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“Ejaculating outside a vagina is cheating against nature,” and other uninsightful insights I found in the Semen Retention subreddit

I‘ve been rooting around in the Semen Retention subreddit again, and the insights I’m gaining about the wondrous power of my precious bodily fluids … well, they’re actually pretty terrible and I’m fairly certain that none of them are true.

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White knight scientists refuse to study semen retention because they know it gives men power over women, Reddit NoFapper argues

Men who retain their semen think that the practice gives them almost magical powers — increased energy, concentration, and charisma, to name just a few of the things these guys think they get from simply not jerking off for a month or two. The Semen Retention subreddit is filled with testimonies from guys claiming that…

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Just another lazy Saturday on the Semen Retention subreddit

By David Futrelle Fellow penis-havers and potential semen retainers! The resaon you find it so difficult to refrain from cranking your hog is *checks notes* WITCHES!

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The Semen Retention subreddit is leaking (and not how you think)

By David Futrelle A cryptocurrency guru who calls himself Crypto de Medici is celebrating the start of #NoNutNovember by bringing the gospel of Semen Retention to his nearly 90 thousand Twitter followers.

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“As a man, you hold the seed of creation within your ballsack,” and other reflections on semen retention from some mystical weirdo on Reddit

By David Futrelle Hardcore semen retainers — yes, I’m back to talking about them again — believe that by refraining from masturbation they can bless themselves with certain magical superpowers, most notably the power of attraction.

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Today I Learned: I’m an agent of the Globalist Media elite personally tasked with destroying the Semen Retention subreddit

By David Futrelle For the past few months I’ve been mildly obsessed with the Semen Retention subreddit, a sort of harder-core alternative to the bigger NoFap subreddit, full of earnest men convinced that if they can just keep their hands off their dingles for a long enough time they’ll gain quasi-magical powers and become irresistibly…

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‘Cause every girl crazy ’bout a semen-filled man: Alleged true tales from the Semen Retention subreddit

By David Futrelle The Semen Retention subreddit is a weird place to visit, filled both with arcane manifestos on the spiritual awakenings that supposedly come from never having orgasms, ever, and enthusiastic testimonials from sperm-filled dudes convinced that their onanistic disipline has caused all the women in their immediate vicinity to lust for them like…

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Creepy Nazi NoFapper: The Jews “fear men who practice semen retention”

By David Futrelle The other day I introduced you to DiceRollah, a Man Going His Own Way who is also a hardcore semen-retainer who thinks that giving up masturbation and sex will thwart the evil womens out there trying to steal his “life force” and prevent him from being the sort of awesome dude who,…

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Semen is “the real Elixir of the human body,” so DO NOT WASTE IT even if you sort of want to, like REALLY want to, and I mean would it be that big a deal if you did?

The guys in the Semen Retention subreddit are just really, really, really into their own semen “the real Elixir of the human body.”

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Reddit NoFappers report that they’re starting to reek of semen – and that the scent drives the ladies wild!

It’s getting funky over in the Semen Retention subreddit. Not funky like James Brown funky. Funky as in musty teenager’s bedroom funky.

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