By David Futrelle
Imagine being so invested in the idea of Donald Trump as a Sex Lord that you hallucinate — or simply invent — a quote from Stormy Daniels as “proof” of the Donald’s prowess.
That’s what our dear friend, the floridly racist, lady-hating pickup guru who calls himself Heartiste has done. In a recent blog post, he announced (with, one presumes, a swelling of pride) that
Stormy Daniels alluded on-air in 2007 that Trump was “the best sex she ever had”. Reminder that this was when Trump was in his 60s, and she was a porn whore who had taken untold numbers of cock to all of her holes. Add her to the list of Trump’s lovers who have said the same about his bedroom prowess. (Also add to the list of Trump qualities that drive shitlibs insane with rage and envy.)
I suppose it might, if it were true. But it’s not. As Heartiste would have surely realized had he actually read the article he posted as proof with any degree of care. Here’s Heartiste’s proof, in the form of a “meme” that it looks like he put together himself, adding a weird anti-Semitic rant to a screenshot from the Daily Beast.
Here’s the highlighted line from the Daily Beast article, in case you can’t read the tiny blurry type:
She also said it was “horribly embarrassing” that this person was the best in bed out of the three names listed, and she claimed he had contacted her “twice a month.”
Emphasis mine. Though the Daily Beast summary doesn’t make it completely clear (though the original article that was its source does), Mr. The Love Sponge didn’t ask Ms. Damiels to write down the name of everyone she’d ever slept with, just the famous ones. Of those three famous people, she said Trump was the best. Which means the other two must have been just terrible, because in recent months she has not exactly said terribly flattering things about Trump’s bedroom moves.
In a famous interview with In Touch magazine, Daniels described her first “date” with Trump in his hotel bedroom:
He was sitting on the bed and he was like, ‘Come here.’ And I was like, ‘Ugh, here we go.’ And we started kissing.
She told In Touch that the sex itself “was textbook generic,” adding
I actually don’t even know why I did it, but I do remember while we were having sex, I was like, “Please, don’t try to pay me.”
What a sex god.
Now there was one woman who was famously quoted as saying that sex with Trump was “the best sex I ever had.” That was his ex-wife Marla Maples.
But earlier this year Maples told a Page Six reporter that
I never said that, someone else said that. [But] is it true? I’m not going to talk about that. The truth will come out, just not here.
We’ll just have to see what Stormy says tonight. [EDITED TO ADD, POST INTERVIEW: If you check out the transcript of the interview you will see that it didn’t exactly back up the “Stormy thought Trump was a sex god” theory. I’ve pasted some appropriate bits in the comments below.]
Not that it really matters if The Donald is a stud or a dud (though, I mean, come on; how could someone so utterly self-absorbed possibly be good at sex?). What’s amusing to me is that it seems to matter so much not just to Mr. Trump himself but to so many of his most fervid fans.