By David Futrelle
Welcome to a special early edition of Today in Tweets, because, OMG, Ted Cruz “liked” a porn video on Twitter. And not just any porn video: an incest porn video in which a “mom” walks in on her “daughter” having sex, and kind of likes it.
Oh, the irony! As the Solicitor General in Texas, you may recall, Cruz defended a ban on dildos. with his legal team memorably arguing that “[t]here is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.” Which seems a bit harsh.
Apparently he, or whoever was manning his Twitter account at the time, doesn’t actually agree with this proposition any more.
Let’s go to the tweets:
Alright, I'm in. Ted Cruz 2020. pic.twitter.com/0H5VeWieyB
— Brad DePrima (@brdeprima) September 12, 2017
When you notice Ted Cruz liking twitter porn pic.twitter.com/DnzMw2ayJv
— Daniel M. Chick (@TheDukeWindsor) September 12, 2017
it's like we all walked in on our parents having sex
only to discover with horror that one of them was Ted Cruz
— andrea grimes (@andreagrimes) September 12, 2017
The most surprising thing about the porn video Ted Cruz liked is that the people in it were alive
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) September 12, 2017
someone will write a think piece about how Ted Cruz shouldn't be shamed for liking porn and it's like yeah we know let us laugh tho
— Ashley Reese (@offbeatorbit) September 12, 2017
— Adam Khan (@Khanoisseur) September 12, 2017
This is the night that Ted Cruz became president.
— Jon Favreau (@jonfavs) September 12, 2017
Well this didn't age well. pic.twitter.com/JyktojBHmH
— garam masala (@badkuthi69) September 12, 2017
(Not a real tweet, BTW; Trump would never praise Cruz like that.)
Ted’s college roommate added his two cents:
Now imagine Ted Cruz is doing this four feet below you in the bottom bunk bed.
Yes, my misery very much appreciates your company.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) September 12, 2017
And this wasn’t even the first time he weighed in on Mr. Cruz’ alleged nocturnal activities.
Ted Cruz thinks people don't have a right to "stimulate their genitals." I was his college roommate. This would be a new belief of his.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) April 13, 2016
There is, of course, news that doesn’t involve Ted Cruz’ penis. Unfortunately, much of it involved the penises of other creepy dudes.
I love it when irrelevant actors get dragged on Twitter by relevant actors. pic.twitter.com/Nvms68gkgF
— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) September 11, 2017
— Ana Marie Cox (@anamariecox) September 12, 2017
a fairytale ending pic.twitter.com/4TOeDBskNN
— Suse (@okSuse) September 12, 2017
Some actual serious news:
— Los Angeles Times (@latimes) September 12, 2017
— CNN (@CNN) September 12, 2017
— CNN (@CNN) September 12, 2017
— CBS News (@CBSNews) September 12, 2017
— NASA (@NASA) September 11, 2017
Pizza Hut employees told they could be punished for fleeing Hurricane Irma https://t.co/59gcboU5oh
— Salon (@Salon) September 12, 2017
Some cute animals:
rt if you think this cat is doing an amazing job pic.twitter.com/byNWuLi5si
— rae paoletta (@PAYOLETTER) September 12, 2017
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981). pic.twitter.com/WQ7kua5ZRQ
— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) September 11, 2017
H/T — Makroth, for posting a link to the Piano Man update tweet in the comments