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Reddit dad wants another son for the most effed-up reason imaginable

Dad bonding with sons by showing them pictures of all the broads he’s banged (Leave It to Beaver edition)

By David Futrelle

Let’s take another trip to the Am I the Asshole subreddit, where a young father has come forward with a simple question: “[Am I The Asshole] for wanting another child?”

You’ll be shocked and stunned to learn that the question isn’t quite so simple after all. Admitting that his particular quandary might prove “controversial,” the Reddit daddy, calling himself iwntanthrkid, explains his situation:

When my wife and I got married we agreed that we would have 2 kids unless both were girls, then we’d have a 3rd to try for a boy.

Already I don’t like this guy.

I’m a guy’s guy and I grew up with only brothers so I feel strongly that I want a son to bond with. That’s not to say that I don’t love my daughter equally. I just want to raise someone to follow in my footsteps with sports and girls and stuff.

Uh, the first illusion, or at least one of the first illusions, you should give up when you have kids is the idea that you can and/or should raise them to “follow in your footsteps.” They’re not little clones of you. Let them make their own paths in life.

After some convincing, my wife agreed to this but said that if the 3rd kid was a girl, we’d stop trying.

“After some convincing.”

Anyway, we ended up having one boy (8 years old) and one girl (5 years old). This background is important because you need to know that having a 3rd kid was something that was on the table.

Oh crap, now it’s going to get really bad, isn’t it.

Last month, our son told us that he likes boys. This is totally fine,

Yeah, then why are you writing to Reddit about it?

I’m not a homophobe, but I’m starting to feel like I want to have a 3rd kid so we can try to have a straight boy.

I love my son more than anything and I wouldn’t love a straight kid more than him, but at the end of the day I wanted to be able to bond with one of my kids over traditional masculine stuff, which includes women.

What the fuck, dude. First of all, obviously you ARE a homophobe. And second, what the fuck do you mean by “bonding” with a son over women? Are you going to go to Hooters together and ogle the waitresses’ boobs? Are you going to tell him in graphic detail about all the hot babes you’ve banged? Are you going to say creepy things about the girlfriends he brings home?

Trust me, no boy gay or straight wants to hear his dad’s horny opinions about women.

My wife doesn’t think that this is a good reason to have a 3rd kid.

Well, your wife is right, and you’re damn lucky she even puts up with your sad ass.

She said that she would be open to having a 3rd kid but that she finds my reasoning disgusting and she doesn’t think she can go through with it knowing the reason for me wanting one.

Good. I’m surprised she even wants to stay married to you.

I don’t think she understands how special it is for a father to have a son who can follow in his footsteps.

Fuck you.

Am I the asshole or is she overreacting?

The AITA subreddit collectively came down on the “asshole” side of this question, and several of the commenters suggested that his wife should probably divorce him, pronto. I can’t say I disagree with them. He’s going to be a terrible father to his gay son. And, I imagine, to his daughter as well.

LGBTQ kids, like all kids, deserve to be raised by parents who not only love them but also don’t secretly resent them for not being little clones of them.

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH! Here’s some brain bleach.

Ok, that last one isn’t specifically a Pride Month gif, but come on, it’s a dog driving a mower!

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103 replies on “Reddit dad wants another son for the most effed-up reason imaginable”

Way back in the middle Miocene when I had sex ed in school, I recall reading that it was normal for boys to go through a phase where they were more attracted to other boys. It was even called explicitly – gasp – a “homosexual” phase. In those days it didn’t have the baggage it has today and simply meant “same sex.”

8 years old is solidly in the “girls are icky” period and the kid has lots of time to develop heterosexual leanings if that’s how he goes.

When one of our sons was three, he told us he wanted a dollie for Christmas. We got him one. Had absolutely no impact except he was happy playing with it for a while.

Chill out, Ward.

hey Steven I Dutch? maybe don’t erase the sexuality of a person you don’t know. truly gay 8 year old boys absolutely exist.

also your argument that he should calm down because it’s probably just a phase is… pretty goddamn homophobic. you just said “don’t worry he’s probably really straight” when what you should’ve said was “don’t worry, your child’s sexuality shouldn’t affect how you bond with them as a parent”

The kid is 8.

“Dad” should stop pushing (his) sexuality on the poor child. It’s creepy.
(Also he should get the whole “bonding over” women out of his head too, most children find it TMI to know their parents had to have sex once (to conceive them) let alone anything else.)

A+ response, cat.

I will also be interested to see, in the future, if boys still go through a ‘girls are icky’ phase, or if it is a reaction to finding out that concept of feminine things are to be devalued.

While I agree with you cat, I think taking what an 8yo says as the ‘final deal’ is probably unwise. Given dad’s attitude, it seems unlikely that this kid feels comfortable talking about his sexuality in an open and sensitive way.

Here’s what might have gone down:

Dad: Oh wow, look at the bazongas on that tomato.
Son: Dad, please…(heavy eye roll)
Dad: wouldn’t you like to play mattress hockey with her?
Son: I like boys.

But hey maybe the lad is gay and he and his mom can go out together when she’s finally wised up and left Dad.

(Eww, eww, ewww, gay or straight, don’t be perving on the gender of your choice with your kids.)

Oh as a follow up, my mom perved on my partner where I could see but he couldn’t as well as openly flirting on her first visit after I started dating him.

It wasn’t fun or bonding.

rugbyyogi you’ve created a story to support your own personal beliefs and that’s fine. that’s what people do. it’s also…annoying, and derailing. look here i’ll do one too

HERE’S WHAT MIGHT HAVE GONE DOWN:

son: dad i hate playing football. can i quit?
dad: football is what boys do! you don’t wanna be a lil fairy do ya?
son: what’s a fairy?
dad: well it means you like boys instead of girls!
son: oh. but i DO like boys

and please believe, i could do more. but we’re not here to write fiction.

seriously, why do you people have to insist that “MAYBE HE’S NOT REALLY GAY” and that’s why this guy is the asshole? THE GUY IS AN ASSHOLE BECAUSE HE’S A HOMOPHOBE! that’s it, that’s the whole story.

(and….ew what the fuck is that last bit about going out with his mom if he’s gay? that’s EXACTLY as gross as perving on chicks with his dad if he’s straight.)

No kid will be good enough for an asshole like this, because no kid will ever be a perfect carbon copy of this dude. The kid will be their own person, with their own preferences and views, and that’s not what this guy wants.

His wife is completely right to not want to subject another child to this asshole. Bad enough that his existing son and daughter already have to deal with such a shitty father.

On the topic of boys finding girls icky etc. I’m a cis woman. I was afraid to talk to or play with boys when I was little because I was utterly embarrassed by an adult every single time I did. My best friend was a boy. I loved him like I loved my brothers. We slept in the same bed once (we were like 6 or 7 I think). My mother saw, took pictures and showed them to my entire family and his entire family at a birthday party a while later. She thought it was hilarious and so cute. I was horrified because I was a very anxious kid and everyone laughed, everyone thought it was funny, just because he was a boy and I was a girl. They called us boyfriend and girlfriend before that but this just made it worse. I stopped playing with him about a year later. It still makes me angry. Just let kids be kids.

Leaving aside the sexuality question, imagine having this guy as a father if you were a boy and weren’t into what he calls “traditional masculine stuff”. Imagine being a nerdy boy who would rather read than watch sportsball, were baffled by his attempts to interest you in power tools, and found his gun collection alarming. Conversely, imagine being a girl who would love to spend the weekend with him tinkering with his classic car, and being rebuffed because that’s “not for girls”.

… “follow in my footsteps with sports and stuff…”

The guy’s a homophobic asshole who sounds like a terrible father who shouldn’t have had the first two kids, let alone a third. I was the same age as the boy in the post when I realized I wanted to kiss boys as much as I wanted to kiss girls. If being bi is a phase, it’s been going on for more than 30 years.

In what universe does his son’s homosexuality affect their ability to bond over ‘traditional masculine stuff’? Ok, so you can’t ogle women together, that’s probably for the best (at least if you don’t want to raise your son to be a creepy asshole).

But there is nothing else in the ‘traditional masculine’ grab bag they can bond over? Beer? Sports? Cars? Hunting, Fishing, Camping (general outdoor-iness)? BBQing? Woodworking? Metal working? Trains? Lawn Care? Politics? Ernest Hemingway/Jack London novels? Facial hair? Military History? Big Fucking Trucks?

What is really sad though is that this is the father of an 8 year old boy who has now decided that he’d rather ‘try again’ than engage his son in the myriad of possible shared interests all so he can have another child to one day ogle women with. Poor kid.

One of our prime responsibilities as parents is to make sure the next generation is better than we are, not the same as we are.

We need to keep them safe, keep them healthy, keep them kind and make sure we equip them with the ability to make their own choices. They need to know that they can love who they want to love and enjoy what they want to enjoy, regardless of arbitrary ‘social constructs’ or gender lines. We need to give them the courage to be who they really are, without fear.

You don’t need to bond with your child over cars, women or whatever. The only thing you need to bond with your child is a shared desire for their happiness.

This ‘dad’ is clearly failing as a father and a husband, and I hope none of his children follow in his footsteps. You shouldn’t have a kid because you want a skeevy new best friend. And you don’t treat your wife like she’s a bought and paid for ‘baby factory’.

There’s something so perfectly awful about this that the possibility of parody for trolling cannot be dismissed.

If an 8 year old boys says he likes boys that means you have a possible look into his sexuality but there’s nothing certain until he’s well into that period of confusion and awakening which we all know as puberty…

…and I think Bad Reddit Dad knows this. He knows this but he can’t wait ANOTHER 8 years to find out for sure.

He desires a BACKUP plan. The looming specter of divorce or his wife’s menopause may not hold off for another 8 years. This man plans his pathetic little “legacy” with the cold efficiency of a Game of Thrones villain.

I suppose it would be asking too much for this guy to bond with his children over their interests.

Neither of my parents were into diving before I started doing it, but they got knowledgeable about it and watched Olympic diving with me every four years and went to my meets. Because parents who love their kids for who they are will take an interest in the things their kids love. You don’t want to do that? Don’t have kids.

I’m getting super fed up with people in this thread wringing their hands over whether we can really know if this kid is gay because of his age. Do you similarly wring your hands and question whether we can really know an eight-year-old is going through a heterosexual phase or if they’re really straight?

I mean, come on. A five-year-old girl and boy play together and people immediately jump to “they’re girlfriend and boyfriend, how cute!” But a kid comes out as gay and “well, we can’t possibly know yet! They haven’t even gone through puberty!!”

KUPO THANK YOU SO MUCH. literal infants are dressed in onesies that say things like “chick magnet” (for a boy of course) but no one wonders if they’re forcing heterosexuality on the baby.

i see a ton of unaddressed and possibly internalized homophobia in this thread.

Honestly, the thought of a father wanting to bond with his son over sexual attraction to women is all kinds of squick.

I’ve instigated exactly one conversation about sex with each of my kids (independently of each other), and in both cases it was a factual infodump about the mechanics of sex and reproduction and ended with the statement that I would always be available to answer any questions they had. Other than that my only interest in my kids’ sexuality is a desire that their relationships be happy, healthy, and consensual.

I also have a vague desire for grandkids eventually, but it’s not like they need to have sex or a relationship for that, so….

The OP asshole is seriously creepy.

Even if his son has no interest in the things OP likes, did he even pause for a second and consider that maybe his daughter does? I grew up curious about the stuff my dad was into (woodworking, sports, cars, star trek) and he happily invited me into his hobbies, engaging my curiosity and answering my questions, and finding kid-friendly ways I could participate. I never felt like it was father-and-son stuff, but parent-and-kid stuff.

Also, gonna have to agree with the person who said OP is asking for another kid because he’s giving up on bonding with the one(s) he has.

kupo wrote on
June 24, 2019 at 1:56 pm:
A five-year-old girl and boy play together and people immediately jump to “they’re girlfriend and boyfriend, how cute!”

I call that fucking creepy. WTF is wrong with people. :/

Let me start with what I hope we can all agree on: The kid should be allowed to figure himself out and the father should give him the room and support to do so, on his own terms.

As for the father’s account, I think it says more about him than his son. His protestations of love notwithstanding, he’s clearly saying that a gay son is not the same as a straight son. He wouldn’t have pushed for kid #3 if the first son fit the fantasy he had in mind.

You’re not an evil person just because you’ve got shit in your head. It isn’t possible to grow up on this planet without getting shit in your head. What matters is how you deal with it. I hope this father will deal with it by figuring himself out and recognizing that actual fatherhood is more valuable than the image of it he was clinging to.

I have nothing to add to the conversation, I just wanted to say I agreed with the people who think he is an asshole. We’re talking goatse over here. Like, damn.

Alongside the homophobia, I’m troubled by the sense of entitlement here – that the child exists to serve the adult’s interests and wishes. That, and a clear penchant for gender stereotyping. All three are way too prevalent among parents, and it’ll fuck up their kids as a result. Part of the problem is that there’s far too much power concentrated in the nuclear family. There are too many asshole parents.

I suspect my dad would’ve liked to have a son, but he happily bonded with his 3 daughters. He’d play catch with us, helped us learn how to ride a bike, and all that stuff you do to have fun times with your kid. He was even willing to play Prince Charming for us when we were putting on plays in the basement–and let me tell you, as a 6-year-old director, I was a snobbishly snobby snob who didn’t hesitate to tell him that he hadn’t learned his lines and needed to do better.

THAT is a father’s love.

Miss you, Dad.

We’re talking goatse over here. Like, damn.

… uhhh… I… aaiiEEEEEEE

note to self… THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE DEFINITION OF

I remember watching a movie with my daughter, and it came out we both had a crush on the same actress. It didn’t feel like a bonding experience. It felt awkward. Maybe having an awkward moment was a sort of bonding experience, but I doubt that’s what creepy dad is after.

Yeah please no one look goatse up unless you don’t want to eat for about 2 days.

Trust me, no boy gay or straight wants to hear his dad’s horny opinions about women.

CAN CONFIRM!

“My son is a disappointment, so I need to keep trying until I get one that I approve of.” — Dad of the Year

Kids aren’t a box of chocolates. You don’t get to keep sticking your dick in, hoping for caramel, and tossing them away over your shoulder when you get lemon or hazelnut or some other flavor.

Even if the OP succeeds in getting the hetero son of his dreams, I can guarantee he’s not going to want to sit in a canoe listening to Dad’s detailed boner notes about his 9th grade classmates.

I agree that the issue here is NOT “is this boy gay or not?!” This is an asshole dad who is stuck in homophobia and rigid gender roles and sees his kids as pawns. Hope his wife leaves him.

On another note, my dad raised me to both cook and clean AND change a tire and (perhaps less pro-socially) throw an effective punch. Useful skills and compelling interests transcend genders.

Obviously we know that this guy is a huge homophobe, but I’ll focus on the gender stereotype stuff like a few others have.

How does this guy know that his gay son or straight daughter, if that is what both children are, won’t share his “masculine” interests. Sounds like the only issue is really the fact that for some reason he wants to talk about “hot chicks” with his son. I don’t understand that at all.

Ultimately I think, and hope, that this whole story is fake. But if it is real then please get a divorce and stop having children dad.

You know my dad might be a flaming dumpster fire of a person now, but back when I was a kid he was happy to let me help him fiddle around cleaning bits of our motor bike and sidecar. We also used to go caving and sometimes worked as marshals for motorbike time trial events. I am girl and he never tried to push me into liking “girlie” things. We just had fun bonding over trad male pursuits. I didn’t realise I was gay until I was 18 and he was the second person I came out to. He completely accepted me.

I’m wondering whether this is really a kind of emotional vampirism. Perhaps what the guy really wants is to relive his youth, vicariously, through his son. He looks back wistfully at all those firsts: first love, first day of college, first big football game, first driving lesson etc, and wants a younger clone of himself so that he can kind of experience them again. And that’s harder for him if the kid’s not a mini-me. Or maybe he’s just homophobic and sexist, and I shouldn’t overthink it.

I’m getting super fed up with people in this thread wringing their hands over whether we can really know if this kid is gay because of his age. Do you similarly wring your hands and question whether we can really know an eight-year-old is going through a heterosexual phase or if they’re really straight?

I mean, come on. A five-year-old girl and boy play together and people immediately jump to “they’re girlfriend and boyfriend, how cute!” But a kid comes out as gay and “well, we can’t possibly know yet! They haven’t even gone through puberty!!”

This.

I’m getting super fed up with people in this thread wringing their hands over whether we can really know if this kid is gay because of his age. Do you similarly wring your hands and question whether we can really know an eight-year-old is going through a heterosexual phase or if they’re really straight?

So are we supposed to accept that the kid is gay?

You know… according to the report of his frail-male, vicarious-living, never-grew-past-adolescence, looking-for-a-dudebro-buddy-instead-of-a-son, toxic-machismo, unflushed turd of a dad?

We’re going to trust this guy’s perception of human sexual roles because it would be homophobic not to?

Sorry if this is a double post. My previous post isn’t showing.

@Fenton
Straight is not the default. There’s no reason not to believe it. If he said the son was straight, would you question that?

@Fenton

When answering kupo, it may be helpful to think in your inner voice, “So are we supposed to accept that the kid is straight? We’re going to trust this guy’s perception of human sexual roles because it would be heterophobic not to?”

No, I would not believe a homophobic parent telling me their son was straight.

The boy’s sexual orientation is irrelevant though. This story is all about the father’s projections.

My father attempted to bond with both his son and daughter over perving on women… but quickly stopped when that went over badly with both of us. Despite that my brother eventually became worse with perving on women than he ever was.

@Quiet Hobbit

I’m sorry you experienced that. A similar thing happened to me, which taught me not to play with boys until well into college: at the time, it meant that I was horribly isolated because there were next to no girls in any of my chosen areas of interest, growing up in a backwards town that expressly discouraged them from being interested in those areas. I have my parents to thank for not falling in line with the rest of the parents.

@Weird Eddie and Yutolia

🙁 I’m sorry, I thought it was old enough by now that everyone had a general internet sense of what it was without having to look it up. I myself have never actually seen it. I will be more careful in the future. I was just referencing the meme to indicate the size of this dudebro’s assholery. I mean, I’m not wrong about that part. 😛

But does the son’s actual orientation matter, though? If the OP isn’t complete bullshit, then the fact that the assfather thinks his son is gay means he’ll treat him that way, regardless of whether the boy is or not.

…I mean, it obviously matters to the kid, but for the purposes of the situation with his father, it doesn’t really seem relevant.

Leaving aside all the sexuality stuff, it seems like the father intends to force his son to he involved in his interests regardless of what he actually wants, which is an exceedingly shitty way of raising a child. I love both my dad and my stepdad, but if either one of them tried to force me to do just the stuff they’re interested in regardless of whether I was interested or not, I would never do anything with them again. I have shared interests with both of them and it’s great to do stuff we’re mutually interested in together, but we also have separate hobbies and interests and the willingness to respect them.

Why are you disparaging the 8-year-old? You’ve just explained to us that YOU “like boys” too. What a pity that you are not a fit person to model mature behavior for the poor kid.

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