UPDATE: Due to the amazing generosity of, well, you all, this emergency is no longer an emergency! HUGE THANKS! Read more here.
By David Futrelle
A billionaire diamond trader has reportedly died of a heart attack during penis enlargement surgery at a Paris clinic. 65-year-old Ehud Arye Laniado apparently gave up the ghost after an unknown substance was injected into his dick, which would probably be my reaction, too.
According to The Sun — the go-to source for billionaire penis enhancement mishap news — the billionaire
suffered from a so-called Napoleon complex due his short stature.
An old friend of Laniado … said that [he] was “always focused on his appearance and how others perceived him.”
According to Laniado’s friends, the only time he forgot about his short height was when he asked his accountant to read out his bank statement, something which he did multiple times a day, it was reported.
No one, it seems, is taking the news of Laniado’s death harder than the incels — who have naturally made it all about themselves.
On the Incels.is forums, one prolific commenter called ShrodingersDick declares that
No amount of money can make up for dickletism + manletism combo.. that’s a deadly combo right there
Meanwhile, a commenter called Looksmaxxcel laments that
If you fall short on height and looks, no matter how hard you bust your ass to accomplish something, it will always amount to nothing if you are undesirable to women.
This article alone should shut down the … bullshit that we aren’t trying hard enough.
Of course, as the incels see it, some hypothetical woman has got to be to blame for Laniado’s undignified demise. “You just know this was caused when some model laughed at his dick,” declares an extremely prolific Incels.is commenter called NEETandTidy.
NoMoreSlaving — the very same fellow whose thoughts on underwear and penis size I discussed the other day — is blaming a different hypothetical woman, claiming that Laniado “[p]robably was operated on by some diversity quota french slut.”
While the commenters on Incels.is all feel sorry for themselves, not all of them feel bad about Laniado’s death.
Upon learning that the billionaire was Jewish, one commenter declared “good riddance,” and other commenters quickly chimed in to agree. Indeed, one commenter has apparently convinced himself that the billionaire, sneaky Jew that he was, probably faked his own death, presumably for some sneaky Jew reason.
“(((Billionaires))) fake their deaths all the time,” he asserts.
And this story is a cheap manipulation which will unfortunately work on the soyim: “But why would he fake his death IN THIS WAY? Exposing to the public that he has a micropeen? Huehuehue. No way.”
Over on the Braincels subreddit — Reddit’s main incel forum — the regulars have managed to avoid anti-Semitic outbursts so far, and are concentrating instead on the alleged injustice of it all.
“Imagine working all your life to become a billionaire and owner of an internationally successful company just to die during a penis enlargement surgery,” writes one commenter.
“Jesus christ I wanna die,” adds another.
Somehow wahmen are more objectifeid yet billionare male gets their genitals ruined for womens sake.
Other incel Redditors, meanwhile, are sharing the results of their own research into penis enlargement. And at least one of them is undaunted by the news of Laniado’s demise.
“For girth you literally inject plexiglass (PMMA) into your dick.” writes someone called -dot. “I will probably have it done next year.”
Uh, I would suggest that maybe you don’t do that? Because whatever it is that’s causing women to not want to date you, I’m pretty sure that approximately zero percent of it has to do with what’s in your pants, and that nearly 100 percent of it has to do with all the incel bullshit in your head. But best of luck, I guess?