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Katherine Heigl: Ballbusting bigot?

That's not funny?

Most people who hate Katherine Heigl hate the actress because she seems like a bit of a diva, or because she keeps appearing in annoying rom-coms, including one with Ashton Kutcher that hurts my head when I even think about it. The fellas at Register-Her.com have another reason: she hates balls.  As in, testicles.

Well, not really. What the Register-Her fellas are worked up about is a PSA she did for Funny or Die in which she claims to be in favor of neutering pets not because she loves animals but simply because she hates balls so much. At one point she declares, tongue firmly in cheek:

I can’t cut the nuts off human men … yet. So, I’ve dedicated my time to the neutering of dogs, cause that’s legal.

The joke here, as any rational person can plainly see, isn’t that cutting off balls is inherently hilarious. The joke is that an actress with a reputation as a diva is basically doing her critics one better by portraying herself as a deranged, narcissistic, supremely creepy ball-hater.  And she’s spoofing her own bad reputation for a genuinely good cause: reducing cat and dog overpopulation and therefore the number of unwanted animals that are put to death in our nation’s animal shelters.

Of course that’s not how the fellas at Register-Her.com see it. And so they’ve put Heigl on their faux “offender registry” as a “bigot.” Their explanation?

The actress’s willingness to endorse male targeted sexual mutilation betrays a bigoted indifference to sexual violence, and justifies her inclusion on this registry in the category of bigot.

Presumably the fellas at Register-Her will next go after the people who have posted the more than twenty thousand YouTube videos that feature dudes getting hit in the nuts. Surely these videos, which feature actual violence against actual human balls are a far graver threat to the balls of the world than even Katherine Heigl.

The Register-Her Action Squad might start by tracking down the (admittedly quite ingenious) ball-hating dudes involved in this video.

And then move on to all the ball-hating bigots featured here:

And here are 50 more:

Better track down the ghost of Scott Joplin, too, for providing the music to the last one from beyond the grave.

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Hershele Ostropoler
10 years ago

Ullere:

the RH team could probably get away with freedom of expression or even agreeing to merely remove Heigl, a small price to pay for the attention a suit would bring to the site.

I’m not sure they want attention, though I’lll accept that they think they want attention.

Ullere:

Honestly I couldn’t say that the MRM has a set mainstream view

So what you’re saying is that id ozy went into a typical MRA forum — Spearhead, say — identifying as an MRA, the regulars there would have no sound basis on which to dispute this?

Do you actually believe that’s what would happen?

Slavey:

@Kyrie
We still wait for one self declared MRA group that actually does something for men’s rights and does not despise women.”

We do. We fight for equal custody. An end to debtor prison.

All that falls on the second part of what Kyrie said. Also, fighting illusory enemies doesn’t count as “doing something.” I, too, disapprove of licensing laws requiring men — and only men — obtain a permit from the government before sending e-mails, but I don’t fight those laws because they don’t exist.

Holly:

Either take care of the house or pay for the house to be taken care of. You don’t get to choose “neither” and expect your wife to keep the house and never ask you for money.

It makes perfect sense if you start from the premise that all money and property is rightfully men’s. In this view, if you have a woman in her life, of course you’ll buy her food and things, but when and how you want, just as if you have houseplants you water them when and how you want. If she asks for money, or things that cost money, on her terms, she’strying to take money from (or direct the spending of, which comes to the same thing) a man. If she works at a paying job, she’s taking money from men also: from the man who deserves that job and, probably, from the man she works for. She ought to be some man’s houseplant instead.

Holly:

not every divorce is a woman betraying a loyal man. Sometimes the man initiates the divorce. Sometimes he becomes abusive. Sometimes he just up and disappears. That seems a lot more like “being laid off” than “quitting” to me.

Or constructive termination, at any rate.

Shora:

which I somehow think is less related to nutrition than it is for women selectively choosing only the most cervix jackhammering of alpha dicks.

Please NEVER EVER HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN if you think it is pleasurable for women to have their cervix “jackhammered”

Of course it’s not pleasurable. But pleasure isn’t the point. Women run the world by rewarding the dominatingest men with sex and punishing the rest by not having sex with them, and cervix jackhammering is dominance.

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