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Rush Limbaugh offers a gracious apology for his comments on Sandra Fluke. Scratch “gracious.” And “apology.”

Rush Limbaugh wonders momentarily if he is a complete tool, concludes that he isn't.

Hey, everybody! Rush Limbaugh has issued a gracious apology for his attacks on Sandra Fluke, the Georgetown law student who testified before congress on the costs of birth control. Here it is:

For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week. In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation. I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.

After a long paragraph in which he basically repeats his original argument about birth control, such as it was, this time without directly referencing Fluke, he continues:

My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.

Uh, “I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation???”

“My choice of words was not the best??”

Here’s what he originally said:

So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. … We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.

He also called her a “prostitute.”

So let me rewrite that for you, with some nicer words this time:

So my dearest Miss Fluke, and the rest of those who share a love of feminism and the tenets of National Socialism, I would like to present to you a most intriguing proposition: If we are called upon to help finance your purchase of medical treatment and/or various and sundry items designed to prevent pregnancy, and thus to provide financial support to you as you make sweet, tender non-procreative love with your beloved, we humbly request something in return for our investment. To wit, we would like you to memorialize your lovemaking in video format, and for you to graciously place this video tribute on the Internet so we may share in the pleasure of enjoying these tender moments.

Oh, and instead of “prostitute,” why not refer to her as a “courtesan?”

Yeah, that’s not really any better. (And for some reason you still think taxpayers are paying for birth control, when in fact the issue is insurance coverage.)

In an attempt to be humorous, I would like to suggest to you, Mr. Limbaugh, that you stuff your apology up your ass, you worthless piece of shit.

I do not, of course, mean that as a personal attack.

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red_locker
10 years ago

TL;DR version: I’m sorry that you feel that way and I’m still a fuckbag.

Classy.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

The only reason he’s even trying to apologize is to staunch the flow of advertisers. Typical non-apology.

You speak all day and use words, and picked the wrong ones? GTFO.

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago

“I apologize for my word choices” = “I don’t apologize for the ideas behind those words.”

red_locker
10 years ago

“You speak all day and use words, and picked the wrong ones? GTFO.”

I know, right?

“Opps, sorry I used an offensive word. I don’t know what came over me. Now kiss my ass, I’m still right!”

Dracula
Dracula
10 years ago

Does this asshole think he’s being clever? What a foul, miserable lowlife. Not a shred of decency in him.

ersatzmoons
ersatzmoons
10 years ago

Limbaugh, why are you deliberately pretending not to understand health insurance?

whhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Dracula
Dracula
10 years ago

Oh, he doesn’t pretend not to understand, he just doesn’t. Why should he bother? He has people to understand things for him.

darksidecat
10 years ago

Since when is Godwinning a more gentle source of analogy. Sorry I called you a nazi whore, you nazi whore? Worst apology ever.

karmarad
karmarad
10 years ago

He knew exactly what he was saying. It was calculated. He knows what he is saying now. The game is to be as hateful as possible while keeping advertisers. The apology is calculated risk-reduction. If amazing atheist can be put out of business, maybe, just maybe, this blot can also be put out of business. He may single-handedly win the election for Obama. He is not a smart person.

Missy
Missy
10 years ago

I’m home for Spring Break and my dear, normally sane, mother was defending his view. “That girl goes to school on my tax dollars and now wants me to pay her more money so she can have sex? Nope. It’s just too much. People need to take responsibility for themselves.”

It was just soooo WTF. I had to explain that she didn’t want to get money to pay for birth control. She supported a law, that has already been passed by Congress, that says that insurance companies have to provide coverage for hormonal birth control as part of their preventative care. She was saying that as a college student who doesn’t have much disposable income, but does pay for health insurance through the school, and thinks that the insurance should cover bcp because it is important not only for preventing pregnancy but for regulating ovarian cysts like her friend had. But this was the first time she had heard this part of the story. She said that I had to be missing part of the story because what I was talking about was perfectly reasonable and everyone wouldn’t be so freaked out if that was the story.

Of course that doesn’t fit into a a 5 second sound byte and so it won’t be on the news. It’s much more interesting to make it a fight between whores and prudes than to talk about the actual issue, Congressional regulation of the insurance market using the commerce clause and a debate over regulated and totally free markets.

Xardoz
Xardoz
10 years ago

So my “career suicide by gaffe” theory was incorrect, and he’s genuinely that pigheaded.

Huh.

Ms. Crazy Pants
Ms. Crazy Pants
10 years ago

But abusing prescription drugs until your sperm can no longer do their job is a perfectly legitimate form of birth control, right?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
10 years ago

” Sorry I called you a nazi whore, you nazi whore?”

PS – you’re a Nazi! After 20 years you’d think he’d have come up with some new material.

Kyn
Kyn
10 years ago

Wow. That’s not even a fauxpology. There’s just… not even an attempt. I am reminded of grade school.

“Josh, apologize for what you said to Mike.”
“Fine, I’M SORRY MIKE’S A BUTTHEAD.”

Go stand in the corner, Limbaugh.

Simone Lovelace
Simone Lovelace
10 years ago

“I’m sorry I called you a gaptoothed bitch. It’s not your fault you’re so gaptoothed.

Halite
10 years ago

“I’m sorry that my bile ridden hate speech ended up costing me advertisers”

D-, Rush. See me after class.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
10 years ago

“For over 20 years I’ve been a hateful asshole whose entire career is based on trying to piss people off. In this instance, apparently the people who I pissed off include my advertisers. I didn’t mean to lose any money.”

Major Kong
Major Kong
10 years ago

Now now. What happens between Rush and his Dominican rent-boy is nobody’s business but theirs.

amandajane5
amandajane5
10 years ago

Wait, we’re talking about the guy who’s been married fucking *four* times, with no kids, and has a nasty past with illegal prescription drugs that are specifically sex-related. Why does anyone listen to this idiot?

nwoslave
10 years ago

I’ve never actually heard a word he’s said, although I hear his name bandied about. I read what he said and well, I agree. The slut wants every man to pony up a little tax money so she can fuck. I’ve heard he and the “feminazi’s” usually lock horns and he normally doesn’t back down. Women must have a lotta clout to make him cower and tuck tail. Coward.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
10 years ago

In my monologue, I posited that it is not our business whatsoever to know what is going on in anyone’s bedroom nor do I think it is a topic that should reach a Presidential level.

Actually, Mr. Rush, you posited that you wanted to know what was going on in a particular person’s bedroom.

Not to mention that this policy is exactly like the former “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” in that you don’t want anything remotely related to sex enacted in law… but if someone does reveal they are having sex (or could have sex), you will slut-shame the shit out of them.

Not to mention that this whole thing is completely beside the issue at hand, which is ensuring that religious institutions that offer secular services be held to the same standards as everyone else.

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago

Now, now. Let’s not slut-shame Mr. Limbaugh.

Let’s asshole-shame him.

I’m also up for a bit of “guy who only pretends to be sorry when money is on the line, because human decency is long gone as a concern”-shaming.

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago

The slut wants every man to pony up a little tax money so she can fuck.

Money someone has paid into their own health plan is not tax money.

Also, is your definition of a slut literally “any woman who has sex?” (Probably yes.) Because it’s not like “oh, if you only have a reasonable amount of sex you don’t need birth control.” That makes no sense.

Where’s your cat video, NWO? You aren’t supposed to be posting without some goddamn cat videos.

Bostonian
10 years ago

“Money someone has paid into their own health plan is not tax money.”

Repeated for emphasis.

It is also not anyone else’s money!

It is HER money.

Not Rush’s money.

Not YOUR money.

HER MONEY, FOR HER INSURANCE PLAN, THAT SHE PAID FOR.

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago

It’s also worth noting that Sandra Fluke didn’t testify about her own sex life at all!

She testified about the needs of students at her school in general, and about a friend who used the pill to treat polycystic ovaries (something I do as well).

Calling her a slut for having sex would be ridiculous anyway, but she didn’t even say she has sex. She was speaking in favor of contraception coverage, not talking about her own use of contraception.

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