Leave it to the Federalist to offer a literal recipe for owning the libs.
In a post titled “How To Cook The Columbus Day Feast Of Liberal Nightmares,” the inadvertently comical right-wing site offers detailed recipes for “Mama Turner’s Sauce” and “Bedford’s Missing-Capers Veal Milanese” for your C-day “feast.” (I didn’t even know that was a thing.)
The goal here, of course, to trigger the libs with a dinner centering around tomato sauce — because, don’tcha know, it was Columbus who brought tomatoes back from the New World.
“[D]umb people across the very country [Columbus] Discovered are spreading old lies and choosing to honor Indigenous People’s Day instead” of Columbus day, the Federalists declare.
“Honoring,” because no one actually “celebrates” Indigenous Peoples Day. And why would they — there’s no pasta, no veil [I think he means veal], not a recipe for “the sauce” in early America?
But the Italians did invent the sauce. One Italian in particular also had the vision and the bravery to sail over the ends of the earth, amidst tempests, serpents, and cannibals, to discover the New World (and bring back the tomatoes they needed).
This is that man’s holiday, and these are his peoples’ recipes — brought to you by The Federalist’s Chris Bedford and Power the Future’s Daniel Turner.
Wow, I guess you sure showed us.
There’s a nearly-an-hour long video showing you how to prepare the recipes for your “feast.” Needless to say I didn’t watch the thing and neither should you.
This whole “Kitchen Culture War” — that’s what they call it — is more than a little reminiscent of MGTOW cooking, the only real difference is that these guys actually seem to know their way around a kitchen.
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@OpposableThumbs
Unless it’s a corruption of “Bayonnaise” and is from the opposite end of post-Roman Europe.
@WWTH:
I dunno, it’s always possible that when he says “tomato sauce” he means “ketchup.”
@Lumipuna:
Blatant attempt to bait leftist nerds into arguing that Native American cultures did in fact have sauce-like foods (I can only this is true to some extent), which can then be ridiculed as obsessive indignation over something completely irrelevant. More likely than not this ridicule would be expressed with a trollish smirk and the confident assertion, “no, only Italians have invented the True Sauce”.
♫ When an Aztec makes sauce
With a chocolatey gloss,
That’s a moooooleeee! ♬
@LondonKds:
Even to this day there are some orthorexists who declare that eating “nightshades” is the real cause of all manner of health problems.
I’m reminded of a Good Samaritan on the city bus who regarded my arthritic gait as a cue to barrage me with unsolicited health advice:
A. Avoid nightshade vegetables.
B. Take capsaicin supplements.
Can you see something wrong with this picture?
In one of their most regular and stunningly obvious bits of projection, these useless, self-loathing, utterly void and desperate shits demand that it is ME who needs to “get a life”!
“Conservatives” today look into mirrors, describe their ugliness and stupidity as best they can (with cliches, the truly laughable “insults” they pass among themselves like magazine porn from the 50s circulates in an Iranian prison, and misspelled assertions pulled most unsanitarily from the same ass they keep they heads in), and then pretend they’re talking about those they hate*.
These are the worst humans ever to have lived – and they do all this just to pretend they can evade the embarrassment of being wrong! They’ll literally destroy the nation and burn the world before admitting to themselves that they are.
*Meaning “envy”
Who celebrates Columbus Day, anyway? It’s always been a day off for me.
The natives didn’t invent the sauce, but they did invent la salsa. Or whatever they called it in their languages. Probably “mmm, slurp, ahhh”.
I had some local, mostly-foraged Native cuisine (not a tomato-eating people) late in the Before Times and MAN was it delicious. Came with short free history and language lesson from the Native guys who’d gathered and prepared it. Also ate in a Native restaurant in Vancouver once, that was delicious too.
Of course, tomatoes aren’t indigenous to what’s today the US, and White Patriots didn’t consider the Italians to be white for ages. Just look at the KKK.
As a child of part-Norwegian ancestry, I was always guaranteed to be That Kid who piped up “What about Leif Erickson?” every October.
Columbus Day: Honoring that time an Italian guy working for the Spanish missed an entire double continent, washed up on some islands, and thought he was on an entirely different continent. Then he committed genocidal atrocities that raised eyebrows even at the time.
He was using a foreign power’s money, made promises he couldn’t keep, and was lost and incompetent. Perfect for The Federalist, right? Sounds like Cheeto Benito!
@Alan: You could eat Mexican food made by authentic Mayans and Aztecs, etc. for Dia de la Raza, which would be both ethnically native and full of tomatoes. I mean, tamales alone…!
@Nequam: Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga have a new album out and they’re both Italian! Swingin’ jazz.
As a True American, I’m going to have a cheeseburger tonight. Because we usually have them on Mondays.
@Nequam, @GSS ex-noob:
Steve Buscemi Day has a nice ring to it.
@Alan Robertshaw
I understand skepticism on the part of Columbus’s potential financiers. But even in that context, I don’t know what a loan accuser is.
Easy. Just change the name to freedomaise.
@Alan:
One argument that I’ve seen in the ‘Columbus knew that his estimate was wrong/ridiculously optimistic but used it to get funding’ is one that I found in Daniel J. Boorstin’s The Discoverers:
Columbus actively lied to his own crew about the distance they’d travelled.
We know he did because his log books included his own calculations of distance, and also included the lower number he had told the crew. (This was before anybody had good enough clocks to calculate longitude directly, of course, so it was mostly dead-reckoning for distance.) He deliberately low-balled his distance estimates with what he told the crew, presumably because he didn’t want to face the mutiny he might have had as they got to the distance he said they would have to travel and still couldn’t see land.
The ‘amusing’ part of it is that, based on the best guesses as to where Columbus actually hit land first (we know the rough area, but that area includes quite a few islands)… the lies that Columbus told his crew were actually more accurate than Columbus’ own estimates.
Boorstin’s book really does Columbus no favours. (And Boorstin was not only a historian, he was actually the Librarian of Congress for a while, and mostly a pretty staunch conservative.) We’re talking ‘threatening to cut off the tongues of anybody who tells his investors that what they discovered was not part of mainland China or that what we now call Cuba was an island’ level of things.
Assuming that’s true, that all lines up a whole lot better with ‘Columbus desperately trying to keep his house of cards from collapsing’ than ‘Columbus made a mistake’. Granted, we know from more recent history that people who started as scammers can end up becoming true believers in their own bullshit, especially after being forced into corners to defend it.
@ jenora
That sounds like an interesting book; notwithstanding the biases. I am pretty fascinated by accounts of early travel. I do subscribe to the idea that there was a lot of very early, and undocumented travel. Not the China hypothesis or Clovis points, that’s pretty much BS; but there’s archeology round here that shows trade with the Mediterranean and North Africa going back at least 8,000 years!
And I find the idea of Columbus just overhyping the project very plausible. It’s not like that’s an uncommon phenomenon today. Just now he’d be talking about colonies on Mars.
@Alan
The existence of the Mediterranean Bronze age was reliant almost entirely on Cornish tin: the Iberian deposits were insufficient, the Balkan deposits over too long a land route, and nobody west of Hyderabad had even heard of the Southeast Asian deposits.
Meanwhile, across the Atlantic, archaeological evidence indicates trade routes linking both the Atlantic and Pacific seaboards to the Great Lakes and South beyond the Rio Grande.
I don’t know how realistic his own private estimate was, according to the best science of the day, but he did endanger his own life, among others. I get the general impression he was quite eager to get rich and famous, or die trying.
Meanwhile, Amerigo Vespucci and others began exploring the “West Indies” in Columbus’s wake. Around the time of Columbus’s death, Vespucci published his reports that proved wildly popular, not only making European scholars finally fully aware of West Indies, but convincing everyone that it was in fact a new world. Soon, the name America was proposed to honor Vespucci.
Seems everyone is talking about tomatoes these days.
Can you imagine that if Amerigo Vespucci had another name, America wouldn’t even be called America? XD
@MV96:
United States of Dave.
The United States of *waves hand* That Part Over There.