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entitled babies men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny poop reddit

Dump him, or take a dump for him? The stark, stinky choice one Redditor says her boyfriend is forcing her to make

Listen to Jeff Goldblum, Reddit girlfriend!

By David Futrelle

The Relationships subreddit — which thousands of Redditors turn to for relationship advice, and which millions more turn to for creepy vicarious entertainment — has always been a tad, well, asymmetric, gender-wise: the relationship problems that women tend to write in about tend to be exponentially more horrific than the complaints sent in by guys.

A guy will write in complaining that his girlfriend wants to watch something other than The Boondock Saints during their weekly “Netflix and Chill” date — “should I dump her for her lack of appreciation for this cinematic masterpiece?” Meanwhile, some poor woman will ask if they’re really in the wrong for complaining about their boyfriend’s ever-growing accumulation of piss bottles, now taking up half the living room — “after all, he tells me repeatedly, and very loudly, he pays half the rent.”

I made these examples, up, but trust me, they’re no weirder than the real thing. Yesterday, for example, one poor Reddit girlfriend turned to her fellow Redditors for advice on a novel relationship dilemma: Should she take a dump in front of her boyfriend to prove she isn’t cheating on him?

If you’re perplexed by that question, gird your loins, and read on:

I’m sure most of you will agree that the only dumping that should take place is her dumping him. Unless, perhaps, she decides to take the advice of Talia Lavin on Twitter:

Given the circumstances, this seems pretty reasonable to me.

Assuming this is a true story, that is. I mean, this is Reddit; the story was posted by a throwaway account; people have been known to go online and tell lies sometimes; etc. Still, everything I’ve learned about my fellow dudes over the course of my lifetime suggests that it’s at least a plausible story. I want to believe, and so in this case I will.

Note: Sorry to have to resort to screenshots for this one, but the mods of the Relationships subreddit nuked the original post. I borrowed the screenshots from @redditships on Twitter, which posts amazing crap like this on a regular basis.

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Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
2 years ago

I seem to recall from some biology textbook or other that proportionally speaking, women’s rectums are more capacious than men’s. Factoring in that, broadly speaking, women are slightly smaller than men, surely this suggests that men and women’s turds should be exactly the same size.

That being said, seriously, has this guy never seen porn? Specifically, the kind of porn that demonstrates the size of things that women are clearly capable of inserting into their anuses, which ought to lead to the conclusion that they might be capable of squishing out something that diameter as well?

He’s an abusive dingbat, so I assume that he has, but just tries not to think about the anus’ other purpose when watching that.

Now I’m wondering if he’s ever complained that her asshole isn’t perfectly bleached like the ones you see in commercial porn.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
2 years ago

Regarding the whole “women and men are totally different when it comes to butt stuff” thing, I’m sure I read a post here ages ago about how some Very Smart Guy™ was arguing about how men having anal sex was dangerous and potentially harmful, but anal sex with a woman was fine because women’s butts are made of sterner stuff because reasons. Unfortunately, I can’t find it now.

Nequam
Nequam
2 years ago

In the book, she mentions having to shave her pubic area for some reason, and having to wait for her hair there to grow back before she could take on other gigs because a lot of photographers and filmmakers back then wouldn’t work with women who shaved their pubes! Maybe they were afraid that the authorities would consider it child porn or something.

I have heard that pubic shaving was a common way to check for/deal with pubic lice, so maybe there was a cleanliness concern?

Jesalin, Goddess of Lust & Pleasure
Jesalin, Goddess of Lust & Pleasure
2 years ago

Damnit, did I use the wrong email for my comment above?

Hambeast
Hambeast
2 years ago

Seconding everyone who’s said that this guy is abusive. This is how it starts; he’s trying to see what she will tolerate.

Castrating Harpy said

She should dump him, and then periodically send him pictures of her turds.

I heartily second this because it’s something I’d totally do (doo.)

Although if that did happen, he’d tell his friends, family, co-workers, and acquaintances about his strange ex who sends him pics of her poop for “no reason”, I’m sure of it.

Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
Rhuu - apparently an illiterati
2 years ago

@Hambeast, Castrating Harpy – Pictures of chocolate bars, then?

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
2 years ago

@Cat Mara:

Perhaps girls’ butts gain sympathetic sterness from the toughness of the vaginal muscles? I mean, if the front bits can push out a baby, it stands to reason the back bits can take a cock, right? Right?

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
2 years ago

@Rabid Rabbit: Great, now I’m reminded of an old Denis Leary skit from back in the 90s where he was mocking people who took healthy living too far: “I wake up in the morning and have a nice big bowl of oat bran, then I go to the bathroom for 3 hours… all I do is eat and crap, I’m gonna live forever… my colon is the strongest muscle in my body now: I could pass Elvis through my colon!” ?

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
2 years ago

Heh, while I was cooking dinner PJ Harvey’s “Sheela na Gig”¹ popped up in my playlist. It’s a cool song about the body-shaming that women are too often subject to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgoC15Lom-M

I remember the minor outrage in the music press when she first appeared on the scene in the 90s. She appeared topless and with visibly unshaved armpits in some publications and it was often unclear which of those some pearl-clutchers found the more obscene ?.

¹ If you’ve never heard of them before, Sheela-na-gig are statues or carvings found in Ireland and Britain– sometimes even on churches– of women displaying their vulvas. No-one is exactly sure whether they’re some kind of pagan holdover, or charms to ward off evil, or a warning about the perils of female sexuality courtesy of a misogynist church, or something else entirely.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
2 years ago

@Catalpa: Agreed. I still can’t help but find both fetishes disgusting. Maybe that’s their appeal, for some people at least.

I’m reminded of the 1970s Italian movie “Salo”, which was based on de Sade’s novel, “The 120 Days of Sodom”. They’re eating the stuff, for God’s sake! Actually, in the movie, the prop people substituted chocolate mixed with orange marmalade.

I remember listening to a DJ on the radio, years ago. He was interviewing a man who was considering breaking up with his new girlfriend, all because she happened to fart against his leg while she was asleep. “Would you prefer to sleep with a corpse?” was the DJ’s response.

Hambeast
Hambeast
2 years ago

@Rhuu – Tootsie Rolls that have been molded into turd shapes! (a la the kitty litter box cakes of years past)

Z&T
Z&T
2 years ago

@ Cat Mara, re Dennis Leary:

HA! 😀

I am about to make dinner too, and I do eat healthy 🙂 I have 12 different kinds of salad dressing in my fridge right now. Everything from blue cheese to peach to home made things. I even have salad cook books. I eat a lot of salad.

Before I carry on here, let me say I’m fearful to post this because my laptop just froze up and I had to restart it. I was looking at a recipe for cream of asparagus soup. It must’ve been too intense for my poor old mac here.

Back to salad 🙂 I am having salad tonight too, plus tomato bisque soup. Sounds fancy, eh? It’s just basic canned tomato soup + (whole) milk instead of water. Fine cuisine.

I must be conditioned to healthy eating, I had shredded wheat cereal earlier, I can / do eat enough of roughage, it doesn’t cause me any intestinal distress.

Other distress. Holy hell I can’t believe the following happened:
A few days ago I was having, you guessed it, salad, including these things which are pickled pepperoncini. I’m going to guess most people know what these are, if not, they are small green peppers in a jar of, well the pickle liquid I guess, and they’re a bit spicy, not super spicy, but spicy enough.

So I took two out of the jar to slice up to put in the salad. And what you want to do is kind of poke a hole first, so the liquid goes out, does not spray all over.

I attempted to do that, and the liquid sprayed right up and into my eye.

Yes, the liquid is spicy too.

YIKES!

Oddly, it didn’t really burn that much, I closed my eye and rinsed face with water. Outside of eye, by the time I did that and blinked a couple times it was fine. Huh.

Maybe I have gained pepperoncini immunity? But now I am afraid to put any of these in tonight’s salad.

When food is dangerous…
The asparagus soup did not seem to go over too well with my laptop here either.

C.A.Collins
C.A.Collins
2 years ago

Re: DJ and Farts: Corpses express gas. Unnervingly when you’re sure they’re dead, and they gasp or poot.

Fenton
Fenton
2 years ago

He feels challenged by the size of his girlfriend’s poops.

He now feels his poops aren’t manly enough. Perhaps he drops pellet-like deershits because he needs more water and fiber in his diet.

Specialffrog
Specialffrog
2 years ago

@Fenton: Wait! Is the boyfriend Jordan Peterson? It would make sense.

Virgin Mary
Virgin Mary
2 years ago

I couldn’t believe this article from Jezebel, apparently now Incels are investing in plastic surgery to turn themselves into Chad, including enormous ‘dinosaur egg’ testicles. Blergh. They just seem to want to torture themselves because this won’t improve their chances with women because the problem is their toxic, violent and self entitled personalities 🙁

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
2 years ago

@Virgin Mary: OK, I read the article. Wouldn’t dinosaur egg-sized testicles interfere with the way a man’s pants fit? How can anyone possibly think this is a good idea? Rhetorical questions.

I watched a Vice special awhile back where a doctor in Germany was, for a fee, injecting men’s scrotums with distilled water. The result was a temporary increase in apparent testicle size.
Eventually, their bodies would absorb the water harmlessly. The goal, as near as I can remember, was to psyche other men out.

C4twoman
C4twoman
2 years ago

couldn’t believe this article from Jezebel, apparently now Incels are investing in plastic surgery to turn themselves into Chad, including enormous ‘dinosaur egg’ testicles.

Or…wacky idea…get a gym membership.

More sweat, but costs a lot less.

Marco
Marco
2 years ago

You claim you made up the piss bottles. You sure, you didn’t subconsciously remember this one, that made the rounds on Twitter a while back?
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/31jwo0/my_wife_33f_found_my_37m_pee_bottles_and_cum/

Granted it’s not the wife asking advice, but the guy whose wife found the bottles, but it does sound like the off hand comment about a room full of piss bottles, no?

Bina
2 years ago

Is this one of those “girls don’t poop!” dudes? Because I have sad news for him: We do, and we often do it copiously. Especially those of us who eat like horses (even if we don’t necessarily eat what horses eat).

I also have a poem for him, which he would be well advised to read. A small excerpt follows:

Thus finishing his grand survey,
Disgusted Strephon stole away
Repeating in his amorous fits,
Oh! Celia, Celia, Celia shits!

Yup. Celia shits. And so do we all, assuming that celiac disease (or something equally inflammatory) hasn’t destroyed our intestines.

BTGG
BTGG
2 years ago

This is creepy and disgusting in every sense of those words. Just when you thought you’d seen it all….along comes a control freal with a scat fetish! I really, reeeeeeallllly want to believe that this story is fake. In case it’s real, I hope she dumped him right away. I’d be so grossed out if my partner asked me to take a dump in front of them I’d never sleep with them again.

Vucodlak
Vucodlak
2 years ago

I swear, I really do wonder sometimes if I’m even human.

On the one hand, I don’t understand jealousy at all. It’s such a stupid, childish emotion, and I’ve never had much patience or sympathy for people who give in to it. The boyfriend in this scenario is clearly a controlling asshole who the poster ought to dump for her own safety, and hopefully he’ll learn to be less of an asshole in the future.

On the other hand… I really don’t understand the extreme reactions of so many people to any and all poop-related stuff between intimate partners. Maybe it’s just the way I was raised, wherein my parents would talk in gruesome detail about their day (they worked in a mental hospital). Maybe it’s just that my admittedly slim relationship experience includes caring for the many injuries of my first love,* getting covered in her blood, spit, pus, puke, etc. but I can’t wrap my head around being so squeamish. We’re all full of gross stuff. Positively brimming with it. What’s the big deal?

*We had a rough youth, including fighting for fun. She returned the favor many times over. I wasn’t as good in fight as she was. Though I will say, I suffered far fewer piercing-related mishaps.

eLL
eLL
2 years ago

I am going out with a very insecure/ suspicious/ jealous guy ATM and I reading that I can absolutely believe it could be real

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
2 years ago

@Dormousing_it:

I remember reading a joke somewhere about how, “my, what an attractive scrotum” was the least-used phrase in the English language. ?

The goal, as near as I can remember, was to psyche other men out.

Undoubtedly. So much of the manosphere’s quirks seem less about attracting women as making other men envious of them. I read an interview once with a guy who’d had a penis “enlargement”; that is, he had the surgery where they cut the suspensory ligament supporting the penis so that it moves forward a little out of the body making it appear longer… but doing this means that it can’t “get up” as much as it did before the procedure. The guy seemed to think it was a small price to pay for all the admiring looks he got… off other men in the gym locker room ?. Whether his women partners noticed any difference at all wasn’t discussed. I mean, yeah, maybe if it improves your self-confidence, who am I to judge? But it seemed to me like going about the solution to the problem in the wrong way.

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