Happy Mothers Day! Let us celebrate with a bunch of weird, creepy, retrograde, sexist, and sometimes cute vintage Mother’s Day cards.
Let’s do cute first.
If you take a look at vintage Mother’s Day cards online, you’ll notice that an awful lot of them — half, maybe? — feature utterly adorable kittens and puppies, and sometimes little bunnies and chipmunks and birds. Presumably these are symbolic stand-in’s for mother’s own brood of children. In any case, they’re a lot cuter (and presumably less of a hassle to care for) than the actual human children found on these sorts of cards.
Kittens and puppies, represent!
OK, OK! I call “uncle!” That is TOO MANY KITTENS. I’m starting to have a panic attack at the thought of having to take care of all of them.
Sometimes the animals featured on these cards aren’t quite so cute. This big old pooch is less of a gift than a threat.
Now we come to the other notable genre of cards: the ones that remind dear mother that her place is in the home, and that she better appreciate the joys of cooking and laundry and all the rest of her motherly duties.
That’s right, Mom-mom. if you want a fucking Mother’s Day pie you’ve got to bake it yourself!
There are other cards that are merely perplexing.
Why are there TWO Mother’s Day cards featuring a young boy fishing? MAMA DON’T WANT NO FISH.
Heather has two mommies:
This next one just creeps me out. Because that’s not her daughter. It’s some sort of miniaturized adult human. Did “mother” here just take a friend of hers and shrink her with some diabolical shrinking ray? And what is this “little token” bit — is this tiny lady the little token?! What is going on here?
And how about this mysterious lady with her “secret pal?”
She is totally fucking that dude on the side.
Which is sort of an odd way to celebrate Mother’s Day, but seeing the rest of these cards I can’t say I blame her. It’s certainly better than baking your own pie or cleaning your hubby’s skidmarks.
In any case, Happy Mother’s Day!
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