really, REALLY complicated even doing simple things that other people take for granted, like “leaving state to visit my mom temporarily.” But again, just to drive that point home: way better than nothing.

And: in my early days of lurking, I actually thought pecunium might have been one of my (favorite) high school teachers before I saw his photo. My former teacher was ex-military (his service was still classified when he taught us, but we knew it was intelligence-related) and a world traveler. He was a little libertarian-leaning at the time, but one of the most keenly intelligent people I’ve ever known, and who knows what nine years can teach a person.
So yeah, we may have divergent viewpoints and some slightly divergent politics, but I ain’t got an ax to grind with pecunium at all. I’m genuinely glad the two of you have each other, and the point about ex-military understanding trauma makes a lot of sense! I’ve known a lot of ex-military buttholes, but how someone comes out of war is contingent on how they go in, and the bad ones just make the good ones easier to appreciate.

re the rain: I expected to get wet. What I didn’t remember to do was plan for a wet shirt. The hat is horsehair felt, it doesn’t care about getting wet. That’s actually something I try to do to it a couple of times a year (helps it recover it’s shape).

If I’m really worried about getting wet, I wear a cloak.

Re SSDI: Can you arrange to have it Direct Deposited to a bank? And how it is it state-related? I thought it was federal, and (in part) based on one’s income status (a friend of mine was on it, and I think his SSDI was about 2,500 a month (before his actual SS kicked in when he hit 65, and it was (IIRC) reduced by the amount his SS was). He had two kids, and a wife though; and I don’t know how that affects the equation.

I know that my Disability Compensation from the VA is sent to my credit union, so when I moved I didn’t have to do anything.

Guffaw — I graduated 2003 — right as we invaded Iraq, I knew plenty of people who talked about signing up for revenge // vendetta // etc. Want to get pecunium talking military ethics, mention them or torture, he has choice words (well, assuming you might actually listen, that Asher was a lost cause was the lack of them yesterday). So yes, indeed, the counter to those assholes is refreshing.

As for SSI, I have applied, the psychs’ are currently refusing to fill out the paperwork for my lawyer. And having made more than that at one job, and said job making me fucking suicidal (I mean, trying to figure out if I could commit myself and if the 72 hour hold would be up in time not to miss work, because that was a less bearable thought than [insert suicide method here])

I want to move back to Pittsburgh, where that’s actually a fairly livable amount of money. So yeah, I could deal. Lack of speading money + not suicidal > spending money + suicidal (fairly obvious, and utterly lost on my psychs)

SSDI is depending on how much you paid in, for those of us too young to have paid in much and umployrd long enough for our age not to be a mitigating factor, it’s SSI (note the lack of D) — which has a straight cap on it. And I think they only do direct deposit these days, I know my former roommate got it that way and the lawyer asked for info to so that for mine (and FUCK I still have to deal with that, I think, goddamned motherfucking lack of memory)

It’s sorta state related in terms of cost of living and rent rates, in that having a lower rent means they’ll give you less, iirc.

And I offered you my outer shirt, it’d probably have fit! (I nuked that shirt after I got soaked yesterday, fun day) Also, I must see this cloak.

There was sorta a question in there and that was NOT it! Whatever, you running over to get a better look… 🙂

Wonder if anyone here believes me when I say you’re rather the goof, cuz Y SO SRS!?!?

(I’m cracking up, which, if you see your email, you’ll realize I needed, so thanks for that)

Sorry to post so late, but this cover and David’s description of it reminds me of one FATE in FFXIV where you have to take down an Alpha Anole, and it’s like ten times the size of a normal one. Boss variants of normal creatures, such as are frequently seen in FATEs, are usually similarly massive, but it’s usually explained as the creature being unusually old or powerful or a unique example of the species. Here, it’s just that being an alpha somehow makes you gigantic.

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