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15 tweets about “weaponized vaginas” that may cause yours to sew itself shut

This is actually a Pokemon

By David Futrelle

A couple of years ago, some terrible person came up with the phrase “weaponized vagina” to refer to the alleged power of women to quickly and easily take down powerful men and make a ton of money in the process by falsely accusing them of rape or sexual harassment.

For some reason the phrase got into my head last night, and so I decided to see if anyone was still using it. The answer, of course, was yes.

So here are 15 tweets about “weaponized vaginas” that might cause yours, if you have one, to sew itself shut.

https://twitter.com/LoveToLead1/status/953980456558645248

https://twitter.com/RobertAlenGreen/status/944764529912795136

https://twitter.com/hazenoff/status/952881542875041792

https://twitter.com/RobertAlenGreen/status/943274294418735105

https://twitter.com/hazenoff/status/941999931673411584

https://twitter.com/PlebofKekistan/status/918284786174701568

https://twitter.com/MaestroAmedeo/status/979555631131693056

https://twitter.com/MAGA2020too/status/941122334743609345

https://twitter.com/LoveToLead1/status/925437438046212096

https://twitter.com/David__Kaino/status/954802581112532998

https://twitter.com/MAGA2020too/status/935861269231308806

Here’s a BONUS TWEET that’s more baffling than anything else:

https://twitter.com/corlearjbre/status/887732498935013377

As it turns out, those devious females can weaponize things other than vaginas:

From now on, I would like to propose that we ban all usage of the term “weaponized vagina” (including synonyms) except to refer to:

That Pokemon that looks like one

Liz Phair cover bands

Dolphin vaginas 

Duck vaginas

This gal’s vagina:

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Nequam
Nequam
4 years ago

And here I thought they were referring to this.

Leah
Leah
4 years ago

It’s called ‘Cloyster’, and yeah, that’s a stupid name. https://www.serebii.net/pokedex-sm/091.shtml

K.
K.
4 years ago

@Nequam

Or this classic comic

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
4 years ago

Assault Vagina

Actually, it’s an Armalite Vagina.

Moggie
Moggie
4 years ago

I had my Doubts, but then LouisianaFool Convinced me with his Extensive Use of Capital Letters.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

It’s true. I used my vagina assault weapon to efficiently spray my zombifying vagina goo all over a men’s rights conference. Now they’ve all become white knight mangina slaves.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I’m unclear as to why weaponized vagina is useless. I thought weapons were very useful?

iknklast
iknklast
4 years ago

I do have to agree with them on one thing: “We must punish those who use sex as a weapon”. That describes most harassers and abusers so well, I think I agree with him…though he might not like it when he realizes who is getting punished.

Moggie
Moggie
4 years ago

WWTH:

I’m unclear as to why weaponized vagina is useless. I thought weapons were very useful?

That only applies to white men, of course.

Dan Kasteray
Dan Kasteray
4 years ago

The most hilarious one is by the guy who says all his sexual advances were met with everlasting bliss.

I just brayed like a jackass over that

Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
4 years ago

Gentlemen, you’d better beware
The risk we face is more than a scare
Don’t bother forming an armada
The real risk is vagina dentata

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy

@Dan Kasteray

Same here. “Strong acceptance and everlasting bliss,” even.
So presumably there are untold numbers of women still wandering around in states of bliss 🙂

Also, Buttercup & Moggie win the thread even though it’s just a baby thread at this stage.

amy
amy
4 years ago

pretty sure using sex as a weapon is called rape and not saying “no” or being accused of sexual harassment. I know I’m pointing out the obvious but its amazing how many times ive heard this. oh, this is unrelated to this article but i just found out about the scary world of snuff porn. Most are young women getting tortued to death. From what i found most are consumed by hetro men.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

I dunno, I feel like you should probably consult a physician if bliss continues for over 4hrs

Horrorfan510
Horrorfan510
4 years ago

Hey, off topic but I know some people here have or may still follow The Nostalgia Critic and Channel Awesome. Today, a bunch of former CA producers released a Google doc detailing the mismanagement and out right abuse they faced while working there

(CN: sexual assault, emotional abuse)

You can find it here

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WZFkR__B3Mk9EYQglvislMUx9HWvWhOaBP820UBa4dA/mobilebasic

Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
4 years ago

@amy

just found out about the scary world of snuff porn. Most are young women getting tortued

movie called 8 millimeter, from 15 – 20 years or so back

E.T.A., I should give a content warning, the movie is grim a.f.

flexitarian haruspex
flexitarian haruspex
4 years ago

I’ve been listening to too many true crime audible books to find the idea of a weaponized vagina anything but comforting.

Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
4 years ago

An ancient soft porn novel I read in the early 70s had as a plot element the “vaginal karate twitch” which would rip a man’s um… root… out by the roots 🙂

It seems contradictory to me that the MRAs believe that “me too” reports are all faked, yet they applaud the Cheeto-in-chief for saying “when you’re a star you get away with it”, and they also universally support normalizing/legalizing sexual assault…. Cognitive Dissonance… ?? Nah, I think they’re lying about their belief that the reports are falsified.

Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
4 years ago

I’m not surprised that snuff porn is favored by hetero men, snuff porn is a perfectly logical extension of toxic masculinity.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

re: snuff porn; I just recently watched Videodrome for the first time in ages. It’s one of those movies that gets more relevant with time. The way that people purposely live in a fictional world created by the internet and Fox News where facts are fake news and brutality is celebrated as morally correct just seems so straight out of that film.

Catalpa
Catalpa
4 years ago

Did someone mention weaponized vagina?
comment image

….well, okay, that’s an eldrazi, but it is yonic as hell.

It also allows you to control your opponent’s next turn, clearly a reference to zombifying vagina goo.

Lunetta
4 years ago

accusations of early sexual experiences

– I have to assume that’s a weaselly euphemism, and apologia for, paedophilia. Jeezuz. When you think they can’t get any lower, creepier, or lower. Or creepier.

Fluffy Spider
Fluffy Spider
4 years ago

If all the cloysters I have on various Pokemon games are male….
Doesn’t that make them weaponized Manginas?

I’ll walk myself out

epitome of incomprehensibility

I dunno about vaginas as weapons. Maybe someone watched a sped-up birth video and decided vaginas were potential projectile launchers? But kind of ineffective ones. The babies don’t even zoom up into the air! You need things zooming into the air! (/s for silliness)

@Horrorfan510 – Ugh, sad to hear that. Some of the unprofessional conduct stuff would seem like beginner mistakes, if it weren’t for the way the management repeatedly brushed stuff under the rug and didn’t respond to complaints. I haven’t watched The Nostalgia Critic with any regularity in a while, but I follow some of their current/former contributors – Lindsay Ellis, the former “Nostalgia Chick”, remains my favourite.

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