No, not THAT Chad!
By David Futrelle
Ok, so let’s say you’re a totally normal dude who just happens to be, you know, an incel. And like most normal dudes you keep a folder full of pics of super handsome shirtless dudes on your computer, not because you like to look at them or anything but because you need them as evidence you can pull out at a moment’s notice the next time you get into an argument with someone online who doesn’t believe the totally true fact that super handsome dudes who are capable of removing their shirts are literally the only dudes in the world who can get dates with women unless, I dunno, the woman is super icky or a sex robot or just wants money from you or something.
And then your dad finds your folder of super handsome shirtless dudes and all hell breaks loose.
Dude. Dude. Dude!
I’m sorry about your dad, who honestly sounds like a bit of a jerk, but there’s nothing inherently weird about having a folder full of pics of shirtless hunky dudes on your computer.
It wouldn’t be weird if you had a folder full of pics of shirtless hunky dudes because you think they’re hot, regardless of whether you think of yourself as gay or bi or straight or asexual or whatever. It wouldn’t be weird if you had a folder full of pics of shirtless hunky dudes NOT because you think they’re hot but because, I dunno, you were trying to learn how to draw superheroes and wanted some pics of buff male torsos to use as a reference. Or because you like making funny photoshops with them. Or because you’re trying to get buff yourself and want inspiration. Or just because for some unknown reason you find looking at them very relaxing.
I mean, there are hundreds of non-weird reasons you might have a shirtless hunk folder on your hard drive.
The only weird reason I can think of for having a shirtless hunk folder on your hard drive is because you need them as evidence you can pull out at a moment’s notice the next time you get into an argument with someone online who doesn’t believe the totally true not true fact that super handsome dudes who are capable of removing their shirts are literally the only dudes in the world who can get dates with women.
It would also be weird if you had a folder full of pics of Chad Kroeger, but that’s a whole other can of worms my friend.
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Firstly, I hope everyone had a lovely or at least not horrible day. TGIF! My day was better than average. So that’s nice.
Now I have a couple responses. Scildfreja, I hope I don’t make you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed in any way by always asking for your specific opinion. To me from reading all the things you said you come off not just intelligent and empathic and compassionate you also seem wise about people. Whenever I ask a question here I’m always curious how you will answer it.
I’ve learned over the course of my life I am by nature a follower. I think the majority of people are but just don’t like the label.( or at least not a leader. I guess you can just be independent or neither in some other way I personally don’t think those people are majority but I have no data at all to support my opinion) I don’t see it as a bad thing personally.(I know I’m going on a tangent like always. Give me a minute, please. I can’t help myself.) I feel as long as you make sure to utilize your critical thinking skills and make sure the person you follow is moral, intelligent, honorable and the other virtues that are important to you, then if like me you find even simple decisions difficult and hard decisions literally next door to Impossible and stuff like that it can be a good thing.
I’m in a dominant-submissive relationship and some people have said I take it too far by letting it permeate most aspects of my life but it makes me happy. (Some of those people also say I can’t be a feminist because of how I live my life in many ways. I’ve heard this for almost two decades, it was why until I encountered this site and a few others I was very averse to the concept of feminism in general.)
I feel like in addition to my other mental issues having to decide and make all my choices on everything would make me more insane then I already am(yes sorry I know, comments policy, but one of the ways I deal with my illness is to joke about it. I feel since I’m specifically talking about me the comments policy does not apply. But if this offends someone or hurts their feelings and I won’t even talk about myself that way)
In conclusion, essentially there are some opinions that are more likely to have an effect on my thought process than others. And the things you said about do no harm is the thing that’s bothering me the most because if I know for a literal fact these people will get their items elsewhere if not from me am I doing harm or am I just doing good for myself by collecting money someone was going to get any way. That is the part of this I’m most ambiguous about.
Lastly WWTH and 1-2 others, thank you for telling me what you know about thinspo. My experience was extra early it wasnt as organized as what you’re describing and and they would teach new people how to “properly” starve and purge themselves, & other things and how to hide it from their family and others and more. Things that you say they stopped doing as they organized( I won’t even go back and look. So I have no idea what happened or changed after the last time I saw)
The only good part when I was there was the support and if they still have that while taking away most of the bad parts I cant get behind it but can’t deeply dislike it either. From experience I know that feeling is very difficult and isolating so having a support group, even one that enables the behavior is a giant plus, IMO.
As always, thanks for everyone’s opinions and information. I value the community here and thank you very much for putting up with my walls of text. I dictate, not type so I think that’s a lot of the reason im so excessive with words. It’s Friday night time to go party and make some cash! Everyone have a great weekend. Luv y’all😜
If I was his father , Id be very concerned.
Not because he cant date, not because he may or may not be gay, but because of his mindset. Obsessing over something he cant get rather than focusing on studies and hobbies for a young teenager can be detrimental
One would be forgiven for suspecting that it was you who was obsessed, based on your constant harping on the topic.
I don’t know much about seagulls, but I think this pelican definitely lifts.
Don’t like pelicans. Buggers nearly drowned me once.
(I were swimming in the sea and they decided that where I were swimming was a perfect spot to go fishing. They’re big, and dive like Stukas.)
Arguably, all birds capable of powered flight “lift” quite literally.
aw, @KatieKitten, you flatter me, thank you. I don’t think there’s anything wrong about wanting the input of others. It’s a sign of respect and intelligence to acknowledge that others might have a better picture of what’s going on in a given circumstance.
It’s a tough one, because both directions are understandable. You aren’t literally causing harm, after all, they’re seeking (potential) harm, and will get it elsewhere if not you. The harm will exist either way, the only question is whether you are getting a little good out of it or not. I won’t think less of you either way, but I’ll explain my own thoughts on the situation for you, so you can understand how my motivations work. That way you can gauge whether yours are the same.
The basic idea for me, in this situation, is that I don’t think morality is transferable. If I do something wrong, someone else’s actions can’t make them less wrong; if I do something good, someone else can’t make them less good. They can change the outcome of my actions, but the basic goodness-or-badness of my action stands on its own.
If I have a gun and I take aim and shoot someone that I can’t identify as a direct and immediate threat, I’ve done something wrong. Even if I’m in the military and have just been ordered to shoot that person. I can’t transfer the wrongness to the person giving me the order, it’s mine.
That’s what I mean when I say do no harm. Even if they’re going to go get them elsewhere, that doesn’t mitigate the fact that you’re the one giving them the tools they need to harm themselves. The goodness from your actions comes from inside you and its light can’t be lessened by the actions of others. Same with badness, it comes from within and extends its shadow outwards. Be a beacon!
But again, this really is a morally gray area; I would think no less of you if you decided to do it. Abstract ethical waffling doesn’t pay the rent after all. (Though, it’s important to say that legally this isn’t a morally gray area at all; the law would not be as considerate.)
I hope this made sense! It’s a bit of pontificating, really. I hope it helps give you another perspective on your situation.
@ scildfreja & kaykitten
Indeed; we actually call it ‘transfer of malice’.
http://e-lawresources.co.uk/Transferred-malice.php