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“I hope this advice doesn’t sound rapey … ” A visit to Reddit’s “seduction” community.

If you wonder why some dudes get so worked up about “false rape accusations,” it may be because their notion of “seduction” is pretty much indistinguishable from what most of us would call “date rape.” And chances are good that they sort of know this.

Check out this discussion in Reddit’s Seduction subreddit, recently highlighted in ShitRedditSays.

The original poster writes in with a heartrending tale: it seems he can’t get the ladies to touch his penis. Throw5891away writes:

So I have little problem getting numbers, little trouble turning those numbers into dates, I can keep her interested during dates, but i can’t make the move to anything physical beyond a kiss or some light making out.

Let’s have the deets!

A lot of my problem, I think, comes from the fear of possibly making it awkward. I’ve been in a few situations where i’ve tried to slide a hand down the pants of a girl and she turns timid. This is after some over-clothes touching, or pressure with my thigh. Warming them up, i think, is not the major problem. Obviously if a girl says no, i’m not going to push through with it because that’s when it gets awkward.

Yes, trying to stick your fingers in a woman’s vagina when she doesn’t want you to does tend to get a  little … awkward.

Beyond me failing at making a first move, it’s nearly impossible for me to get a girl to notice I have an erection and attempt to do something about it.

Maybe you need to wear a t-shirt that says “erection” on it with a big arrow pointing to your crotch? Otherwise how on earth are the ladies you’re making out with ever going to realize you have a boner?

I’m average in size there, so them not noticing is not an issue. I feel like I almost have to physically take their hand and place it on my junk in order to make it happen. And after a while of them paying no attention to my erection (mind you, they’re still gropey elsewhere/into making out), it really starts to make wonder if they’re really into having sex with me at all.

It seems you might just be onto something here. And how on earth can you possibly tell if a woman actually, for real, wants to have sex with you? It’s not like you can ask her directly, because she has the power of speech, or anything like that.

Instead, you’d better ask the dudes on r/seduction. So let’s just see what they have to say.

PuaCurveBall suggests that the best way to avoid the “awkwardness” spoken of earlier is just to ignore it:

I hope this advice doesn’t sounds rapey, but you need to keep going until they seriously tell you no.

Pro-tip: Any bit of advice that starts off with “I hope this advice doesn’t sound rapey” is advice you SHOULD NOT FOLLOW.

Them not telling you firmly to stop (more than just “we shouldn’t be doing this” or “it is too soon”) is the signal. Escalate until they tell you to stop.

Yes, because “we shouldn’t be doing this” is such an ambiguous statement. It could mean anything! It probably is just girl-code for “we should be doing this, so please grab my hand and put it on your dick.”

Either you should get a firm “no, seriously get your hands off me, I’m not ready yet” or you should be having sex with these girls. Everything in the middle is working against you.

So long as she doesn’t literally mace you, you can assume she actually wants you to keep going.

Naturally, the suave Lotherios of the r/seduction community rewarded this sensible advice with upvotes.

Others offered similar advice. Productionx was insistent: “No” means “keep going!”

Women want a man to be dominate. Other women lead you to believe you have to ask for permission, don’t listen to these stupid feminists. Go be a man, if she says no, you say ok, and keep doing exactly what you were doing. You get an erection, make it freaking known!!!

Fangs78 added:

Don’t give up before like the 9-10th time they stop you. Of course, if they are stern and REALLY mean it.

Everyone knows that the first 9 or 10 “no’s” really mean “maybe.”

It’s all part of the art of “seduction.”

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NWOslave
NWOslave
10 years ago

@Holly Pervocracy

Puuuulease. I never post under any name but this. Youd’ve banned me long ago. Dissenters aren’t allowed in the feminist echo chamber. Everyone’s the same there.

ozymandias42
10 years ago

Since some people (coughNWOcough) have problems with this, I would like to explore how I conduct a sex life without being rapey.

I am horny. My partner Bob doesn’t look busy, so I ask him whether he would like to have sex with me. (Actually I usually say “would you like to *gesturegesture* do things?” because I am shy.) Bob says yes. If Bob said no, I wouldn’t be like “are you suuure?” I’d be like “kay” and go comment on Manboobz. Because he knows this, Bob is willing to say “no” whenever he doesn’t feel like sex.

Bob and I have already discussed our limits: for instance, he doesn’t want to have PIV sex with me, and he is uncomfortable about facials. I do not attempt to shove my vagina on Bob’s cock because if he tries PIV he will really like it. I do not ask Bob again and again to see if he wants PIV now, or how about now, or maybe now. Instead, I enjoy the sexual activities we both want to participate in.

While I am having sex with Bob, I keep an eye on him to see if he’s enjoying it. If he’s actively participating in the sex, such as by taking off my clothes, fingering me, or making “I’m enjoying myself” noises, I tend to assume he’s enjoying himself. If he’s not, I may ask, saying something like “hey, you okay?” If he says that he isn’t, I will stop doing what I’m doing and either stop having sex with him or do something else that he enjoys more.

If Bob ever says “no,” “stop,” “that’s enough for now,” “it’s starting to hurt,” or anything else that implies he doesn’t want sex, I will stop IMMEDIATELY.

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago

Yet as you say, everyone is different. My flow chart may be ridiculous to you yet another woman might find it delightful.

Such are the complexities of living on Earth.

What’s your alternative scheme for sexual consent, NWO? That you should be allowed to just jump on anyone who arouses you?

KristinMH
10 years ago

John Barrowman is kind of meh to me. However the entire first season of Torchwood seemed to be designed to set up as many slashfic scenarios as possible (Gwen making out with the sex alien, Gwen walking in on Jack and Ianto and Jack saying “There’s always room for one more”, Gwen and Owen making out in the body bay during the horrible, horrible Cyberwoman episode…I could go on), so maybe I’m just being like “You know what, Russelll T Davies, I know what you’re trying to do and I’m not falling for it”.

ozymandias42
10 years ago

NWO’s plan is likely to reduce the number of hot redheads wearing dark red lipstick, tight tops, and short skirts in the world. Therefore, out of pure self-interest, I have to oppose this.

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago

I never ban people from my blog, I only delete individual comments. If you want to come back and play nice you always have the chance.

(“Play nice” doesn’t mean “agree with the Hive Vagina,” it just means “don’t call me a stupid c-word.”)

ozymandias42
10 years ago

Kristen: Torchwood was once explained to me as “high-budget, canonical slash fanfic.” I have yet to see any data to disprove this.

ozymandias42
10 years ago

NWO, darling, you are banned from NSWATM, but I challenge ANYONE to call it a feminist hivemind that bans dissent. Several of my commenters seem to actively hate me.

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago

I think the central problem in NWO’s plan is that he doesn’t understand that being arousing can be unintentional. That I can go out with no plan to give a guy a boner and yet accidentally cause a boner.

I suspect if he acknowledged that, his whole “arousing me should mean consenting to sex with me” thing would fall apart.

NWOslave
NWOslave
10 years ago

@Holly Pervocracy

” I don’t believe arousal/denial is abuse!”

Than teach all children to tease other children. It isn’t abuse.

The reason you don’t find it a problem is because you’re a woman. It has no relevance to you.

When a woman dresses and acts sexy she has no control and acts like an animal in heat.

When a man touches and gropes he has no control and acts like an animal in heat.

Men and women are different.

speedbudget
speedbudget
10 years ago

I don’t understand why some random dude while I am walking to work or whatever getting horny because of my awesome boots or whatever obligates me to sex with him.

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago

When a woman dresses and acts sexy she has no control and acts like an animal in heat.

Oh shit! I don’t want to do that! Tell me how to avoid it!

…Hey, since I don’t mean to dress and act sexy (I just don’t know how not to), doesn’t that demonstrate to you that arousal can be accidental, not something I planned?

NWOslave
NWOslave
10 years ago

@Holly Pervocracy
“I think the central problem in NWO’s plan is that he doesn’t understand that being arousing can be unintentional. That I can go out with no plan to give a guy a boner and yet accidentally cause a boner.”

Yet you promote slut culture for even little girls. This is intent.

Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
10 years ago

The vast majority of men don’t find little girls sexually attractive and, thus, don’t find them arousing no matter what they wear.

Sniper
Sniper
10 years ago

When a woman dresses and acts sexy she has no control and acts like an animal in heat.

When a man touches and gropes he has no control and acts like an animal in heat.

Men and women are different.

Here’s a multiple choice question:

1) Willful social blindness?
2) Just an asshole?
3) Deliberate liar?
4) A little of each?

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago

Yet you promote slut culture for even little girls. This is intent.

No I don’t! I never said that!

I intend for little girls to wear any clothing they want. I do not intend for them to arouse men. These are two different things.

But I’m willing to listen. If there is clothing that will make you feel like you should rape a little girl for being such a wanton hussy, please, describe it, so I can stop advocating that clothing. If there is clothing that will not make you rape little girls, for the love of God and small children everywhere tell me what it is and I will set up mass distribution centers throughout Texas and Utah.

Viscaria
Viscaria
10 years ago

NWO understands female sexuality much more than women themselves do. We may think that we are aroused by the sight of sexy people, and we may talk about the people we look at and think we are aroused by all day long, but he knows better.Dndjd

Viscaria
Viscaria
10 years ago

Damn, sorry, my phone had a little temper tantrum.

Sniper
Sniper
10 years ago

Now he’s dragging children into it. Ick.

Let’s make this simple.

1) 10-year-old boy digging in the yard while wearing shorts. NOT SEXY.
2) Attractive grown man doing the same thing. VERY SEXY.

(I know he won’t get it, but I’m bored.)

NWOslave
NWOslave
10 years ago

@Holly Pervocracy
“Hey, since I don’t mean to dress and act sexy (I just don’t know how not to), doesn’t that demonstrate to you that arousal can be accidental, not something I planned?”

Since women can’t figure this out, and are encouraged to do the opposite. Men shouldn’t have to figure out womens precious “boundaries.” They should be encouraged the opposite as well.

Men and women are different. Once you actually believe in reality, all the problems are easily solved.

NightShadeQueen
NightShadeQueen
10 years ago

When a woman dresses and acts sexy she has no control and acts like an animal in heat.

Notably false.

Holly Pervocracy
10 years ago

Viscaria – Yes. And we may claim that our clothing choices are about fashion and comfort, but he knows that we put them on with deliberate intention to consent to sex with any man who sees us.

Why else would little girls give him a boner, unless they were trying to?

KristinMH
10 years ago

No no no, NWO, in your latest response to the Parka Incident, you said that the elevator dude had the right to sexually harrass me because, even though I was wearing a parka and balaclava at the time, he could assume I was up for sex because I had presumably worn “sexy” clothes at some point in my life.

So you do think being female in public = consent to sex with whoever might get a boner from your heavy winterwear. If I thought most men thought like you did I would become a nun and cloister myself.

Ozy – yeah, that’s pretty much it. What can I say, Torchwood is at best a guilty pleasure (other than the miniseries – those are pretty good).

NWOslave
NWOslave
10 years ago

@Sniper

Men and women are different.

hellkell
hellkell
10 years ago

Please refer to reality.

NWO telling anyone to refer to reality is priceless! Thanks for the laugh, vile one.

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