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Open Thread for Personal Stuff, Part Deux

Hugs if you want them.
Hugs if you want them.

An open thread to discuss personal stuff, continued from here.

No trolls, no arguments.

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Dvärghundspossen
8 years ago

@Unimaginative, there are no bears here as far as I know, but thinking over the event again, I guess it might have been a moose. There are plenty of moose around here. None has ever tried to steal our veggies before, they normally stay a bit further away from people’s houses than the deer do, so I wouldn’t know how the doggies would react to that. As I said before, I know my GSD don’t really bother about veggie-stealing deer, but maybe if a one-ton bull moose were to barge in that would piss her off?

Ally S
8 years ago

So this happened recently. Long story short, my father has frightened me so much that I feel an even stronger urge to get away from him now. I’ve decided that I’m moving out around late September or early October and going back to live with my older sister. And I have canceled my plans for UCSC – I’ll go some day, but not any time this year. Being monitored by him while going to UCSC won’t be worth it at all.

The problem is, there’s a family reunion coming up, and I’m going to start a shitstorm if I say that I want to delay my last two years of college. Especially since my uncle tells me that he wants me to protect my step-mother and my little sisters. I want to help them, but at the same time I need to just leave once and for all.

Do you folks have any suggestions for possibly making it easier to break the news to my other relatives about skipping university this year? I know my hopes are probably silly, but I really just want to have a nice family reunion that won’t involve arguments and conflict. My last major family reunion should at least be peaceful.

In other news, my cell phone number is now being tracked through an app enabled through my father’s AT&T family plan (which covers my cell phone service). My father can find my exact location on a map on his smartphone just by tracing my cell phone while it’s on. So he’s basically stalking me now. He can go fuck himself.

Ally S
8 years ago

My older sister just told me that he accidentally got that feature for the family plan, and so he disabled it. So I’m no longer being stalked. ^_^ That’s nice.

I guess that means his suspicion isn’t high enough to be like that yet.

cloudiah
8 years ago

Ally, damn that is awful. I’m so sorry. I’m glad that “feature” of the phone plan has been disabled, though. Stay safe, okay? If staying safe means you have to be less than honest with your family, then be less than honest with them. I wish I had better advice for you. 🙁

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

While I get your uncle’s logic, has he considered that this means no one is looking out for you? And your step-mother is a full fledged adult while you’re just barely an adult? (Seriously, nothing personal, but that’s a lot of responsibility for someone of an age not considered responsible enough to drink)

And fuck, I feel like a horrible person bringing this up, considering, but bipolar personality disorder isn’t a thing. It’s bipolar disorder or bipolar depression, and borderline personality disorder. (Arg, bad Argenti! Sorry, my bipolar ass feels the need to point this out)

In any case, that behavior was COMPLETELY unacceptable. And fuck threatening to call the cops, do it (or cover for them while someone else does, you can bet they’ll show up fast if it’s a scared little girl on the other end). His thing is he can’t possibly be wrong? Let him tell the cops that, he may get a lesson in his wrongness. Word to the wise though? Don’t do it unless neighbors are coming out and thus might be the ones who called, him taking it out on you would be worse than just hiding and waiting it out.

Ah, um, this one is Serious Business, but if you think your sisters are in actual physical danger, file a CPS report. Or at the least, talk to their teachers, let them know if they the suspect anything, they might be right.

And FOR FUCKS SAKE, does your step-mother, the presumably reasonable adult in all this, not realize wtf he’s doing?!

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Oh and if you have to run, I’d trust anyone pecunium trusts, make use of the resources he’s given you.

katz
8 years ago

Hugs. I don’t have much help to offer, but follow your instincts and put your own safety first.

Ally S
8 years ago

@Argenti

While I get your uncle’s logic, has he considered that this means no one is looking out for you? And your step-mother is a full fledged adult while you’re just barely an adult? (Seriously, nothing personal, but that’s a lot of responsibility for someone of an age not considered responsible enough to drink)

Oh, I didn’t take it personally. No worries. It definitely is a lot to handle, and aside from the fact that it’s not like I’m apathetic and uncaring about their situation, but I have too much to deal with already, and that on top of everything else would be completely overwhelming. I’m going to face a huge amount of shit from my uncle, though, who will probably perceive my moving away as some kind of “betrayal.”

And fuck, I feel like a horrible person bringing this up, considering, but bipolar personality disorder isn’t a thing. It’s bipolar disorder or bipolar depression, and borderline personality disorder. (Arg, bad Argenti! Sorry, my bipolar ass feels the need to point this out)

Ah, that’s right. I apologize for getting them mixed up. My uncle clearly told me that he has bipolar disorder. I thought they were all the same thing for some reason. V_V

In any case, that behavior was COMPLETELY unacceptable. And fuck threatening to call the cops, do it (or cover for them while someone else does, you can bet they’ll show up fast if it’s a scared little girl on the other end). His thing is he can’t possibly be wrong? Let him tell the cops that, he may get a lesson in his wrongness. Word to the wise though? Don’t do it unless neighbors are coming out and thus might be the ones who called, him taking it out on you would be worse than just hiding and waiting it out. Ah, um, this one is Serious Business, but if you think your sisters are in actual physical danger, file a CPS report. Or at the least, talk to their teachers, let them know if they the suspect anything, they might be right.

I admit; while my main reason for being reluctant to call the cops was that someone already said they were about to call the cops, I myself was very afraid of calling the cops because he was in a very dangerous state of mind and so probably would have physically harmed me. Moreover, I was fixated on keeping little sisters safe more than anything else because they were scared and obviously vulnerable. Next time I’ll try to call the cops if it’s safe for me to do so.

I feel the same way about calling CPS, but fortunately that doesn’t seem necessary at this time. I’ll do it if I have no choice, though.

Anyway, one kind of good sign is that he’s apologized, but at the same time, I still feel very unsafe, and I don’t trust his apologies because he never changes. Seriously, he’s been abusive and aggressive for as long as I’ve known him. And his remorse always seems half-assed and apologetic towards his behavior e.g. he says stuff like “Oh, I’m just an intense person” as if he can’t help being an asshole.

And FOR FUCKS SAKE, does your step-mother, the presumably reasonable adult in all this, not realize wtf he’s doing?!

She has been abused by him as well. I know, through countless conversations with her, that she resents the way she and her daughters are treated from time to time. So she definitely realizes what he’s doing. It’s just that it’s very hard for her to stand up to him because…well, let’s just say in the past he has done some awful things to her.

Ally S
8 years ago

Ally, damn that is awful. I’m so sorry. I’m glad that “feature” of the phone plan has been disabled, though. Stay safe, okay? If staying safe means you have to be less than honest with your family, then be less than honest with them. I wish I had better advice for you.

I’ll do what I can to stay safe. I’m very scared these days, but hopefully things will get easier when my older brother comes back early next month. Unlike me, he’s brave enough to confront my father directly and stop him when he father tries to harm me in some way. Moreover, for various reasons, my father is way more reluctant to attack my older brother.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

“…if it’s safe for me to do so.”

So much that. Don’t put yourself, or your sisters, in more danger. Maybe you can work out some system with a caring neighbor though? Someone who’d be willing to give him a round of “dude, we can hear you, stop screaming” and call the cops if/when he doesn’t?

“Anyway, one kind of good sign is that he’s apologized…”

Hello abuser alarm bells! Odds are high that sooner or later he’ll get pissed again and those promised will become meaningless.

“She has been abused by him as well.”

Of course she has, of fucking course she has. Have I mentioned that I don’t like your father? Could you talk her into talking with somebody of the professional sort?

Regarding your uncle, if he’s being reasonable when you tell him, point out that you need to look after yourself first, or you’re useless to your sisters.

Re: bipolar // borderline — no worries, I was mostly being pedantic (and am touchy on the topic since new meds psych grew a third head asking if anyone’s ever suggested borderline personality disorder. I am a lot of things, but that ain’t one of them!)

cloudiah
8 years ago

My friend died last night. It was sudden, and at the same time once we found out that her cancer had spread to her meningeal tissues the chances of a happy ending were vanishingly slim. She was 36, and an only child. She was the first person in her immediate family to attend college, and she managed to earn 2 advanced degrees while working full time. She and her mother were both a soft touch for abandoned kitties.

I showed her many of the cute animal videos you guys posted in recent weeks, and they were one of the few things that reliably made her smile, so thank you.

I’m lucky to have known her; I wish you all could have known her. Thank you for all your kind words when I’ve written about this. They were greatly appreciated.

Fuck cancer.

Hugs to you all.

kittehserf
8 years ago

Oh cloudiah, all the hugs!

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
8 years ago

Cloudiah, I’m so sorry. Cancer sucks hard.

cloudiah
8 years ago

Thank you again. I’ll probably just lurk for a while until I can stomach the trolls without wanting to eviscerate them.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Fuck cancer >.<

All the hugs cloudiah. And katz, LBT and I keep toying with attempting to necromancy the forum, if you'd rather post over there where the trolls aren't an invasive species.

hometeampaper
hometeampaper
8 years ago

I know this isn’t the best situation for a first post and no one’s touched this thread in a week, but I’ve been lurking in the comments for a while and I don’t know where else to go with this.

I’m not comfortable sharing any details publicly but I have a situation with a depressed transgender friend and I don’t know what to do. If I could talk privately with someone who might understand those issues, that could help immeasurably. If this isn’t the right place to bring this up then a link to someplace better would be dearly appreciated too.

I’ve made an account on the forums and I’m just waiting for David to activate it. Please PM me there if you can.

katz
8 years ago

hometeampaper, this is a completely appropriate place for that sort of thing.

sarahlizhousespouse
8 years ago

Hey hometeampaper, when the link goes up can you show us where it is? We’re here for you.

Fibinachi
8 years ago

Hey, you’re welcome. Other people are, however, more qualified to talk about your problem, so I can only offer the bland statement that the thread exists for this very purpose.

LBT
LBT
8 years ago

RE: hometeampaper

I’m trans and have a bit of spoons at the moment. I’m willing to chat.

hometeampaper
hometeampaper
8 years ago

Thanks so much, everyone. This community seems so welcoming and supportive and I really need to talk to someone about all this.

Looks like my forum account is up at http://manboobz.forummotion.com/u414contact, so maybe PM me there unless there’s a better way (private chatroom?).

Just reading your words already means a lot.

Ally S
8 years ago

I’m trans* as well. I’ve just made an account on the forums, too, so when it’s activated, I’ll be willing to chat.

kittehserf
8 years ago

hometeampaper, I have nothing useful to add except seconding the “This is the right space!” comments, and a Welcome Package for you.

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