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An incel’s lament: Even if I find a teenage girlfriend she’ll eventually get old and ugly

The Buddha is not impressed

The Buddha, legend has it, spent his younger years living in an opulent palace that was also, in a way, a prison — designed to make sure he never saw the reality of suffering in the real world. But in his late twenties he decided he needed to see the world outside the palace walls.

On his first trip out, he saw an old man, and learned about the phenomenon of aging. On subsequent trips, he saw a sick man, a corpse, and a religious ascetic. He learned that life was fleeting and suffused with suffering. This insight was the spark for the spiritual quest that led to his enlightenment.

One regular commenter on Incels.co seems, like the Buddha, to have discovered the phenomenon of aging, though his discovery hasn’t led to any wisdom.

“Even if I get a teen or early 20s girlsfriend she will age out,” Total Imbecile sadly reported in a recent post:

I dont know how guys cope with this

No matter how pretty your girlfriend is she will eventually grow old, everything is transient …

Each year you turn 1 year older while some girl whos your 10/10 becomes a teen and starts living her prime

And even she will eventually age out of her prime

Its just brutal, I hate the agepill

Total Imbecile, like the Buddha, realizes that life is transient and painful; unlike the Buddha, he uses this insight as an excuse to lament that hot 13-year-olds won’t be hot 13-year-olds forever. Euggghh.

In a followup comment, he told the sad tale of a recent shopping trip:

I was @ my local target today and I noticed this girl who had like blonde hair but it was almost orange

Anyways I realized I wanna marry her but then as she was walking I noticed an old guy walking in the opposite direction and it hit me

Even if I marry her, 50 years from now I will be that old guy and somebody else will be that college girl, my wife will be old and her hair will probably go white, she wont be a college girl forever

I wanted to kill myself right then and there

Don’t worry, dude; with this attitude, even if you somehow magically manage to find a girlfriend, she’s not going to put up with your shit long enough to grow any older.

An incel called Transcended Truecel agreed with Imbecile’s bleak assessment of the world.

Yup, I was once thinking about this. Even if you somehow get a Stacy, every passing year her looks degrade, day by day. Eventually she will become old hag. It was very brutal enlightenment. Destroyed my desire to ascend by a large degree, after realizing this, I no longer care for trying to ascend as it’s not possible and not even worth the effort either. Best to money max and cope

In a followup comment, he added:

Imagine putting all this effort for foid and finally ascending , just for her to expire a few years in . Really unideal

Boo fucking hoo. Like you’e going to age like fine wine?

Seriously, dudes, go read Siddartha or something. Get a little bit of perspective on life.

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Lollypop
Lollypop
1 year ago

Why Incels Will Never Be Happy: Volume 489: It isn’t even enough to get a beautiful, young (in fact, probably underage) girlfriend and have them support, love and sexually submit to you with no requirement of emotional or sexual effort on your side. Nope, incels also need a constant supply of fresh ones when the girlfriends age out, presumably in their view at around 23, or they “might as well rope”. Chasing that Leonardo DiCaprio dream * shudders *

I think my husband is a head-turner in terms of handsomeness, but as much as I love the way he looks, I’ve not fetishised it so much that I’ll have a complete existential meltdown when he starts to age. Doing that would be deeply strange and dehumanising, and it’s actually even weirder to me that they are doing this over women they’ve only interacted with momentarily.

Victorious Parasol is right that seeing/knowing older happy couples is lovely and heartwarming. I find it romantic. Like when you see old best friends still hanging out together.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

Not only do girls age, they also fart and have garlic breath and opinions. It’s not Father Time that’s the problem here.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Buttercup

Not only do girls age, they also fart and have garlic breath and opinions.

The horror! Brb going to eat a garlic burrito and have some opinions. Like “the best Metallica album is Ride the Lightning” or “roasted potatoes > mashed potatoes.”

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
1 year ago

Naglfar wrote:

roasted potatoes > mashed potatoes

Why do you hate civilization? Any fucking cromag can roast a potato, but only the truly civilized can boil them and then add butter and cream whilst pulverizing them to a delicious demipaste.

What is wrong with you?

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
1 year ago

“roasted potatoes > mashed potatoes.”

Chips are better than both. As are baked potato. But the supreme potato is the Dauphinoise. There is NO dispute.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Gaebolga

Why do you hate civilization? Any fucking cromag can roast a potato, but only the truly civilized can boil them and then add butter and cream whilst pulverizing them to a delicious demipaste.

Can a cromagnon chop a potato into small slices and chunks, add the appropriate spices in the appropriate ratios, lightly coat them in oil, and roast them in an oven until the outside is crisp and the inside soft? All it takes to boil a potato is a vessel that can hold water over a fire, then mash it with a stone or whatever else you have handy.

Really, I just don’t like the texture of mashed potatoes.

moregeekthan
moregeekthan
1 year ago

Wait, was Total Imbecel already taken? Can these guys not even get commitment to theme right?

Chrisb
Chrisb
1 year ago

I thought the lament was going to be “if i find a teenage girlfriend she’ll grow up and realize what a loser I am” Isn’t that what always happens to 30 year old guys who date women in their early 20s?

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

I have never heard someone call red hair blonde but almost orange wtf

Viscaria
Viscaria
1 year ago

My controversial take is that all potatoes are delicious, and you are all invited to bring me those potatoes that are prepared in a manner you do not prefer. I don’t want to share my address, but for most of you, just go north-ish, west-ish. See you soon.

I thought that inceldom was supposed to be a fairly new phenomenon, a result of women being given the dangerous power of checks notes choosing who they have sex with. I’m pretty sure aging predates whatever era they believe they would have been granted a wife in.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Viscaria

all potatoes are delicious

I’d recommend avoiding the green ones, they’re a bit on the toxic side.

I’m pretty sure aging predates whatever era they believe they would have been granted a wife in.

True, but incels might not know that. Maybe they think aging only happened after feminism started, and that before that, people only died of disease or injury.

Hambeast
Hambeast
1 year ago

I’d love to know what the incels’ secret to eternal not-aging-out is! Maybe it’s just that all that money-maxxing enables them to get hair plugs, botox, and personal trainers and stuff. But the truth is that after a certain age, everyone ages like bread left on the counter too long.

I figured out death at 5, but that was only because one of my playmates died of heart abnormalities. None of the neighborhood kids were taken to the funeral, though, because that was beyond the pale somehow?

Finally, I personally find potatoes to be overrated and could live quite happily without them. I’m a rice lover and recently discovered basmati. YUM!

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Hambeast

I’m a rice lover and recently discovered basmati.

Bhasmati is great. I personally use it with curries or some other dish that has a good sauce to soak into the rice.

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
1 year ago

As I’m curious about the spoiler tag, and want to drop in something OT …

Totally OT
I’ve mentioned before that for anyone who loves Stardew Valley, My Time in Portia is even better. Being a serial restarter, I’d not actually “finished” (there’s an endpoint to the main story line, though side quests can continue on and you can basically play forever if you like) the game until today.

I cried. It’s good.

Last edited 1 year ago by Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Big Titty Demon
Big Titty Demon
1 year ago

All I know is that 4 is an average, so I’m sure there are exceptions. I’m sure there are other factors involved as well, like whether anyone close to them has died.

What a fascinating article! 4 is the average for irreversibility, though, not universality, which comes later. Not as late as me though, evidently I had some kind of stunted understanding around death.

The anecdote given in the article paints the 3-year-old as being obliviously happy at the funeral, but I wonder if she really was. I have known children as young as 2 to exaggerate their own pleasant mood as a response to sadness or anger in adults, in an attempt to bring them out of it. (Of course, those children were in homes where the parents were fighting all the time, so maybe it’s different in a happy home and children are oblivious there.)

Also wow the comment box is way easier to use on desktop than the phone.

Dalillama
Dalillama
1 year ago

@Lainy
What, you’ve never heard of Carrot Top?

epitome of incomrepehensibility

So, I have had thoughts like this as a teenager. The “if I marry someone, he’ll get old and won’t be pretty anymore” kind of stuff – as if he wouldn’t get old if I didn’t marry him. (“Him” by default – I knew I was bisexual by 14 but didn’t really admit it until I was 17.)

But even then it was a passing thought and not a source of existential angst. Aren’t there other things in life to worry about?

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
1 year ago

Naglfar wrote:

Really, I just don’t like the texture of mashed potatoes.

Fair enough.

epitome of incomrepehensibility

OT, but I’m changing the link my ‘nym goes to (it makes more sense to link to the place my writing is indexed rather than the entire site). Just curious to see whether the comment goes into moderation again.

1st time commenting in the new website format, my comment went into moderation, but my latest one didn’t.

Edit: nope, it showed up right away. Also, I found the edit button 🙂

Last edited 1 year ago by epitome of incomrepehensibility
Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Big Titty Demon

The anecdote given in the article paints the 3-year-old as being obliviously happy at the funeral, but I wonder if she really was. I have known children as young as 2 to exaggerate their own pleasant mood as a response to sadness or anger in adults, in an attempt to bring them out of it.

I’ve observed the same. I’ve also seen children express some kinds of sadness by trying to drown it out in themselves by acting happy or masking it. I did that as a kid, which led me to do standup comedy as a teen as a way of coping with depression and dysphoria. I haven’t done standup in a long time, but if open mics ever become safe again I might try to get back into it.

For me, I really understood the permanence of death when I was 3 and my family’s dog at the time died. He wasn’t a human but I was close to him and missed him dearly.

Last edited 1 year ago by Naglfar
Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

@Dalillama

I AM a carrot top. it’s just most normal people call it a carrot top or just red hair. they don’t say “blonde but like orange blonde” like a stoner who’s forgotten the word for red.

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

Oh my god…can i…can i finally add images here without having to go through something weird? is that the new thing? can i do that?

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

This is a test, so it’s a meme

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

Oh my god i can, this changes everything! David I love you!

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

Sorry I am super excited about this cause this is so new so this is off topic. I’m gonna show you guys my new hair cause I’ve never been able to show you imagines before. I am no longer a carrot top.

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