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Captain Marvel haters’ devastating new takedown of Brie Larson: “She’s named after a cheese”

The existence of this cheese proves that Brie Larson is a terrible actress, somehow

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By David Futrelle

Angry superhero movie fans have discovered what they see as a deeply unsettling fact about the lead actress in the Captain Marvel film that hits theaters this Friday, whom they have collectively decided to hate because she thinks people other than white men should have some say in movie criticism, or something: Brie Larson’s first name is the same as the name of a popular French cheese!

Apparently this is all the more reason to hate her.

Eric B
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@Eric_Belleau
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More Eric B Retweeted Israel & USA forever
@brielarson is an insufferable cunt. A below average actress at best named after a cheese.

Oh, but it gets worse: Some of them have given her unflattering cheese-based nicknames!

J.C. (the Creature) remembers Stan Lee
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@TheCreatureHero
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Replying to @rizzydraws
Yeah. Brie Larson is scum. I like to call her "crazy cheese woman" because her first name is actually also the name of a type of cheese

Not only that, but the cheese in question is RUNNY!

patricia stewart
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@beesknees1960
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Replying to @RubinReport
And who can take a girl named after runny french cheese seriously? @brielarson just another SJW wannabe. stifle yourself birdbrain!

The dudes with NPC avatars are on the case:

Mark ™️
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@PUR3FILTH
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Replying to @JoeNumbas
Brie Larson is so unlikeable, I’d take Brie Bella over her.. heck I’d take the cheese Brie over her

This fellow is struck by the irony that the cheese in question is WHITE.

Arqahn
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@Arqahn
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Replying to @MarvelStudios
Brie Larson (white woman named after white cheese) worried about too many white men involved with the movie publicity tour. In keeping with her wishes I hope white people boycott this movie.   
#boycott 
#WhitePrivilege

I was a little concerned that Mr Solo’s burn (below) wasn’t quite sick enough. But then I saw the crying-laughing emoji. BAM!

Dan Solo
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Replying to @RuinTheManbaby @brielarson
She is no star. She is a cheese

Then this bad boy with an Elon Musk wearing an eyepatch avatar kicked it up another notch by adding a thumbs-up emoji after the laughing-crying one. DOUBLE BAM!

Jon Brovi
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@tokemonbro
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Brie Larson is no Gal Gadot. Brie has the charisma and charm of mouldy french cheese. Hence the name

And get this: Some of Brie’s critics don’t even bother to use her first name — they just call her “Cheese Larson!” TRIPLE BAM! Fourth graders have nothing on these insult-slingers!

(((Val Washington)))
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Replying to @JackPosobiec
MARVEL WAS FULLY CREATED BY WHITE MALES: Stan Lee being the greatest if them all. Blonde Cheese Larson wouldn't have thus gig if a white male at Marvel hadn't approve this stupid cross dressed Captain Marvel. Why can't she be humble and thankful for the opportunity?
#stanlee
Noway Neophobic "Jeremy" loves Alita Battleangel
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@nowayneophobic
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Replying to @MrGournalist @desert_starr_57
I love WW. Shes an AWESOME Character. Like Alita.

But not this Matriarchy Bot Cheese Larson.

Damn, the crazy cheese lady is also a “Matriarchy Bot?” Wouldn’t the runny cheese gum up the gears?

I guess I probably shouldn’t try to think these through too much. Clearly the people posting them didn’t.

Regardless, it’s not clear to me if “Cheese” Larson will ever be able to recover from these devastating burns.

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Curious_Diversions
Curious_Diversions
3 years ago

@Jack

The Captain Marvel movie is a foolish experiment in forced diversity…

False. Captain Marvel is canonically a woman. They actually prettied her up in by casting Larson. Based on her credentials and story line, she should be a kick-butt middle age woman.

However, grown men paying billions of dollars to see childish comic books made into movies is even more foolish…

Adults must be dour and serious at all times. /s

Most comic books are NOT written for kids. They’re written for and targeted to adults between 25 and 44 (I’m also finding 27 to 36, depending on the publisher and survey).

… and shows how far American society has fallen. Comic books should have been outlawed as the degenerate art form they are.

Why? There are a lot of comics that are formulaic drek, but others are pretty good, with tight story telling and gorgeous illustration. There’s been pulp writing and comics published since the 1890’s, so saying it’s a sign of contemporary degeneracy is inaccurate.

moregeekthan
moregeekthan
3 years ago

The superhero one is my favorite, though I can’t tell my favorite joke about it without giving it away.

Rachel B.
Rachel B.
3 years ago

Lainy:

May I just say that I LOVE the idea of Sam L. Jackson talking the pope’s pants off! Not in a sexual way, just–Samuel L. Jackson can obviously do ANYTHING he sets his mind to.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
3 years ago

@Fabe:

Oh look ,Contact Jack is apparently Anti-comic psychiatris Fredric Wertham reincarnated .

I always feel a bit bad for Wertham. He messed up completely with Seduction of the Innocent, not least with how he manipulated his data, and so it overshadows everything else he did, most of which was hugely commendable.

For instance, opening the Lafargue Clinic to provide low-cost psychiatric treatment to poor black people in New York, especially black teens. How many people know that Wertham’s research on the psychological effects of racial segregation was cited in Brown vs. Board of Education, for instance?

Plus, he did eventually start looking into the positive effects of comics fandom.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
3 years ago

@ Curious_Diversions:

Why?

You’ve ignored the most important and appropriate reason for banning/promoting ANYTHING…

“BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE/LIKE IT!!”

teabug
teabug
3 years ago

Have you guys ever tried brie on crackers with a smidge of mango chutney? Beyond delicious.

TB Tabby
TB Tabby
3 years ago

Very clever. boys. Nobody ever noticed that before, I’m sure. I noticed it when a certain high-class mouse moved in to my village. But how does that invalidate her position?

I’ve engaged in a bit of name-calling myself. It can be cathartic when dealing with someone you don’t like, but you’ll need more than that to make a cogent argument. The fact that you’re clinging to this and offering little else just shows that you don’t have a cogent argument. Aren’t you guys supposed to be the logical, rational ones? Shouldn’t you know better than to engage in an ad honimem argument like that?

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
3 years ago

@moregeekthan:

Oo! Oo! I can’t wait to hear that joke!

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
3 years ago

@TB Tabby:

Aren’t you guys supposed to be the logical, rational ones? Shouldn’t you know better than to engage in an ad honimem argument like that?

Bear in mind that they think “ad hominem” means “an SJW said something mean to me!”

Myoo
Myoo
3 years ago

@Crip Dyke
I’m guessing the second one is Beowulf.

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
3 years ago

10 points to Myoo.

Dalillama
3 years ago

Curious_Diversions

Why? There are a lot of comics that are formulaic drek, but others are pretty good, with tight story telling and gorgeous illustration.

To paraphrase Sturgeon, 90% of comics are crap. But only because 90% of everything is crap.

Cat Mara
Cat Mara
3 years ago

@Crip Dyke: Is the first one Aristophanes’ The Frogs? I think that’s what the “Brekekekek-koax-koax” is from.

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
3 years ago

+10 to Cat Mara

@Dalillama:

Exactly.

Schnookums Von Ghostface Fancypants Killer
Schnookums Von Ghostface Fancypants Killer
3 years ago

You know, I’m going to concede that they shouldn’t have used Carol Danvers as Captain Marvel, they absolutely should have used a classic character that held the mantle for years.

I of course am referring to Monica Rambeau, who was Captain Marvel AND a black woman back in 1982, so the only argument about forced diversity would be from whiny pissbabies and fake geek boys who don’t know their comic history.

Ariblester
3 years ago

Crip Dyke wrote on
March 6, 2019 at 11:23 am:

[A] guy dressing up like a man-hating woman, then another guy pretending to pay a third guy to seduce the first, cross-dressed guy. Of course, the third guy does manage to seduce the cross-dressed guy by making jokes about sticking his tongue in the cross-dresser’s asshole.

I’ll bite. Taming of the Shrew. The quote in question is:

PETRUCHIO Come, come, you wasp; i’ faith, you are too angry.
KATHARINA If I be waspish, best beware my sting.
PETRUCHIO My remedy is then, to pluck it out.
KATHARINA Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies,
PETRUCHIO Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail.
KATHARINA In his tongue.
PETRUCHIO Whose tongue?
KATHARINA Yours, if you talk of tails: and so farewell.
PETRUCHIO What, with my tongue in your tail? nay, come again, good Kate; I am a gentleman.
KATHARINA That I’ll try.
(She strikes him)

Although this Cracked article references a book that says “tail” is slang for “vulva”.

Ariblester
3 years ago

Alan Robertshaw wrote on
March 6, 2019 at 2:20 pm:

@ crip dyke

Which is of course rather hypocritical of them. Quelle surprise.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-41585423

Hypocritical of the State Department to pressure diplomats in NYC to pay their back tickets while not paying the London congestion charge, but not of the NYPD to enforce parking ordinances, surely.

Fabe
Fabe
3 years ago

@Rabid Rabbit

always feel a bit bad for Wertham. He messed up completely with Seduction of the Innocent, not least with how he manipulated his data, and so it overshadows everything else he did, most of which was hugely commendable.

For instance, opening the Lafargue Clinic to provide low-cost psychiatric treatment to poor black people in New York, especially black teens. How many people know that Wertham’s research on the psychological effects of racial segregation was cited in Brown vs. Board of Education, for instance?

Plus, he did eventually start looking into the positive effects of comics fandom.

I was not aware of that,interesting. I just know him as guy who went on a crusade against comics . Nice to know he did some good to help end racial segregation as well as possibly change his mind about comics

Kevin
Kevin
3 years ago

@ teabug

A wedge of Brie and a whole bottle of Moscatel de Valencia. Nice way to pass an evening in front of the haunted fishtank. Not a good idea, but still fun.

Aaron
Aaron
3 years ago

The early reaction to Captain Marvel has been kind of interesting. I’ve been seeing some very lukewarm reviews from many of my favorite critics, but Rotten Tomatoes has Captain Marvel at 84% fresh. Maybe it’s like the first two Thor movies: superficially impressive crowd-pleasers that fall apart when you think about them too much.

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
3 years ago

+ 10 for Ariblester.

also,

Hypocritical of the State Department…, but not of the NYPD to enforce parking ordinances, surely.

That’s how I understood the statement.

The bit about tail/vulva is also interesting. But surely the correct term is vagina.

Pagan Reader - Misandrist Spinster

The Captain Marvel movie is a foolish experiment in forced diversity, and it will fail worse and more expensive than Girl Ghostbusters.

Yeah, Ghostbusters 2016 failed so hard that it made 229.1 million dollars at box office, 85.1 million dollars more than its budget (144 million). Definitely an expensive fail. ?

Pagan Reader - Misandrist Spinster

Hey Jack, would it annoy you if I told you that I’m going to go see this specifically because of your lot’s whining? Because I am.

Talonknife
Talonknife
3 years ago

Oh, that one was The Taming of the Shrew? I was thinking it was, but I didn’t remember anything about crossdressing in the plot. Now I realize that was a reference to the actual practices of the theater at the time and not the plot of the play itself.

Talonknife
Talonknife
3 years ago

@Crip Dyke

Also, sorry for the doublepost, the first post isn’t showing up for me to edit right now. I suppose the second reference is to Beowulf?

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