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"Would You Kill a Pony for Me?" and other real dating questions asked by an imaginary Swedish Girl

This pic has nothing to do with the post today, but it does feature a giant chicken, from a film called "The Hoboken Chicken Emergency."
This pic has nothing to do with the post today, but it does feature a giant chicken, from a film called “The Hoboken Chicken Emergency.”

Today, something a bit lighter than usual. Someone recently posted the a link in the comments here to a hilarious blog called Swedish Girl Seeking, which displays the results of a simple but wicked dating site experiment being carried out by a couple of funny Swedes.

The two – a female comic book artist and a male comedian – set up a phony dating profile featuring a “blonde, happy-go-lucky, kind of over-sexual cliché of a Swedish woman.” (The female half of the couple posed in a cheap blond wig for the pics.)

When a legion of hopeful, horny men besieged the imaginary girl’s inbox with come-ons ranging from awkward to crude, the Swedes responded with surreal silliness. And then posted the most ridiculous conversations online.

While there are a few genuinely creepy messages amongst the dozens posted on the site – it looks like the Swedish duo kept the worst messages to themselves – the most amazing ones reflect a certain willful obliviousness on the part of the hopeful male admirers. Nothing she says is too bizarre to faze them.

swedishbedwet

Well, almost nothing.

Swedishnicepics

But guy after guy just keeps on going. Heck, this guy tries to work her completely ludicrous story into his suggestive spiel:

swedishking

And this guy, it seems, is willing to promise her anything to get in her Swedish pants:

swedishpony

Dude, dude!

You’re making us all look bad.

I ended up working my way through every post on the blog. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like there will be any more: the last update was in February. Oh well.

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Doug
Doug
8 years ago

“I made this half-pony, half-monkey monster to please you;
But I get the feeling that you don’t like it.
What’s with all the screaming?
You like monkeys, you like ponies
Maybe you don’t like monsters so much
Maybe I used too many monkeys
Isn’t it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?”
—Jonathan Coulton, “Skullcrusher Mountain”

Lea
Lea
8 years ago

Doug, please accept these internets.

http://diariodeunatelefila.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/the-internet-de-the-it-crowd.gif

I love Jonathan Coulton.

Dylan
8 years ago

This reminds me of OKC Ebooks (http://okcebooks.tumblr.com/), an experiment in which a fake dating site profile responded to messages using only quotes from famous Twitter spambot @Horse_ebooks.

Dvärghundspossen
8 years ago

Glad to hear you enjoyed it as much as I do. Didn’t know they were a couple behind the site, but anyway, it’s hilarious.

Dvärghundspossen
8 years ago

😀

Dvärghundspossen
8 years ago

Btw, just heard a funny story from an acquaintance. A friend of hers has a real account on a dating site, seriously looking for someone, but amongst serious messages she gets a ton of dick pics sent to her. So she started to use all these dicks for a piece of collage art, that grows and evolves with every new dick pic she’s sent. She always replies to the dick pics with the latest version of her collage, and a “thanks for adding to my art project!” reply.
Pretty funny.

Luzbelitx
8 years ago

She always replies to the dick pics with the latest version of her collage, and a “thanks for adding to my art project!” reply.

I love her.

Checkmate, dicktrolls!

Luzbelitx
8 years ago

Blockquote Mammoth ate my blockquote.

Winter Walker
8 years ago

I’ve recently tried making an account on a dating site that shall remain nameless, and had a real shit time of it, and thus am thinking of turning it into a social experiment if I can ever access it again. For some unknown reason, the site allowed me to make an account, and post only my screen name, age, sexual orientation (pansexual), and a photo. None of the other fields would accept any input. (Tech support have no clue why.) The photo is my favourite ballet portrait, since I think it’s a good pic, and dancing is something I’m passionate about. (Yes, I am a Stamen of Privilege, and fucking proud of it!)

So, when I checked my practically nonexistent account, I’m not sure why I was surprised to have hundreds of messages from guys, almost all of them creepy/wanky/incomprehensible. I’d post examples, except now I can’t even log in to the damn site! Anyway, the morals that I’ve taken from this are:

1. Pan/bisexual women should be having threesomes with ALL the menz and their wives, because hawt. Gods forbid we might ever look for an actual relationship outside the sack!

2. If you’re a woman over 30 and a certain type of dude finds you attractive, you’re lying about your age. I must be a pretty fucking good liar, since I’ve even got my own dear mum fooled!

3. Dancers only perform to show off their bodies for men. Not because of hard work and passion for our art, but in order to make men want us and then turn them down for threesomes. Is that what being a Stamen of Privilege means?

4. Tutus make women into sluts and teases. I wish someone had warned me about that before my first recital.. When I was six.

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
8 years ago

Ah! The MRAs. You can always count on them for this level of insight.

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
8 years ago

@winter walker

4. Tutus make women into sluts and teases.

Ah, yes! That’s why we see Roosh V in tutus all the time: he’s using TuTuGame to turn all the women within eyeshot into sluts.

And when it doesn’t work, he can claim his tutu turned them all into teases.

Self-contradiction FTW!

weirwoodtreehugger
8 years ago

Off topic, but here is another reason why kitties are the best.

http://jezebel.com/worlds-most-awesome-cat-rescues-little-boy-from-dog-att-1576276526/all

tedthefed
tedthefed
8 years ago

I…. dunno, it kinda seems like a lot of these guys are just playing along with the silliness.

And most of these, the Swedish Girl gets the punchline, which, I mean, a lot of them are funny, but it’s more about seeing her/him say these crazy things than some kind of comment on how guys on okc act.(my favorite was the fish testicles).

Zolnier
Zolnier
8 years ago

Would you kill a pony for me… For some reason I’m picturing a song by something like a female Weird Al.

grumpycatisagirl
8 years ago

OT but check out the latest nonsense meme VforMen posted on Facebook. Just comical. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=650943708294447&set=a.392418540813633.89052.102001393188684&type=1&theater

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ally S
8 years ago

:: loathes the thought of a memorable 80s movie character whining about “male disposability” ::

emma
emma
8 years ago

Oh, dear… Unreal. Or rather I wish it were.

“Would you ever have a sugar daddy”
“No, I have diabetes. ”

Priceless.

tedthefed
tedthefed
8 years ago

Nothing says compassion and warmth like a logo designed to look like it was written with wet blood!

Ally S
8 years ago

Given that AVFM is full of racist white men and women who appropriate the experiences of people of color to fuel their sophistry, I suspect that the smeared appearance of the logo is a form of cultural appropriation. The smears are perhaps intended to convey a kind of “savage masculinity” that is expressed as a symbol of male empowerment (although in reality functions merely as a fetishization of POC). I don’t know if that makes sense and I don’t have a whole lot to support what I’m saying, but I think it’s reasonable to assume that given how racist AVFM is.

Ally S
8 years ago

I guess a better way to explain what I’m saying is that the symbol, which has an ‘M’ for (presumably) “Men”, seems to be drawn to look like a “tribal mark”.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
8 years ago

I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be their version of this.

http://www.blokders.com/Filemanager/userfiles/Dosyalar/icerikResimler/icerikResim97.jpg

Maybe they’re finally getting bored with The Matrix.

Ally S
8 years ago

Oh, that makes more sense. They want to pretend to be revolutionaries.

Winter Walker
8 years ago

@Ally S: Doesn’t being a revolutionary require going *against* the established order of things? I don’t think a revolution is what they think it is…

@Crip Dyke: Oh no. He wears tutus? Seriously? That’s some dangerously complicated equipment he’s using there. I’m not sure he’s qualified.

On that note, I just need to vent about dudes who use the tutu as a symbol of feminine weakness. I’d like to see them kick one leg higher than their head while supporting their entire body weight on two toes, and smile while they’re doing it!

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