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Evil female fakes pregnancy to get attention, pampering, delicious bamboo

Sneaky, sneaky!
Sneaky, sneaky!

The latest news out of Taiwan seems to suggest that maybe Men’s Rights activists are right about the wily female and her endless demands for stuff.

In Taipei, one famous female was recently discovered to be faking a pregnancy in what appears to have been a transparent ploy for attention, round-the-clock pampering, and delicious bamboo.

Ok, it was a panda.

As China Daily reports:

Hopes that another panda cub would soon be born in Taiwan were dashed when experts determined that signs of pregnancy displayed by a giant panda at Taipei Zoo appear to have been faked by the animal in order to secure better conditions during the summer.

According to the article,

Pandas thought to be pregnant are moved into single rooms with air conditioning and round-the-clock care and also receive more fruits and bamboo.

Experts believe clever pandas display behavior similar to pregnancy to improve their quality of life after noticing the difference in treatment they receive.

Apparently this panda went a bit further than most. The article reports that the panda in question, a lovely lass named Yuan Yuan,

had shown signs of pregnancy such as loss of appetite, thickening of the uterus and increased fecal progesterone concentration.

Uh, how exactly would one go about faking “thickening of the uterus” or  “increased fecal progesterone concentration?” The article doesn’t say.

Females sure are mysterious creatures, huh?

Mysterious and evil.

H/T — 

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Ktoryx
Ktoryx
6 years ago

I’d do it. GOD I love bamboo.

Snuffy
Snuffy
6 years ago

Uh, how exactly would one go about faking “thickening of the uterus” or “increased fecal progesterone concentration?” The article doesn’t say.

Most likely this is a case of a false pregnancy which happens in many mammals (including humans).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_pregnancy

indifferentsky
6 years ago

It’s about Ethics in Panda journalism, David. Nice Bamboo-Man argument here.
You are shameless.

sn0rkmaiden
6 years ago

Misandrist pandas! Deceiving us all for cash and prizes! Or bamboo and air con, it’s all the same at the end of the day.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
6 years ago
weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

I knew it was you, Jackie! Your real name is Yuan Yuan, isn’t it? Consider yourself doxxed!

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
6 years ago

comment image

Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
6 years ago

I bet Yuan Yuan’s secretly getting it on with that young alpha pandahunk two enclosures over, and faked pregnancy so her poor beta mate would make a commitment. She knows she’s not getting any younger, and the Bad Boys can’t be relied on to keep her in bon bonsbamboo.

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

The misandrous family panda court system will of course make the male panda pay cub support even though there is no cub.

sunnysombrera
6 years ago

Uh, how exactly would one go about faking “thickening of the uterus” or  “increased fecal progesterone concentration?” The article doesn’t say.

It’s a little known fact that us feeeemales can thicken our uterus lining, ovulate and even menstruate whenever we want to. Menstruating on tap helps give us a legit excuse to not go home with a sex pest. Pregnancy? ALL PART OF A MASTER PLAN TO ENSLAVE THOSE BETA PROVIDERS. EVEN IF IT’S A FAKE BUN IN THE OVEN.

*cackles wildly*

Criticaldragon1177
6 years ago

David Futrelle

I knew you’d like this story! That slutty panda must pay! -;)

Criticaldragon1177
6 years ago

indifferentsky,
——————————————————————————————————————–
It’s about Ethics in Panda journalism, David. Nice Bamboo-Man argument here.
You are shameless.
——————————————————————————————————————–

Pandagate!

LOL!

epitome of incomprehensibility

I bet Yuan Yuan’s secretly getting it on with that young alpha pandahunk two enclosures over, and faked pregnancy so her poor beta mate would make a commitment. She knows she’s not getting any younger, and the Bad Boys can’t be relied on to keep her in bon bonsbamboo.

Much MRA science! Very truthy! 😛

Moggie
Moggie
6 years ago

Lady Mondegreen:

She knows she’s not getting any younger

She knows she’ll hit the wall. The great wall. Of… oh never mind.

The migtoes are always singing the praises of submissive Asian feeemales, so unlike the RUINED western women. They won’t like this news.

A.A. Wils
6 years ago

That panda is a clever, clever girl. Even went so far as to thicken her uterus and increase the progesterone content of her feces. Us ebil wimmenz have much to learn from this Great Master of Pregnancy Faking.

(hopes no MRAs are reading this so they don’t catch on to our next wicked plot to take over the world)

Bina
6 years ago

Pandas thought to be pregnant are moved into single rooms with air conditioning and round-the-clock care and also receive more fruits and bamboo.

Experts believe clever pandas display behavior similar to pregnancy to improve their quality of life after noticing the difference in treatment they receive.

Some would point to this as evidence for the infinite deceitfulness of feeeeemales. I, on the other hand, would point to it as evidence that the Taipei Zoo needs to up its panda-accommodations game. Because maybe, just maybe, if the pandas were more comfortably housed and better fed, they’d actually start producing more baby pandas, right?

alaisvex
alaisvex
6 years ago

Oh noes! First whore penguins and now whore pandas? All civilization is fallen.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
6 years ago
bekabot
bekabot
6 years ago

I look forward to next summer’s blockbuster: Pandas versus Honey Badgers: The Showdown. It’s certain to be smashing.

(The origin of the quarrel: Honey Badgers don’t care whereas Pandas care too much. Some differences are irreconcilable.)

misseb47
misseb47
6 years ago

Oh the misandry! That panda is obviously an ‘ebil femanazi’. Lol!

misseb47
misseb47
6 years ago

I can imagine the MRAs using this as ‘proof’ of some feminist conspiracy.

MRA-Told you! The ebil feminazis are using the divorce courts to rip off their exes for child support!

Anyone else-She is a panda!

MRA-I don’t care! It is an ebil feminazi plot, I say!!!!!!!

Irene
Irene
6 years ago

So — why wouldn’t male pandas fake pregnancy, if it was all about the sweet, sweet bamboo?

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
6 years ago

@Irene

Maybe they do. But they’re male. Plus there’s only one female panda that has done it so far.

Bina
6 years ago

For MRAs, one example is all they need to extrapolate an entire theory.

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