By David Futrelle
The Epoch Times is a weirdo right-wing newspaper that loves Donald Trump nearly as much as it loves running stories about UFOs and past lives. It’s run by Falun Gong, a genuinely oppressed Chinese religious group that might also be just a bit on the culty side. Naturally, it’s huge on Facebook.
I went to the Epoch Times website today to see if this august publication had any hot takes on feminism, men’s rights. or any of the other regular topics of this here blog. But I never got to the feminism, as I was quickly distracted by the site’s ongoing coverage of the burning issue of … people holding hands.
I should say its ongoing CREEPY AS FUCK coverage of people holding hands, mainly because their stories tend to involve newborn babies. And dead people, Lots of dead people. Take a look at the stories on the site’s dedicated HOLDING HANDS page and I think you’ll see what I mean.
Oh, it gets creepier.
I don’t even want to know how they know that.
If you enjoy stories of recently deceased people holding hands, you’ll probably love this story about centuries-old dead people holding hands. It even features some very evocative “conceptual art” to help you visualize what the once happy, now extremely dead, couple might have looked like in their prime.
The Epoch Times is not what you’d call a big fan of the Chinese government, what with the religious oppression and all, so it’s not altogether surprised to see the site’s handhoding coverage get political. Though I am a bit shocked that the handholders in this story are neither babies nor dead people.
I’m going to have to reconsider my own take on handholding, which up until now I’ve seen largely as a good thing, if sometimes also a little sweaty. But after seeing all these headlines I’m not sure I want to hold a hand ever again — even if it’s attached to a living human being..
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