By David Futrelle
Happy New Civil War Day! Alex Jones sort of blew our cover the other day, announcing that all of us Leftist Antifa Democrats were set to launch the civil war today.
I’m still stuck at home loading my vast arsenal of guns — mostly squirt and potato — and also I kind of slept late but I trust that the new civil war is going swimmingly out there. I mean, I haven’t seen anything on the news about it but I’m assuming that’s because you all are as stealthy as ninjas. HAIL VICTORY! I’ll return to regular posting tomorrow after we’ve won the war.