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Roses are red, ducks are ducky. Poems by incels are really quite sucky

By David Futrelle

Incels are bad at a lot of things, from”hiding their raging misogyny” to “being decent human beings.” But there are few things that they’re worse at than poetry.

Not that I’ve read a lot of incel poetry. I’m basically basing my judgement on the poem below, which has been floating about the internet ever since it was posted on the long-banned incels subreddit. By I think my judgement is fair. Even if every other incel poem was a masterpiece that would make Walt Whitman jealous, this poem is so bad that even by itself it would drag the average down to terrible.

In any case, enjoy this perfectly awful poem about a boy who lifts and a girl who eats.

Incel poetry - Nineteen Eighty Whore submitted 2 burs ago by RippedRichAndincel Its all a cope except the rope I hit the gym and lift all day; A woman stuffs her face. For hours in the gym I stay, A woman eats with haste. 
While I grow big -my flesh grows hard -This woman soon grows soft I gain the strength of bull or Tard; She eats (and does so oft). One Friday night. I lift new weight-This woman sleeps with Chad. I've added yet another plate-With cum, she's soaked quite bad. On Sunday mom I shop for clothes-While Chad her clothing, tears. On Gucci shirts I spend who knows? While cum drenched clothes she wears 
Some later day my hair is styled-She sucks Chad's dick with care. Now with a trim I'm still exiled While Chad cums in her hair. 
I've style, size and strength to boot. She's fat and stretched a bore. But still Myself I wish to shoot-She's loved (and still a whore) To life I no more wish to cling-She weds (and cheats) and breeds. And now from rope I limply swing-A loving life she leads.

Boy it sure is sad that this young woman eats with such haste (and oft!) yet still enjoys having sex with dudes who aren’t the author, despite his repeated purchases of expensive shirts. It’s a veritable crime against humanity that she doesn’t want to have sex with him just because he’s a malevolent turd and an execrable poet who clearly spent hours carefully crafting this interminable poem about how much he hates her for enjoying life.

H/T — r/GenderCynical

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Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

I’d rather attend a reading of Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings’ poetry.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
1 year ago

Izzat ableism I see in that poem? I think it is!

So which is it? Are women resource-seekers who will spread their legs for rich dudes, or are they genuinely attracted to Chad such that they aren’t actually interested in money? Are they interested in hot bodies, or not?

Is it your wrist circumference, dudes, or is it your odious personality?

eataTREE
eataTREE
1 year ago

Emily Dickinson turns in her grave.

zounoshoumetsu
zounoshoumetsu
1 year ago

It attempt to reach the level of Vogon poetry, but lacks the flair, Nor does it have anything like the typical depth of compassion every Vogon has.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
1 year ago

After reading not once but three times that this hypothetical woman has cum on her, I think that this dude has some weirdly specific hate fantasies. Plus, three entire verses are about him being in shape vs her eating and getting fat. He doesn’t have ideas beyond judging others (and himself) by their looks. But I already knew that incels project their shallow attitudes onto everyone else.

Anonymous
Anonymous
1 year ago

What I wouldn’t give to read something nicer, like “Ode To A Small Lump Of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning”.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

That is the least erotic description of sex I’ve ever read. This poem is so bad I don’t even feel like snarking off of it.

@PoM
Nah, it’s gotta be the canthal tilt.

LindsayIrene
1 year ago

I was a sex-haver for decades and managed to never have semen-soaked clothing and hair. He makes sex sound like the aftermath of a terrible fertility clinic disaster.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@LindsayIrene
Well, seeing as he’s probably never had sex with anything other than a sock, maybe that’s why he thinks all sex ends with semen soaked clothing.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

And now from rope I limply swing–

Dead but still penning doggerel. (My apologies to doggs.)

A loving life she leads.

Bingo.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

She’s fat and stretched; a bore

And yet you’ve killed yourself because she rejected you. You might want to rethink this whole incel thing.

Earl
Earl
1 year ago

I’d rather listen to Vogon poetry. It’s probably less misogynistic and self-pitying.

Viscaria
Viscaria
1 year ago

If he hates going to the gym, has he considered not going to the gym so much? Like, instead of imagining a woman who doesn’t work out all the time and who eats what she wants and resenting that woman, he could just leave the gym and go get some ice cream or whatever. Nobody’s forcing him to lift heavy things and then put them down for hours on end.

Schnookums Von Fancypants, Naughty Basic Horse
Schnookums Von Fancypants, Naughty Basic Horse
1 year ago

https://percolately.com/teen-incel-brother-behavior-women/?fbclid=IwAR0ePBOPCnWciXJdo2a-rEoonKSmBxKXW64FUidic8TA4cqVkpS0tXIeqZA

16 y/o calls out his shitty incel brother and his shitty enabling parents. (It is reddit, in the Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, so take it with a grain of salt)

Bananananana dakry: Quarantine-Haired, still Fat and Deranged
Bananananana dakry: Quarantine-Haired, still Fat and Deranged
1 year ago

@Naglfar

Given how they seem to get all their ideas about sex from porn, no wonder they think it all ends up like the worst bukkake gang bang film ever. There’s plainly no basis in reality for their fevered imaginations.

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
1 year ago

@Schnookums Von Fancypants

If that’s real the kid did good, but wow his parents are scum. I hope he can get the hell out of there as soon as he becomes an adult, and find a good therapist pronto.

And his brother. Is not just an incel. But also a gym teacher? Holy shit. That is an absolute nightmare waiting to happen, that man should not be allowed anywhere near children, especially not girls.

For the sake of everyone living in proximity to that slime I really, really hope the poster is a troll. 🙁

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

@sunnysombrera:

After reading not once but three times that this hypothetical woman has cum on her, I think that this dude has some weirdly specific hate fantasies.

Or simply thinks that typical real-world vanilla sex is like what gets called “vanilla sex” in porn.

It’s not like incels have any experience with it beyond watching porn, after all, more or less by definition.

Meanwhile, I think my goose is well and truly cooked this time. I had to go out on another supply run this afternoon and I barely was able to make it back. Here are just some of the reasons.

1. Road construction everywhere. Normally that’s not a problem, because normally they let pedestrians through (often closing the sidewalk on one side, but not both at the same time). Not this time. One single construction site has a highly atypical policy, of not permitting pedestrians through at all. (Two others I encountered had the normal behavior instead.) Moreover, this particular, atypically-behaving one is located at a key bottleneck where the shortest detour that doesn’t cut across private property is nearly half a kilometer long. And it’s located almost literally right outside my home. If I was in the opposite corner of the building I’d be able to see it from my goddamn window.

If that is not aimed specifically, deliberately, and personally right at me, I don’t know what is. I’m almost certainly the only person who normally walks into town through that particular bottleneck and doesn’t own a car. Everyone else is only mildly inconvenienced. I am expected to walk an extra full kilometer now to do any shopping. The general rule of splash damage is, if one guy gets massively hit and everyone else gets only mild damage, then that one guy was the target. The only assumption being made here is that the bad guys can actually aim.

Feel free to explain this incident in any less-sinister way. Including that ONE construction site is applying special rules and that that PARTICULAR one just HAPPENS to be located at a major bottleneck of the road grid AND the chosen bottleneck happens to be basically RIGHT OUTSIDE MY DOOR.

But a higher priority: tell me how to fucking get rid of it. Or make it obey the normal rules like all the other ones, at least. Because if I don’t, and it doesn’t go away on its own in about a week, I’m fucking dead.

2. The main grocery store here is suddenly getting all pissy about people bringing in their own reusable bags. Their excuse being an alleged epidemic of shoplifting, of which I have never seen evidence in the cumulative tens of hours I’ve spent in that store over the course of my life. They wanted me to leave mine at the entrance. Out of my sight, with $66 of stuff in it I purchased already at a different store, for the 20 minutes it would take me to find the items I need, which would be less than 5 if they didn’t have a terrible habit of randomly moving things around from time to time.

Apparently their idea of how to deal with a risk of theft is to force their customers to take on that risk for them. Of course, they’re a multi-billion-dollar nationwide chain and I’m not someone who can survive too many losses of $66.

Apparently they also think a great way to reduce the risk of COVID transmission is to force their customers to spend 4 times as long and walk through more aisles and past more people searching for the items they need. Or are they just trying to goose impulse buys, and don’t care if that means increasing the spread of COVID-19?

I managed not to get my $66 worth of stuff stolen, but now apparently instead of taking a roughly 7 km trip to get stuff from the pharmacy and from the grocery chain, I am now expected to take a 16 km pair of trips separately to each store, then back home to safely put my purchases under lock and key, then back out to the other store, or else be forced to risk someone swiping my stuff from the first store I visit.

3. Some stuff is now “on sale” at what’s basically the normal price for that sort of item, if you get 2 at once, and at a “regular” price that’s significantly marked up compared to the normal price (from, say, a year or two ago) if you only get one. Needless to say, these items are invariably bulky, heavy, and things that I need.

One of them was actually cheaper to get two than to get one! As in, it was about $6.50 or something to get a single one, but you could get two for $5.00.

This isn’t a bulk discount. It’s lunacy. Lunacy that just happens to force me to carry more weight for 8 of those 16 km, in the future, and to be unable to carry as much of anything else per trip, forcing me to walk those 8 km more often as well. Lunacy that doesn’t increase the store’s revenues, but does inconvenience me. Hmm. Maybe not lunacy after all. Assholery seems more likely. And with me as the sole maleficiary again — everyone else benefits, since everyone else gets a discount while putting the extra item (at MINUS a buck fifty, it’s better than free!) in the spacious trunk of a car.

What do you call it when everyone gets free stuff, but one guy gets hit by a bullet? Again, if we assume the shooter isn’t an Imperial Stormtrooper, the presumption is that they hit the target they intended to hit. And when that same target has been at the epicenter of two such hits in the space of an hour, it’s even more clear that it’s not just random people getting shot, right?

4. My stamina continues to wane. On the outbound leg (pack still light as a feather) I had to take it quite slowly going up a hill that wouldn’t have troubled me much a year or even a few months ago. I’d been slowly ebbing in stamina for the past few years, but the decline seems to have accelerated abruptly around mid-March — curiously, about the time the COVID lockdowns reached my area.

Of course, it might be something treatable, but there’s no way of even knowing, let alone accessing treatment. For that, I’d have to NOT be the one single resident of Ontario who was stripped of their GP a year or two ago for no stated reason and who has since been passed over for getting a new one, despite having filled in all the application forms and submitted them and everything and gotten an acknowledgement indicating that the submission was in order and they’d find me a new one.

Likewise, for all I know the cause of the drop will kill me if it goes undiagnosed and untreated for long enough. Perhaps that’s the plan. I didn’t think so before — I thought it was just my age — but the sudden acceleration of the decline to where I’m noticeably worse after a span of merely a couple of months says it’s something less chronic in character that is causing it.

So … well, that’s basically it. I don’t see how I can survive here much longer. I get about $1100 a month. $663 immediately goes back out as rent, $128 for phone plus internet, and $50 for hydro, all essentials. And that’s WITH the OESP discount on the hydro — oh, shit! That goddamn fucking you-have-to-print-it-what-is-this-the-Dark-Ages? consent form! They’ve been requiring that to be re-done annually, and it’s gotta be about time again. When that time comes, with every a) printer store b) print shop and c) public library closed, I’ll have no way of printing their poxy form and will lose the OESP. So make that $100 for hydro, starting Real Soon Now.

That’s about $900 right back out the door. Leaving $200 for food, medication, and all other expenses, such as if I need new shoes or anything.

If I move closer to a shopping district, my rent goes up, likely by hundreds of dollars a month. As it is it’s just about the lowest anywhere in Canada, so I can’t trim any fat there.

$200 a month after utilities and rent obviously won’t support a car, or at least not a car and food. It won’t support frequent taxi drives, either. One of those per week would easily add more than $50 a month to my expenses. And that’s assuming there’s magically a vaccine tomorrow and it’s suddenly safe again to be in a small, enclosed, poorly-ventilated space for tens of minutes at a time (optimal conditions for the spread of respiratory viruses) with a rotating assortment of random strangers.

I can’t move in with other people to split rent. Even if I could trust other people with unsupervised access to my stuff (I can’t) my sleep disorder means we’d each drive the other batty inside of a month.

I can’t move, since the move itself would cost way more than $200. I’d have to save up for it, and if I can’t walk to the store to get supplies next week without collapsing from exhaustion halfway back, as seems likely, and am forced to take a taxi (and play Russian roulette with COVID-19) to get there, my finances move from slightly in the black to distinctly in the red, which means no saving up for anything anymore, ever again.

If I could get access to online ordering, the delivery surcharges would likely wipe me out as surely as taxi fares would (but I’d avoid the elevated COVID risk). If I could get free rides from family members … but none are very reliable, which would likely leave me out of one thing or another for potentially a week at a stretch here and there, and of course since I don’t live with any of them it’s verboten anyway until there’s a vaccine.

Oh, and did I mention the next supply trip will be for frozen goods, for which I’d need a freezer bag with an ice pack in it to miraculously keep them frozen for 7 8 16 kilometers? The return trip today (which was about 4 km) took me nearly two hours as I had to stop and rest every couple of blocks due to my waning stamina. And this is assuming my stamina doesn’t wane some more over the next week, which it surely will since I can do nothing to even identify, let alone address, the root cause.

Frankly, I don’t see a pathway to still having frozen food in my freezer after sometime around the twelfth, at least not one that doesn’t involve a taxi and possibly a nice extended period of inhaling COVID-19 aerosols. Never mind the long term. I’m screwed before summer even properly begins. 🙁

So, who is responsible for this? The odd thing is, I don’t think any one person is. Instead, it’s just that almost everybody feels a desire to impede, harass, bully, or otherwise obstruct me on sight, for whatever reason, and nearly nobody values me at all. (The total silence when I applied for work out of university says a lot all by itself. Like society had come to a decision, and that decision was that no possible contribution of mine would be valued.) I’m at best a number in a spreadsheet to many of them, a small number that can be lost to them without real consequence; at worst, a nuisance of some kind, an obstacle, a pest, a “why can’t this jerk just have a car and carry stuff out to it and lock it in the trunk and not be affected much by rain, snow, or a kilometer of detours like everybody else in the world?”, a “why can’t this asshole just sleep through the night and do everything else by day like normal people?”, and even a “why doesn’t this twit have anyone who can assist him with transportation or other things?”

And now I’m going to die because of this bullshit, and because of the lack of any kind of investment in things like public transportation and affordable public housing, and because of the deliberate acts of sabotage from a random, activist subset of the people who instinctively recoil from me and want me to just go away. Well, they’ll get their fucking wish soon enough now, won’t they? And to the extent they contributed to that by such acts as deliberately picking a bottleneck right near my home for road works and then giving that particular site special highly unusual instructions to completely obstruct all pedestrians from passing through, they will be my murderers.

Naglfar
Naglfar
1 year ago

@Bananananana Dakry

There’s plainly no basis in reality for their fevered imaginations.

I’m quite thankful reality doesn’t resemble an incel’s mind—that would be rather horrifying to live in. I don’t want to be with Chad and I don’t want him to cum in my hair. I spend hours on hair care and desperately don’t want semen in my hair. I’ll hang out with Stacy and Becky, thank you very much.

@Schnookums, Cyborgette
That’s truly awful. It is both disgusting and not surprising that an incel would end up in a job for which toxic masculinity is basically in the description*. Who wants to bet that the girl he was complaining about was an underage student who rejected his creeping? Everything screams predator.

*Maybe some gym teachers are better, but every gym teacher I ever had was an epitome of misogyny and toxic masculinity. That didn’t bode well for me when I was bad at sports, short, and effeminate.

Nequam
Nequam
1 year ago

Never heard of a ban on reusable bags as a shoplifting prevention measure; around here it’s all been to try and minimize COVID-19 transmission. (Some places will let you use your own bags as long as you are willing to bag the items yourself.)

As for the poem (and I use the term very loosely), the last part was done much better by Sting and Co. over 40 years ago:

I guess this is our last goodbye
You don’t care, so I won’t cry
You’ll be sorry when I’m dead
All this guilt will be on your head
I guess you’d call it suicide
But I’m too full to swallow my pride

Yutolia the Laissez-Fairy Pronoun Boner
Yutolia the Laissez-Fairy Pronoun Boner
1 year ago

@Kat:

She’s fat and stretched; a bore

And yet you’ve killed yourself because she rejected you. You might want to rethink this whole incel thing.

???????

Lainy
Lainy
1 year ago

I know they mostly just get sex ideas from porn but why do they make it sound like oral sex is like getting hit in the face with a super soaker? This might be tmi but all the oral sex encounters have beem nothing more then a few mouth fulls and nothing that could soak anything. These guys make it sounds like when a dude cums it’s like being hit with a fire man hose

Allandrel
Allandrel
1 year ago

@Surplus

Once again: No one is targeting you. You need help. Online chat therapists are available.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
1 year ago

And it’s pretty unlikely that most women are wearing visibly cum stained clothes out and about.

Also if an incel is wearing Gucci, I don’t think he’s making a good case that he’s oppressed.

contrapangloss
1 year ago

@Surplus,

I do not have the necessary experience, knowledge, or skills to help you.

No one here does.
The way you post and the certainty you have that the world is out to get you scares me FOR you.

I’m sorry we cannot fix your situation, but as others (Catalpa and Rhuu in particular) have suggested, I think you NEED to talk to someone experienced. .

Calling a local or national crisis hotline might be a fast way of getting some ideas for potential resources; I do not know what is in your area. Even if you do not want to share any specifics with them, they should have scripts, prompts, and fliers that might help them point you the right direction.

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