By David Futrelle
A couple of days ago, a young man turned to the Relationships subreddit for advice on what he saw as a troubling health issue with his somewhat older girlfriend. And then things got weird.
“We have been dating for almost a year,” he began
I am 22 (almost 23) and she just turned 30. The first time my lady and I “got busy”, she put a “sex towel” on the bed. I thought it was funny and cute, but she did it the second time too, and the third, etc.
No one likes a wet spot!
Every time we do it, she puts down one or more towels. It isn’t very sexy and so finally one time after I asked her why she was doing it, and she looked at me like I was nuts.
That should be a clue.
“It’s for when your stuff spills out of me, so I don’t mess up my bed.” (We don’t use condoms) She showed me the towel, and sure enough, there were a bunch of my dudes in a puddle.
I don’t have a lot of experience, and I ended up asking some friends of mine, confidentially, if they use a sex towel with their partners, and they said no, they don’t, and that it shouldn’t be spilling out of there like that. One of them is going to school to be a gynecologist and she said there might be something seriously wrong that needs to get looked at.
Maybe your friends are fucking with you, because the vagina isn’t some weird semen Hoover. Your dudes aren’t going there to live.
Obviously I didn’t want to tell my gf that I talked about our sex life – I feel really crummy about that, but I really didn’t have a frame of reference really? But I did tell her that I did some research and that what’s going on there isn’t normal, and she should make an appointment with her gynecologist.
Oh my sweet summer child.
And she just started laughing about it. I’ve brought it up two more times since then, and every time she dismisses it or she gets kinda irritated with me. I try to show her how serious and concerned I am but that just seems to make it worse. I’m not a very good communicator, I stutter a lot and when I get nervous or embarrassed I smile compulsively, and I think maybe she thinks I’m kidding?
But I am not kidding. I love her and I am worried about her. I don’t want her to have a cancer or anything up in there. We would like to have some babies (that’s why no condoms), but I worry that the problems she’s having in her area might cause complications that could endanger her life.
The only alarming thing here is that they’re trying to have kids and he seems way too young and naive to handle a baby.
How can I get her to take this part of her health seriously?
TL;DR: My girlfriend has something wrong medically in her gynecological region and refuses to see a doctor about it or take it seriously
The assembled crowd informed him that no, she didn’t have a problem. What goes up in there must come out of there.
Hell, there’s even an entire genre of porn devoted to this process. All he needs to do is to go to his favorite porn site and type “creampie” in the search box to see an assortment of short featurettes highlighting this biological reality. (Or he could just check out Urban Dictionary, which helpfully defines “creampied” in somewhat mangled English as “The woman which vagina is fulfilled of cum during the orgasm.”)
The most heartening thing about the post is the young man’s update.
UPDATE: So yeah, turns out I’m a dummy. 🙂 I just got off the phone with my friend that I mentioned who is going to school to become a gynecologist … she said she was kidding around, and she thought I knew she was kidding. (I’m autistic so sometimes I don’t read people very well.) Thanks to everyone who weighed in.
Given how many people double down on their original bad opinions when they’ve been proven incorrect because they can’t stand to ever admit they’re wrong, it’s good to see someone actually willing to frankly admit a mistake and learn from it. He seems like a sweet kid.
But a sweet kid is still a kid, and that may be the real problem here: He seems way too young and inexperienced to have a kid himself. Maybe they should wait a few years? His sperm isn’t going to dry up, and despite what fearmongers like Stefan Molyneux would like everyone to believe, his girlfriend isn’t going to run out of eggs in the immediate future either.
At the very least, he needs to do some research (that doesn’t just involve asking a few friends their opinions) on pregnancy, so he won’t be shocked if his girlfriend starts vomiting all the time, and on fatherhood, so he won’t be shocked when his new baby starts spitting up all the time. Being responsible for an unpredictable and often unreasonable tiny person is crazy hard and demanding and full of surprises a lot more dramatic than a girlfriend setting out a “sex towel” every time you fuck.
If he’s a little squicked out by bodily fluids now, wait until he’s trying to deal with a peeing, pooping terror of a baby at 4 AM.
It may well be that his over-the-top anxiety about the wet spot on the towel is a sort of redirected anxiety about having a kid in the first place. He needs to figure that out before one of his dudes actually gets his girlfriend pregnant.
H/T — Twitter’s @redditships for highlighting this post
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