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a voice for men antifeminism evil ex-wives hypocrisy irony alert men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny paul elam

“Fatherless families bring chaos” declares headline on site run by “Deadbeat Dad”

Well, not so much.
Well, not so much.

Here’s a recent headline on everyone’s favorite Men’s Rights hate site, A Voice for Men:

From A Voice for Men
From A Voice for Men

This seems to be a slightly ironic headline to find on a site run by a man who Buzzfeed infamously described as a “Deadbeat Dad” in a story titled “How Men’s Rights Leader Paul Elam Turned Being A Deadbeat Dad Into A Moneymaking Movement.”

Some pertinent highlights from that piece, by Buzzfeed’s Adam Serwer and Katie J.M. Baker, in case you haven’t read it, or if you’ve forgotten some of the sordid details:

Although Elam says that “fathers are forced to pay child support like it was mafia protection money,” he accused his first wife of lying about being raped so he could relinquish his parental rights and avoid paying child support.

When Elam and the woman Buzzfeed calls “Susan” divorced, she

received full custody of both children … Elam was granted visitation rights every other Sunday afternoon, but only if he wasn’t “under the influence of alcohol or drugs or in the company of people under the influence of alcohol or drugs.” He was also ordered to pay child support every month as well as some previously owed child support and a variety of other debts and court fines. But he didn’t. So Susan took him to court again. Finally, he wrote a petition to the court explaining that he didn’t believe he should be held in contempt of court or pay attorneys’ fees because he didn’t think Bonnie was his. …

[Susan’s] parents convinced her to end the legal battle and cut Elam out of her life without forcing him to prove his paternity. …

According to records, Elam was ultimately held in contempt for failure to pay child support. His punishment was a $100 fine and 30 days in jail. He was ordered to pay $1,200 in unpaid debts, upon which, both parties agreed, his parental rights would be terminated.

And that was that until the daughter Elam had claimed wasn’t his contacted him roughly a quarter of a century later. The two connected, with Elam finally accepting her as his daughter. She broke off the relationship some six years later, she told Buzzfeed, after Elam spanked her son for messing with his fancy new sub-zero fridge. (He denies this, though he does admit he was “grumpy” on the day in question.)

After Buzzfeed’s piece came out, Elam went back to claiming that maybe the woman Buzzfeed calls Bonnie wasn’t his daughter after all. In a post responding to the Buzzfeed story, Elam first referred to “Bonnie” as his “estranged daughter,” then simply his daughter, before adding:

I need to point out that it has not been established that I actually have a daughter. I think it is possible, even likely, but I don’t know for sure.

Somehow I doubt Elam will be winning any father of the year awards any time soon.

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Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
6 years ago

Elam really doesn’t want to be a father, does he? He isn’t willing to pay the financial cost of raising a child, and I’d bet he’s never changed a diaper in his life.

Tessa
Tessa
6 years ago

MRAs: “Fathers are important! Unless they don’t want to be, then they should be able to cut all ties with the child. Anything else is misandry.”

Jamesworkshop
Jamesworkshop
6 years ago

Elam as a dad. shudder.

Rosie*sings*
Rosie*sings*
6 years ago

Isn’t he also the one arguing for forced sterilization? I can’t remember who that was. It seems that he’d be a good candidate for someone who really doesn’t want kids.

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

If not being married to their mom means your kids are fatherless, you were never a dad and the kids are better off without you.

Someone is bitter af that nobody wants or needs him.

Social Justice Atheist
Social Justice Atheist
6 years ago

I’m sad for the child and the mother for having to put up with a deadbeat dad who won’t pay child support, but also glad because Elam doesn’t deserve to be a father. I’m glad his kid doesn’t have to be raised exposed to his toxic beliefs.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
6 years ago

Are MRAs ever going to explain how “All children need fathers!” and “Paper abortions on demand!” are supposed to be possible at the same time?

Bina
6 years ago

I need to point out that it has not been established that I actually have a daughter. I think it is possible, even likely, but I don’t know for sure.

Well, Paulie, maybe YOU don’t, but your ex-wife sure does. And so does your abandoned daughter. Whom you apparently chose to abandon because drinking and drugging it up were more important to you than, you know, BEING THERE FOR YOUR OWN DAMN KIDS.

And yet, fatherless households are ruining Amurrica. Yuh-huh.

And we’re never supposed to question WHY those deadbeat dads fuck off, either. Because if we do, we’re oppwessing da menz!

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
6 years ago

Whom you apparently chose to abandon because drinking and drugging it up were more important to you than, you know, BEING THERE FOR YOUR OWN DAMN KIDS.

Also, because his now-ex-wife was raped by one of his buddies and he didn’t believe her. Elam is pure scum.

Cyberwulf
Cyberwulf
6 years ago

What these guys really want is to have a live-in nanny slave they can fuck any time they want and who’ll do 100% of the child care while they continue their bachelor lifestyle. They’re mad as hell that women can leave them and hold them financially accountable for the children they created.

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

Cyberwolf nailed it.

EJ (The Other One)
6 years ago

Elam’s grandson deserves a better grandfather. Any genuine men’s movement would support the kid, not just see him as an annoyance that damages someone’s furniture.

littleknown
littleknown
6 years ago

Well, you see, all children need fathers, unless their mother is an evil harpy who didn’t put up with daddy’s alcoholism and rampant misogyny.

Or if they have a problem with grandpa “disciplining” his grandkids. Clearly, such children don’t deserve fathers. /s

kupo
kupo
6 years ago

Was anyone else confused at the concept of a sub zero refrigerator? I read that and was questioning why you would want your fridge that cold, so I Googled it and found out it’s a brand.

NickNameNick
NickNameNick
6 years ago

Well, this is the guy who calls women “gold-diggers” even as he is living off of his girlfriend…as well as all those AVFM donations that are presumably meant to not pay for personal expanses…

@S.F.H.C.:

Elam is pure scum.

I honestly wish there was something worse than scum, in order to call him that.

The fact he hit his grandchild over touching a fridge is absolutely atrocious.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

I was re-watching Clueless last night. That movie has one of my favourite lines in it. It’s from Cher’s dad to Cher, when she asks why Josh (her dad’s former stepson) is still a part of their lives. “You divorce wives, not kids,” he says.

snork maiden
6 years ago

‘Fatherless families bring chaos’? Well Elam would be a good position to know.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

‘Fatherless families bring chaos’

Ironically, my mum reckons that all the family chaos came when she left me and my dad together.

(Top tip: don’t put Fairy Liquid in a dishwasher unless you want a kitchen to look like an Ibetha nightclub foam party)

kupo
kupo
6 years ago

I had to Google fairy liquid. My mom did that (but with Dawn) when she first got a dishwasher because she assumed all dish soap is the same.

Leda Atomica
Leda Atomica
6 years ago

@kupo

Was anyone else confused at the concept of a sub zero refrigerator? I read that and was questioning why you would want your fridge that cold, so I Googled it and found out it’s a brand.

Yes! Thanks for Googling so I don’t have to. I was all “I don’t want my yoghurt frozen”.
You know, unless it’s ‘frozen yoghurt’, obviously.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

I think “Fatherless Families Bring Chaos” is another one of those attempts at forecasting dire ruin and plagues on women who dare to do things without a man’s consent. Dating Chads at 22 and ignoring the “Nice Guys”? THE WALL AWAITS. Feminist? ENJOY YOUR BITTER-TASTING CATS, MISS HAVISHAM. College-educated? YOUR USELESS, DUSTY LIBWANK DEGREE WILL ONLY GET YOU A MINIMUM WAGE JOB. Single mom? YOUR KIDS WILL END UP DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO PRISON, MUWAH HA HAHHH!

This kind of stuff does double duty as male revenge fantasy, and emotional cudgel to keep women in line.

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

“My harpy bitch of an ex-wife and my kids are happier without me, the person who hates them and denies the kids being mine, in their lives! CHAOS! MISANDRY! THE TRADITIONAL FAMILY IS BEING DESTROYED BY FEMINISM!”

Catalpa
Catalpa
6 years ago

Dating Chads at 22 and ignoring the “Nice Guys”? THE WALL AWAITS.

For a second there I was thinking that the MRAs were somehow threatening to exile those women to the Wall to battle with the Wildings and White Walkers.

It makes about as much sense as their “you’ll turn 25/30 and then NO ONE WILL EVER WANT YOU MUAHAHAHA” revenge fantasies, really.

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
6 years ago

….What is….the same tired shit that AVFM is always ranting on about?

**dingdingding** That is correct!

(I’ll take shit commonly heard from the toxic manosphere for $1000, Alex)

calmdown
calmdown
6 years ago

Hello, I’ve decided to officially delurk here. I read this blog because my Dad had introduced most MRA talking points to me long before they had an official name or big internet following. I specifically remember him bringing home Christina Hoff Sommers, WAR AGAINST BOYS(!!!!) back on 2000 or so, so he was really ahead of the curve. I was alarmed, yet totally not surprised to see this MRA thing unfold the way it has. Even though I probably shouldn’t fixate on these toxic beliefs, I can’t help it sometimes. It’s difficult to let go and the humor used here helps. The truth is I’m still letting it get to me. The misogyny, combined with general emotional abuse, did not make for a good family atmosphere. That rhetoric got worse when my Mom left him when I was 18. A long drawn out legal battle ensued in which he wanted spousal support (even though he hadn’t worked for years and Mom was the sole income, women are always taking MY MONEY). Other conversations included the classic “I don’t care what it says in the dictionary, this is what feminism is (kill all men)” and “Don’t be surprised if I kill your mom because I HAVE MY REASONS.” Needless to say, he’s not in my life now, but I still think about it that shit leaves marks on your soul. It’s hard to watch someone you care about get sucked into believe that “the matriarchy” is to blame for all of your troubles, instead of addressing them, and be willing to sacrifice a relationship with your own daughter instead of facing reality. So yeah, it’s personal for me. (Sorry for grammatical errors or lack of clarity b/c I”m nervous writing this and I had too much coffee.)

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