Happy New Civil War Day!

If you go Civil Warring today, remember to punch a bunch of Nazis!

By David Futrelle

Happy New Civil War Day! Alex Jones sort of blew our cover the other day, announcing that all of us Leftist Antifa Democrats were set to launch the civil war today.

I’m still stuck at home loading my vast arsenal of guns — mostly squirt and potato — and also I kind of slept late but I trust that the new civil war is going swimmingly out there. I mean, I haven’t seen anything on the news about it but I’m assuming that’s because you all are as stealthy as ninjas. HAIL VICTORY! I’ll return to regular posting tomorrow after we’ve won the war.

71 replies on “Happy New Civil War Day!”

We took necessary precautions in case the Second Civil War broke out. To protect our home we posted signs out front that read “LIBRARY” and featured pictures of books by Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Carl Sagan. If any MAGA red hats happened by, they avoided us as if we were a smallpox hospital. Or a school.

Slight pause to commemorate a fallen opponent.

Right. Pause is over. Who’s next?

Someone resigned after getting called out at dinner? Almost like that shit works.

No, I wasn’t familiar with Hubbard. In what passes for my defence, I grew up in B.C., not Toronto.

(Though, now that I think about it, my parents back in B.C. may be more up on some of this than I am. They did a research project several years back about the mostly-forgotten black farmers on Vancouver Island, displayed at the Saanich Fall Fair.)

Honestly, at this point, when I see ‘decrying … BLM’ I think the safe default assumption is ‘asshole’ anyway.

@Victorius Parasol:
That said, given some of the wording on the other headlines on that site, I expect that was playing to the audience.

Hahaha, Scott Pruitt is the first casualty of the Trump Civil War! Spineless jellyfish, the lot of’em.

I’m still convinced that Pruitt was chosen to run the EPA specifically to be so audacious and corrupt that he’d give the government an excuse to dismantle the organization entirely. I’m glad he didn’t have the stomach for it in the end. Back to the bin, Pruitt!

I was part of the musical division. I performed Sousa marches made entirely of weird fart noises, and wielded a Dremel and deburring bit with intent to irritate.

Yuup. The EU decided it would be wise to force platforms like Google to pay news sites for the ‘privilege’ of providing free traffic to these news sites in the form of links. Also if any of you guys wanted to quote a small piece of a news article of interest here, either David would have to censor your entire post or he’s on the hook for either a license fee or face a fine so huge this site would disappear.

I don’t think that’s the reason. A small quote as “example or illustration” is always legal, and a link to an online article is OK as long as it does’t circumvent a possible paywall.

As Newt said it’s most certainly censorship.

Because a mustachioed guy had a vision and implemented it some 80 years ago, there are now very strict laws in most of Europe against nazi propaganda (and islamic terrorism propaganda too but I suspect this is not the case with Alex Jones).


Ratties! And neat; I knew they bred them for the mine detection, but the TB detection is a new one for me. Those little guys probably have saved thousands of lives in both fields.

Happy to report I earned my bone spurs yesterday, by eating watermelon and avoiding STDs. It was my personal Bowling Green.


Hehe, s’alright. I lived 32 years of my life in Toronto and I had never heard of him until Doors Open 2017, so it’s hardly common knowledge even in the city. But then I didn’t know what Hooker Harvey’s was either when Brother Katamount’s Windsor-born girlfriend mentioned it. She was like “Wait, you didn’t know that was Hooker Harvey’s?” as we passed by Gerrard, heading up Jarvis Street in a car. For non-Torontonians, Harvey’s is a Canadian burger chain that tries to do grilled burgers a little better than the typical McDonald’s (with mixed results). The location at Gerrard and Jarvis is on the edge of the downtown core and a popular meet-up location for sex workers, hence “Hooker Harvey’s.”

I’m told the food isn’t that great there.

Mixed results? The burgers there are a darn sight better than any burger from Mickey D’s. The fact that you get fine grained control over exactly what toppings they do or don’t put on the thing, alone, is worth its weight in gold, and all they actually charge is around ten bucks.

Contrast McD’s or pretty much anywhere else, where ordering a burger is like Russian roulette, even if you clearly enunciate the word “plain”. As likely as not if you order a “plain cheeseburger” at most places you’ll get a plain hamburger (no cheese), or a cheeseburger without pickles or anything but still with horrid, sour mayo on it that you can never entirely get rid of so you have to send it back, or …

Worst case is it comes to you looking correct, but as soon as you bite into it ARRGH HORRID BITTER because instead of simply making a plain cheeseburger they’d put some fucking veggie on it and then took it back off again and meanwhile the juice had soaked into the bun and contaminated it to the point of rendering it thoroughly inedible. This is the worst case because it passes a cursory inspection and you actually take a damn bite of it before discovering they screwed it up. And once you taste some things you can’t un-taste them, at least not for the next several hours. 😛

But none of these horrors await you at Harvey’s, and for that they get by business not-too-rarely, despite my budgetary constraints.

@ Surplus:

One of the differences is the ordering structure – Harvey’s starts with a patty and a bun and you tell them what you want added to it; McDonald’s is subtractive – they have a number of set burgers and you can ask for condiments/toppings to be left off, but if you want a Mighty Angus Bacon and Cheeseburger with *just* the bacon and the cheese on the burger, you have to give them a long list of what you want removed, or hope they understand you correctly when you say “with just bacon and cheese on it.” Why yes this is what I usually order for my spouse. I like the McDs that have touch-screen menus that allow me to go down the list of toppings and remove them all myself.

I’m dug in around a Walmart in Covfefe, Nambia, defending it against the avatars that caused the horrors at Bowling Green.

This is obviously a JADE HELM attempt to destroy the greatness of America…doubtless it is being coordinated by space aliens bent on cattle mutilations.

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