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Fellas! Don’t let the temptresses get their hands on your cup of everlasting spooge power, Reddit NoFapper warns

 June 15, 2019
  · 88 Comments

Never give the temptresess what they want (your spooge)

By David Futrelle

Sometimes I get the sense that Reddit’s most-devoted semen retainters — the guys who give up both masturbation and sex in order to protect the mystical power of their pent-up love goo — aren’t just embarking on a slightly odd form of supposed self-improvement.

No, it seems like at least some of these guys also might have some less than positive feelings about the biggest threat to their semen-retention streaks: sexy ladies who make them horny.

See if you can detect the subtle hints of misogyny in this long screed posted a couple of months ago to both the Semen Retention subreddit and the somewhat harder-core “PureRetention” subreddit.

In the former subreddit, the semen-filled Redditor called Lightpowerwithin titled the piece “Assert Power Over the Woman,” which is already a bit of a hint right there.

He began by preparing his readers for a wild ride.

Some might think, I am sounding a bit anti-woman. …

But for the sake of ones own progress in life, hear me out. …

I must unserstand that the clarity of all that is Good in consciousness comes from abstaining from the woman. …

For when we partake OF the woman, the seal of spiritual power is sliced, depending on the depth of indulgence.

THE SEAL OF SPIRITUAL POWER

Good, Bad, I’m the Guy with the Gun.

The “Gun” being – “The Power.” – the power is like a cup filled with everlasting life. It is pureed to the tilt.

PUREED TO THE TILT!!!!

One mis-step can lead a spill in the drop of life. The “Pretty” faces we see in our day to day life can easily cause us to “mis-step” with our cup of everlasting life.

DON’T MIS-STEP WITH THE CUP!! BECAUSE THINGS COULD GET MESSY!

Being overly emotional, or even slightly passionate in the beginning stages of the ‘path’ can cause a drop in the everlasting life. Mindfulness of our thoughts is paramount. Holding our ‘cup’ as we traverse forward, getting stronger each day.

JUST DON’T DRIP THE CUP!!!1

Some fools re-joice in the presence of the lady. Their hearts jump when she bats her eyelashes and throws her hair.

BEWARE THE EYELASH BATTERS!

These same fools who hold their cup of life would give their power away in the blink of an eye.

THE BLINK OF AN EYE!

The womans presence can often have a man question his lifes direction. WHAT is more important to you? Steadfastly focusing with white-lighted intent forever burning into the timeline of life with your purpose?

STEADFASTLY FOCUSING WITH WHITE-LIGHTED INTENT!!

Or using your power to be given away to a lovers fling?

BEWARE THE LOVERS AND THEIR DASTARDLY FLINGS!!!!!

Blessed and righteous..

Is he who holds his power and integrity for himself. You cannot fake ‘the power’ – it is only given and accumulated with time and purpose, mindfulness in the midst of the feminine presence and what not.

AND WHAT NOT!

Today, a righteousman is few and far between. Bombarded with imagery of concubines the the ‘other’ life that leads to dependency and misery.

BOMBARDED WITH IMAGERY!

Be the man with the gun. Righteous walk, righteous talk, and righteous intention.

RIGHTEOUS WALK

Rise above the woman.

RISE ABOVE!!

The true nature of man is to lead. Rise above the devils that have taken hold of our minds. Kick down the exhaulted image of woman. The false idol that has been put above us. Destroy that Golden-godess image and walk forward.

DESTROY THE GOLDEN GODDESS IMAGE!!1

Never give the temptress what they want.

NEVER GIVE THE TEMPTRESS!

They are the tools of the devil. Get them out of your way. Let the temptresses that feed off trickery and attention be trampled and bombarded by our boots of righteousness.

BOOTS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS!!

Even with the power, we develop the senses of discernment. We discern righteous women who loom youthful and fully of life. Be cautious. Assert domimance [sic] and put them to work. They have much to prove in this life.

ASSERT DOMIMANCE!

No, that’s Dom Deluise. We’re looking for DOMINANCE.

Ok, that’s better.

Walk the path of light. Do not fantasize about romantic notions and bullshit that will tie you down. If a woman cannot be chaste, cannot back your play, or get behind and support you, kick her out of your way. Cast her down to the weak and unrighteous.

CAST HER DOWN!

Walk your rignteous path of power and achievement. Be free. In the days of old, the women tended the gardens, prepared the food, maintained the household, weaved baskets, and other womanly duties. Such is her place.

The men fought. Killed. Hunted. Built structures and negotiated the deals. And lead the family. Nothing has changed from our primitive instincts other then technology softening the man.

NOTHING HAS CHANGED FROM OUR PRIMITIVE INSTINCTS!!

Kick the notion of woman down and become the strength. The blood. The power. The force. Through clear mind, clear will, a chaste heart. Assert domimance [sic] once again like the days of old.

ASSERT DOMIMANCE!!11

No, that’s Dom Deluise again.

No, that’s Dom Perignon.

Eh, I guess that’ll do.

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Posted in: 'bating, cringe, evil sexy ladies, irony alert, men who should not ever be with women ever, misogyny, NoFap, not a cult, precious bodily fluids, reddit, semen
← Patriarchy is a lie because men would NEVER oppress their OWN WIVES and DAUGHTERS like that, Men’s Rights Redditor argues, fallaciously
QUIZ: Who called #MeToo accusers a bunch of “starf*ckers” — putative leftist Aimee Terese or professional misogynist Paul Elam? →

Comments

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  1. Tovius says:
    June 15, 2019 at 9:25 pm

    Such a righteous cat walk

    Reply
  2. weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee says:
    June 15, 2019 at 10:02 pm

    Don’t waste your spooge. Don’t let anyone gulp it down

    Reply
  3. Talonknife says:
    June 15, 2019 at 10:02 pm

    What the hell did I just read?

    Reply
  4. Lainy says:
    June 15, 2019 at 10:11 pm

    David how could you use Sheldon the sheep for that gif. that was just painful.

    Reply
  5. ObSidJag says:
    June 15, 2019 at 10:14 pm

    @Talonknife:
    Pretty sure what you (& we) read was a heaping helping of steaming, putrid Word Salad.

    Anyone got a shit-load of Tums?

    Reply
  6. Aron says:
    June 15, 2019 at 10:37 pm

    NEEDZ MOAR DOM DELUISE.

    (But then again, so does everything. Because Dom Deluise was just the greatest.)

    Throw out your hands!!
    Stick out your tush!!
    Hands on your hips
    Give them a push!!
    You’ll be surprised
    You’re doing the French Mistake!!
    VOILA!!

    Reply
  7. epronovost says:
    June 15, 2019 at 10:40 pm

    @Talonknife

    The fantasm of power and strength wrapped in pseudo-historical and pseudo-myticism of a mediocre anonymous man.

    Reply
  8. Crip Dyke says:
    June 15, 2019 at 10:57 pm

    Being overly emotional, or even slightly passionate in the beginning stages of the ‘path’ can cause a drop in the everlasting life.

    HA HA. You spilled!

    Now you only have half as much everlasting life as me! I’ll live forever and you’ll only live half of forever!

    …wait…

    Reply
  9. Buttercup Q. Skullpants says:
    June 15, 2019 at 11:21 pm

    The men fought. Killed. Hunted. Built structures and negotiated the deals.

    Hm yes. Lots of mergers and acquisitions happening out there on the savannah.

    Reply
  10. Bina says:
    June 15, 2019 at 11:59 pm

    This will never not be relevant:

    Reply
  11. Robert says:
    June 16, 2019 at 12:41 am

    I’m feeling really good about my own life choices right now.

    Reply
  12. Savanah says:
    June 16, 2019 at 12:55 am

    I love when these men who can’t prove their evolutionary ability self-select their way out of the gene pool! Bravo to that fine fellow. May his seed never create a weakling in his image.
    I just love when evolution takes its own trash out!

    Reply
  13. BBBB says:
    June 16, 2019 at 2:04 am

    Heh, domimancer…

    Weird how all that accumulated semen power never leads these schmoes to great scientific discoveries or storied acts of setting-do.

    Reply
  14. Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile says:
    June 16, 2019 at 3:16 am

    For when we partake OF the woman, the seal of spiritual power is sliced, depending on the depth of indulgence.

    Buddy, you’ve got four metaphors there. You’ve mixed your metaphors because you weren’t thinking about the picture they created when you wrote them. That’s sloppy, careless, lazy writing. And it comes from sloppy, careless, lazy thinking.

    Here’s some clear thinking: You and your fellow incels aren’t strong enough in yourselves to deal with another human being. That’s why you demand that women make themselves small and prop up your ego at all times. Why don’t you guys go out and get smarter and stronger; there are a million and one ways to do that. Then you’ll be ready for a real relationship with a real person with real needs.

    Reply
  15. Moggie says:
    June 16, 2019 at 3:31 am

    It’s like he threw a load of metaphors into a sack and pulled them out at random.

    Let the temptresses that feed off trickery and attention be trampled and bombarded by our boots of righteousness.

    “Bombarded”?

    We discern righteous women who loom youthful and fully of life.

    “Loom”? Youthful women who loom aren’t that common.

    Reply
  16. kietazou says:
    June 16, 2019 at 6:35 am

    I doubtest any Man born of W—n today – nay! in all of human history! – hath taken themself more deadliest seriousnessly, with lesser Cause.

    This dumbest of dumbasses (even in the vast sea of dumbassery that he posts in) thinks that Jesus and Buddha and Mohammed were nickel-blow-job pikers compared to Himself.

    Can anyone imagine the labor his friends, or any relations or colleagues who talk with him, must suffer?

    Fortunately, He surely has no such problem. No one would listen to him, other than for particularly sick laughs for the briefest time, and he certainly has no friends, unlikely has even one relative who is on speaking terms with him, and is unlikely to work anywhere (if he has any employment whatsoever) with actual people – half of whom might well be w—n.

    Reply
  17. Buttercup Q. Skullpants says:
    June 16, 2019 at 6:58 am

    @Moggie

    http://gph.is/1IUlQdc

    Reply
  18. Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation says:
    June 16, 2019 at 7:40 am

    Kick the notion of woman down and become the strength. The blood. The power. The force.

    That is fascism, or a significant chunk of it. That extreme form of para-militaristic toxic masculinity. Blend it with a certain sort of golden-age-myth-based nationalism and you have the whole package, more or less.

    @epronovost:

    The fantasm of power and strength wrapped in pseudo-historical and pseudo-myticism of a mediocre anonymous man

    Aka fascist recruitment fodder.

    “Become the strength. The blood. The power. The force. And make (wherever) great again!” is basically the pitch that recruits mediocre anonymous men into brownshirt gangs like the SA or, more recently, the Proud Boys.

    I fear things are going to escalate soon. And badly.

    Reply
  19. Prith kDar says:
    June 16, 2019 at 7:51 am

    Ok, so I totally lost it at “or what not.” 😀

    The “Gun” being – “The Power.” – the power is like a cup filled with everlasting life. It is pureed to the tilt.

    Assuming he meant “hilt,” that’s quite a metaphor ladder he’s constructed there. A gun is The Power. The Power is a cup. The cup is pureed like fruit. Pureed to the hilt. (If he did mean tilt, then I guess it parses that the cup is somehow pureed in a pinball machine.)

    seal of spiritual power is sliced, depending on the depth of indulgence

    Which in turn depends on whether you’re pureeing a knife or a sword.

    tl:dr – a gun is a sword. Or a knife. Perhaps a pinball.

    Forget mixed, this entire manifesto is made of pureed metaphors. Breakfast of manbabies.

    Reply
  20. LindsayIrene says:
    June 16, 2019 at 8:39 am

    For some reason, as I read this screed, I heard The Battle Hymn of the Republic being played on kazoos inside my head.

    Reply
  21. ObSidJag says:
    June 16, 2019 at 9:09 am

    @LindsayIrene:
    “Kazoos?” Bwa-hah-ha!!!

    Good thing I was reading that on my phone–my spit-take fallout damage was minimized.

    Re OP: I wonder what his “thoughts” (such as they are) are on night-time emissions might be.

    Then, again, pretty sure he’d play the succubi card (best Tarot deck *ever* if I could find it).

    Reply
  22. Anonymous says:
    June 16, 2019 at 9:14 am

    @Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile

    These aren’t incels, you can tell because they seem to recoil from the very idea of sex. If they’re so moonstruck by the idea of “retaining their semen”, why don’t they just join monasteries or be hermits? At least then we wouldn’t have to hear them talk.

    Reply
  23. Moggie says:
    June 16, 2019 at 9:17 am

    @LindsayIrene:

    For some reason, as I read this screed, I heard The Battle Hymn of the Republic being played on kazoos inside my head.

    With the fascist aesthetic, I think Laibach’s The Whistleblowers would be a better fit.

    Reply
  24. jy3 says:
    June 16, 2019 at 11:37 am

    Sometimes I get the impression that large parts of the manosphere are false flags by a bunch of Freudians trying to get their respectability back. I can’t be the only one who thinks this, right? Right?

    Reply
  25. Jackson Ayres says:
    June 16, 2019 at 11:48 am

    This sounds like the incoherent ranting of a recently divorced cult leader.

    Reply
  26. The Wizard Of Snark says:
    June 16, 2019 at 12:12 pm

    Guys like these are pathetic. Guys, if you’re reading this? What you are currently experiencing by depriving yourself of the pleasures of the flesh isn’t “Righteous Fury” or “A Man’s Birthright As Master And Commander Of The Universe.”

    What you are experiencing, fellas… IS

    RAGING.

    SEXUAL.

    FRUSTRATION.

    And it’s makin’ y’all into assholes.

    Reply
  27. Victorious Parasol says:
    June 16, 2019 at 1:48 pm

    *blows out all the candles on her birthday cake and makes a REALLY BIG WISH regarding all the doofusheads of the manosphere*

    Seriously, can somebody tell me what these guys think they’re going to do with all this sperm mana they’re hoarding? From what David has shared, the whole point of this exercise is to tell women, “No, I will not fuck you!” Which they could do and still masturbate if they wanna. If it’s in the privacy of their own home, it’s none of my business.

    Has anybody invented a generator that runs on sexual frustration?

    Reply
  28. Jurgan says:
    June 16, 2019 at 1:56 pm

    THE GUN IS GOOD! THE PENIS IS EVIL!

    Reply
  29. Robert says:
    June 16, 2019 at 2:10 pm

    Victorious Parasol – that sounds like a dreadful/wonderful parody of the Sime/Gen novels.

    And you raise a good point. The semen-hoarders believe that quivering with unspent kumdalini will make them irresistible to women – who will be denied their essence. It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma, covered in squick.

    Reply
  30. Victorious Parasol says:
    June 16, 2019 at 2:22 pm

    @Jurgan

    If you start running around this blog in a red diaper and boots, I am politely averting my eyes. 😉

    @Robert

    Oh, I couldn’t do that to Ms. Lichtenberg. I understand she’s a very nice lady.

    I admire your pun skills – “kumdalini” *snerk*

    Reply
  31. Shadowplay says:
    June 16, 2019 at 2:55 pm

    Has anybody invented a generator that runs on sexual frustration?

    Pretty sure that the thirsty half of Twitter powers the rest and has excess to sell. 😛

    Reply
  32. Ann K says:
    June 16, 2019 at 3:20 pm

    “Steadfastly focusing with white-lighted intent forever burning into the timeline of life with your purpose?”

    Er…what purpose? You’re remarkably silent about what all this is in aid of. If your purpose is to be alone for the rest of your life, that’s OK, but that doesn’t really ACHIEVE anything, does it? This sounds like a massive excuse, written beforehand with the expectation that one will eventually fail at …at …at just about everything.

    There is one notable purpose for semen, and you’re determined not to use it for that, out of fear of failing. That’s a self-fulfilling prophesy, I’m sure.

    Reply
  33. Crip Dyke says:
    June 16, 2019 at 3:22 pm

    @Kat:

    Buddy, you’ve got four metaphors there. You’ve mixed your metaphors because you weren’t thinking about the picture they created when you wrote them. That’s sloppy, careless, lazy writing. And it comes from sloppy, careless, lazy thinking.

    @Moggie:

    It’s like he threw a load of metaphors into a sack and pulled them out at random.

    @Prith:

    Forget mixed, this entire manifesto is made of pureed metaphors. Breakfast of manbabies.

    Pureed to the TILT!
    ========================================
    PS. The tilt? Italicized? Get it? Get it?

    This dad joke brought to you in honor of father’s day. Or maybe not so much in honor as in the other thing.

    Reply
  34. Dormousing_it says:
    June 16, 2019 at 3:47 pm

    I’ve posted this before, and I’m posting it again:

    Chinese proverb: It is better to satisfy the body, than to discolor the mind.

    Reply
  35. Buttercup Q. Skullpants says:
    June 16, 2019 at 5:33 pm

    Holding our ‘cup’ as we traverse forward, getting stronger each day.

    This sounds like something a superstitious baseball player would do to ward off the yips.

    Reply
  36. Scanisaurus says:
    June 16, 2019 at 5:49 pm

    Reading this felt like watching Homer Simpson and Yoda fight over a keyboard, and then somebody let a 12 year old edgelord who doesn’t speak English spellcheck the result.

    Either way, I love the inclusion of the Metropolis gif in this post. It’s an underrated film.

    Reply
  37. Hippodameia says:
    June 16, 2019 at 8:08 pm

    (Apologies to Julia Ward Howe – I just had to get those kazoos out of my head.)

    Mine eyes have seen the glory of the Reddit that’s No-Fap
    where the posters meet up hourly to reinforce their crap,
    misogyny and bigotry and lobster-boyish pap,
    these assholes will yap on!

    Glory, glory, they won’t have sex!
    A choice that they believe will quite vex
    all the women who can’t care less
    but these assholes will yap on!

    Purity of essence is their watchword day and night
    to keep their sperm from harlots they are fighting the good fight
    empowered by their semen, motivated by their spite,
    these assholes still yap on!

    Glory, glory, they don’t want sex
    all the women will be so vexed
    but No-Fappers couldn’t care less
    so these assholes still yap on!

    No-Fappers think “retention” gives them quite a bit of pull
    with the women – who don’t want them, cause it’s all a load of bull
    it isn’t liquid gold and it’s not irrestistable,
    so, assholes, don’t yap on!

    Glory, glory, they won’t get sex
    and that makes them all feel quite vexed
    the rest of the world couldn’t care less
    and the women all move on!

    Reply
  38. tim gueguen says:
    June 16, 2019 at 10:07 pm

    @Tovius, cat walk you say?

    Reply
  39. Runcible Spoon says:
    June 16, 2019 at 11:32 pm

    So, what I am getting here is that these guys want to bed master of their own domain. Who knew a sit com episode was the foundational test of this new movement?

    Reply
  40. occasional reader says:
    June 17, 2019 at 2:42 am

    Hello.

    Funny, every time i read or heard the word “temptress”, it reminds me of this old game. It is strange how some words bring specific memories.

    And yeah, i am sure Miss Tep will cause your downfall. As much as Dame Ned.

    Have a nice day.

    Reply
  41. Amtep says:
    June 17, 2019 at 5:07 am

    Asking why these men are not yet revered statesmen or great scientists is naive. Obviously they WOULD be, if not for all those wily ladies sexily baring their shoulders at them.

    Just like with all sure-fire solutions, the fact that it doesn’t work only means that they’re not yet doing it hard enough. For an in-depth explanation of this principle, just ask any Republican about trickle-down economics.

    Reply
  42. Alan Robertshaw says:
    June 17, 2019 at 6:13 am

    @ bookworm in hijab (if you’re about)

    Hi. Remember the other week we were chatting about the UK’s Prevent thing; the anti terrorism/radicalisation programme. Well, you might find this marginally interesting.

    I have an involvement with a few animal rights organisations; and I do legal work generally for groups and individuals in that field. But someone has passed on to me a rather interesting document they’ve got hold of. It’s the Prevent policy document from a particular education authority.

    So apparently we’re terrorists too now.

    I see a few legal challenges arising when some student is grassed up just because they do a bit of direct action.

    Reply
  43. Katamount says:
    June 17, 2019 at 9:27 am

    This is another one of those instances where I’m wondering at what point will the author realize that this is what they’re doing with their life and have that moment of existential awakening.

    I mean, the offbeat things that I do, cemetery crawling, architectural photography, lewd furry doodles and writing dirty stories are at least creative pursuits that I’ve cultivated over years and take some pride in. But very online people spending hours on forums devoted to this??? Is that what you really want to spend your only life doing?

    Reply
  44. moregeekthan says:
    June 17, 2019 at 9:56 am

    @Jurgan

    Glad to hear I wasn’t the only one getting a Zardoz vibe off of this.

    Reply
  45. Newt says:
    June 17, 2019 at 11:10 am

    @Alan:

    Perhaps they’re thinking of this guy?

    https://www.theguardian.com/science/2006/dec/08/animalrights.uknews

    Reply
  46. Fishy Goat says:
    June 17, 2019 at 11:15 am

    @LindsayIrene Thanks for the ear worm. 😛 😀

    Reply
  47. Genjones says:
    June 17, 2019 at 11:21 am

    Why don’tcha prove your natural supremacy as “master and commander” of the universe by building a rocket and challenging the sun to a game of chicken?

    Reply
  48. Dalillama says:
    June 17, 2019 at 11:29 am

    Or really building anything whatsoever. For all their ranting about how men built everything and not ejaculating makes them supermen, none of them seem to even build model planes or something as a hobby.

    Reply
  49. Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation says:
    June 17, 2019 at 12:18 pm

    Yeah, all you NoFappers, if your abstinence makes you super-powerful, prove it. I want to see a working nuclear fusion power plant from you by Friday! Or you can go build a space elevator or something. Advance us as a species. Solve some major problem, such as climate change. Prove your bona fides.

    Reply
  50. Jenora Feuer says:
    June 17, 2019 at 12:51 pm

    @Victorious Parasol:
    I met Ms. Lichtenberg at a convention once; yes, she is a very nice lady from my experience. (Small kaffeeklatch-esque discussion about the Sime/Gen universe and inspirations behind it with only about a dozen people there.)

    @Katamount:
    I literally asked ‘is this the hill that you want to die on’ to a couple of the trolls here a few weeks back. At least one of them actually said ‘yes’. I don’t know how to get through to people like that.

    With some of these folks it’s a lot like the evangelical ‘witnessing’, where the tactics used are pretty much designed to fail. Because it’s not about actually succeeding, it’s about proving that they tried and that nobody listened.

    @Dalillama:
    I’m reminded (again) of the whole ‘Sad Puppies’ mess in SF, where there were lots of these people who were so horribly offended by recent award-winning books and insistent that people were simply voting for ‘affirmative action candidates’… and yet those same people almost never actually answered when asked what books they liked reading or would recommend to others. Turns out there’s a correlation between ‘thinks fascism is a good idea and believes would never be on the wrong end of it’ and ‘doesn’t have outside hobbies or interests’. Possibly to do with a lack of imagination.

    Reply
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