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Two Holes Don’t Make a Right, and other somewhat baffling MGTOW slogans

 

Grace Jones will kick your bumper sticker’s ass.
One of the quickest and easiest ways to make yourself look like a complete idiot is to festoon your car with an assortment of bumper stickers – preferably stickers that are belligerent, incoherent, and “funny.” (By “funny,” of course, I mean “funny only to people who share all of your social, cultural and political beliefs, and probably not even then.”)
Alas, the Men Going Their Own Way movement doesn’t have any bumper stickers of its own. Oh, sure, there are a vast variety of just plain sexist bumper stickers out there  (“If I wanted a bitch, I’d buy a dog”),  and you can even buy “I HEART misogyny” stickers on Cafepress. but there’s not much out that deals with the specific stupid concerns of the MGTOW crowd.

The good fellows on MGTOWforums.com want to change all that. Recently a batch of them began brainstorming about possible slogans for MGTOW bumper stickers. Womanhater started the discussion off with a doozy, managing to be both belligerent AND baffling to anyone who hasn’t already taken a sip of the MGTOW Kool-Aid:

 

Chivalry is Treason!

A promising start. Not all the suggestions that followed quite lived up to this standard. Quite a few were earnest and plodding, not very slogan-y:

 

When Was the Last Time You Treated a Man Fairly?
Single moms should stay single.
Some men live happy fulfilling lives, the rest get married.
Women and happiness don’t go together.

Still, some of the more earnest attempts managed to be attention-grabbing nonetheless:

 

I don’t believe any accusation of rape

Many others simply rehashed basic MGTOW themes:

 

We Are Men, Not Wallets
Marriage is for morons
Alimony is Slavery

But a number of the suggestions contained the spark of creative loopiness that keeps me coming back to the MGTOW forums again and again. Take, for example, the surprisingly large number that managed to work vaginas into the equation, generally in a highly off-putting manner:

 

Give women the finger and not in a good way
Excuse me, is that fish I smell?
Two holes don’t make a right

This last one, while not without its charms, is a little puzzling. If you do the math correctly, women have seven holes, and men have six (or seven, if you include one very small hole). Up to three of these lady-holes (and up to two for men) may come into play in the course of routine sexual activity. (More advanced fetishists may use more holes, as this somewhat NSFW video illustrates; don’t worry, it’s not a link to a video of someone putting something in a man’s seventh hole, because, OW!) I’m not entirely sure which two holes our sloganeer is fingering as the villains here.

Quite a few of the suggestions seemed almost designed to baffle everyone outside the confines of MGTOWforums.com (and even some within it):

 

Don’t blame me for 1920
Hammurabi was correct about women
Listen to Cato the Elder

For those playing along at home, 1920 was of course the year in which matinee idol Douglas Fairbanks married actress Mary Pickford, known as “America’s Sweetheart,” even though she was Canadian; it was also the year in which construction began on the Holland Tunnel between New York and New Jersey, thus setting the stage for the horror later known as the “bridge and tunnel crowd.” But I’m guessing the event our sloganeer is really concerned about is the passage of the 19th Amendment, giving American women the vote, though, unless our sloganeer is quite elderly indeed, I’m not quite sure why anyone would be blaming (or crediting) him for the Amendment’s passage.

As for the other two, well, the Code of Hammurabi, the first king of the Babylonian Empire in the 18th century BC,  “mark[ed] the beginning of the institutionalization of the patriarchal family as an aspect of state power,” as historian Gerda Lerner notes. Hammy (as I like to call him) also invented the idea of “an eye for an eye.” And Cato the Elder? He said some nasty shit about women.You can look it up yourself. I’m lazy.

 

Other slogans weren’t so much obscure as just plain odd:

 

If the FDA screened pussy, you’d need a prescription to get it.
I’d rather have guns than gals.
A cow in the bed…but a freak in the courtroom!

And then there was this little riddle:

 

Q)Why don’t women respect men?
A)Becoz a Mousetrap laughs at the Mouse

Uh, what?

Of all the proposed slogans, only one actually showed any real wit, this punny little contribution from Apeiron:

 

Better dead than wed.

Indeed, this one was so good I suspected it had to have been used somewhere before. And indeed it has been. A quick Google search showed that the UK anarchist group Class War used the phrase back in the 1980s on a poster protesting the marriage of Prince Andrew and Sarah “Fergie” Ferguson. Of course, that temporarily happy couple ended up separating after only six years, and divorced a few years after that.

Maybe slogans can change the world.

Scary thought.

Despite that risk, I would like to encourage the MGTOWers to make up some stickers of their own. Maybe some t-shirts, coffee mugs, and baseball caps as well.  Heck, put these slogans on everything you own. Seriously, anything that makes it easier to identify you, preferably at a distance, is more than welcome.

If you enjoyed this post, would you kindly* use the “Share This” or one of the other buttons below to share it on Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or wherever else you want. I appreciate it.
*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.
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Ozymandias
11 years ago

>Ooh! I'll help!MGTOW is pretty cool guy, eh hates women and doesn't afraid of anything.All your sexbots are belong to us.Y u no like beta males?The cake is a lie. And by cake, we mean feminism.

Yandie, Goddess of Pickles.

>Play on a classic?I'm with Nobody.

Elizabeth
11 years ago

>I like the Y u no like one.

DiG
DiG
11 years ago

>Watching the NSFW video with YouTube's 1911 filter on was an amazing experience.

Captain Bathrobe
11 years ago

>But, please remember, the MGTOW movement is in no way misogynistic. Anyone who thinks so is a low IQ feminist ideologue with poor reading comprehension. Or something.

Tit for Tat
11 years ago

>DavidThe more I read your stuff the more I realize you are like that kid down the street who would poke the angry dog with a stick. You never wondered why it was so angry you just wanted to watch it bite. I bet money many of the angry men in the MRM didnt have very good fathers or mothers. I get the sense you didnt either. The sad truth about hate is that we all have our ways of expressing it, I just figured out what yours is.

prettyamiable
11 years ago

>lulz. "I don't like what you say. You must have daddy issues."

Lady Victoria von Syrus

>Seriously, I'm always appreciative of men who are decent enough to wear their misogyny on their shirt – it lets me spot them at a distance, rather than having to waste time talking to them first. And, hey, since the MGTOW crowd hates women so much, they should be thrilled with the idea of wearing shirts which are basically Danger: Keep Away signs for women.

johnnykaje
11 years ago

>Never heard of a laughing mousetrap. I did patent a mousetrap that, when triggered, played an audio-cassette version of The Bell Jar. The idea was that the mice would become so depressed that they would hang themselves with the supplied noose affixed to the rear of the structure.

Amused
11 years ago

>The more I read your stuff the more I realize you are like that kid down the street who would poke the angry dog with a stick. You never wondered why it was so angry you just wanted to watch it bite. I bet money many of the angry men in the MRM didnt have very good fathers or mothers. I get the sense you didnt either. The sad truth about hate is that we all have our ways of expressing it, I just figured out what yours is. To say that MRA's are angry because they didn't have good parents is facile. There may be multiple reasons they are angry, which include but are not limited to:1. They see the erosion of men's historic privilege as an assault on their "rights" — the "right" to use women as incubators and, at best, valued accessories, the "right" to be treated as the default sex, the "right" to control public discourse, and the "right" to enjoy jobs and opportunities solely on the basis of their sex without anyone acknowledging the bias.2. They've been through romantic and professional failures, and they just can't bring themselves to assume ANY responsibility for anything that ever went wrong in their lives. It's never their fault, you know.3. They just have hateful personalities, and women represent a convenient target.4. They's constructed an elaborate excuse for why they haven't been able to compose the world's greatest opera or colonize outer space.5. They've been raised with a sense of entitlement, where they see every job, every educational opportunity and every social or political benefit (such as voting) as belonging to men by default, with women as trespassers.6. They are mentally ill.The call for tolerance is often made in support of bigotry. Well, Tit-for-Tat, some things are just indefensible. Look at the quoted statements again, reread them. Imagine if that was said about, I don't know, Jews, and someone like you called for tolerance for anti-semites and greater understanding of their (supposedly legitimate) anger. By the way: I found certain posts on your blog to be EXTREMELY dismissive of women's concerns and grievances, particularly in the area of reproduction and divorce. For example, the advocacy that women should be financially penalized for abortion with no corresponding proposal that men should be financially penalized for delaying reproduction. If you are so concerned about treating those whose ideas we despise "fairly" by not criticizing them and instead attempting some sort of understanding, perhaps you should set an example. Just sayin'.

ScareCrow
11 years ago

>All your bogus rape stats are belong to us.All your bogus DV stats are belong to us.

Tit for Tat
11 years ago

>AmusedWould you agree that a certain percentage of the Feminist's that post in various blogs are hateful bigots also?

Ozymandias
11 years ago

>johnnykaje: I love you. Please bear my offspring.

DarkSideCat
11 years ago

>Mousetrap vagina? That one sounds familiar. Is it a meme by this point over there?I must say, I "liked" the "Chivalry is treason" one, because I have been reading a queer carribean anthology that has a particularly excellent piece on "gendered call to patriotic duty", a principle demonstrated so well by that bit of silliness.Oh, and the nose thing was a bit disappointing. If that is an experienced fetishist, I suppose someone like me whose mind immediately jumped to sounding (and automatically mentally responded to the "Ow" with "sometimes "ow" is the point")has a PhD in polymorphous perversion by this point.

briget
11 years ago

>I'm thinking that the hole comment may be in reference to lesbians and therefore feminists? Maybe?

Sam
Sam
11 years ago

>Are bumper stickers a big US thing? Up here (Toronto), you might see the occasional car with one or two stickers, but I remember when I went to Kentucky for my cousin's wedding they were all over the place. And way more oertly political than the ones I'm familiar with, which are more likely to advertise what school your kid is in or that you are a proud union member.

johnnykaje
11 years ago

>Ozy- Aw, shucks. :)Do you mind if we just settle for some tropical fish though? Sam- I think it's just because we think that everyone is interested in our opinions, no matter how vacuous or condensed they may be or how inappropriate the situation.

Elizabeth
11 years ago

>Oddly enough people studying road rage say it is because we view the space our cars take up as our territory and that one of the top signs a person will road rage is bumper stickers.

David Futrelle
11 years ago

>JohnnyKaje, not a noose. A tiny little oven, just big enough for a mouse to stick his/her head into it.

David Futrelle
11 years ago

>Elizabeth, thanks for that link! Somehow I'm not surprised by those findings.

Elizabeth
11 years ago

>Just lets you know, beware of the grannies with church stickers on their cars.

triplanetary
11 years ago

>JohnnyKaje, not a noose. A tiny little oven, just big enough for a mouse to stick his/her head into it.Too soon, David. Too soon.

Tit for Tat
11 years ago

>AmusedYou inspired my latest post. 😉

Amused
11 years ago

>Would you agree that a certain percentage of the Feminist's that post in various blogs are hateful bigots also?Although I periodically see postings by self-professed feminists with which I do not agree, I have never encountered nearly the degree of fabrication, lies, and pure hatred that's dripping from MRA's and MGTOW's. So no, the fact that you found some feminist's comment distasteful doesn't make it okay for you to hypocritically claim that equality presumes a man's ownership of "his" woman's uterus.AmusedYou inspired my latest post. 😉 Oh, you mean, the post by which you insinuate that I am a bonbon-eating housewife who is working a man to death to pay for my luxuries? *Shrug* In that case, you inspired my latest conclusion that you are a typical rapist and abuser. Tit for tat — right? ;)Nonetheless, your supposedly "clever" observation that vicious woman-bashing is comfortably entrenched in mainstream culture, in songs, books and movies that aren't even considered controversial only proves my point: that MRA's are a bunch of hypocrites to get worked up over two or three sitcoms that don't sufficiently idealize men and a comment by a fictional character in a book which almost no one reads. Also, as long as you continue, in the classic MRA fashion, to present misogyny as evidence that women are evil at the same time that you present misandry as ALSO evidence that women are evil, I suspect probably none of us are going to take your thoughts about equality seriously. Start applying the same standard across the board — then perhaps I'll listen.

evilwhitemalempire
11 years ago

>"To say that MRA's are angry because they didn't have good parents is facile."My folks were OK.Feminists are liars and the men who take up for them are obviously just trying to impress them.

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