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The Searchers

Hey, you asked for it.

One of the many happy benefits of moving this blog to WordPress is that I can now see in gory detail the search terms people use to get here. The most common search terms are, naturally enough, “manboobz” and “man boobz.” It’s on the third-most-popular search term that things start to get weird: it’s “Australopithecus.”  Why? Well, because once upon a time I posted a picture of an Australopithecus couple going about their Australopithecus business.

Let’s take a quick tour through the rest of the search terms list. I think we can learn a few things, both about this blog and about the dreams and desires of people whiling away a boring afternoon at work by poking around the internet. Here are some preliminary conclusions I have drawn from the data:

1) The teeming millions want to look at dudes with lots of muscles:

world’s most muscliest man

most big muscle in the world

world’s muscular man

disgustingly big muscles

silly muscles

les muscle man end the world

And no, I have no idea what that last one means either.

Clearly, the prevalence of muscle-man related search terms is the side effect of having that little picture of a muscly man at the top of the sidebar in the blogger version of this blog. I feel bad that this was all I had to offer the searchers, so as you can see I’ve added a pic of a man with some, yes, ”disgustingly big muscles.”

2) Human sexuality is a weird, wonderful, and often horrifying thing. Sometimes, it involves advanced computer and/or robotic technology:

future lady robot

create a virtual woman with boobs

will cherry 2000 ever happen?

computer mouse in vagina

Other times, animals:

panda furry porn

animal dildo porn

fish meat and women porn movies

I am trying to get that last image out of my head.

3) If you regularly mention sperm on your blog, you’re going to attract a few weirdos:

how to steal sperm

do lizards like human cum

I just Googled that last one and this post of mine was the FIRST RESULT! I would therefore like to publicly state that I DO NOT KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION and have never even tried to find out the answer to that question. And if you by chance actually do know the answer to that question DO NOT TELL IT TO ME.

4) Angry dudes trying to find men’s rights sites can be careless typists:

why do you always here fiminist indoctorin at school but nothing about mens right activist?

women are like chilfren

A few final thoughts:

Many of the questions listed above are questions that are frankly best left unanswered. But there are some others I would dearly love to see answers to:

what do intellegent agressive beefcake nerds want

what does germaine greer think of buck angel

And one question I can answer pretty definitively:

can socially awkward men find love

Yes. The answer to that one is yes.

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PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

I wish I could laugh but I just finished reading this from the Ms Blog.

Ugh.

Marion in Savannah
Marion in Savannah
11 years ago

Zombie Rotten McDonald steered me over here from Sadly, No. I’ve got to get back there to thank him, and sooner or later I may get around to forgiving you for that picture, but it’ll take time…

Johnny
Johnny
11 years ago

I wrote an article/review about ‘The Human Centipede: First Sequence’ on my blog and ended up getting lots of search strings similar to “was the human centipede based on a true story?” “could the human centipede really happen” “how to make a human centipede” etc.

That movie really sparked the imagination.

Joe
Joe
11 years ago

I’m waiting for this to become a 300-post comment thread on bonobos, crime rates, and how not getting laid is a form of oppression. Come on, people, let’s step it up here!

cynickal
cynickal
11 years ago

3) If you regularly mention sperm on your blog, you’re going to attract a few weirdos:

how to steal sperm

do lizards like human cum

I just Googled that last one and this post of mine was the FIRST RESULT! I would therefore like to publicly state that I DO NOT KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION and have never even tried to find out the answer to that question. And if you by chance actually do know the answer to that question DO NOT TELL IT TO ME.

Ok, but what about F***ing magnets, how do they work?

clairedammit
clairedammit
11 years ago

I too would like to know what Germaine Greer thinks of Buck Angel. I’d also like to know what Buck Angel thinks of Germaine Greer.

Graham
Graham
11 years ago
Ranylt
11 years ago

The WordPress search terms is addictive. I got jokers coming to my film blog ALL THE TIME via “pissing girl.” Humanity and its TMI, man.

Sam L
11 years ago

what does germaine greer think of buck angel

I smell a sitcom!

P.S. I used to post here with this drawing of myself with my head falling off as an avatar. Does anyone know how I would go about getting that back on wordpress?

ozymandias
11 years ago

I totally ship Buck Angel/Germaine Greer now. Your guys’ fault!

johnnykaje
11 years ago

I mostly blog on evolution, feminism, religion, and comics; but the number one search term that brings people to the blog is “stingray”. Which was from this throwaway post I put no effort into. It’s a little disheartening. http://johnnykaje.wordpress.com/2010/01/04/a-conversation-i-overheard-in-joplin/

You may get furries and muscle freaks, but at least you don’t get pedofiles. One of my most visited posts is unfortunately named, and brings them in droves. Luckily they’ve never commented.

Wait a minute…what if most of my visitors are stingray fetishists? EWWWW

Holly
11 years ago

Women are like children! Arms, legs, human DNA, capacity for learning, capacity for empathy, appreciation for fun and enjoyment, ability and willingness to work for rewards, need for connection to others–there’s all kinds of things in common.

Joe
Joe
11 years ago

Yes, Holly, but are they like chilfren?

johnnykaje
11 years ago

I can’t make a comparison between chilfren and women. I checked the medicine cabinet for the former and was fresh out.

Bee
Bee
11 years ago

This one fish meat and women porn movies

reminds me of this story about Led Zepplin, which I always like to recount whenever staying at the Edgewater. It’s a freaky, messed up story, but to my knowledge no porn movie has been made from it.

Thank goodness.

schism
schism
11 years ago

how to cure explosive diarrhea fetishes

Anyone have any advice for this poor guy or gal?

Be the one to clean up afterwards?

Fatman
Fatman
11 years ago

Somehow I doubt that there is Yahoo Answers page for that problem.

Snowy
Snowy
11 years ago

I hate to say it, but I’m afraid that poor person is just shit out of luck.

cynickal
cynickal
11 years ago

what do intellegent agressive beefcake nerds want

Ok, I have this one… A better Fantasy {football, baseball, etc.} pick. Baseball especially appeals to sports nerds. Just ask Nate Silver.

ozymandias
11 years ago

Explosive diarrhea person, unfortunately, you can’t cure your fetishes. Try getting involved in the kink community, making yourself as attractive as possible and finding a very open-minded partner.

Lucy
Lucy
11 years ago

The best search term I ever got on my old blog was “i love seeing women killing chicken.”

Well, sir or madam, you have come to the right place!

NWOslave
NWOslave
11 years ago

I don’t really even get what the point of this article is supposed to prove, however I do have a comment for

@PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth…who said, “I wish I could laugh but I just finished reading this from the Ms Blog.”

Now it would appear, since you’re a feminist, your dismay is at the situation is caused by the fact that when a woman/girl lies about being raped the report is listed as “unfounded.” So in order to “bolster” the numbers of reported rapes, feminists want those false accusation listed as “unsolved.” Futher, those evil men who didn’t commit any crime are walking around free instead of in prison. Oh the inhumanity, is there no justice?

Heres is link #24 from the ms blog article
http://inquirer.philly.com/packages/crime/doc/phila2.asp

Heres a few exerps from the report.

Adult complaintant reports rape to cover infidelity, indiscresion, lateness, pregnancy ect. Complaintant admits to lying.

Complainant reports in order to obtain medical services free of charge, prenancy test, morning after pill, birth control, VD test, ect.

I mean who could possibly see a problem with men being imprisoned to bolster numbers or get free medical services. Oh when, oh when will the misogyny end.

Juvenile compainant, for reasons known only to herself, concocts rape story. Investigation causes child to admit she made up the rape account.

NWOslave
NWOslave
11 years ago

Oh the evil misogynists not willingly walking into prison so women can get free medical services and bolster the official rape numbers. Women demand justice!

Aaron M
Aaron M
11 years ago

I never knew that I wanted to know what Germaine Greer thinks about Buck Angel, but now I totally do.

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