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"Allow me to unceremoniously offer my view on 'feminism'" is not a good pick-up line

When douchebags go a-courtin, things don’t always go so well, or so suggests this note from an angry dude that was recently featured on the awesome A(n)nals of Online Dating.  Our would-be charmer started out with a bit of a no-no –  a “but” statement.  Specifically:

Honestly, you seem like a sweet girl, and hold many potentially noble ideals, but …

With a start like that, it’s pretty clear that whatever follows that “but” is going to be pretty icky. And our message-sender does not disappoint, going on to suggest that his would-be date’s announced sexual preference (bi) was … illogical.

Your body is designed in a certain way, that is, to receive a man, and this is something you enjoy, but yet, you entertain the notion of artificially reproducing this amazing effect with some kind of gadget operated by another woman? I fail to see the logic in this.

After requesting an explanation, he moves on to this:

Also, allow me to unceremoniously offer my view on “feminism”, in the form of an example. Let us examine the concept of “women’s sports”.

Or maybe let’s not. If you actually do want to read his detailed analysis of this pressing social issue, head on over to A(n)nals.

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zombie rotten mcdonald
10 years ago

Because they have never been made in such detail and with such care?

You know, I doubt that Jonah ever anticipated his tome would become an Internet Tradition.

I also suspect he has no idea why this phrase occurs so often…

In other Internet Tradition news, Presnitial Candidate Rick Santorum Googles his own name!

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

When is the Dance Party For The Weekend Thread going to open? I want to talk plants for one’s home.

darksidecat
10 years ago

@Ami, yep, provided I was in the physical state to engage in sports often (I have chronic pain issues), I would not be allowed to participate in any professional sports or even many amateur ones, because the hormones my body makes all on its own don’t fit within either “normal” range.

Still though, online dating as a bi person can get…fun (if by fun, you mean horrible), especially if you list yourself as a woman (most cites give two options-man or woman-which leaves genderqueer folks in an awkward spot). Put the word “queer” and “genderqueer” in your profile at least ten times and add a specific qualifier that you do not want messages from anyone who does not take your gender and sexuality seriously, and you will still get a-holes like this.

And people wonder why I automatically turn down dates from guys unless I know them very well or meet them in a queer space (of if they have taken me for a guy, in which case I give a brief explanation, queer people tend to have an opinion about these things and can be ruled in or out very quickly)-because a-holes like this are all too common.

Anna
Anna
10 years ago

Some people are tragically born without a sense of tl;dr

Alex
10 years ago

I actually regret whatever day it was that the first person came up with tl;dr. Sometimes, okay, it’s useful, but I’ve mostly seen it used as an excuse not to engage a perfectly valid counter-argument that simply needs more than just a few sentences to make. I’ve been told “tl;dr” for a counter-argument I laid out in a single standard-sized paragraph.

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

@Alex yeah me too : it’s a useful term and often ppl use it as self awareness about how long something they wrote is… but it is often used as “what you wrote was far too long, and there’s this phrase I can use to act like that means it’s not worth reading, and I can pretend you never made a point” :

Anna
Anna
10 years ago

Although if someone’s ‘unceremoniously offering his views’ in the form of a long and overly-wordy essay on a dating site, I feel it’s apt to say this person sense of when it’s appropriate to keep things brief.

Also, y’know, we are taking the piss here, aren’t we?

Anna
Anna
10 years ago

I think there should have been the word ‘lacks’ in there somewhere. Not that I want to make it too long. 🙂

Anna
Anna
10 years ago

and there’s this phrase I can use to act like that means it’s not worth reading, and I can pretend you never made a point

Just an observation that’s popped into my head (not accusing anybody of anything), but I think the term mansplaining is often used in this way, to ignore anything said by someone perceived to be male. (I’ve been accused of it myself, but when I point out that I’m female, suddenly what I’m saying became attention-worthy.) The same goes for so-called ‘concern trolls’.

Anna
Anna
10 years ago

And I really do usually manage to say everything in one post, honest. I’m not accusing feminists of anything here, no more so than other groups. I just think a lot of originally useful terms and ideas are misused to dismiss people’s valid opinions. Bingo cards would be another one, and they’re everywhere.

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

yeah I’ve seen it used in that way : incl at me and other trans women by transphobic radfems =_=;;; these terms can be useful, but sometimes they can also be used as a beatstick, or a way to dishonestly define an argument (like a lot of terms and tactics : ) but I think that it’s also useful when not being used dishonestly, as a way to identify and recognize the dynamics of what’s going on so ppl just dun go on a wild goose chase and sometimes also to maybe let the other person know what’s going on if they are doing it w/o realizing :3 but it can definitely be abused if it’s used dishonestly or against it’s definition… (just like the word “dishonest” can be! xD )

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

yeah.. the bingo cards are supposed to be a teaching tool and a way to identify common arguments… but it’s become (and this isn’t letting ppl off the hook, but I understand that sometimes constantly engaging in personally painful or triggering arguments can rly rub ppl raw and they want to just express “you’re wrong but i’m too tired to tell you why” but it comes off rly badly and sometimes it’s just “I want to shut you up”) this thing that rly bugs me too (I remember writing about this somewhere but I can’t remember which of my blogs or site comments XD )… this thing that’s just like a meme that ppl do to “win” an argument -_-;;

To me, I just feel that I dun need to engage every argument, nor does it mean somebody tacitly “wins” if I dun xD and if there is somebody is being rly dishonest, I think it’s more helpful (like the ppl in this blog often do) to point out the dishonesty, rather than just shout “BINGO” or something xD

Xtra
10 years ago

Your body is designed in a certain way

What does that mean for all the ladybots and fleshlights or dad’s pacemaker?

Sorry ladies, you will have to sit idle and long for the day that diaper changing and sammich makin become sports.

Johnny Pez
10 years ago

I don’t think this guy is trying to get a date. I think he’s just trolling the online dating site.

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

@Johnny Pez yeah 😐 I get that all the time being bi on dating sites : Just the “I want to use you as a big sounding board” thing -_-;;; also when I mention my feminism or anti-racism… It happens a lot to trans ppl too who identify on dating sites.. “hay i want to tell you what I think of trans ppl” or “i have weird personal and gross questions for you tranny ppl” -_-

Butch
Butch
10 years ago

My body was not designed; it evolved. The tattoos, piercings, hair color and cut were designed, as were the clothes and household furnishings, maybe even the dog, but not my body.

denelian
10 years ago

i liked the way she took this idiot down – the scoring was hilarious!

as for sports… when i was a kid, i played basketball. on the boys team – until i got boobs. between 7th and 8th grade i went from “a little ahead of the curve” all the way to “she’s going to *have* to be a porn star when she grows up, look at her, what else is she good for?” 🙁
after 3 games that year, i was booted to the girls team. because the parents of boys on the OTHER teams complained left and right “my son was afraid to check her, her boobs were in the way!” and etc.

pissed me off. i was good enough to play on the boys team, but i had boobs, so i was forced to the girls team – which *sucked*, because any girl who could actually PLAY made the boy’s team. so i quit, never played again, because WTF?!

hell, i’m 34 and it STILL bothers me.
[i had similar problems with dance, especially ballet – it’s not enough to be a good dancer – you have to have the right silhoute, however it’s spelled – and anything larger than a B cup is too big for ballet. hell, girls with B’s tended to strap down. it didn’t matter how good i was, how long i could stay en point, how clean my lines were – after i got boobs, i NEVER got another solo, NEVER got to be anywhere but the back. they didn’t kick me out, they did worse – they acted like i went from being one of the top 3 dancers to being a effing newbie, who didn’t know HOW to dance. when i was 16, one of my teachers asked me to quit. i asked why. she said, and i quote “i don’t feel comfortable teaching you when i know the only place you’re ever going to use it is a strip bar”]

there are some sports that would be harder for women to compete in – i’m thinking American football for one – and some where it’d be easier, like baseball, tennis, golf.

did you know that when American football first became “pro”, it was WOMEN teams? then men teams started – and didn’t make money, because people wanted to go watch WOMEN play. it was more exciting. so the owners of the male teams bribed all over the place, with the end result that women weren’t ALLOWED to play football anymore. i, for one, would LOVE to see sports become co-ed, at least as co-ed as available talent allows!

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

*hugs denelian* I’m so sry for those awful exps 🙁 and yeah the “she’s distracting the boys” “the boys are too afraid to hit her” etc etc are a lot of excuses used in junior sports by parents to keep girls who are good enuf and make the cuts from being on the team >_:O

Also ty for your offer and kind words on the other thread 🙂 I’ll keep you in mind (and I may email you if you want to talk more about sports cuz I lurve sports and I so lack ppl to talk about them w/ xD )

Ami Angelwings
10 years ago

ok a bunch of my comment got killed off cuz I forgot not to use those angle brackets again >:|

Basically I said a bunch of stuff about hockey and another excuse used to exclude girls from play and ice rink time (“they have no pro league future, so what’s the point?” even tho 0.1% of guys who play get into the NHL and most of the boys enrolled are playing for fun too) -_-;;;

The other thing is I’m so sry for the crap you took and what your teacher said was ridic awful : Also that I ttlly feel your pain on being unable to play a sport you’re good enuf to play and enjoy not b/c of merit but b/c of stupid superficial reasons that bother OTHER ppl >:| *big time travelling supportive hugs*

theLaplaceDemon
theLaplaceDemon
10 years ago

Denelian – that makes me really glad I quit ballet before I got boobs :-

Hugs!

Mandolin
Mandolin
10 years ago

I think my basic problem with this is that one should never include a line in a letter like this which so obviously begs for paradoy. “Also, allow me to unceremoniously offer my view on “feminism.””

The simple insult:

Allow me to unceremoniously offer my views on yo mamma.
Allow me to unceremoniously offer my views on your ass.
Allow me to unceremoniously offer my views on your ugly-ass photo.
Allow me to unceremoniously offer my views on universal male mouth-sewing.

The slightly more sophisticated snark:

Allow me to unceremoniously offer my views on the growing of grass. (Only feasible if one can back this up with at least 30 minutes of material, presented sentence by sentence, in the most boring way possible.)
Allow me to unceremoniously offer my views on God. (proselyzing follow.)
Allow me to unceremoniously flip you on your rhetorical ass and kick you in the tetsticles of your little dipshit arguments.

The truth:

Allow me to unceremoniously hit DELETE.

ApeMan1976
10 years ago

denelian wrote:

“there are some sports that would be harder for women to compete in – i’m thinking American football for one – and some where it’d be easier, like baseball, tennis, golf.”

Rules against girls playing on boys’ teams are misogynist and should be rescinded, and obviously the way you were treated when you were young was ignorant and unconscionable. However, it’s not correct to assume that women do not compete in mens’ professional leagues because they are not allowed to. There is actually no prohibition in most pro sports leagues against the participation of women. Baseball (the sport where it seems most plausible that a woman could play at the top pro level) once had such a prohibition, but it is no longer in place. It’s possible to imagine a woman making it as a knuckleball pitcher – I actually have taught my daughter to throw a knuckleball for this reason. The NBA has no rule against women players and David Stern has speculated that the first woman NBA player may be on the horizon. Certainly it’s possible to imagine a woman as a JJ Barea type player, though there are a lot of obstacles to that obviously.

In tennis, the top women could probably compete on the men’s tour, but they could not earn a decent living. It’s hard to see how it would be a win for female athletes if the women’s tour did not exist. Serena Williams would not be a Top-100 player on the men’s tour, and she would have a better chance than most of the top women because of her size and power. Ditto for golf – there are women who could play the men’s tour, and they would need day jobs instead of being millionaires.

The gap between men and women in sports has been extensively studied. Athletically, a top female athlete is about on a par with a top high school male athlete. It’s not misogynist to say this – it’s a fact. Men go through a fantastic improvement in explosive muscle power between about the ages of 14 and 18. Women don’t.

This has no bearing on anything outside of sports – athletic prowess is not that important in society. But the best male athletes will always be a couple classes better than the best female athletes. For all the hooey that gets attributed to the alleged biological differences between men and women, this is the exception – it’s real.

Brett K
10 years ago

However, it is not up for debate that Hailey Wickenheiser could kick all of our asses.

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