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The Proud Boys are single and ready to mingle on their new dating site

Proud Boys are standing by!

By David Futrelle

Hey ladies! Do you like men? Were you born with a vagina? Is your love life utter shit? Are you sick of Tinder and Bumble and OkCupid and all the rest? Are you so lonely and so desperate for a man that you’d consider hooking up with a member of a violent, far-right street gang named after a song from Aladdin?

If you answered “yes” to all those questions, you will be amazed at how much in luck you are. Because the fine gentlemen of the Proud Boys have just started up a miniature dating site JUST FOR YOU.

You don’t even have to bother with picking out a Proud Boy of your own. All you need to do is to fill out a short profile on the Proud Boys web site, attach a couple of pics (nudes appreciated) and the Boys will search your area for eligible fellas to send your way.

“We’ve been asked by many women to start a Proud Boys dating site,” the Proud Boys explain.

If you are one of these women and would like to meet Proud Boys in your area, fill out the form below and your information will be sent to a chapter close to you. Send nudes, boring pics or any other information to proudboysusa@gmail.com and it will be forwarded with your info.

Antifa women, you are welcome to request a date as long as you have a vagina and have had it your entire life.  Please shave and shower before coming to see us.

Based on the photos and videos of Proud Boys I’ve seen over the years, it appears the shaving and showering requirement doesn’t apply to them.

So what sort of info do the Proud Boys need in order to match you up with one of their own? Don’t bother describing yourself or listing your favorite films. The Proud Boys want just the facts, ma’am: Your age, your height, your weight, your bra size and how you would rate yourself on a scale from one to ten. Oh, and “HOW MUCH ALCOHOL AND DRUGS CAN YOU CONSUME?”

And don’t worry, these guys aren’t just looking for cheap sex; they hope to impregnate their proud lady dates so they can, as the site helpfully explains, “repopulate the west.”

It all sounds so easy, I can hear you saying. What’s the catch? Well, the catch is that you’ll have to date and possibly be impregnated by a Proud Boy.

I guess that’s kind of a big catch, huh?

H/T — The Daily Dot

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

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Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Catalpa
Ah, I didn’t realize Gavin McInnes was Canadian. I was making my assumption from the American popular perception of Canada due to features like universal healthcare that most right wingers here aren’t fans of.

I feel like this list is missing an attribute that I think that the Proud Boys would place great importance on; race. Though perhaps they figure that the entire rest of their odious presentation will be sufficient to scare away any WoC looking for dates. To be fair, that probably is a safe bet.

That is probably their plan, as I can’t imagine many WoC would sign up for it.

@Alan Robertshaw
I’m having the same issues with that sentence. I can’t figure out how to fix it, but it just sounds clunky and like there is something wrong with it.

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy

@Alan,

I’m also a tad concerned at the thought of proud boys encouraging women to consume lots of alcohol and drugs 🙁

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

@Mish – They’re probably trying to calculate the correct roofie dosage for each applicant.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

Very “my ‘I won’t spike your drink on a date’ shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt” energy.

Edit: ninja’d by Buttercup.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

Mogged by Moggie… ?

Notice how women aren’t allowed any agency on this site. Their info just gets passed around until they attract a willing date stalker. That way, Proud Boys don’t have to go to the trouble of setting up dating profiles with photos and catchy headlines (“Looking for Mrs. Reich”, “Make My South Rise Again!”) that might run the risk of rejection. No sending messages, no getting swiped left, no effort whatsoever. They really do want to go back to the days when women were chattel.

It’s also possible they know their site is going to be a giant fail, and this is just another excuse to troll and demean women.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Buttercup

It’s also possible they know their site is going to be a giant fail, and this is just another excuse to troll and demean women.

I think this is what’s going on. They know not many women will actually sign up (especially no “Antifa women”) but they know that they can use this as a way to mock women and spread misogyny and transphobia just by virtue of the site existing.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

It’s either intended simply as a troll to get them attention, or it’s a deniable way to solicit revenge porn.

Moon Custafer
1 year ago

Wait, I think I once visited Boring, OR as a kid. Can’t recall much about it, which suggests the name is accurate, but the landscape was pretty.

I just realized these guys are using “The West” to mean “Not Those Foreign Places,” and briefly wondered if Winnipeg was running out of people or something. I’m sure it contains many singles far more appealing than the Proud Boys.

Viscaria
Viscaria
1 year ago

I think the issue with “HOW MUCH ALCOHOL AND DRUGS CAN YOU CONSUME?” is that if you add in what’s elided by the “and” it would read as “How much alcohol and how much drugs can you consume?” which isn’t a construction usually allowed in English.

Or, well, that’s not the issue with it. The issue is just, you know, the whole thing, the whole concept, the fact that someone wrote it out and shared it with others. But the above might be what’s making it hard to read.

Nequam
Nequam
1 year ago

@gijoel: Lemonparty’s still around?!

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ mish

I’m also a tad concerned at the thought of proud boys encouraging women to consume lots of alcohol and drugs

Yeah. I thought a lot of right wingers were meant to be all ‘straight edge’ about intoxicants; but people here have already addressed the possible motivations for this requirement.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Alan Robertshaw
The original Nazis used drugs pretty heavily, so it wouldn’t surprise me if the modern day ones follow in their footsteps.

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
1 year ago

Maybe it scans strangely because you would normally say, I think, “How much alcohol and how MANY drugs do you consume?”

We don’t use “much” as the qualifier for drugs, since they are a group of many individual items? Whereas alcohol is a singular item?

This is all off the top of my head, of course.

Podkayne Lives
Podkayne Lives
1 year ago

I suppose this is one (unpleasant) way to get a sperm donor if all other doors are closed to you. Then as I imagine they aren’t all too interested in the parenting part, you could raise the most empathetic and unbigoted little beings imaginable, and foil their truly excellent plan.

They just don’t seem like good genetic material, and I imagine they’ve got abusive tendencies. Picking up a dude at the local laundromat for a quickie sounds MUCH safer and more pleasant. (Laundromat dude has, for example, already demonstrated the belief that he should wash his clothes.)

Podkayne Lives
Podkayne Lives
1 year ago

Also, I think: “What is your capacity for drug and alcohol intake?” would work well grammatically, but it lacks something of the ‘HOW MUCH CAN YOU DO?’ ooomph of the original.

moregeekthan
moregeekthan
1 year ago

@ Moon Custafer

“X contains many singles far more appealing than the Proud Boys,” is true for an awfully large range of X.

Sarity
Sarity
1 year ago

Well isn’t it gracious of them, despite obviously having women everywhere lining up for them, that they would “begrudgingly” allow antifa ladies into their dating pool.

Yeah, if that’s not sinister or sarcastic, it’s remarkably desperate. Pathetic either way.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
1 year ago

Neo-Nazis and the KKK both are reported to be heavily into hard drugs, principally meth. I get this from a news report that interviewed people who had left these groups, asking them what happened that they changed their minds about white supremacy. Both groups are deep into meth.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Elizabeth

We don’t use “much” as the qualifier for drugs, since they are a group of many individual items? Whereas alcohol is a singular item?

That’s what I figured, but wasn’t sure about it. Thank you.

@Sarity
I would guess it is sarcastic. Though I have heard right wingers fetishize left wing women because they think left wing women are more open to unusual sex/kink stuff. This may or may not be true, but I can’t imagine many leftist women are that into fucking Proud Boys.

@PoM
That makes sense. Many of these people don’t have much money and meth is a fairly cheap drug compared to cocaine or other stimulants. It’s also accurate to the original Nazis, who used meth so soldiers could fight longer. Hitler was also addicted to stimulants and appears to have gone through withdrawal towards the end of the war after chemical plants were bombed.

Joe
Joe
1 year ago

Kat, no one is going to have sex with them sober! What choice do they have?

Allandrel
Allandrel
1 year ago

@Policy of Madness

I am reminded of former Senator and Attorney General Jeff Sessions saying that he thought the KKK “were OK” until he learned they smoked pot. “Good people don’t smoke marijuana.”

Note that it was marijuana, and not murdering more Americans than every other terrorist group combined, that put Sessions off of the KKK. Apparently “good people” DO lynch people, burn churches, etc.

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
1 year ago

@Catalpa, regarding Canadians:
Not to mention Ezra Levant, founder of Rebel News (a.k.a. Canada’s answer to Breitbart), or former employees Faith Goldy and Lauren Southern…

Yeah, Canada may in general be less blatant and more passive-aggressive about it, but there’s lots of racism here. It’s not for nothing that the CBC started disabling comments on any news report about First Nations issues.

NOBODY
NOBODY
1 year ago

Neo-Nazis and the KKK both are reported to be heavily into hard drugs, principally meth.

It’s where they get their cash flow. The most extreme and high visibility members can’t make that kinda money any way else.

Of course, being a community full of disfunctional and damaged people, a good many are smoking the product.

Catalpa
Catalpa
1 year ago

@Jenora Feuer

Ah, fuck. For a few blissful moments I forgot that Lauren Southern existed and came from here.

But yeah, all those folks suck too, and Canada’s got a ton of racism going on, principally against the First Nations but also in the form of Islamophobia, anti-black sentiment, and so much else.

And the fact that so many white, supposedly progressive Canadian people seem to think that “not as bad as the States!” Is good enough (or even true in all cases) is absolutely infuriating.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
1 year ago

@NOBODY

I don’t think the article I read interviewed any high-ups, just the ordinary racist foot-soldiers, who were all using meth at their gatherings. It was a regular part of getting together.

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