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Chill the fuck out with these oceans

By David Futrelle

No manosphere today. Today only oceans.

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Dalillama
Dalillama
2 years ago

@Allandrel

What are these, if not sea monsters?

Mostly harmless.

Allandrel
Allandrel
2 years ago

@Dalillama

Mostly harmless.

That’s just what they want you to think!

People have actually tried to reason me out of my selachophobia by explaining that when a shark swims up to you and sinks its hundreds of inch-long, saw-edged teeth into your flesh, it isn’t trying to kill you. It’s just curious, and doesn’t have hands! It’s like a dog sniffing you!

To which my response is “How does that make it less terrifying? ‘It will kill you out of curiosity’ is even scarier than ‘it wants to eat you’ because being well-fed won’t dissuade it!”

Also, they never try to kill you, like land predators do. They just start eating and you die sometime before they’re done.

Also also, sand tiger shark babies eat each other in the womb. Once they’re born, the ONLY reason that their mother does not immediately eat them is that her brain releases an appetite-suppressant hormone.

I should re-write “baby shark” to be scientifically accurate.

Also also also, great whites can charge with so much force that they launch their entire, 20-foot bodies out of the water. You can be in a boat and they can still get you.

When people ask me why I’m afraid of sharks, all I can say is “Why are you NOT?”

Naglfar
Naglfar
2 years ago

@Allandrel

I should re-write “baby shark” to be scientifically accurate.

Well, the “run and hide” line is accurate, just for sharks in addition to humans.

Also also also, great whites can charge with so much force that they launch their entire, 20-foot bodies out of the water. You can be in a boat and they can still get you.

That reminds me of this meme:
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