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Roses are red, ducks are ducky. Poems by incels are really quite sucky

By David Futrelle

Incels are bad at a lot of things, from”hiding their raging misogyny” to “being decent human beings.” But there are few things that they’re worse at than poetry.

Not that I’ve read a lot of incel poetry. I’m basically basing my judgement on the poem below, which has been floating about the internet ever since it was posted on the long-banned incels subreddit. By I think my judgement is fair. Even if every other incel poem was a masterpiece that would make Walt Whitman jealous, this poem is so bad that even by itself it would drag the average down to terrible.

In any case, enjoy this perfectly awful poem about a boy who lifts and a girl who eats.

Incel poetry - Nineteen Eighty Whore submitted 2 burs ago by RippedRichAndincel Its all a cope except the rope I hit the gym and lift all day; A woman stuffs her face. For hours in the gym I stay, A woman eats with haste. 
While I grow big -my flesh grows hard -This woman soon grows soft I gain the strength of bull or Tard; She eats (and does so oft). One Friday night. I lift new weight-This woman sleeps with Chad. I've added yet another plate-With cum, she's soaked quite bad. On Sunday mom I shop for clothes-While Chad her clothing, tears. On Gucci shirts I spend who knows? While cum drenched clothes she wears 
Some later day my hair is styled-She sucks Chad's dick with care. Now with a trim I'm still exiled While Chad cums in her hair. 
I've style, size and strength to boot. She's fat and stretched a bore. But still Myself I wish to shoot-She's loved (and still a whore) To life I no more wish to cling-She weds (and cheats) and breeds. And now from rope I limply swing-A loving life she leads.

Boy it sure is sad that this young woman eats with such haste (and oft!) yet still enjoys having sex with dudes who aren’t the author, despite his repeated purchases of expensive shirts. It’s a veritable crime against humanity that she doesn’t want to have sex with him just because he’s a malevolent turd and an execrable poet who clearly spent hours carefully crafting this interminable poem about how much he hates her for enjoying life.

H/T — r/GenderCynical

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Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
Nikki the Bluth Wannabe
1 year ago

@Surplus
Sixthing Allandrel, contrapangloss, Catalpa, Rhuu, and David. Getting some sort of professional help, whether that be through social services/the equivalent in your area, a crisis hotline, and/or an online therapy chat, is crucial in your current position.
I also have a concrete suggestion relating to problem #1.
Would it be feasible to call the city you live in (specifically a department such as public works), tell them that there’s one construction site banning all pedestrian traffic while all other sites in the area are following the normal procedure to let pedestrians through on one side, ask them if they know why that is, explain your situation to them, and urge them to do something about it? Reading about that specific problem made me think that maybe the city would have the authority to tell the asshole construction site to clean up its act.
Of course, you don’t have to call the city if your stamina won’t allow it-#1 was just the problem that was easiest for me to brainstorm a possible solution for.

Catalpa
Catalpa
1 year ago

Well, the poem was certainly a collection of words. If I wanted to hear about a guy being way too obsessed with two other people banging, I would listen to Mr. Brightside and at least consume something with artistic merit to it.

ospalh
ospalh
1 year ago

“But I went ahead and did it¹ just the same.”
―“Winston Smith”,1984

I guess the poet never read that book, as i really don’t get any connection.

¹Sex with an old prostitute, not suicide, just to make that clear.

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meanie
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meanie
1 year ago

@Surplus,

Dude, have you ever looked into travel alternatives besides regular taxis and walking? Is something like Medicab offered in your area? That’s a special taxi company that runs people to and from doctor’s appointments and/or pharmacy visits. Down here in the US insurance pays for that service, but Canada may have a different setup on that score.

Does your local bus company have a separate set of buses for use by those with disabilities/the elderly? Basically these are buses that will pull up to your front door (as close as practical, anyway), and take you to your destination, and return again at a set time to take you back home. I have never needed that service (so far), so I have no idea what you need to do to qualify for it. But it is something to look into as an alternative to walking so much.

Have you looked into getting a bicycle / adult tricycle to use, or even a motorized scooter? Those could be a godsend for traveling about. The price of gas for the scooter can be offset by the fact that it has a locked storage space on it, plus getting you to and from far faster than walking does.

Hopefully something on this list will prove helpful. And I believe that many of these things can be had at a reduced price if you’re elderly/disabled, so that can help you too.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Lainy

why do they make it sound like oral sex is like getting hit in the face with a super soaker?

I think incels have a very specific set of fetishes that they assume are all over the real world, and one of those fetishes must be semen on faces or in hair. I am told it’s a common trope in porn. It makes me shudder though, I guess if someone’s into degradation they might like it but I just really don’t like the idea of someone unloading in my hair.

Mrs Morley
Mrs Morley
1 year ago

Is this the woman he hates? (The merchant at tea: a happy woman eating, smiling at her cat)

comment image

Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ mrs morley

Well to be pedantic that’s the merchant’s wife; so he could probably go on about bon-bons or something.

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meanie
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meanie
1 year ago

Or maybe incels think That One Scene out of the movie There’s Something About Mary is how it’s always done and treated when it comes to semen? I’ve never seen the movie since gross-out comedy well, grossed me out too much to watch it, but I swear everyone at the time it came out heard about That Scene and was talking about it, so I’m sure these youngsters are at least a bit aware of it.

Or maybe not, since it was so long ago and no-one’s really been talking about it since that I can tell.

Mrs Morley
Mrs Morley
1 year ago

@Alan Robertshaw

You’re right ! That’s what I get for not proof reading carefully.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Redsilkphoenix
I recall a while ago a semen retainer got very upset about that film, claiming that it was a Jewish conspiracy to encourage masturbation.

According to Pmo_addict:

It indoctrinated entire generations of men into thinking fapping is good for you.

I’m Jewish and haven’t seen the movie, so I’m not sure how I fit into the conspiracy.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

OT – rather share this here than in the more solemn open thread.

GUESS WHO HAS A JOB INTERVIEW MONDAY MORNING?

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
1 year ago

Congrats, VP! I hope you kill that interview and they hire you right away!

LindsayIrene
1 year ago

I just really don’t like the idea of someone unloading in my hair

I imagine semen turning into a soft solid, like egg white, if the water is too hot when you try to wash it out. Ew.

Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ Vicky P

Congratumalations!!! I’m sure you’ll knock em dead!

@ mrs morley

That’s what I get for not proof reading carefully.

I did what I thought was a very thorough proof-reading exercise on a document this week. Checked it, checked it again, slept on it, then final check before emailing to court. And two minutes later get an email from someone copied into the email: “I thought your client’s name was (not what I’d put!)”

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

Thanks, PoM and Alan!

It’s with an organization I’ve worked with before (they were my customer; I was on the vendor team), and the main contact I had there is still working there!

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Victorious Parasol
I see I’m late to the party, but congratulations! Best of luck Monday!

@LindsayIrene
Plus, I have very thick curly hair. It would be a nightmare to get the cum out. I’d probably have to rinse with very cold water, and that’s not much fun to begin with even when there isn’t someone else’s load involved.

gijoel
gijoel
1 year ago

Vogon poetry has a challenger.

Bananananana dakry: Quarantine-Haired, still Fat and Deranged
Bananananana dakry: Quarantine-Haired, still Fat and Deranged
1 year ago

@Lainy

Like I said, I think they get most of their ideas from bad porn, because anybody IRL knows that even if he hasn’t gone off for a while, the average man does not ejaculate that much at any one time.

Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ banana…dakry

Supposedly that’s where both 10cc and The Lovin’ Spoonful got the inspiration for their names.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Bananananana dakry
So do they have hidden pumps of fake jizz somewhere? I was wondering how they managed to get that much semen.

I’ve never been really into the emphasis on semen, there are other ways to show that a penis-haver is experiencing pleasure (and that are less degrading and unrealistic).

Bananananana dakry: Quarantine-Haired, still Fat and Deranged
Bananananana dakry: Quarantine-Haired, still Fat and Deranged
1 year ago

@Alan Robertshaw

Good lord, I’m not sure that’s something I ever wanted to know. But I look at metaphorical trainwrecks anyway, so have at it. 😀

@Naglfar

I would believe that’s probably how they do it, but don’t ask me; I’m not much of a porn consumer so I don’t know their ‘tricks’. And the jizz fixation IMO is just another form of territorial pissing, only with, er, jizz. You know, yet another outgrowth of toxic masculinity.

Allandrel
Allandrel
1 year ago

@Naglfar

It varies a lot, depending on who they are targeting with the work in question. There certainly are scenes featuring faked ejaculations, but it is real far more often than you might suspect. There are a few performers famous for producing unusually large volumes, but that’s probably genetic.

There are, of course, “production-increasing” supplements of various sorts, which are exactly as ineffective as you might suspect.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
1 year ago

@alan: Off-topic, but apparently there’s a woman in the States who’s got you covered: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/niagara-falls-officials-searching-for-raccoons-handed-out-to-locals-outside-a-7-eleven/ar-BB1504ME

Alan Robertshaw
1 year ago

@ rabid rabbit

Heh, thank you. I’d love to know the backstory there!

Oh, and I did do a rambly attempt to answer your Brexit query in the other thread; although it’s probably not worth clicking on.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
1 year ago

@Alan: Thanks! I did actually see that, but had no time to do more than skim and not reply.

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