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Suffracattes, Daddy Mooch, and Tampons as Masturbatory Aids: Today in Tweets

Sneaky, sneaky girls!

By David Futrelle

In today’s Tweet Pile: Cats fight for the right to vote (for women), Mooch meets his new baby, Trump threatens to destroy Obamacare himself if congress can’t, and incels offer some very interesting theories about tampons. With cameos from long-time WHTM favorites Scott Adams, M*ke C*rnovich and Roosh V!

Oh, and there’s a kitty getting belly rubs.

Let’s start with a certain Mr. Scaramucci’s amazing parenting job:

Suffracattes!

https://twitter.com/HashtagGriswold/status/891099598017761280

https://twitter.com/kathbarbadoro/status/891521958189441024

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/891334415347060736

And some good news:

https://twitter.com/planetepics/status/891058940355768320

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MrsObedMarsh
MrsObedMarsh
4 years ago

Hey, I remember knajjd11! He’s the guy from this post!

Moggie
Moggie
4 years ago

Let’s hope Trump sends Scott Adams to North Korea to sort things out. After all, it’s not fair to leave all the diplomacy to Dennis Rodman.

As for Scaramucci, I saw something which said he consulted his lawyer about visiting his wife. If that’s true, perhaps she had either told him “stay the fuck away from me”, or obtained a restraining order?

JoeB
JoeB
4 years ago

There was a good post on Twitter about Mooch, his wife and their kid. Along the lines of, “how absolutely done with a person do you have to be to break it off while 9 months pregnant?”

Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ joeb

Oh my word, that is hilarious. Thank you. I couldn’t get the sound to work but even so. It’s such a perfect set up though, I’m guessing that kid deliberately made himself up to be the least intimidating person possible. I wonder how his fanboys are going to take this?

Now, if you could just steal me that pup.

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

Really? I’ve only ever had orgasms intensify my menstrual cramps. And I get very mild cramps, often no cramps at all UNTIL I have an orgasm, and then they go through the roof.

Same, or the orgasm brings on the start of cramps if it happens right before my period is about to start. It can help with headaches, depending on the type of headache.

JoeB
JoeB
4 years ago

Oh, Juice Bro was very intimidated, says in the recap clip that he had “vacant serial killer eyes” and “wasn’t human, a demon or replicant or something”.

Makroth - wild west firecracker window-smashing soap-averse unionized cowboy Jacobin from Hell
Makroth - wild west firecracker window-smashing soap-averse unionized cowboy Jacobin from Hell
4 years ago

Wait. I thought cats hated belly rubs. That they would try to push you away if you do that. Maybe there are exceptions. That was more of a chest rub, though.

LindsayIrene, Rioting Werebonobo
LindsayIrene, Rioting Werebonobo
4 years ago

I have a wrongwards-tipped uterus screwing things up, so I can feel my tampon when I walk. I do not have a chafing fetish and so do not enjoy it at all.

Sister Bat'leth of Rational Discussion
Sister Bat'leth of Rational Discussion
4 years ago

IME there are “tummy kitties” and “non-tummy kitties”, and it doesn’t have much to do with whether or not they’re rescues. Tummy kitties enjoy belly rubs; non-tummy kitties don’t, and will push you away with claws and/or get up and run away. We have some of each.

Alan Robertshaw
4 years ago

@ joeb

Now in a purely objective sense he was acting perfectly reasonably. There’s no stereotypical appearance for potentially dangerous people; they can look perfectly harmless. And asking someone you feel threatened by to move away and keep their hands safe is actually the standard self defence advice.

But, I’m hypocritical enough to enjoy the schadenfreude. The fact is that guy deliberately presented as the epitome of “beta male” knowing how Cerinowich’s fans would react to seeing him ‘freak out’ like that. It’s a masterstroke of exploiting your enemy’s vulnerabilities. Bravo sir.

Moggie
Moggie
4 years ago

JoeB:

Oh, Juice Bro was very intimidated, says in the recap clip that he had “vacant serial killer eyes” and “wasn’t human, a demon or replicant or something”.

When I see someone literally demonise their opponents, it makes me think of Rwanda. So I hope that this is just a case of Juicebro being completely divorced from reality. (Let’s face it, if you were reality, wouldn’t you divorce him?)

Also, “as I did journalism”? Who writes like that?

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
4 years ago

One of our cats adored belly rubs. Other cats of ours have been indifferent to them. One cat of ours will attack you quite effectively if you rub his belly, leading us to quip, “It’s a trap!” when he’s on his back. I am currently the Designated Human of a cat who likes belly rubs, but on his own terms – meaning, when he wants one, I’d better deliver.

PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
4 years ago

MrsObedMarsh, omg, you’re right!

Moggie
Moggie
4 years ago

Cats I have known were more likely to accept belly rubs when they were kittens. When they grew up, exposed belly was a trap most of the time.

NatashaWhilk
NatashaWhilk
4 years ago

One of my cats doesn’t expose her belly but likes to have it rubbed–usually when she presents her ribcage for scritching.

This is also the cat whom a friend identified as a Toothless-the-dragon wannabe (pic available if anyone wants to tell me how to attach it here).

Jules
Jules
4 years ago

Most cats seem not to like it. But I did know a cute little chubby thing that loved belly rubs. He loved all love and was very lovey. Also a vampire cat (fangs hung below the lip).

Lea
Lea
4 years ago

Doosh isn’t dating. He isn’t getting married. Why is he so obsessed with other people’s lives?

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
4 years ago

Trump realizes saying BAILOUTS loudly and repeatedly doesn’t make it a magic word, right?

kupo
kupo
4 years ago

@David
I tried to trick Pepper into letting me get a better look at a weepy eye by scratching her vigorously. Not only did she avoid letting me get near the eye, she now demands more scratches. (I had to pin her down to get a good look. We’re keeping a watch on it for now.)

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
4 years ago

I tried, I really tried to use tampons. The women in the ads all wore white and played tennis with huge smiles on their faces. I wanted to wear white and have a big smile; I could take or leave the tennis.

After I finally figured out how to get the damned things in (shoutout to LindsayIrene, another tipped-uterus-haver), the next challenge was getting the damned things out without also removing every bit of moisture in that special area.

No can do.

Orgasms? Incels don’t know the first thing about women’s orgasms, so they settle for making things up.

Naturally, if they could insert something somewhere that gave them orgasms as they went about their daily biz, they’d be shouting to the rooftops about how women are done, finished, passe, because men have something that gives them orgasms but doesn’t talk back.

Incels: not just vile; also boring.

JS
JS
4 years ago

“Bailouts” is the ‘new’ Republican snarl word to use against people who like Obamacare.

The word came up regularly during the C-Span coverage I listened to on “Twits try to utterly ruin Senate Thursday”. Cruz made the usual fool of himself, as is his wont, though I didn’t have to listen to him to know that. It was the posters he was using.

I found a poster that I like better:
http://i.imgur.com/VkkHX6Z.jpg

For those wanting to add pictures to posts: Supported images are .png, .gif, and .jpg. If you wanted to add “test.gif” from “www.site.com”, just type http://i.imgur.com/iGKcyCg.png in your post.

(Yes, to describe how to do that, you have to know how to do it, catch-22)

@Alan You can’t have the puppy, it’s not mine to give away. Nor did I make the picture.

MissEB47 (Resident Rainbow Lorikeet and Beak Typist)
MissEB47 (Resident Rainbow Lorikeet and Beak Typist)
4 years ago

David-that’s adorable! Neither of my cats like belly rubs. 🙁 They love throat and chin rubs though. They also love having their cheeks rubbed. The boy kitty, Biggles, LOVES having both of his cheeks rubbed vigorously at the same time. So cute! ?

Banananana dakry: Fat, Short-Haired, and Deranged
Banananana dakry: Fat, Short-Haired, and Deranged
4 years ago

As if I needed more proof that your basic incel douchebag has absolutely no idea how women’s bits work. When I stuck a tampon up myself, I wasn’t trying to get off, I was trying to cork up the damn dam. And sometimes even that didn’t work.

Angry Since 11/09/2017
Angry Since 11/09/2017
4 years ago

The demonic replicant seemed very mild and smart to me. The ability to freak Mike out with passiveness was a master stroke.
@Dave, the demonic replicant kitties are very cool, that band name should’ve been used by now.Thnx

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