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Are Men's Rights Activists planning to raise an army of goat men?

The results are in, and you ARE the father!
The results are in, and you ARE the father!

So there’s a hilariously alarmist post in the Men’s Rights subreddit at the moment in which one concerned MRA called aegorrivers offers his ideas on How to avoid paternity fraud and toxic relationships in general while still reproducing.

The post starts off with a lot of nonsense about allegedly rampant paternity fraud – indeed, it’s such clear nonsense that even a few MRAs feel obliged to correct him in the comments – and then moves on to describe just how terrible life is for men who (horror of horrors!) find themselves in relationships with women:

On top of this, relationships in general seem to be a problem for men, as men are routinely arrested over false domestic violence and rape claims, even when they are the ones being beaten and raped. Divorce courts are heavily biased in favor of women, and men usually lose custody, end up paying alimony and child support, are thrown in jail with serial killers and rapists and are left to be raped by the inmates if they cannot pay.

He concludes that the only reason men are willing to put up with all this is that

women are the gatekeepers to reproduction. This is the key power that women have always had over men, and they will continue to have it as long as we continue to allow ourselves to suffer just to maybe have the chance to reproduce (assuming she doesn’t cuckold you).

Weird. For a bunch of guys whose only interest in women allegedly stems from a desire to make little copies of themselves, (straight, cis) Men’s Rights Redditors sure spend a lot of time trying to figure out how not to pay for or indeed have anything to do with any children that might result from their (ugh) amorous adventures.

Be that as it may, aegorrivers has a solution: Hire a cheap surrogate mom in India!

With this reproductive strategy, you not only avoid all of the hazards of relationships and divorce, but also can guarantee that the child is your own child (put a condition in the contract that says that all payments are on the condition of a positive paternity test), get your pick of the litter in terms of attractiveness and intelligence (just pick an awesome egg donor!), have no problems with mothers trying to alienate your children as the mothers will have no right to them (some states do try to pull shenanigans on this one, but just don’t hire a woman in that state and go to other states to create economic pressure on the states that do this).

But it’s the next part that really got my attention. Emphasis added:

There is even research that is currently attempting to develop an artificial womb. This has succeeded with goats. (http://abcnews.go.com/US/straight-single-men-wanting-kids-turn-surrogacy/story?id=16520916). Perhaps in the future, we won’t even need surrogate mothers.

Goats? That’s right. You heard it here first: MRAs are planning on raising an army of goat children, hideous monsters that are half-MRA, half goat.

And aegorrivers, like some MRA Dr. Moreau, wants to be in the thick of it:

I also will be supporting the artificial womb research by attempting to pursue a PhD in a lab that does this work. I encourage all MRAs to pursue STEM degrees and do this as well. …

This has lifted a great weight off of my shoulders. I no longer feel as much pressure to conform to society and don’t feel as bad about not being able to attract women. I think this might be the key to ripping their power away from them.

Clearly, feminists need to come up with a way to counter the coming MRA man-goat apocalypse.

Might I suggest … Catpeople?

cat-people-vintage-movie-poster-hires-www.freevintageposters.com_ThRFjZzK0tumblr_lfyrairPip1qay0z6o1_500tumblr_m46gskahym1qlx3eto1_5008109263511_71f3300849catwomancatwomanheadswap

 

NOTE: Thanks to the AgainstMensRights subreddit for highlighting aegorrivers’ post, though the AMRers don’t seem to have realized the full implications of his argument.
NOTE TO EXTREMELY LITERAL MRAs: I’m aware that aegorrivers is not literally advocating raising an army of goat children. I am pretending that I have misconstrued his already silly argument for comedic effect. Likewise, I am not literally advocating that feminists start breeding an army of human-cat hybrids.

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weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

It’s a good thing hiring a surrogate, purchasing donated eggs from a desirable anonymous donor, having the in vitro fertilization procedure done, and then raising a child as a single parent all costs less than the $300 a month in child support that would surely bankrupt each and every MRA in the known universe.

Hahaha! I didn’t even think of that. Good point.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

MRA/goat hybrids?
What a waste of good goat genes.

Goats are good company. They can clear brush and brambles for you in no time at all and goat cheese is delish.

katz
7 years ago

Maybe if the MRAs all become satyrs, the white witch will turn them to stone.

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
7 years ago

I’m aware we’re your remaining fantasy about a place one can be MANLY MEN with HOT WOMEN, but…

Cue Down Under – where women glow and men chunder. 😉

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

What, you mean not all men in Aussieland are Crockodile Dundee? TV lied to me.

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

Misandry!!!

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
7 years ago

What’s the odds MRAs think they actually get to fuck the woman involved?

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

I don’t get why these guys think artificial wombs would piss off women. Do they think women like the wear and tear pregnancies put on their bodies, educations and careers? If I’d have had the option of my daughter growing outside of my body rather than in it, I’d have taken it. Stretch marks, pain, fatigue, constipation, swelling, puking daily etc weren’t fun. Artificial wombs would save women’s lives and allow them to enjoy the same freedom in reproduction men enjoy. Bring ’em on!

Then listen to the MRAssholes complain that women have too much freedom and are bad mothers for not wanting to be burdened with pregnancy. They’ll call that misandry too.

fruitloopsie
fruitloopsie
7 years ago

Lea
If every woman on the planet go by the MRAs rules and just do as they say, they’ll still be complaining about something. These type of people they’ll always try to find something to be angry about and will never be truly happy for whatever reasons.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
7 years ago

I also will be supporting the artificial womb research by attempting to pursue a PhD in a lab that does this work. I encourage all MRAs to pursue STEM degrees and do this as well.

Yes, I’m sure uterine research programs will welcome women haters with a casual grasp of biology and a deep-seated resentment of reproduction into their labs.

After all, getting a PhD is a snap. Especially when it’s on a topic you despise.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
7 years ago

If I’d have had the option of my daughter growing outside of my body rather than in it, I’d have taken it.

Oh, me too. And I’d not for a moment feel that I was now worthless to society due to technology replacing one of my biological functions. But that might be because I somehow don’t view the ability to gestate and give birth as my only virtue. Guess some of us feeemales are contrary that way.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

I somehow don’t view the ability to gestate and give birth as my only virtue. Guess some of us feeemales are contrary that way.

Some of us sure are.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

It’s okay Woody. None of us ACTUALLY think MRAs are trying to make goat people. There, there.

In addition, make sure that you join the fight to allow gay men hire surrogate mothers for their children, as this will also benefit you by making surrogacy acceptable.

Yes, because everyone knows that YOU, hypothetical reader, are not into men! That would be TERRIBLE.

Seriously, the way they treat kids as just ego props creeps me the hell out. They never talk about wanting to play with a kid, watch them grow up, take pleasure in their accomplishments… it’s all just I WANT A KID AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME.

cloudiah
7 years ago

I am not literally advocating that feminists start breeding an army of human-cat hybrids.

David, you’re going to get another visit from the Feminist High Council if you’re not careful.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

I always want to ask them what they want a kid for. They clearly don’t like kids, resent the fact that raising kids costs money, are about as nurturing as sharks, and lack the playfulness which makes spending time around kids fun for some adults. So what’s the point? The point seems to be that they think that their having kids will piss off women as a group in some way and, um, why? Why should some random dude having kids make any difference to me, other than in that I might potentially worry about the wellbeing of the kid?

cloudiah
7 years ago

I also agree with whoever pointed out that they see kids as accessories, lovely until they are inconvenient by needing their diapers changed or needing to eat or whatever.

Kids. So fucking needy.

Bina
7 years ago

On top of this, relationships in general seem to be a problem for men, as men are routinely arrested over false domestic violence and rape claims, even when they are the ones being beaten and raped.

Citation needed.

Divorce courts are heavily biased in favor of women, and men usually lose custody, end up paying alimony and child support, are thrown in jail with serial killers and rapists and are left to be raped by the inmates if they cannot pay.

Again, citation needed. And what’s with all the run-on sentences?

women are the gatekeepers to reproduction. This is the key power that women have always had over men, and they will continue to have it as long as we continue to allow ourselves to suffer just to maybe have the chance to reproduce (assuming she doesn’t cuckold you).

Funny, but I don’t see how being vulnerable to impregnation whether I want it or not makes me powerful OR a “gatekeeper”. Quite the opposite, actually.

And with an ugly, controlling attitude like this, dude frankly deserves to be cuckolded. Any woman unlucky enough to fall into his clutches is going to be the one suffering, no doubt about that. Could one honestly blame her for seeking solace in a more congenial pair of arms?

With this reproductive strategy, you not only avoid all of the hazards of relationships and divorce, but also can guarantee that the child is your own child (put a condition in the contract that says that all payments are on the condition of a positive paternity test), get your pick of the litter in terms of attractiveness and intelligence (just pick an awesome egg donor!), have no problems with mothers trying to alienate your children as the mothers will have no right to them (some states do try to pull shenanigans on this one, but just don’t hire a woman in that state and go to other states to create economic pressure on the states that do this).

I’m sure the ladies are just lining up to be the object of this run-on sentence already. (Pay those chirping crickets and tumbling tumbleweeds no mind.)

I also will be supporting the artificial womb research by attempting to pursue a PhD in a lab that does this work. I encourage all MRAs to pursue STEM degrees and do this as well.

This, of course, assumes that Einstein here won’t be weeded out well in advance onaccounta he’s not the brightest light in the string. Or that his repulsive Lebensborn ideology and striking lack of ethics won’t disqualify him, either.

This has lifted a great weight off of my shoulders. I no longer feel as much pressure to conform to society and don’t feel as bad about not being able to attract women. I think this might be the key to ripping their power away from them.

That’s nice, dear. And rest assured that we women don’t feel bad anymore about not being attracted to you, either. (The phrase “dodged a bullet” comes to mind.)

Do let us know when you’ve ripped our imaginary power away from us, so we can squeeze out a few crocodile tears, ‘kay?

Bina
7 years ago

Also,

If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

Mark Twain, 1894.

GrumpyOldMan
7 years ago

They never seem to realize that it’s their poisonous attitude that makes them unattractive to women.

gorillaella
7 years ago

mra/goat chimera.The goat dna would be superior

opium4themasses
7 years ago

Maybe I am living in a strange utopia, but most people I know don’t live in abusive relationships where the wife runs off with the kids.

Does this explain why MRAs faun all over Paul when he is being “satyrical”?

KathleenB
KathleenB
7 years ago

I have never been so happy about the upcoming removal of my reproductive organs…

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

@ kathleenb

You have no idea how delighted I was when I realized that being over 30 means I’m basically invisible to men like that. Oh happy day!

KathleenB
KathleenB
7 years ago

Cassandra: Yeah, I’m 36 and thus an Old Hag by MRA standards, but the hysterectomy will kinda seal my fate with them. Suspenders and belt, I guess.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

We can have a Too Old For Creepers party with party hats and everything.

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