Pickup guru “Heartiste” hallucinates a quote from Stormy Daniels to prove the Donald is a total sex god

Storm warning

By David Futrelle

Imagine being so invested in the idea of Donald Trump as a Sex Lord that you hallucinate — or simply invent — a quote from Stormy Daniels as “proof” of the Donald’s prowess.

That’s what our dear friend, the floridly racist, lady-hating pickup guru who calls himself Heartiste has done. In a recent blog post, he announced (with, one presumes, a swelling of pride) that

Stormy Daniels alluded on-air in 2007 that Trump was “the best sex she ever had”. Reminder that this was when Trump was in his 60s, and she was a porn whore who had taken untold numbers of cock to all of her holes. Add her to the list of Trump’s lovers who have said the same about his bedroom prowess. (Also add to the list of Trump qualities that drive shitlibs insane with rage and envy.)

I suppose it might, if it were true. But it’s not. As Heartiste would have surely realized had he actually read the article he posted as proof with any degree of care. Here’s Heartiste’s proof, in the form of a “meme” that it looks like he put together himself, adding a weird anti-Semitic rant to a screenshot from the Daily Beast.

Wait, what do the Jews have to do with this?

Here’s the highlighted line from the Daily Beast article, in case you can’t read the tiny blurry type:

She also said it was “horribly embarrassing” that this person was the best in bed out of the three names listed, and she claimed he had contacted her “twice a month.” 

Emphasis mine. Though the Daily Beast summary doesn’t make it completely clear (though the original article that was its source does), Mr. The Love Sponge didn’t ask Ms. Damiels to write down the name of everyone she’d ever slept with, just the famous ones. Of those three famous people, she said Trump was the best. Which means the other two must have been just terrible, because in recent months she has not exactly said terribly flattering things about Trump’s bedroom moves.

In a famous interview with In Touch magazine, Daniels described her first “date” with Trump in his hotel bedroom:

He was sitting on the bed and he was like, ‘Come here.’ And I was like, ‘Ugh, here we go.’ And we started kissing.

She told In Touch that the sex itself “was textbook generic,” adding

I actually don’t even know why I did it, but I do remember while we were having sex, I was like, “Please, don’t try to pay me.”

What a sex god.

Now there was one woman who was famously quoted as saying that sex with Trump was “the best sex I ever had.” That was his ex-wife Marla Maples.

But earlier this year Maples told a Page Six reporter that

I never said that, someone else said that. [But] is it true? I’m not going to talk about that. The truth will come out, just not here.

We’ll just have to see what Stormy says tonight. [EDITED TO ADD, POST INTERVIEW: If you check out the transcript of the interview you will see that it didn’t exactly back up the “Stormy thought Trump was a sex god” theory. I’ve pasted some appropriate bits in the comments below.]

Not that it really matters if The Donald is a stud or a dud (though, I mean, come on; how could someone so utterly self-absorbed possibly be good at sex?). What’s amusing to me is that it seems to matter so much not just to Mr. Trump himself but to so many of his most fervid fans.

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weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
4 years ago

Holding frame is basically just acting like a manly alpha male at all times. In other words acting like an arrogant asshole. Shocking that holding frame didn’t result in a successful date, huh?

4 years ago

Thanks, WWTH, for the explanation. It really boggles. So, basically, their version of the ideal date is be an arrogant, condescending asshole and then actually be surprised when their target doesn’t stick around for dessert/encore? Like, do they think that if they define reality hard enough that it’ll apply to the people around them? That people will respect their authority because they say so (and not because they have state-sponsored violence to back them up)? That is quite a suspension of disbelief to expect others to engage in.

It really reminds me of Wave Without a Shore by C. J. Cherryh. And the practical limitations of the most “dominant” personality defining reality when confronted with people who don’t give a shit what you think reality is/should be.

4 years ago

@ B. dakry,


Right now we’re tying to find a meatloaf recipe to send to my cousin.
Next Level Evil!

Mere mortals need to steer clear.

Our pal T: It is a very good meatloaf recipe…..

True though.

Hypatia's Daughter
Hypatia's Daughter
4 years ago

Hubby told me about an interview with the trauma doctors who treated the kids brought into the hospital from Parkland. At first he couldn’t figure out why his usual treatments for gunshot wounds were failing.
He realized that the high powered ammo that had been used traveled so fast through the body that the shockwaves from the bullets damaged tissues in a 2″ radius around the bullet.
A normal bullet punches a clean hole through an organ (lung, intestine or liver). If it doesn’t his a vital spot, the hole can be treated – packed, stitched or cauterized.
The bullets the Parkland shooter used pulverized the organ – and you cannot fix hamburger.
People rarely talk about ammunition control – it is also an aspect of gun control. We can restrict ammunition without (but better yet, in conjunction, with) gun control.
I hope, so fervently hope, that the MAGA hat crowd are paying attention to Santorum & Ingrham’s pathetic flailing attempts to demonize the SURVIVORS of the shooting instead of the people who let this happen.
So these kids, who are VICTIMS of a mass shooting, are supposed to turn into Rambo EMT’s. Kids who have been traumatized by panic, fear for their lives, seen friends die in front of them, been spattered by their blood and held them as they died, are supposed to become cool collected trauma doctors.
While watching Santorum say that with his smug little face and his squeekey indignant voice because these kids were marching (HOW DARE THEY!!) in protest instead of taking CPR courses made me want to kick his skinny ass down a long flight of stairs. Then he could treat his own broken bones.
Best comment posted at Minority Report: If only Jackie Kennedy had known CPR, John Kennedy might still be alive today.

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