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I read this incel “field report” and now you have to, too

By David Futrelle

On the Incels.co forums, a fellow called jerrycan dan reports on a recent date with, er, his own hand.

Brace yourself. It’s NSFW, and probably not safe for your stomach either.

cum wax

jerrycan dan
autistic retard

Messages8,492
Nov 14, 2019
#1
I have reasonably hairy legs
wagecucking has also been too intense for me to masturbate so I came thick white ropes of baby gravy when I finally got around to releasing my juices tonight
I cum on the floor but occasionally some lands on my ankles, it did this time and because of the quality of the cum formed a thick crusty skin stuck to my hairy leg. When I peeled it off it hurt so fucking much and was full of hair, jesus christ

So that happened.

I have a lot of questions, but honestly I’m not sure I want to know the answers.

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37 Comments
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Katamount
Katamount
2 years ago

Nope, nothing I can add to this, so here’s Jeremy the Bear making breakfast:

Paireon
Paireon
2 years ago

@Pagan Reader – Misandrist Spinster:

Thanks, I needed those after reading that. Hope you don’t mind too much given that you don’t like me. /s

But seriously, why would anyone want to share this? I can only imagine that it’s a particularly gross attempt at pulling a “notice me, sempai!” aimed at other incels. Who knows, maybe after all that time he’s developed a fetish for attracting the attention of his fellow losers with disgusting sexual anecdotes. I’ve seen weirder.

Nanny Oggs Bosom
Nanny Oggs Bosom
2 years ago

Is he confusing super glu for seman? Because that sounds more like he’s had an accident with a tube of super glu than masterbating.

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 years ago

@Paireon

But seriously, why would anyone want to share this?

To blame the women of the world for not having sex with him? That’s my best guess.

Who knows, maybe after all that time he’s developed a fetish for attracting the attention of his fellow losers with disgusting sexual anecdotes. I’ve seen weirder.

*puts on armchair sexologist hat*

It could be a form of exhibitionism combined with a humiliation or masochism fetish.

ABars
ABars
2 years ago

I’m not buying this. My money is on him having made this up for attention.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

@Naglfar:

Plus, if his legs are that hairy, some of the other hair will cover it.

Ah, a leg combover…(or cumover, as the case may be)

Tovius
Tovius
2 years ago

Why? Oh god, why?

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
2 years ago

Back when I was attempting to date — and occasionally even dating! — I tried personal ads, including personals on the phone. (This was, of course, back in the day when telephones were the hand crank model.) You would call a phone number and leave a message. There would be a bunch of people also on the line with you, and they had left their messages too. If you liked a person’s message you would leave a message and they could speak with you right away.

Most of the people on the line were men. Naturally, some were gross. I still recall one guy who had left a message about how incredibly horny he was. He seemed to be super impressed with his own horniness. He said nothing about the kind of woman he was looking for or even how he and she could enjoy sexytime fun. Nope. It was all about him and his penis.

Just like the incel under discussion.

Alexis Filth
2 years ago

Incels always gotta be one upping each other in everything including grossness

Paireon
Paireon
2 years ago

@Naglfar: Yeah, sounds about right now that I think about it (no matter how much I don’t want to; my brain has terrible self-control).

Hambeast
Hambeast
2 years ago

Worst Penthouse Forum letter ever.

StarStorm
StarStorm
2 years ago

WELL OKAY THEN THAT IS VERY INTERESTING I WISH YOU FURTHER LUCK ON YOUR MASTURBATORY ENDEAVOURS

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