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“The #Istanbul attacks cockblocked me,” pickup artist complains

Terrorism, so inconvenient
Terrorism, so inconvenient

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Pity poor “Kyle Trouble,” the pickup artist. The globetrotting woman-pesterer was enjoying the second day of a trip to Istanbul yesterday when bombs went off at the airport, killing more than 40 people.

An hour later, Kyle posted to his blog “This Is Trouble,” complaining that “the #Istanbul attacks JUST cockblocked me.”

That’s a kind of collateral damage of terrorism that you don’t generally hear much about.

“In case you missed it,” Kyle wrote.

two bombs went off at the airport about an hour or so ago.

I’m staying in the Taksim Square area, and most people are still out and seem relatively unaffected, but the streets are quieting down a bit early.

Oh, and my date just got a phone call in the middle of our drinks and left because she didn’t feel safe in the center.

My attempts at, “My apartment is a great place to hide out”, did not end so well.

If Kyle Trouble can’t score himself a hottie tonight, does that mean that the terrorists have won?

40 replies on ““The #Istanbul attacks cockblocked me,” pickup artist complains”

When you’re writing things that would make people go, “That’s a little far, even for The Onion“, it might be time to take a long, hard look at yourself.

They are beyond parody at this point.

The Onion should publish one ridiculous real news story every day and challenge its readers to spot it.

Oh, and my date just got a phone call in the middle of our drinks and left because she didn’t feel safe in the center.

I’m probably being horribly cynical here. However I can’t help but think that, even without the atrocity, there’d have been a phone call from a friend so she’d have an excuse to leave.

ISIS must be stopped! A guy named Kyle Trouble (dude, that’s supposed to be your middle name) missed out on some strange. Don’t worry, Kyle, Obama and the full force of the United States military are on the case. We’ll be sure to specifically clear terrorists from areas you’ll be visiting. We wouldn’t want you to have to cut another date short cos dozens of people died. You’ll be balls deep again in no time!
http://funnypicturesplus.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/obama-middle-finger-funny.jpg
Jackass…

Isn’t Turkey like 97% muslim? What’s this guy doing trying to get laid with these alleged savages.

@ axe ‘danger’ calibur

dude, that’s supposed to be your middle name

Brilliant.

@littleknown

When you’re writing things that would make people go, “That’s a little far, even for The Onion“, it might be time to take a long, hard look at yourself.

QFT

@Film Runner
They actually have a feature called American Voices that has parody responses to actual news stories. Without fail the Facebook comments on those are full of people calling everyone idiots for believing it’s true because the onion posted it.

Far be it from me to root for the terrorists, but in this case, I could make an exception.

(That was sarcasm, in case anyone needed it.)

I shouldn’t still be amazed that people are this self-centered, but here we are.

I like how these pillocks regularly accuse women of being selfish, narcissistic, and solipsistic, and then turn around and write something like this.

Absolutly disgusting. 40 something people dead and all he can think about is his boner. What a repulsive man. Selfish, entitled and misogynistic shitbag.

Alais | June 29, 2016 at 2:22 pm
I like how these pillocks regularly accuse women of being selfish, narcissistic, and solipsistic, and then turn around and write something like this.

That about sums it up.

“Women are selfish [slurs], who are just out to destroy (white) men! So men need to be selfish assholes to protect themselves and to attract the women!”

Edit: David, there’s an ad titled “10 things men find unattractive” under the You might like section.

Yeah, they accuse feminists of only being concerned with first world problems and yet they’re the ones making their dicks the center of the universe.

Is this the same PUA Kyle who complained about his date wanting to go for pancakes in the morning?

@WWTH: If he is, then his girlfriend who he was totes cheating on while he was totes negging us must have finally dumped his ass.

Were the women he was seeking to “pick up” or rape Muslim women? Isn’t this the highest form of hypocrisy for these Nazis?

PI,

I love it when trolls come here and try to impress us with their (actually pretty boring and probably imaginary) sexcapades. It’s so much more entertaining than the usual sealion.

WWTH, PI,

Where was this thread? And what was wrong with having pancakes in the morning? Pancakes are delicious, and IHOP is wonderful.

Oh, it is the same Kyle. Of course it is. Maybe he’ll come here to brag again about how he can’t type properly because of all the sex he’s having. He totally wasted an opportunity to give us cool stories about getting sex in the middle of bomb rubble or some other gross shit.

This is the same guy that came to troll the comments after his pancake whine fest. When he was totally having sex with a real lady, but still had the time to post comments. And this totally real lady wasn’t his girlfriend either!
I’d actually be surprised if Kyle here was out with someone at all.

But really, even if he was – 40 people die and his reaction is ”I didn’t get to have sex”. Well boo-hoo, you little puke.

I like how these pillocks regularly accuse women of being selfish, narcissistic, and solipsistic, and then turn around and write something like this.

Spot on.

Kyle thinks he’s being funny by (allegedly) thinking about his dick while (allegedly) bombs are going off (not where he is, of course).

The joke’s on you, Kyle — if you were half as alpha as you claim to be, she would’ve stayed until you got off. And then left when you were done with her.

Here’s what you don’t understand about being an alpha, Kyle: a real alpha never experiences any trouble or inconvenience. No illness. No money woes. No sadness because others are sad. Nope! Just winning all the time.

So you, Kyle, are at best, a wannabe.

Probably not even that.

I just read the comments on the other post, and wow. Dude got butthurt because nobody was listening to him, then tried to excuse typos by saying he was having sex at the time? AND tried to sell his “book”?

Clearly he hasn’t learned anything since then. Wonder what happened to the “girlfriend”. I hope she’s safe and happy.

And I have to thank you, because now I know what we’re having for dinner. Yep, as the lone woman in the house, I’m going to force these males to have PANCAKES. I just haven’t decided what kind yet… strawberry or gingerbread?

@PI,

Thanks for the link. So, looks like this is the same Kyle who was having such boring sex that he thought that he’d have more fun coming here to neg a bunch of females who aren’t even halfway decent-looking.

Pancakes again? Picking up our discussion where we left off months ago?

Yes!

Thanks, Kyle, for reminding us once again about how delicious pancakes are!

You may now resume your negging or fucking (as if) or writing (ha, ha, ha!) or whatever else you were doing before you became aware that we were talking about YOU.

We had gingerbread pancakes and I even taught the boys how to cook them. Woohoo, where’s my misandry points? And if I save enough of them, can I trade them in for prizes?

@Kat,

Kyle must be particularly unhappy person. Not only does he refrain getting enough sleep. (Which one can do and still be intensely productive.) Oh no. He can’t properly enjoy pancakes or sex because he spends too much time being angry at women.

Good sleep is essential to life. It’s really hard to function without it; could explain a lot about this guy.

Dang it, PI, it’s too late in my day to be makin’ bacon pancakes. 😉

@PI
You beat me to it by like 5 seconds (couldn’t decide whether to do the New York remix or not)

Your Grace

where’s my misandry points? And if I save enough of them, can I trade them in for prizes?

Katie’s to do list is pretty full at the moment. Perhaps a note to Feminist HQ would move things along for you.

What a surprise. /sarcasm

Whenever some sort of disaster occurs, you can pretty much always count on someone from within the manosphere a.) celebrating it because some people from groups they didn’t like were killed, b.) celebrating how upset it makes other people, bonus if feminists are among them, c.) blaming it on women/girls not having sex with them or being subservient to men, d.) making it about them and their struggles of not getting what they want, or e.) all of the above.

Just when I thought those oiks from the manureosphere couldn’t go any lower… (facepalms.)

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