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MRA answers the question “what do feminists want” while sitting on the toilet

Man doing some deep thinking

By David Futrelle

Hold onto your hats! A Redditor has finally come up with an answer to the centuries-old question “what do feminists want?” Weirdly, he arrived at this answer while sitting on the toilet and (apparently) thinking about boots.

Gentlemen, I had an epiphany on the crapper about feminism,” a Redditor called bangramanga wrote in the Men’s Rights subreddit today.

He began by repeating one of the favorite MRA fairy tales about feminism — that once upon a time it was good and pure and then mean ladies came along and ruined it.

Where did feminism start? Pursuing equal rights, equal job opportunities, equal pay, the right to vote. This was a very fair campaign that even men supported. They came out victorious. They have equal rights, equal job opportunities, equal pay, the right to vote, etc etc etc. 

Wow. I mean, I had heard about the vote thing, but I was unaware that feminists had won all of their other legitimate demands and that they really had no more reason to even exist!

Today there is nothing a man can do in society that a woman can’t. In fact, most everything is in women’s favor today. They got the last say. But they’re clearly not satisfied with having the last say.

Those gals, always complaining, even when there’s nothing to complain about.

So what do you do when you need to fight a cause, but there’s no enemy to fight? You start inventing new enemies.

Enter #metoo, #menaretrash and all the other childish crap we see today.

How dare these childish women speak out against … rapists?

When you have attained all the rights you were fighting for, but still want to fight, all that’s left fighting for then is to take rights away from others. This is what feminism became today. 

Damn these women, taking away the rights of … rapists? Like the right not to be in prison even though you raped someone. I think that’s in the Bill of Rights somewhere.

Oh, but wait, there are men pushing feminism too?

And there’s men fighting along side them – their male supporters is a huge problem. White knighting beta-male orbiters licking those boots just in case they get to smash that poon as a reward.

Licking boots, you say?

[Y]ou can see that while they’re all up in arms screeching autistic noises about wanting equal rights, which they already have, it’s clear that their definition of equal rights is something else. I’ve started paying attention to what they’ve been bitching and moaning about, and … I believe I’ve figured out what they actually want.

You might want to copy this down.

Picture a woman walking three dogs on a leash.

Wait, what?

Now replace the three dogs with three crawling men.

Feminists want … three crawling men on leashes? Does each feminist get their own three men, or do they have to share?

What I’m trying to say here is they want 100% submission and 100% obedience from 100% of men. That’s it. Feminists will not stop their shit until they have every male on earth licking women’s boots on demand  …

Boots again. It’s almost like someone has a bit of a fixation.

… and they will not stop until they have it where a man can’t even draw a breath without a woman’s permission and approval.

Pardon me from questioning this BONA FIDE FEMMMMENIST LOGIC but that doesn’t seem very practical. Imagine the paperwork! And it seems like it would be a giant time-suck for the women too.

[T]he less feminists have to complain about, the angrier they get.

Naturally. none of bangraanga’s colleagues in the Men’s Rights subreddit thought his toilet thoughts were a huge load of crap.

“These days, feminism is the expression of mental ill-health because of resentment, anger and jealousy.,” wrote one.

At the same time many women, including feminists, really want men to show some backbone and stop putting up with all this crap.

Apparently women secretly love it when you go on about how Bill Cosby’s accusers probably wanted the drugs he put in their drinks.

They try to walk on men, but despise the men who allow it to happen.

Nah. That’s not feminists. That’s my cat Sweetie Pie Jonas, photographed here while she was sitting on my chest.

We Hunted the Mammoth Legal Advisor Sweetie P. Jonus, Esq.

Another commenter thought the real problem wasn’t so much feminism but women and their irrational minds.

I believe women’s capacity to continue arguing long past the “rational” conclusion has more to do with the way they think rather than from feminism.

As long as they are experiencing the emotion that drove them to the argument, they are going to argue. No amount of logic is going to make that emotion go away.

If you intend to try to resolve the “argument” do something to make the emotion change.

I’m not altogether clear what this last guy is saying, but I think he agrees with the OP.

Those beta men who demanded equal right for unequal animal, viz woman are so stupid that they forget all these woman-talk are addresses to two years kids. After all, till a half century’s ago their evolutionary traits were so. Do beta men believe that evolution can speeded up in 50 years so there motherly controling tactics can be considered facts?

I’m not even going to try to parse that. Life is short and I have boots to lick.

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46 Comments
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Katamount
Katamount
2 years ago

Not gonna lie, when the OP mentioned men on leashes, my brain immediately went to this:

Simon
Simon
2 years ago

Where can I buy the tins of manfood they obviously feed their three men? It would really simplify my life a lot.

Lainy
Lainy
2 years ago

Cat update

My vet has started Jessie on a treatment of arthritis medication. She says he wails/meows a lot because his paw joints are hurting him so bad and that is why he is having more trouble going to the bathroom. It hurts him so he doesn’t want to walk from his bed to downstairs to use the litter box. we are going to try this for a couple months and see if he improves, if he does not, it probably would be best to put him to sleep since his mobility is becoming strongly limited and he’s in pain. I’ve got the hell bit out of me because I had to put this tube kind of thing in his mouth and force the medicine down it. He does not like it one bit, but will see if it helps him at all.

Jesalin, Goddess of Lust & Pleasure
Jesalin, Goddess of Lust & Pleasure
2 years ago

I don’t even want a dog, and those are creatures well known for their loyalty and unconditional love. I sure as hell don’t want to have to deal with caring for and walking three men. Someone else can have my feminist-issued quota of leashed men. Is there a shelter I can deposit them at?

I donated mine to a farm.Last I heard there was a rabies outbreak, apparently one of the men bit a dog while trying to assert dominance and the dog got sick.

Nina
Nina
2 years ago

@naglfar

Of course, another issue with the three men per woman thing is that there aren’t three times as many men in the world as women

Well, I share my three men with a feminist from Australia, since neither of us likes to wear boots during the hot summer. It’s a great arrangement. Our guys get to lick boots all through the year while we get a well deserved break. #smartfeminism

Shadowplay
2 years ago

@Lainy

Good news, well at least sort of. I were thinking it sounded like kidney trouble, which isn’t too good for cats. Fingers crossed the meds give some relief.

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

@Simon:

Where can I buy the tins of manfood they obviously feed their three men? It would really simplify my life a lot.

Don’t spoil them! Feeding them leftovers works just as well as those expensive tins.

Mabret (née Laugher at Bigots)
Mabret (née Laugher at Bigots)
2 years ago

I’ve given up the three men on leashes allotted to me because I’m a lesbian.

Penny Psmith
Penny Psmith
2 years ago

@Mabret – How do you keep your boots clean, then?

@Naglfar – Thanks for the tech support! I really appreciate that. Unfortunately that extension seems to be a desktop-only thing (or at least, I tried adding it and nothing happened).
I did a bit of digging through the settings and tried disabling autoplay, but no change from that, either. Did note the app version, in case it helps: 75.0.3770.101 (on Android 5.0.2).

Mabret (née Laugher at Bigots)
Mabret (née Laugher at Bigots)
2 years ago

I borrow men for short terms every few months or so. I couldn’t stand to keep them in my household.

footprints in wet clay
footprints in wet clay
2 years ago

I’m a trans man, given my atypical manhood and sympathy to lady feminists of all types does that mean I get to be on the leash, or I get to hold the leash of some other guys, or I get to pick which one I want to do on any given day? Or maybe it’s one of those things like when NeoPets got their own pets… maybe they’re just going to hook another set of leashes onto mine or something and those guys are mine.

or maybe we’re all like….. a sled team? We can do the Iditarod but with harnessed men.

(and for the humorless incels that might be lurking, yes of course I’m kidding.)

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

I’m not sure “epiphany” and “crapper” belong in the same sentence together. It’s an uneasy pairing.

So instead of the classic misogynist sneer “Enjoy your 50 cats!”, is it gonna be “Enjoy your 50 men”?

Prith kDar
Prith kDar
2 years ago

::rolls up sleeves::

Those beta men who demanded equal right for unequal animal, viz woman are so stupid that they forget all these woman-talk are addresses to two years kids. After all, till a half century’s ago their evolutionary traits were so. Do beta men believe that evolution can speeded up in 50 years so there motherly controling tactics can be considered facts?

Upon first reading, I thought he was babbling that women are like 2 year olds, but that is not the case! I believe this is a more approximate translation from the original ESLese:

Those beta men who demand equal rights for unequal animals, i.e., women, are so stupid that they forget that all women always talk as if they are addressing two year old kids. After all, until half a century ago, their evolutionary traits {kept them in the home where they belonged and} made this so. Do beta men believe that evolution was accelerated in 50 years so their motherly controlling tactics {i.e., fairy tales and lies} once used only on children can now be considered facts?

::shrug:: I don’t know why I did this, I just like translating shit. Of course making it intelligible doesn’t make it any more rational. Btw, I think his “50 years” is dating from the second wave of the 70s, rather than the vote, but that’s just a guess. His math could most certainly be that bad.

(ESL = English as a Second Language. It’s obviously not his native tongue.)

Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
2 years ago

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants

Well, for me, it certainly parallels the fact that like them, their ideas are full of shit.

ObSidJag
ObSidJag
2 years ago

Humm, the fact that this guy’s “idea” came to him while enthroned makes perfect sense to me: pretty much all their ideas come from the crapper.

And, ultimately, where they rightly belong (the ideas, if that wasn’t clear).

Lizzie
Lizzie
2 years ago

Hi Lainey, if your cat is in pain then he probably doesn’t like being held for the medicine, but if it reduces his pain then he may get more at ease with being held, it could happen! And I hope it does.

There is a product called cartrophen vet for arthritis in dogs, given by injection, and often used off-label for arthritis in cats. Four injections, a week apart, and then one every three months or so. Three of my cats had that for significant benefit. My sister’s dogs had it too, one benefited but it had no impact on the other. But – I am in Australia, and it wasn’t cheap either because of the vet visits initially, although longer term a vet nurse did the injection and I just had to pay for the stuff itself.

Here’s to your cat feeling heaps happier very quickly!

Ellesar
Ellesar
2 years ago

That last paragraph is the best! ‘Women are SO stupid, but my paragraph of drivel only has about 20 mistakes in it.’?

Weatherwax
Weatherwax
2 years ago

@Moon Custafer

“Well, she could order the sex slaves to do some of the household chores. That always seemed to me like it would be the best part of being a dom.”

Cynthia Payne is way ahead of you.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jyOjUqadUEA

ColeYote
ColeYote
2 years ago

Feminists want polyamorous BDSM relationships to be publicly acceptable?

Is now more of a feminist

Betrayer
Betrayer
2 years ago

All these “reasonable” anti-feminists love to claim that they are ok with first-wave feminism, but as soon as Red Dead Redemption 2 gave them the chance to punch a suffragette they went for it with gusto.

TacticalProgressive
TacticalProgressive
2 years ago

@Betrayer

All these “reasonable” anti-feminists love to claim that they are ok with first-wave feminism, but as soon as Red Dead Redemption 2 gave them the chance to punch a suffragette they went for it with gusto.

I imagine that is neither a mistake, nor a coincidence. One get’s the impression that it isn’t a question of what wave “XYZ” of feminism that they don’t like; but rather the existence of Feminism and it’s ideological values in general and the idea that women should have equal rights and be considered actual people.

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