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“Dudes too macho to wipe their asses” is apparently a thing

Cats are also absurdly hostile to toilet paper (but at least they do clean their butts on a regular basis)

By David Futrelle

I thought I’d take a moment this Friday evening to signal-boost a very important tweet from film producer Keith Calder on the subject of dudes so wrapped up in their own supposed machoness that they can’t “poop properly” or, even worse, clean up afterwards.

Here’s the tweet.

https://twitter.com/keithcalder/status/918598272243126272

Let us consider each of the three screenshots in turn.

The first one is almost poignant in its innocence, from a Reddit dude who’s been perching on the toilet rim to poop his whole life because he somehow grew up believing that toilet seats are meant only for girls.

The other two (also from Reddit) are a little more disturbing — and disgusting — partly because they involve massive failures in butt hygiene and partly because they feature posts from women who have apparently been putting up with these massive butt hygiene failures from their dudes for a long time.

Also both of the dudes in question refuse to change their ways.

Brace yourself!

I have a number of questions here, not least: how exactly did the author of this post not realize this unpleasant fact about her angry stinky dude BEFORE THEY GOT MARRIED? I’m not trying to blame the victim here but I simply don’t understand how this would even be possible.

Also I hope she has managed to get this abusive shitstain out of her life.

The next story is similarly puzzling:

YES IT IS YES YES AND AGAIN YES.

I can only hope that at least one of these posts is a troll job, if not all of them, but given what I have learned about my fellow men in my years writing this blog I have to admit that they could very well all be true.

DUDES, WIPE YOUR DAMN ASSES.

H/T — Thanks to   on Twitter for alerting me to Calder’s tweet

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PaganReader - Misandrist Spinster

There are actually people out there who… don’t wipe their bottoms, because… it’s… “unmanly”?

I can understand having medical issues that make it difficult to wipe, but not wiping because it’s “””unmanly”””?

Like… whaaaaaaaaaaaa…?

Sums it up pretty well

PaganReader - Misandrist Spinster

Anti troll kittehcomment imagecomment image
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Lea
Lea
4 years ago

Kaitlyn,
If you’re his sister, how do you feel about the things he has written about you and your family?

What was it specifically that prompted you to stop financially supporting him?

How do you feel about the fact your brother, who is a rapist who believes women should be treated legally as property of men, has written about hoping to influence your children?

How do you feel about your brother writing about how worthless women are while your mother feeds him and keeps a roof over his head?

And if you wouldn’t characterize him whining about having to wipe his ass as whining about having to wipe his ass, how else would you explain him specifically saying it isn’t fair that he has to wipe is poop crusted ass?

Steven Dutch
Steven Dutch
4 years ago

I live in Green Bay, Wisconsin, famous for a football team but also we have some very big paper factories here that make lots of T.P. When you’re from here, almost anywhere in the world, home is as close as the nearest stall. So those of you with kitties that like to shred the T.P., God bless ’em! They’re helping to keep our local economy – ahem – flush.

And PaganReader, that third picture just destroyed my blood sugar tester.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Lea,

It may have sounded like Roosh was boasting about committing rape in Bang Iceland, but you’re wrong. He was just making a list of crimes and being the evil misandrist that you are, you chose to focus only on the rape part. Why do you keep lying about poor, innocent Roosh?

PeeVee the (Tired of the Militant Plasticfaced) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Tired of the Militant Plasticfaced) Sarcastic
4 years ago

“Kaitlin”,

How do you feel about having your “brother” write this column about you?

http://www.rooshv.com/open-letter-to-the-parents-of-american-daughters

Yeah, I totally believe you are his sister. Uh huh.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
4 years ago

Also, yes, I’m his sister.

Cool story, bro.

MrsObedMarsh
MrsObedMarsh
4 years ago

I’m looking forward to Kaitlin’s explanation of what Roosh really meant.
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Steph
Steph
4 years ago

To the woman with the gross husband…

…and you MARRIED him because…?!

Msexceptiontotherule
Msexceptiontotherule
4 years ago

I’m fairly certain if that person DOES return they won’t be providing a coherent, honest explanation.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

@MrsObedMarsh
Oooh, new popcorn gif! Love it!

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
4 years ago

@Kaitlin

To say Roosh was whining about having to wipe his ass misrepresents his point. He was just making a list of hygiene tasks, and you people focused on that item only.

Also, yes, I’m his sister.

Such sisterly devotion!

Given that devotion, I’m surprised that you don’t read your brother’s posts in their entirety.

I’m here to help you out. The bold type was added by me. It points to your brother’s disdain for grooming — specifically, wiping his ass more than perfunctorily — and his intense irritation that he must bow to women’s preferences.

Men Must Groom More Than Cats To Get Laid
August 25, 2014

If our great-grandfathers could see the amount of grooming we need to do in order to be attractive to women, they’d probably accuse us of being gay. In fact, I’m sure that heterosexual men today have to groom more than women of 30 years ago. As alpha or masculine as we think we are, our grooming habits must make us the most feminized men to have ever existed. Here are all the acts of grooming I’ve done at least once in the past week:

Floss my teeth
Brush my teeth
Scrape my tongue
Gargle with mouthwash
Pluck extra long and curly eyebrow hair that began to obstruct my vision
Trim my beard
Shave my neck
Trim ear hair
Trim nose hair
Apply baking soda to arm pits
Apply and remove contact lenses
Wipe my ass thoroughly
Shower
Stroke my balls with my hand and then smell it to ensure lack of odor
Apply benzoyl peroxide to a pimple
Apply lip moisturizer
Apply face moisturizer
Remove boogers and other debris form my nose
Comb my hair
Trim my sideburns
Wash clothes
Wash penis in bathroom sink after sex
Trim my fingernails
Trim armpit air
Squeeze out blackheads on nose
Remove residual sock fiber from underneath toe nails
Remove ear wax using cotton swabs
Remove eye gunk after waking up
Dab off extra grease on forehead with napkin

This list may seem long, but I’m confident it’s shorter than that of a lot of Western men who consider themselves to be as straight as me. I’m scared to estimate how many hours I spend a week on these grooming activities.

A common belief in the manopshere is that women want masculine, alpha men, but what they really want is sexy clowns who are well-groomed. If you have bad breath, bad skin, or odorific armpits, you’re not getting far with women no matter how good your game is. The modern man has to essentially groom like women in order to attract them, because I highly doubt that tribesmen of ancient times cared if their breath smelled or not. We get judged today on seemingly trivial qualities that men of the past didn’t.

I bring up this point not to tame your grooming habits (I surely won’t cut back on smelling my balls), but to remind you that what we think of masculine is relative to the men of today, not men of the past. Those men would wonder what the hell is wrong with us to spend so much time tinkering with our appearance and natural smells just for an increased shot at sex. Give them a couple months of living in our time, however, and I’m sure they would understand how necessary grooming is to get laid, right before asking us how exactly how much baking soda is needed for armpit application. Now excuse me so that I can trim the hairs that are creeping up the shaft of my penis.

Or are you saying that Roosh thinks that men should be “feminized,” be “scared,” and be “like women”?

Inquiring minds need to know. . . .

http://www.rooshv.com/men-must-groom-more-than-cats-to-get-laid

Kivutar
Kivutar
4 years ago

“Remove residual sock fiber from underneath toe nails”

That’s both really, really, specific and something no woman has ever noticed or cared about.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
4 years ago

@Kaitlin

When you speak to your brother, ask him what this is and how he does it:

Trim armpit air

I’m a woman and reasonably well groomed, but I haven’t even thought about doing this.

Are implements involved?

Will he, pretty please, make a Youtube video to demonstrate it?

Hurry, hurry, because now I’m feeling ill groomed.

Dr. Thang
Dr. Thang
4 years ago

“Apply and remove contact lenses”?? What does this have to do with grooming? Isn’t that just, you know, to see? Is it considered “feminized” to see clearly now?

But on topic, I’ve never had a girlfreind, yet Captain Shitstain is married. Is it officially time to give up yet? And to think I’ve been keeping my anus sparkling clean all this time for nothing!

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

It’s also pretty hilarious that showering and brushing teeth are on that list. He apparently resents every form of basic hygiene and thinks that people only do these things to get laid.

The booger removal one might be my personal favorite though. I mean, unless you actively peer into someone’s nostrils, you probably can’t tell if there’s some boogers up in there. I don’t clean out my nose to be sexy. I do it so I can breathe well and comfortably.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
4 years ago

Remove boogers and other debris [from] my nose

Just the other day I found a leaf from a houseplant and cracker crumbs in my left nostril.

Then in my right nostril I found a GI Joe (Desert Storm military police).

Damn! How can I look sexy with debris and such in my nose!

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
4 years ago

Wash clothes

Is there no limit to the lengths Roosh will go to to get laid!

His efforts are awe inspiring.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
4 years ago

Apply face moisturizer

Dear Roosh:

Many, many men who never apply moisturizer to their faces are able to attract women — and even have sex with them.

Is it possible that when a woman tallies up your traits, both good and bad, your loathsome qualities far outweigh the fact that your skin is moisturized?

Kat
Ambassador of the feminist government in exile

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
4 years ago

Many, many men who never apply moisturizer to their faces are able to attract women — and even have sex with them.

Is it even possible to tell when someone has moisturized? Isn’t that something you do for your own comfort? My skin gets an odd texture if I don’t moisturize it after washing, and I don’t know if that’s a universal experience, but I don’t think it’s visible and I certainly can’t point at someone and say if they’ve moisturized or not.

PeeVee the (Tired of the Militant Plasticfaced) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Tired of the Militant Plasticfaced) Sarcastic
4 years ago

WWTH, Kat, & PoM,

Nicely dissected, and hilarious! Thanks.

calmdown
calmdown
4 years ago

Women aren’t allowed to post there

This seems like it would be difficult to enforce. Is there some kind of lengthy application process or is it honor system alone? Even for a manbaby website, banning women from posting seems particularly childish to me, like the online equivalent of saying we have cooties.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
4 years ago

@PeeVee

Aww, thanks!

Still waiting to hear Kaitlin’s response to the many points that Mammotheers have made in this thread. . . .

PeeVee the (Tired of the Militant Plasticfaced) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Tired of the Militant Plasticfaced) Sarcastic
4 years ago

Calmdown, I don’t know how they enforce it, but:

Rooshy’s He Man Boy’s Club Rules:

https://www.rooshvforum.com/archive/index.php?thread-3383.html

10. No girls, homosexuals, or transsexuals. Their opinions or comments are not welcome here.

Kat,

Obviously she can’t post on Big Brother’s forum. Wonder how she feels about that.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

@calmdown
It’s one of the reasons I thought the site was satire when I first stumbled across it. I went to the about page to try and figure out if the articles are serious or not and that rule made me lean towards satire at first.

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