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Scott Adams: We live in a matriarchy because men have to get permission for sex

Matriarchy in action?
Matriarchy in action?

The Paris attacks have inspired cartoonist and opinion-haver Scott Adams to reflect on some of the true injustices in the world today.

Specifically, the fact that in the United States, men often pay for dates, yet cannot have sex with women without getting their permission first.

In a blog post that is incoherent even by his standards, Adams compares the male-dominated societies of the Middle East with what he describes as “female-dominated countries” like the US.

In his mind, American men live in a matriarchal dystopia in which women force men to pay for dinner and open car doors for them:

When I go to dinner, I expect the server to take my date’s order first. I expect the server to deliver her meal first. I expect to pay the check. I expect to be the designated driver, or at least manage the transportation for the evening. And on the way out, I will hold the door for her, then open the door to the car.

Weird, because I’ve literally never had a date like that. And even if all this were true, as a general thing, it wouldn’t be proof that the US is “female-dominated.” Chivalry is part of patriarchy, not proof of matriarchy.

When we get home, access to sex is strictly controlled by the woman.

Er, dude, that’s how sex works. Both sex partners have to agree to it, otherwise it’s rape. And men have veto power when it comes to sex just like women do. Women aren’t allowed to force themselves on unwilling partners any more than men are.

If the woman has additional preferences in terms of temperature, beverages, and whatnot, the man generally complies. If I fall in love and want to propose, I am expected to do so on my knees, to set the tone for the rest of the marriage.

What a romantic fellow, proposing to a woman even though she’s some kind of spoiled princess who has preferences about room temperature and refuses to have sex when she doesn’t want to have sex.

Also, Adams wants everyone to know that when he talks over women in meetings, it’s not that he’s a sexist, it’s just that women talk too much.

Women have made an issue of the fact that men talk over women in meetings. In my experience, that’s true. But for full context, I interrupt anyone who talks too long without adding enough value. If most of my victims turn out to be women, I am still assumed to be the problem in this situation, not the talkers.

But really, the problem is that ladies just won’t shut up amirite fellas high five!

The alternative interpretation of the situation – that women are more verbal than men – is never discussed as a contributing factor to interruptions. Can you imagine a situation where – on average – the people who talk the most do NOT get interrupted the most?

Uh, yes. Because that’s not just a hypothetical “situation.” It’s the way the world actually works.

I don’t know if the amount of talking each person does is related to the amount of interrupting they experience, or if there is a gender difference to it, but it seems like a reasonable hypothesis. 

Unfortunately for Adams, this is a hypothesis that’s been repeatedly disproved. Men talk more than women in meetings, yet are more likely to interrupt women than women are to interrupt them.

Weird how Adams, who thinks of himself as a rational sciencey guy, didn’t even bother to do the 30 seconds of Googling that would have shown that his “reasonable hypothesis” was a crock.

Speaking of weirdness, Adams goes on to suggest that he might turn to terrorism if no one gives him a hug. Literally.

So if you are wondering how men become cold-blooded killers, it isn’t religion that is doing it. If you put me in that situation, I can say with confidence I would sign up for suicide bomb duty. And I’m not even a believer. Men like hugging better than they like killing. But if you take away my access to hugging, I will probably start killing, just to feel something. I’m designed that way. I’m a normal boy. And I make no apology for it.

NOTE TO SELF: Do not invite Scott Adams to any party without also inviting this dude:

Capturefreehugs

Or maybe don’t invite Adams to any parties at all.

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Tessa
Tessa
6 years ago

When I go to dinner, 1)I expect the server to take my date’s order first. 2)I expect the server to deliver her meal first. 3)I expect to pay the check. 4)I expect to be the designated driver, or at least manage the transportation for the evening. 5)And on the way out, I will hold the door for her, 6)then open the door to the car.

1) Oh no! You have to speak second… If you don’t decide you are going to order for her.
2) Oh no! You have to wait a whole 10 seconds later for the server to put your food on the table! (Actually is this really a thing? I have no idea.)
1) + 2) These are totally contributing reasons why you should have “access to sex” whether or not your date wants it also.
3) And women are often expected to let you.
4) Yeaaah, I’m willing to bet you insist on being the driver.
5) What about places that have a second doorway? Do you hold the first doorway open, then barrel past her to get to the second one?
3) and 4) I think the word “expect” also takes on a different meaning at this point as well. Since he has this view that this is how a date is supposed to be, I can only imagine his response if a woman decided to pay, or that they should get separate checks, or that she drive, or take separate cars. Nice that he can be righteously indignant at having to do all this if she doesn’t put out, but if she did pay or drive, she just wouldn’t be acting the way a date should so he can complain about that.

(I’m also willing to place a bet he’d look poorly at the women who did sleep with him because he’d see her as doing it in exchange for dinner.)

6) Eh, if I’m driving on a date, I’ll usually unlock and open the passenger door for my date so she can get seated and settled while I walk around the car. Seems more polite to me than getting in first and reaching across to unlock their door (of course I don’t have magical key button that unlocks doors from afar…). But really… it’s nice to know you do these supposedly chivalrous things just to get your date into bed. Gross.

A Land Whale
A Land Whale
6 years ago

Um. So not being allowed to be a rapist means that we are living in an oppressive gynocracy? You know, MRAs are the ones complaining that we obviously hate men because we assume they’re all rapists… But they keep seeming to want to all be rapists….

Paradoxical Intention
6 years ago

dhag85 | November 21, 2015 at 6:21 pm
I’m curious to know how common these types of dates are. Do some people actually date like this? With the weird chivalry and everything? You Mammotheers who are actually dating, or have dated in the past, is this a real thing?

This reminded me of a Storify I read a while ago where a woman live-tweeted a coffee date she was sitting next to.

Men’s response: You’re mean, and you most likely made this whole thing up for attention.
Women’s response: I have been on this exact date.

Kat | November 21, 2015 at 8:55 pm
Another way we know we’re living in a matriarchy: The guy with the free hugs is offering them to others, not imposing hugs on them. And he’s holding up a cute, nonthreatening picture.

See, this is why that guy doesn’t bother me. He seems genuinely friendly, and he doesn’t seem like he’s shoving it on others, unlike creepers who will go “Where’s my hug?” and literally expect you to hug them, forcing you into a situation where you can turn him down and look like “a bitch” for not giving him what he felt entitled to, or you do hug him and deal with unwanted contact, especially if the guy gets handsy. >: (

This guy just wants to spread love. I’m okay with that.

A Land Whale
A Land Whale
6 years ago

BTW, did anyone in the history of the world ever actually laugh at a Dilbert comic? Because they weren’t funny before everyone knew this guy was a fuck wad.

Matthew
Matthew
6 years ago

As a longtime Dilbert fan I’ve been disappointed in it’s creator for quite some time now. Between questioning evolution to this MRA shit to sockpuppeting discussions about himself (now that I think about it, better watch out for him here!) and arguable Holocaust denial, all nicely summed up here:
http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Scott_Adams

Honestly? For someone who thinks he’s smarter than everyone else, he sure *sucks* at it.

Fruitloopsie
6 years ago

Kat
“I don’t think that I ever said that I was jazzed to read about your trip to Haiti. Thanks for your work there. You’re an inspiration!”

I don’t know about that but thanks! When I was there I thought I was going to help them but they actually helped me. No matter what you have and how much it will never be compared to the love from God, family, friends and even strangers. All it matters is that there is someone out there who really cares and loves you and that’s all it matters.♥️

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

@dhag85 – Awww, thank you! 🙂 Please accept this free non-murdery internet hug.

@Matthew – Yeah, “I’m a certified genius, duh” is not an argument, let alone a compelling one.

Fruitloopsie
6 years ago

Oops I said “all it matters” twice.

Shaenon
6 years ago

Sometimes I’m really embarrassed to be a cartoonist.

Kat
Kat
6 years ago

If I fall in love and want to propose, I am expected to do so on my knees, to set the tone for the rest of the marriage.

Uh-huh.

Scott Adams, I urge you not to get married.

hippodameia8527
hippodameia8527
6 years ago

I guess Adams just had to remind everyone (again) that he’s a massive asshole.

footnotegirl
footnotegirl
6 years ago

@Karalora
If it makes you feel better, 99.99999% of items donated to public libraries are either sold by the library for funds, donated to another resource (like prisons or old folks homes) or recycled. It is only likely to go into circulation if it is something rare, out of print, but still highly desired, or if it is Brand Spanking New and there is a long waiting list. Most libraries get their materials from services that send them pre-labelled and pre-cataloged, (as well as in longer-lasting editions) such that it is actually more expensive in man hours for them to add a donated item to the collection than it would be to trash it and buy a new one.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

I’m not caught up, and it’s off topic, but dhag, as someone who uses gender neutral pronouns thank you.

derangeddan
6 years ago

Also, he’s a vocal Trump supporter

Holy hell, he doesn’t just support Trump, he’s practically canonized the guy. He’s got at least 50 blog post over the last few months about what an incomparable genius Trump is and how we might as well start calling him President Trump now because it’s physically impossible for him to lose.

He’s also obsessing over his sex-starved terrorist idea. He’s already done a few more posts on it, and he’s totally convinced that it’s the silver bullet for ending all terrorism forever. People have even been pointing out in his comments that most of the ISIS fighters he’s talking about are, in fact, married. But he keeps plowing on because the idea conforms to his belief that all anybody actually cares about is sex, which he inexplicably refers to as the ‘moist robot hypothesis’.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

A Land Whale — they’re plenty funny when you work in IT under an incompetent manager, other than that I really doubt it. But been there, passed around Dilbert with “so and so last week!” type comments.

Which is why he disappoints me so much, he does nail IT managers not grasping what is actually possible, or the time it takes. So I’m stuck between “ugh that’s the worst” laughing at his older stuff and “ugh he’s the worst”.

Re: the free hugs guy — the Free Hugs thing is kinda a minor internet movement type thing… I’ve mostly seen groups of younger women (college age), but it’s not something he pulled out of his (probably quite lovely) ass. I’m more interested in those abs though, cuz 100:1 odds I’m gonna have my trapeze instructor telling me to actually use mine in, oh, fuck, 11 hours. I should sleep >.<

Orion
6 years ago

As of last Thursday, he says he is NOT endorsing Trump, just predicting a Trump win.

steambark
steambark
6 years ago

@Buttercup Q.

I totally agree with your assessment of Adam’s work. I’m an artist and I despise his work because he is so consciously lazy about it. I remember reading some introduction he wrote to one of those big collected editions where he basically said “I know my art sucks and I could probably be better if I practice some more but I just don’t care enough”. He reminds me of the guy who makes Ctrl+Alt+Del and how he jumped through hoops to avoid any sort of natural development of his drawing style, only Adams doesn’t have to put in extra work to not develop because he never got anwhere close to developing beyond slightly advanced stick figures. /rant.

katz
katz
6 years ago

So looking at this post seriously, the thing that jumps out is the egocentrism. He’d prefer hugs to murder, but not because murder is wrong, only because that’s his personal preference. Not only is there no sense that the women’s feelings might matter, there’s no sense that anyone’s feelings about anything might matter except his.

sbel
sbel
6 years ago

@ Orion,

He says that, but he writes multiple posts per week about how awesome Trump is…

I’m not sure if he’s in denial, or if he’s lying because he thinks people will trust him more if he pretends to be impartial.

Orion
6 years ago

Then again, he also says that he’s convinced that Trump could defeat ISIS easily and can also deliver massive economic growth. Evidently Scott only refrains from endorsing Trump due to Scott’s excessive humility. Yeah. Humility. Scott repeatedly insists that he is not smart enough to know who would be the best president, or to predict what challenges might come along in 2017 and whether Trump could handle them. So he’s not *telling* us to vote for the guy who will defeat evil and bring us wealth. Just sharing some observations.

Jo
Jo
6 years ago

@Mike: Sorry to have to do this, but given Scott’s proven track record of creating sock puppets to defend himself in comment sections, I have to ask if you actually are Mr. Adams?

(The fact that you haven’t made reference to his wealth or supposed intelligence counts against that theory, but still…)

sbel
sbel
6 years ago

On the topic of free hugs: The first “free hugs” guy I met was extremely pushy, so I tend to regard them with extreme suspicion. I treat them the same way I treat any stranger or acquaintance who I suspect might grab me without warning. I talk to them from several steps away so that I have time to react if they try anything.

Orion
6 years ago

TIL that Scott Adams thinks he is too important for jury duty, or alternately too smart. After failing to get excused (on those grounds!) he prepared to answer the selection questions by accusing the judge of wasting his time and tax money, but fortunately for all involved, they filled the jury before they go to him.

Kailibigot Bonin
6 years ago

I think he is communicating on behalf of men something a lot of men feel. it’s all so heterosexuality based so it doesn’t exactly fit my frame work. Correct me if I am wrong but the things he is saying are no different than the complaints women will voice about finding suitable men. the key is finding someone suitable for the purpose you establish. Yes there are lots of men who are looking for sex with women on a very casual contingency basis. What he feels is that women take this availability of sex and turn it into leverage. They make demand on partners because they have wider opportunity. These demands do not reflect emotional needs or desires, but men have to have emotional needs or desires beyond the casual contingency in order to pursue for them what becomes an elevated relationship while the women can remain non-committal. they can have sex that for them is casual contingency, but in order to access that platform and win her selection process he has to develop an emotional attachment she doesn’t have to evidence. The fear is fear of a woman who can have casual contingency sex without reciprocal affection. It’s a fear of the exact woman he is looking for in his hypothesis. The presumption is that one person in any relationship needs the other person more or has more affection, love, or desire than the other. the desire is to be needed more by his partner than he needs that particular partner. It’s apparently quite common though different genders have different ways to express it. the opposite desire is to be needed less by a partner that you need in particular. this is the desire to “win” a partner. to have a partner fall in love with you and not what you represent.

A Land Whale
A Land Whale
6 years ago

Re: chivalrous dates, some comments here seem a bit judgy about the idea so let me give a different perspective.

Yes. People have them. I have had them. I like them *if* I know the guy and trust him to do right by me. It’s nice having someone else take care of things for you… Especially if you’re always having to take care of everything by yourself. It’s nice to sit back and relax and let someone else take care of things. Plus, a lot of people get pleasure in taking care of things for someone else.

If it’s just some guy trying to be in control to feed his ego, it’s gross. There is nothing wrong with someone you trust paving the way for you if that’s what you’re both into.

It’s kind of like the raptors in Jurassic World. SPOILER ALERTS:
.
.
.
.
Owen explains he doesn’t “control them. It’s a relationship.” They follow his commands because he’s earned their trust and takes care of them, not because he’s a loser who just wants to be in charge to make his weewee feel better.

(Plus who wouldn’t do anything Chris Pratt said? ;o) )

I am Blue lol. I will do whatever Chris Pratt tells me to do… Unless he pisses me off… Then I will eat him… And will get my friends to eat them too. If he treats me well and does not piss me off then I will take down a huge ass dinosaur to keep him and his friends safe…. Not because he asked me to but because I want to because I know he’d do the same for me. It’s not all a game of me man, you woman, me strong, you weak, me pay, you sex.

Reminds me of a blog I read a while back about how both MRA’s and romance novels both seem to have an obsession with alpha/supermasculine males but the two have very different ideas of what makes up an alpha male. Romance novels tend to go by the alpha males that I’m describing and men’s rights activists tend to go by the big loser fuck boy that just wants to be in control of everything to make his wee wee feel bigger (which is not at all what being dom is about) only to have his delicate wee wee deflate if he doesn’t get everything exactly the way he wants it and then uses paying for something for a woman as justification for rape…. Because why else would you pay for anything for another person unless you were going to get to rape them? I guess the idea of the pleasure of giving never really occurred to these people….. I’d hate to have to be their secret Santa. If he were actually a capable alpha male, he would just enjoy the experience and not expect anything because that’s what grown-ups do.

It’s a thing that’s between couples. It’s not really anybody else’s business. People aren’t lesser people or misogynists or bad feminists if they date this way. They are only bad people if they expect EVERYONE to fit into this mold.

Anyway, hope that clears up the idea that chivalry isn’t necessarily gross. As with all things, it’s about respect and consent.

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