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So I’ve found a new type of guy over on Bluesky. Honestly, other people on Bluesky found him before I did, but in case you haven’t, I thought I’d give you a guided tour of Simon Sarasova, the dude behind something called Seekia, “a genetics aware mate discovery network.” And yes, he’s as creepy as that sounds, and then some.
Now, you may notice that he does not as yet have very many followers; in the Darwinian struggle for influence on Bluesky he is lagging a little, though his recent discovery by a small horde of amused Blueskyers may help a bit in that regard. Normally, I don’t write about such small accounts but this dude is kind of a genius of weirdness and will probably be appointed to some sort of position in the Trump White House before long.
(Edited to add: He’s now been suspended on Bluesky. But luckily I have screenshots!)
This is the skeet (I hate that word) that brought him to my attention:
Yes, it’s true, dudes who are into women do tend to feel pretty good about having sex with women they want to have sex with and who are also into having sex with them. But did you have to make it so weird?
With Simon, the answer is yes. It’s always yes. He has to make everything weird–in part because he is just so into eugenics, which he sees as a sort of one-stop-shopping solution to everything he thinks is wrong with us humans.
Indeed, he seems to have a bit of a breeding fetish. But not the porny kind, which, though a bit weird, is not as weird as Simon’s particular fetish.
But Simon doesn’t just have weird opinions about eugenics. He’s got weird opinions about all sorts of hot button issues. Like obesity.
Luckily, Simon has a solution to the whole obesity thing, at least when it comes to the ladies.
Well, I guess it’s good that he’s against sexual harassment. But did he have to be against sexual harassment in this way?
Also, he thinks there should be some sort of treatment available to fix women who aren’t attracted to him. I’m sorry, I meant people who aren’t attracted to enough other people and who are very sad as a result.
He also has strong opinions about … bikes?
Yeah, dude, we know! That’s BECAUSE OF ALL THE CARS.
Ok, so the question now arises, what the fuck is Seekia? Well, as Simon explains it on the Seekia web page, “Seekia is a genetics aware mate discovery network. The goal of Seekia is to help humanity mate in a genetics aware manner.”
Sounds sexy as hell! In any case, what he evidently means is that it’s a sort of dating website where you can screen your potential dates for various, well, genetic things. For example, you can check for “genetic disease risk probabilities with each potential mate” and “sort your matches by your prospective offspring’s probability of being diseased.” Cool.
You can also sort for various other genetics traits like lactose intolerance and curly hair. So if you’re looking for a straight-haired mate who farts and poops whenever they drink milk without Lactaid, Seekia’s got you covered!
And you can also sort by “ancestry” if you want to make sure your offspring come out white. I mean, so you can “choose a mate with whom your offspring is the most likely to possess the ancestry which you desire.”
In the end, Simon explains,
Seekia aims to facilitate eugenic breeding by encouraging humans to breed more beautiful, healthier, more intelligent, more virtuous, and happier offspring.
More virtuous? Somehow I don’t generally associate eugenics and the people who are into it with virtue, exactly.
But in case you’re maybe interested, Simon offers this example of a successful match:
Huh. Well, let’s look at the pros and cons here. Con: They’re SIX THOUSAND MILES AWAY. Pro: 91% “offspring blue eyes probability.” Score!
I would take a quick peek at the profiles of the no doubt extremely numerous pretty ladies awaiting me on Seekia, but to do that, I would have to download Simon’s software, and there’s no way in hell I would ever even consider downloading anything from this guy, not even some free MP3s or, you know, a car. Also, as the download page explains,
Seekia is unfinished software. It cannot connect to the internet or download profiles.
You must compile it yourself to run it. The instructions are included in the download.
Yeah, not fucking likely. I would actually be surprised if even a single pretty lady (or pretty man) has actually downloaded and compiled his unfinished and apparently completely nonfunctional software yet, besides him (and maybe that one white lady six thousand miles from him). I’m not sure that a network of literally no one really counts as a network.
In any case, even if there were ten million members on Seekia, I wouldn’t want to try “genetics aware dating,” due to it being weird and racist and icky and likely to attract a weird, racist, icky clientele. Instead, I’m going to stick with the old fashioned way: sitting on my couch in my apartment and hoping that some nice lady just kind of shows up at my door and asks me out. I don’t really care about the color of her eyes.
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I feel so out of date. Mr. Parasol and I met online the old-fashioned way – on IRC.
Sarasova is radiating so much incel energy I can feel it from over a thousand kilometers away.
Prediction: “Seekia” is going nowhere, and it will probably get there at warp speed. I’d be shocked if a functioning app binary package for any platform is ever released.
His reason for why there are so many obese women did make me laugh out loud, that’s all I can say for him.
This cannot possibly be a real human. It reads lol ke an AI created by a sexual predator
@VickyP: Gosh, I’m so old Mr. xn and I met at a college dance! And we only lived originally 45 minutes apart, and went to that school because it was a state school so close to our family homes.
He does have blue eyes, so I got that going for me.
@Jazzlets: Notice how none of these incel boys ever mention the problem of fat guys. Or stinky ones. Or ones who are Bigfoot-hairy and think they should get the hot skinny babes without bothering to shave or wax. How’s about starting with all that first? Or maybe ease into it slowly by bathing and using deodorant?
Last week’s episode of Behind the Bastards was about a geneticist who tried to start a similar genetics based dating service. And bring back Neanderthals and dire wolves.
It’s a very bizarre way of thinking.
lol all the posts are no longer visible here
Did you get screenshots?
His account has been suspended.
That was quick. Should have used screenshits.
Oops. Meant to say “screenshots”. My “i” key is right next to “o”.
Given the escalation of gender polarization, the continuing shrinkage of the Man and Woman Boxes, and the insistence upon looming lantern-jawed hypermuscled On-Beyond-Zebra-Chads and spindly (but somehow curvaceous) baby-faced saucer-eyed airbrush-complexioned Stepford Waifus, I’m wondering if anyone’s ever written a science-fiction story about a culture that eugenicized its people into such extreme sexual dimorphism as to become cross-infertile.
(And yes, I know about Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Oparians, whose brutish apelike men and cheesecake illo-op women comprised a sustainable species, and I maintain the right to wonder, on a Watsonian level, exactly how the hell that happened.)
@Makroth:
That was quick. Should have used screenshits.
Oops. Meant to say “screenshots”. My “i” key is right next to “o”.
That’s okay; “screenshits” would be quite apropos for Simon’s aphoristic brilliance.
Ok, ok, I’ve got screenshots! Give me a minute while I put them up. Sigh.
@Full Metal Ox: well, there was the ST:TOS episode “Spock’s Brain” …
@ david
If it’s any consolation the page loads much better now they’re screenshots.
@ fmo
Hmm, well they’re Atlantians who cross bred with a lost hominin sub species 10,000 years ago. But in the books it’s explained they just do selective breeding and culling. Not sure how practical that would be in real life, although even in the stories it’s implied the society is on its last legs.
It’s not even a modern trope; supernatural beings where the male version is an ugly brute (or occasionally, looks like an old withered man) and the female version is very attractive show up in various mythologies. Meanwhile in the cases where the female is an ugly brute, either their males are the same or they don’t have a male counterpart. I’m not aware of any exceptions. It would be interesting if someone wrote fantasy which defied that trope. Like having male hags which look like cute boys, or something. And then they go and befriend or seduce young people and get them to follow him to his home in woods so that his wife can have them over for dinner, minus the “over”.
OGLAF had a comic/meme about it:
https://www.oglaf.com/dimorphism/