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empathy deficit incels misogyny self-hatred

Incels wonder: “Is it even possible for females to have low self-esteem?”

Impossible scenario, according to incels

Incels feel so little empathy for women and girls that they simply refuse to believe that they could ever feel bad about themselves.

Over on the Incels.co forums, one unempathetic fellow called MaxZM98 wonders aloud if it’s “even possible for females to have a low self-esteem in 2020?” Naturally, he answers his own question with an emphatic “no.”

I’ve been wondering, is this even possible? since women are pedestalised and treated like queens even if they aren’t good looking, how can they not have an inflated ego?

I like how he assumes that only hot women deserve to feel good about themselves.

they may have their confidence reduced if chad insults them, and they could have a low self-esteem compared to other females, but they would still reject their looksmatch because they believe they are ‘above’ him and he is not worthy.

There’s no law saying that women (or men) are required to date their “looksmatches.” This is just an incel fixation.

all the positive reinforcement from society throughout their lives makes it impossible for them to think badly about themselves, at least to the extent that men do.

[Citation needed]

perhaps if she is obese and disfigured, and has been abused throughout her childhood…but that’s like 0.5% of the female population and even then she’d probably get hit up by desperate guys giving her validation.

Being “hit on by desperate guys” is not necessarily the fun ego-boost that incels assume it is. (Seriously, incels, spend an hour or two in the CreepyPMs subreddit and tell me again how much fun it is to get sleazy come-ons from horny weirdos.)

Of course, Max’s colleagues on Incels.co agree with him.

The only women with low self-esteem, one writes, are those with

[S]evere mental issues (like autism, BDD, BPD, etc.) or extreme ugliness/disabilities/chronic illnesses. Otherwise it’s (nearly) impossible, maybe after chad rejects her for a few moments sadness/doubt, but otherwise the positive reinforcement is too much. And even when they have severe issues they still live a dozen times better than their male counterparts or most males tbh. Mental illnesses and physical disabilities reduce the dating pool for women, but they aren’t fully excluded unlike their male counterparts.

Another adds that

Even the ugliest of women gets constant validation through social media 24/7. You’re average foid probably gets more validation per minute than we’ll get in our entire lifetime

Weird creepy messages from total strangers aren’t “validation.”

Trust me, incels, you don’t have a monopoly on feeling shitty about yourselves; the fact that you think you do is a large part why no one wants to get with you. Try a little empathy.

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Cindy
Cindy
1 year ago

Happy International Men’s Day, ladies! Of course, *every* day is men’s day in our patriarchal hellworld, but don’t point that out to the fragile incels!

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

@cindy

hey you still want autistic people to be sterilized and think a lot of innocent people should die of covid because of where they did? yes? then shut up cindy.

Cindy
Cindy
1 year ago

@Lainy

Hope you’re having a good day too 🙂

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Battering Lamb

As for ‘feminism forcing us to transition’… It actually held me back for a long time. I really internalized the ‘am I just some pervert invading female spaces?’ rethoric really got under my skin.

For me it both held me back but also did help me at the same time. I can relate to what you describe, a lot of the feminist circles I was in did have some essentialist streaks running through. At the same time, (other) feminist spaces also were where I met other trans people and learned about their experiences and started to unpack my own in relation.

We can play ‘no true scotsman’ all we want, but a lot of people see terfs as feminist (especially the terfs themselves).

Even among people who aren’t TERFs, I find that a lot of liberal cishet feminists have some subtle transphobia (e.g. spelling “trans women/men” as one word, referring to cis women as “regular,” ignoring trans men’s existence + reproductive needs, etc). Many are also resistant to listening to trans perspectives or corrections on these.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Spaghetti

Not like women have much empathy for guys like us either.

I have empathy for non-awful men. I don’t have much for men who would like to see me raped and/or killed.

You prolly wouldn’t be spending your life watchdogging online misogyny if a woman empathized enough to sleep with you.

You’d probably find more women interested in you if you weren’t a misogynist.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

I still remember how amazed I felt this one time early in our marriage. I was moving from the hallway to our living room, and Mr. Parasol looked up from the couch and said, “God, I want you.” Let us draw a veil over the rest of the narrative.

But I don’t mind sharing my utter bewilderment. I was wearing an old pair of shorts and an old shirt of his he’d given me, no makeup, hair probably ruffled because it doesn’t stay tidy … but to Mr. Parasol, I was the most desirable woman on the planet. The incels would probably bray that I shouldn’t have low self-esteem, but at that point I still very much did.

I’m better, but I still think every day with Mr. Parasol is a gift.

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

@Cindy.

I can’t, i have covid that you think i should die from because of the state i live in, you jerk.

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

@spagetti

Your right, i have no empathy for you because incels want me dead for not fucking them. Die a virgin for all I care.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

It’s been a while since we had a sad boner troll. This one’s not putting in enough effort so far for me to respond though.

Luzbelitx
1 year ago

Seriously, incels, spend an hour or two in the CreepyPMs subreddit and tell me again how much fun it is to get sleazy come-ons from horny weirdos.

I don’t think they need to. I think it’s them sending those messages….

Chris Oakley
Chris Oakley
1 year ago

Just a hunch, but our friend Spaghetti seems to have a chip on their shoulder big enough to qualify for its own zip code.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
1 year ago

I have seen that, and I am sure pretty much everyone except spagetthis need to see it :

comment imagev

What are goat. How can they be.

(and the gif don’t seem to work. Gallery here : https://imgur.com/gallery/09ZeNON it’s the first one)

Last edited 1 year ago by Ohlmann
Moon Custafer
1 year ago

@ Victorious Parasol :
 
“Sexiness” as a quality tends to be very contextual, and also subjective, which can occasionally lead to mixed results like this mental-health PSA. Casting Ben Mendelsohn as the personification of an anxiety disorder is one thing, but having him gaze into the camera and murmur things like “I am the hand… that cracks the whip… that sets your heart racing” led some viewers to experience feelings that were definitely not anxiety.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Moon Custafer
That was something, all right. On some level I feel like that could have been intentional, it would be hard to accidentally make that without realizing the other interpretations.

Moon Custafer
1 year ago

@Naglfar:

The only possibility I can think of is that it occurred to absolutely nobody involved that there’s some overlap between the “gentleman Bond villain” tropes and some kinks. OK, the other possibility is that this occurred to *some* people involved, and they decided not to say anything for reasons of their own.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
1 year ago

@Moon Custafer : “some reason” being that there’s entirely too many groups where speaking against the leader is costly, so you only do it when it’s very important.

There is no need for doctor Raoult level of personality cult for that to happen. And I believe creative types are more likely to induce that phenomen, so it happen more easily on publicity, marketing, and PSA like here than on, say, nuclear plant planning. Albeit it have happened on nuclear plant planning.

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
1 year ago

@Ohlmann:

GOAT MASSAGES!!! 😀

Paireon
Paireon
1 year ago

As a 41-year-old cishet virgin man who never had a girlfriend, with self-esteem issues, one or two depressions under my belt, and Asperger’s, there is one thing that, every single day, never fails to lift my oft-flagging morale a bit:

That I am not, never have been, and never will be, so terrible a waste of human biomatter as incels are. Stop blaming women. Stop blaming your “ugliness”. Stop blaming Chad (although you don’t do that much which kinda shows your true colors as bitter misogynists). Stop being assholes playing the victim while constantly circlejerking and goading each other to be the most miserable pieces of shit you can imagine. Stop obsessing over sex with the opposite gender as the be-all, end-all of human experience. Stop viewing women as a means to an end then projecting on them your disgusting views, as if it justified them. Stop whining about manlet genocide. Stop cringing about the babies you’ll never have that you’re sorely lacking in the qualities necessary to raise properly anyway.

Not that most of you will listen. Better to circle down the drain to utter misanthropic nihilism than risk the pain of looking in a mirror and realizing your shit thoughts, words and deeds (therefore yourselves) are responsible for 90%+ of your own woes, amirite? Because you might be convinced to try and get up and out of the gutter and actually better yourselves otherwise, and you can’t have that, because that’d be admitting defeat, that women might have a point in declining to deal with pathetic losers too cowardly to shoulder their share of the responsibility for their woes, and too lazy to try and actually improve their lot.

Fenwick
Fenwick
1 year ago

@ Paireon
Most women would rather live under a legit incel government than live your life dude. Idk why you worry about them so much.

Ok so they may get forced into virginity and a smaller social life, but you’re already living like that anyway, and you seem all the happier for it. Women can learn to enjoy that life too.

Also there’s no distinction between a 40 yo virgin and an incel outside the internet, we’re both loser rejects all the same.

Last edited 1 year ago by Fenwick
.45
.45
1 year ago

@ Fenwick

Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine…

Dare I ask what an Incel government would look like? Legally requiring hot sixteen year old Stacies to get it on with whoever wants them? Free plastic surgery for anyone who feels their looks are holding them back? Chads being forced to wear chastity belts and masks to limit their options? Women being fined for wearing not enough makeup or too much makeup, being too fat, too ugly, etc?

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Fenwick
Woman here, I would not want to live under “incel government.” I prefer having some basic human rights, thank you.

Also there’s no distinction between a 40 yo virgin and an incel outside the internet, we’re both loser rejects all the same.

The difference is that many people manage to find satisfaction in their lives without sex, while you incels seem very unhappy because you just stew in hate all day. You’ve decided you’re a loser, not society.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

@Fenwick

Most women would rather live under a legit incel government than live your life dude.

Uh, no. I want to live under a competent government that works for its citizens, and incels don’t demonstrate a whole lot of competence at anything beyond whinging and desperate rationalizations.

.45
.45
1 year ago

@ Victorious Parasol

Ummmmm… I don’t know where you live and what kind of government you have now, but let’s just say in my neck of the woods… well, we could use some improvement.

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

@Fenwick

I would rather die. Yeah I would rather die then live in a world where I’d probably be raped by incels because they decided my husband is a chad and I’m hot so i should be having sex with incels and be “happy” about it. Your one sick little fuck.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

@.45

Oh, there’s definitely room for improvement in my neck of the woods as well. But it’s not going to come from incels taking power. I wouldn’t trust a group of incels to organize a potluck.

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